So My Wife Died...
- Thread starter KDow
- Start date
I actually did mention this to them. I told Bro 2 he would be the Erin Brockovich of their home town. And I 100% agree that we probably won't find anything and that's kind of the whole point. It still provides helpful information for me and I would have hoped at least some form of peace of mind for themselves. If not for anything related to their own health at least knowing they didn't unload mini Chernobyl on some unsuspecting family.
The thing about Bro #2? He's adopted. Which would also make me think he'd want to know if there was anything at the house and not some genetic anomaly. But, to Brutal's point I think he's assuming they aren't going to find anything, it is genetic and won't impact him, and therefore he doesn't give a shit.
This is definitely something to think about. My immediate plan was to wait until the house is listed and goes under contract. I am required to sign paperwork to approve the sale based on how the trust docs were drawn up. (I know this because of another property sale that occurred previously).
At that point I would draft a letter to all the attorney's along with the sellers agent and the brothers expressing my concerns, my wife's wishes, and indicate that I am unable to sign until testing is done in a manner that I and my wife (were she living) would be satisfied with.
I know they could go around me but it would be tied up in probate for a bit I'd bet. If we get to that point the ship will have sailed and it will be clear that these people will not be part of my life moving forward so I really wouldn't give a shit.
Provided this course of action wouldn't preclude me from what your suggesting I would imagine it would be less costly for myself and could potentially still get them to do the right thing.
In order to come out at the good guy here I'd at least warn them in advance that you're planning on holding up the sale. Sales are time-sensitive for many reasons and throwing in a wrench at the last minute could easily torpedo a deal and/or scare off the buyer if they found out the reasons.
Do you have access to the property? Since you're enough of a stakeholder to be required to OK the sale, can you just do the tests on your own recognizance?
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That is a question I also had over the last couple of days. I certainly haven't been told I can't go to the property.
I'm not going to tell you to potentially escalate the relationship with brother 3, but in your shoes I'd be sorely tempted to just schedule the test quietly for a time he's not going to be there, keep your mouth shut if the results are benign, and if they're bad send him a copy by certified mail. I'm not a lawyer, but I'd be shocked if he could sue you for uncovering information that would otherwise be illegal for him to withhold if he'd known it.
moonarchia
The Scientific Shitlord
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1. Stop thinking with your emotions in all of this. Greed may be gross, but it is part of the basic human package, and one of the biggest reasons why we move forward in life.
2. Tell your lawyer bro that the MLS listing will need to either note that there may be cancer risks, or he needs to get the testing done now before it is listed, because you would not be able to, in good conscience, agree to any sale until the testing is completed. Keep it short and sweet. Remind him that you are offering to pay for it.
3. If testing comes up positive, you are going to have a much bigger shit show to deal with. Dealing with that kind of stuff tends to be expensive, which will massively reduce the value of the home. But it might allow you to sue someone for damages. Silver linings and all.
When it comes to real estate it really is caveat emptor. Someone buying an old old oooooooold property like that should be getting all that tested as well. When I got my condo this year getting the granite countertops tested for radiation was part if it all, and this place was built in 2001 or so.
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Most personal injury attorneys would take the case on contingency if they think you have a decent case, so it wouldn't cost you a thing. They'd even pay for the testing if it looks juicy enough. Give it a shot, go talk to some and see where you get. Worst thing that can happen is they say no.
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Gavinmad
Mr. Poopybutthole
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You swore an oath to her, not to her brothers. Now obviously I wouldn't expect you to immediately go scorched earth because they're still the uncles/grandmother of your children but if they won't get out of your way? Crush them.
It isn't just about money, if someone poisoned your wife then you are owed justice. If it wasn't environmental carcinogens then you are due the peace of mind from knowing that.
OU Ariakas
Diet Dr. Pepper Enjoyer
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Sorry I didn't respond earlier. I started a couple of times, but figured it was better to just wait until today. Today is the first anniversary of her death. Today sucks, but not as much as I thought it would. Leading up to today was so much worse.
I have one drive and every morning I get a notification for memories from that day. Starting in February when we went to Disney it's been really hard. I couldn't not look at them, but it was a sign of what was coming. Like the train slowly leaving the station and barrelling down on us. Every morning I'd see the notification and dread it a bit. It made me feel a bit guilty.
Almost every time I'd walk the dog for the last couple of months I'd find my thoughts drifting to the day she died. We spent thousands of days together and I couldn't remember any one of them from end to end, but I can remember that day to the minute. Seems unfair. Now that the anniversary of that day is here, I just feel tired and a bit numb. Then again, the day isn't over yet, so who knows whats coming.
The kids are doing great. They miss her. We still go to our deck and say goodnight to her every night. They still make me play Time After Time Acoustic on repeat every night. Every so often my daughter makes up a story about how mom is still alive and how she's coming back, but deep down I think she knows at this point. Last week she was telling me that mom is in Portland getting her hair cut, and she's coming back so soon.
Life doesn't stop, so I spent the morning dropping the kids off and running errands. When I got home, I decided to watch the video of her service again. I hadn't watched in almost a year. In a bit there are a couple of videos I'm going to take a look at that I've been avoiding watching. We decided she would record a video I could play the kids from her after she died. The video is about 5 minutes long. Some time ago, I was backing up her ICloud and I noticed that she had recorded almost an hour's worth of outtakes. I think I know what they'll be like. It must have been impossible for her to say those things without losing it. I don't know why I want to watch them, or why I think it's important that I do exactly, but today seems like the most appropriate day to do so.
I still don't talk to her brothers. I tried everything I could, but the house got sold, and ultimately they didn't give a shit about Tori or the people that bought their parent's house. So fuck them.
On my end, I was having a really tough time this winter. With the cold, it being dark, the kids being sick every other minute, and working from home I was in a pretty bad place. My friend Samantha came up (she's in the middle of a divorce) and we got drunk and she signed me up for every dating service that existed. She'd been on the apps for a bit already. I have google pay on my phone, so she also signed me up for premium memberships on all of them - that was a fun surprise. Anyway I started going out a bit, just to get out of the house, buy a woman dinner, have a conversation with someone where they don't know everything about me and the same for them.
Lot of fucked up jaded bitches out there. Whether its the apps that broke them or their exes, there are a lot of women with issues. But, I did meet someone in this last month and we're together (which also adds to today being weird). I'm lucky because I don't have a lot of guilt about dating someone. Tori was adamant that I date and that I don't wait until I'm too old. She just wanted her to be younger so she can run around with the kids (she is) and that she be a good person (she is).
Anyway, that's that. I've kept focusing on getting through one year, like after this its done and it'll be smooth sailing. I know that's not the case, but at least all the firsts are over with.
Thanks again for checking in on me guys. It means a lot.
I have one drive and every morning I get a notification for memories from that day. Starting in February when we went to Disney it's been really hard. I couldn't not look at them, but it was a sign of what was coming. Like the train slowly leaving the station and barrelling down on us. Every morning I'd see the notification and dread it a bit. It made me feel a bit guilty.
Almost every time I'd walk the dog for the last couple of months I'd find my thoughts drifting to the day she died. We spent thousands of days together and I couldn't remember any one of them from end to end, but I can remember that day to the minute. Seems unfair. Now that the anniversary of that day is here, I just feel tired and a bit numb. Then again, the day isn't over yet, so who knows whats coming.
The kids are doing great. They miss her. We still go to our deck and say goodnight to her every night. They still make me play Time After Time Acoustic on repeat every night. Every so often my daughter makes up a story about how mom is still alive and how she's coming back, but deep down I think she knows at this point. Last week she was telling me that mom is in Portland getting her hair cut, and she's coming back so soon.
Life doesn't stop, so I spent the morning dropping the kids off and running errands. When I got home, I decided to watch the video of her service again. I hadn't watched in almost a year. In a bit there are a couple of videos I'm going to take a look at that I've been avoiding watching. We decided she would record a video I could play the kids from her after she died. The video is about 5 minutes long. Some time ago, I was backing up her ICloud and I noticed that she had recorded almost an hour's worth of outtakes. I think I know what they'll be like. It must have been impossible for her to say those things without losing it. I don't know why I want to watch them, or why I think it's important that I do exactly, but today seems like the most appropriate day to do so.
I still don't talk to her brothers. I tried everything I could, but the house got sold, and ultimately they didn't give a shit about Tori or the people that bought their parent's house. So fuck them.
On my end, I was having a really tough time this winter. With the cold, it being dark, the kids being sick every other minute, and working from home I was in a pretty bad place. My friend Samantha came up (she's in the middle of a divorce) and we got drunk and she signed me up for every dating service that existed. She'd been on the apps for a bit already. I have google pay on my phone, so she also signed me up for premium memberships on all of them - that was a fun surprise. Anyway I started going out a bit, just to get out of the house, buy a woman dinner, have a conversation with someone where they don't know everything about me and the same for them.
Lot of fucked up jaded bitches out there. Whether its the apps that broke them or their exes, there are a lot of women with issues. But, I did meet someone in this last month and we're together (which also adds to today being weird). I'm lucky because I don't have a lot of guilt about dating someone. Tori was adamant that I date and that I don't wait until I'm too old. She just wanted her to be younger so she can run around with the kids (she is) and that she be a good person (she is).
Anyway, that's that. I've kept focusing on getting through one year, like after this its done and it'll be smooth sailing. I know that's not the case, but at least all the firsts are over with.
Thanks again for checking in on me guys. It means a lot.
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Cutlery
Kill All the White People
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Winter is fucking hard. I didn't get anything at all done this winter. I had plenty of plans, all kinds of shit I was gonna do. I did none of it. Losing 2 buddies and the dog was enough to make me just wanna hibernate. Spring has been better - I know it's cliche, but there's just something about the rebirth of shit that adds to the healing process. I'm back to chipping away on the old list, and I'm getting stuff done that just added to the list too.
I also accepted an offer for a new job. Been here for 20 years, lotta fucking memories tied up in this place. Change of scenery will probably do me some good. I dunno if time heals all, as they say, but it does get easier, eventually. It just takes a lot fucking longer than you want it to.
I also accepted an offer for a new job. Been here for 20 years, lotta fucking memories tied up in this place. Change of scenery will probably do me some good. I dunno if time heals all, as they say, but it does get easier, eventually. It just takes a lot fucking longer than you want it to.
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That's great to hear. My dad caved in on himself for years after my mom died, and it was really sad to watch. His life is immeasurably better now that he met someone, and I'm sure yours will be too over time.
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Follow up to yesterday.
The videos I didn't want to watch, the outtakes from my wife's recording. They weren't outtakes. At least based on the 8 minutes or so I made it through. They are different messages to the kids for different things. Things like if they aren't listening to me. If Rob is having an angry day, or a sad day. The same for my daughter. On one hand, I wish I had known what they were and the could have shown them to the kids. On the other, I don't know how I can. She is so sick, she doesn't look like her, she doesn't sound like her. She recorded them a week before she died. I had forgotten how jarring it is. One nice thing was, in between takes she said "Love you, Kev". I don't have any other recording of her saying that.
The other thing that happened relates to my in laws. I was out front letting the dog out and her oldest brother and his wife roll up, roll down the window and just say "Hi". I looked at them both and just said: "This isn't going to work, you guys take care" and turned around and went in the house. These D-bags drove 3 hours each way from RI to Maine.
About 5 minutes later he called me and I let him have it. I let him know that he betrayed his sister, they're all scummy if something happens to the new owners, I let them know I spent a fair amount of money on lawyers trying to find a way to notify the owners without getting sued and putting the life insurance money for my kids at risk. I told him that the only way we'll ever talk again is if they either invent a time machine and fix it or they take on the burden of notifying that family / getting the testing done. I started to get real angry but cut myself off, yesterday was not the day I wanted to be thinking about their shit. It was not a day I wanted to be angry.
Called new chick and she came over before going back to work. She stayed over last night, but I was so exhausted and my head was pounding I went to bed at like 9:30. I'm still just feeling so tired. I want to crawl in to bed and sleep. I'm not going that route, but I'm not really getting shit done either. I'm still getting out and doing a few things, but I need this shit to pass. I had big plans for getting stuff done this week.
So that's it.
The videos I didn't want to watch, the outtakes from my wife's recording. They weren't outtakes. At least based on the 8 minutes or so I made it through. They are different messages to the kids for different things. Things like if they aren't listening to me. If Rob is having an angry day, or a sad day. The same for my daughter. On one hand, I wish I had known what they were and the could have shown them to the kids. On the other, I don't know how I can. She is so sick, she doesn't look like her, she doesn't sound like her. She recorded them a week before she died. I had forgotten how jarring it is. One nice thing was, in between takes she said "Love you, Kev". I don't have any other recording of her saying that.
The other thing that happened relates to my in laws. I was out front letting the dog out and her oldest brother and his wife roll up, roll down the window and just say "Hi". I looked at them both and just said: "This isn't going to work, you guys take care" and turned around and went in the house. These D-bags drove 3 hours each way from RI to Maine.
About 5 minutes later he called me and I let him have it. I let him know that he betrayed his sister, they're all scummy if something happens to the new owners, I let them know I spent a fair amount of money on lawyers trying to find a way to notify the owners without getting sued and putting the life insurance money for my kids at risk. I told him that the only way we'll ever talk again is if they either invent a time machine and fix it or they take on the burden of notifying that family / getting the testing done. I started to get real angry but cut myself off, yesterday was not the day I wanted to be thinking about their shit. It was not a day I wanted to be angry.
Called new chick and she came over before going back to work. She stayed over last night, but I was so exhausted and my head was pounding I went to bed at like 9:30. I'm still just feeling so tired. I want to crawl in to bed and sleep. I'm not going that route, but I'm not really getting shit done either. I'm still getting out and doing a few things, but I need this shit to pass. I had big plans for getting stuff done this week.
So that's it.
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Take what solace you can in the fact that you're helping the rest of us with families take a closer look at our own appreciation for what we have.
Thank you sir.
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