Rings of Power: Tolkien's Shambling Skinsuit
- Thread starter Brahma
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Guest, it's time once again for the massively important and exciting FoH Asshat Tournament!
Go here and give us your nominations!Who's been the biggest Asshat in the last year? Give us your worst ones!
jayrebb
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Yes, "passive and whatever" is a perfect way to describe someone offered the ring, who declines because she knows it would corrupt her, LMAO.
Never change showing the rest of the forum what you are. They'll catch up eventually
amigo
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Here's what happens in EP1:
-Guyladriel uses time travel to come to our time for hairstyle and body+junk mutilation advice,
- xhe bumps into MoonGirl Layla and they address toxic patriarchy and how sometrhing has to be done,
- xhe then visits Vag-hulk (no, not Banner, the other Vag-hulk) for some legal paperwork,
- before leaving xhe visits Tolkien's grave and takes a big steaming dump,
- xhe returns to Bezos' Fantasy Land and serves Celeborn with divorce papers (yeah, why wait for EP2, just do it now kween), he then erases himself out of existance,
- xhe then proceeds to have adventures in places and times that contradict Tolkien's work.
Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. Curtains.
Fuck everyone who gives anything other than shit to Amazon after this....
-Guyladriel uses time travel to come to our time for hairstyle and body+junk mutilation advice,
- xhe bumps into MoonGirl Layla and they address toxic patriarchy and how sometrhing has to be done,
- xhe then visits Vag-hulk (no, not Banner, the other Vag-hulk) for some legal paperwork,
- before leaving xhe visits Tolkien's grave and takes a big steaming dump,
- xhe returns to Bezos' Fantasy Land and serves Celeborn with divorce papers (yeah, why wait for EP2, just do it now kween), he then erases himself out of existance,
- xhe then proceeds to have adventures in places and times that contradict Tolkien's work.
Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. Curtains.
Fuck everyone who gives anything other than shit to Amazon after this....
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Yeah that's a dumb take. She's essentially the most powerful Elf in Middle Earth during her tenure there, bears one of the three Elven rings, becomes Sauron's key rival after she's the earliest of anyone to sniff out his treacheries, and demolishes Dol Guldor almost single-handedly. Oh, and that's long after she became the only woman to speak up against the Valar (the gods of Tolkien's lore) during Feanor's revolt, right before she left Aman (paradise) to go off and found a kingdom of her own. Her own mother called her "man maiden" because she was unusually strong. She's been "GirlBoss" since Tolkien invented her almost a century ago.
Even if you just use the movies as precedent, in the Hobbit she walks barefoot into Sauron's fortress, essentially slings Gandalf over her shoulder, fights off the ringwraiths, and bounces Sauron the fuck out like he's a neighbor's bratty kid.
Of course, in the Amazon show she's evidently a master swordsman and will be twirling around on wires like a Crouching Tiger reject, because everyone just fucking loved Legolas's stunt work in the LoTR movies so we simply must have a woman do it now, but that's a different matter.
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Opinion: At The Rings of Power premiere, ticket winners were the lowliest of hobbits
In this life, there are the blessed few on the red carpet – and then there are the rest of us, the fan pen scum
www.independent.co.uk
"Winning two tickets felt like a Big Deal – not just because we would see the first two episodes of Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power, but because we needed to arrive at 4pm for the red carpet.
I didn’t feel very lucky. We were immediately confined in a “fan pen”, which was hot and overcrowded. We were not allowed to bring food or “open” drinks containers. After about an hour of standing there, unable to see anything (being 5’2 does not help in these situations) and with nothing actually happening, claustrophobia struck.
After explaining to several members of staff that I’m claustrophobic and have panic attacks, my partner and I were put in a less crowded fan pen. I asked if there was an option to leave and then come back for the screening – but didn’t get an answer. Again, the metal barrier closed on us, but at least I could see and breathe more easily."
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Mahes
Bronze Baronet of the Realm
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Review just came in. Appears to sum up what everyone expected. A pretty but boring story that lacks any real flavor. Its like a beautiful cake that somebody forgot to add the sugar too.
www.cnn.com
'The Lord of the Rings' delivers spectacle but lacks the dramatic power to rule them all | CNN
Having invested hundreds of millions in mounting a series version of "The Lord of the Rings," Amazon has gotten its money's worth in production values but not storytelling, with a handsome prequel that could leave all but the most devoted Hobbits feeling more bored than lord. "The Rings of...
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Sanrith Descartes
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tldr: Hollywood is now so talentless they cant ever write something good with some of the best source material every written.Review just came in. Appears to sum up what everyone expected. A pretty but boring story that lacks any real flavor. Its like a beautiful cake that somebody forgot to add the sugar too.
'The Lord of the Rings' delivers spectacle but lacks the dramatic power to rule them all | CNN
Having invested hundreds of millions in mounting a series version of "The Lord of the Rings," Amazon has gotten its money's worth in production values but not storytelling, with a handsome prequel that could leave all but the most devoted Hobbits feeling more bored than lord. "The Rings of...
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Heh, Bezos's own newspaper ripped it pretty hard.
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CHRISTOPHER STEVENS reviews The Lord Of The Rings: The Rings Of Power
This is a disaster dragon - plucked, spatchcocked, with a tankerload of Paxo stuffed up its fundament, roasted and served with soggy sprouts.
CHRISTOPHER STEVENS reviews The Lord Of The Rings: The Rings Of Power: No turkey, however bloated and stupid, could ever be big enough to convey the mesmerising awfulness of Amazon's billion dollar Tolkien epic
For reference, the Guardian is ultra-woke. The Daily Mail is conservative.
Interpret that how you wish
Bubbles
2022 Asshat Award Winner
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the story is shit because the plot armor is so fucking strong with this one they can't do anything. It becomes very predictable and all the twists are just cringe when people know the outcome 99%. They need to whack one main characters off in the first episode to at least create an illusion that this could happen to other characters as well. I could go out with a most boring person in the world and have more interesting time than watch a bunch of good guys win
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jayrebb
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