So My Wife Died...

I don't know that I'll feel guilty for my wife. As I mentioned she was pretty adamant that I find someone else. Honestly I'll feel guilty for the person I'm with.

They'll never get 100% of me. Like you guys are talking about. I just don't have that to give. I don't think I could love someone as much as I loved my wife, but beyond that, all that we went through, how much I committed to that, what it took out of me. For me and for my kids, I just couldn't put myself in a place to do that again.

If I do wind up with someone, maybe they'll get 70% of me, maybe they'd never know the difference. But I will.

BrutulTM said:

Believe it. 6 months ain't nothing but it ain't much either. You're still at the beginning of this so cut out the "my life is over" type thoughts. That doesn't help anyone. All you have to do is look around the world and see that it isn't true. I don't mean to beat up on you. It's natural to feel depressed but your life is far from over and you don't know what the future will bring.

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I hear you. Honestly it isn't so much that I feel like my life is over, I'm just real tired and I thought the tank would last a lot longer before it felt like it was getting towards E.

Part of that has to be all of us being sick for a month, it starting to head in to winter here in Maine (which isn't really the cold or the snow, its that its fucking grey and wet for like 8 months in a row - also fuck daylight savings), and me being 43 with a 3 and 5 year old ain't doing me any favors.

Nester said:

Been thinking of you guys so wanted to pop in and say how proud i am of how strong you are while facing this life.

Holidays can be tough so just know there is people out there thinking about you and wishing you and your little ones the best.

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Thanks Man. I really do appreciate it. The colds between me and the kids are killing me. 6 fucking weeks. Then 2 days ago they both spiked fever's over 103. Boogers, watery eyes, the works. I just went yesterday and got diagnosed with bronchitis and mild pneumonia myself.

My parents are both very old and not in great health so the long and short of it is I'm spending Thanksgiving alone with 2 sick kiddos and sick myself.

Deep breaths but Jesus fuck what the fucking fuck? It'll pass and we can go down in a couple of weeks but its still a kick in the dick. Just gotta focus on knowing It'll all pass, it's going to be fine but I am spent.

And so it begins...

Incoming word vomit that would also fit in the Jimmies Rustled thread.

As I mentioned across these posts, my wife developed her cancer at 40. Her father's cancer hit when he was 40 and he lived with it off and on for the next 20 years. Her mother wasn't diagnosed until she was 59 but the doctors believed that the colon cancer she developed was exceptionally slow moving and that her mom had probably had it for over 10 years. Her mother had refused to go to the doctor's but must have known something was wrong for a long time.

All of them died within the last 3 years.

My wife, prior to her passing had expressed concerns to her brother's about the her parent's house they had all grown up in. Tori was convinced that it was something on their street that caused them all to get sick. They all had different types of cancer and genetic testing showed no predispositions to any of the cancer's they developed. Almost every house on their street has at least 1 person that died early of cancer, some very rare.

I think you can probably see where this is going.

I had also reiterated the desire for some form of testing to be done to each of her brother's prior to Tori's passing and after. This was no secret to them or surprise. Up to now, I had been told the plan was to sell the house to the city, reason being (and no I'm not making this up) the house is directly next to an elementary school and the school needed parking. Her mother had mentioned that there was an opportunity for the city to do some testing when the original school was being demolished and a new school was being built a few years ago but the powers that be elected not to. Whether that's true or not, I haven't looked in to it.

Either way, I let the brothers know that if that was the plan I had no problem with it.

Today I'm talking to one of her brothers (Bro 1) and he mentions that the estate sale was completed and that this weekend is the final liquidation sale followed by the dump guys. Naturally I ask what's going on with the sale of the house and what the city is doing.

Turns out, the city told them to kick rocks weeks and weeks ago and they did not tell me. Their plan is to list the house in the next couple of weeks...

While I'm not the brightest bulb I'm also not a complete dumbass and had thought something like this could happen. I had initially been looking at vendors that could do a Phase I Environmental study of the site but after doing some research it doesn't appear phase I really does any sample testing. That occurs in phase II based on the phase I findings. All of which would take too much time. In reality we (as my wife is a part of this) are looking to have soil sample testing, air, and water testing done absent a full study.

Where I fell down was believing they would tell me if the city elected not to buy the property. I thought I had more time to have someone lined up and ready to go.

I also confirmed with a real estate attorney just to be absolutely sure that if this testing was done and showed no positive signs of toxicity the fact that the testing was done does not need to be disclosed as part of a subsequent sale transaction. Obviously if there are carcinogens detected that would need to be disclosed (but who the fuck would want to sell a house that killed half their family to another family??!?!!).

In my research I also discovered that one of the largest super fund sites in New England is a 4 minute drive from their home. Bro 1 wasn't even aware.

So I plead my case to him. I reiterated that it was one of his sister's dying requests. That Tori had considered asking her mother to do the testing while she was alive but thought better of it. If there were findings it would have destroyed her mother. Knowing what it inflicted on her family and what may be coming for Tori's siblings. Tori had planned to have it done after her mother's passing, she didn't expect to not outlive her mom. I mean who dies from cancer in 16 months?

I mentioned that if it comes back negative they can sell the house with a clear conscience, but for me it means my daughter will probably need to get a double mastectomy by the time she's 35. If it's positive, it will at least give them an idea of what killed my wife and their mother and father and may change the calculus a bit when it comes to my daughter. It would mean that for them the type of screening they could get and how often would change dramatically and they would stand a better chance of catching something early. That their kids
were over that house all the time, and while 20 years of exposure gives a lot more opportunity for mutation, if their kids were exposed to something it isn't 0.00 chance for them either.

I also mentioned that the only reason not to check is because you're afraid of what you'll find and doing that and selling to someone else is fucking gross. Bro 1 agreed and at least in our conversation agrees that some sort of testing should be done. Bro 1 also mentioned that Bro 2 is going to fight this along with Bro 3.

So, never shy from confrontation I call Bro 2 (whose a lawyer) and let him know all the same things. His response, I am the administrator of the trust and I won't do anything that may impact the highest valuation of the home possible. Gross. He tries to handle me and says that I can put together what I want done and we can have a call with the vendor but if the tests risk negatively impacting the sale he won't agree to it. What fucking testing that looks for carcinogens doesn't have the possibility to negatively impact a sale? He also mentions that the house is being listed ASAP and that any testing can't hold up a sale. I decide not to engage and mention the fact that he decided not to notify me weeks ago when he knew the city wasn't interested was a crock of grade A bullshit. I recognize at this point I am no longer talking to a brother in law, I am talking to a lawyer that looks like someone I had considered family. He was the closest one to my sister.

I also make clear to both brothers that I will either pay for the cost of any testing out of pocket.

I don't even bother with brother number 3.

Finally, on to the house itself. Is this a palatial mansion overlooking the ocean? A one of a kind historic home that Paul Revere himself once took a dump in? Fully renovated and upgraded with amazing amenities and details? No, its a 100 year old home with a fucked up floor plan, creaky lopsided stairs, and repairs needed in every room. It's zestimate is for about 350k and it's in a down market.

After fees, commissions, and a 4 way split what the fuck are we even talking about? 75k each? Yes, that's a nice chunk of money, but NONE of them are struggling. And the one that could really use it the most is the only one (at least to my face) is on my side.

I just have to get it out. I had hoped it would have been different. I'm so dissappointed. I am trying my best to seperate the lawyer part from the brother part but I'll tell you this, if I never get to know. For my wife and for my daughter, I'm never talking to any of those fucks again and any proceeds I'm donating to charity and I know my wife she would back me right up on this.

I am also working on my options should the house go under contract as I am the executor of my wife's estate. I don't want to get in to it too much though at this time.

So thats it. Greed is gross.