Palum
what Suineg set it to
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- 33,396
Alright finally watched it. What a fucking mess. Thoroughly forgettable and mediocre movie and a fucking terrible, worthless Star Wars movie. Like seriously, what the fuck. John Williams apparently is necessary for every Star Wars movie, because the sound track fucking BLEW CHUNKS. It was a mess, they got some fucking jazz guy to try conducting with 30 minutes instruction on YouTube. Awful.
So story -first off, the opening scene is just awful at presenting anything about the fucking MAIN CHARACTER. Her parents are dead and CONGRATS SHE'S IN PRISON OK REVENGE INCOMING I GUESS.
Saul "Oh man I'm really tired" meaningless death and introduction. Like what the fuck? The fuck was that entire scene? Literally NOTHING on the planet even mattered, they could have just found Saul and he had the two 'main-ish' dudes and they escape and he doesn't. What the actual fuck was the point of the ching-chong liberation front attacking ONE SHIPMENT OF APPARENTLY MILLIONS of crystals they didn't even need obviously.
Next, what the fuck is the point of the heavy weapon with keg? Like one scene its like an aliens autogun, then you get a closeup and it's got the stupid fucking ammo link chain like a minigun but...why? seriously why? I mean what's in the giant gasoline drum? Why would you burden yourself with an extra 20 pound 'chain thing' if all you need is one power cable to your gun? Why the fuck later in the movie did he start pump action shotgunning people? What the fuck was the pumping even for? My god the fucking action tropes were out of control.
The entire movie assumes you're a fucking idiot. Rebels: "Fire Ion Cannons" Imperials: "THE SHIP'S NOT RESPONDING" *ship drifts out of control sparking with lightning* Admiral blackhead: "THE STAR DESTROYER IS DISABLED" No fucking SHIT it literally just happened and was told to us THREE TIMES IN A ROW SARDINEMAN.
What's the point of "I'm one with the force the force is with me" press the button then immediately die? Is the force just a trickster? A cruel, capricious god filled with hate? Does it just abandon the fuck out of you the second you're worthless? Are the midichlorians to blame?
How do you use the memory core which is CYLINDRICAL and relies (apparently) on line of sight... with a window on one side only. HOW WOULD YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WERE SELECTING ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE CYLINDER.
Holy fuck this movie rustled my jimmies. The space battle was well animated but overall there was only one memorable moment when the HAMMERHEAD (really, really that was your name like... christ Disney probably ripped that from Rebels or some shit "alright guys what's cool" Retard Jimmy: "Oh boss I know what if the hammerhead like you know HITS SOMETHING" "Brilliant BECAUSE ITS GOT A HAMMER IN THE NAME!!!!") exploded the star destroyers/gate. The rest was pointless jack off and CGI rape of EP IV footage
WHY THE FUCK DO THEY MAKE CARGO AT-ATs, WHY? YOU HAVE SPACE SHIPS AND ANTI-GRAV IT WAS JUST THERE TO BE MENACING AND SLOW FOR NO REASON ON HOTH FOR THE STORY? WHO WOULD WASTE THE TIME TO LOAD THE SLOWEST MOVING VEHICLE IN THE GALAXY WITH CARGO.
I don't give a fuck about any of these characters. At all, like literally they all seem like complete toolbags. WHY DOES THE ALLIANCE COUNCIL HAVE RANDOM DIVERSITY QUOTAS WHO CAN'T EVEN ACT. The fuck, like ethnic Africans on Yavin 4? "LOOK WE INCLUDEDS THE BLACK GUY BECAUSE WE PROGRESSIVEEEEEE" It's a fucking space opera, I'm sure you could have called literally any real actor of any race to play these parts well, including a black person who would not bring shame to black actors everywhere. Hamfisted acting and just DERP DE ALLIANCE DERP OK WE FIGHT DERP OK NOW GO HERE. "We can't go unless the entire council decides" Well fuck then when was the last time you actually DID anything then? What kind of power structure is that? But as soon as the one admiral decides he's going to war everyone else signs up anyway? The fuck guys, the fuck?
Also what the fuck is with the teenager-with-a-switchblade-comb fucking vaginawing gunboat transport things. LITERALLY THE WINGS OPEN AND CLOSE (Gay-foils, you can't call those fucking douchey things s-foils, those belong on real fighters) AT RANDOM FOR NO REASON. Taking off? Fuck it maybe! High G maneuvers? Fuck it wings don't matter I got antigrav! Taking a left turn OH FUCK BETTER DROP THE FAGWINGS OUT BECAUSE PEW PEW 3D SPECIAL EFFECTSS WEE ok retract them again QUICKLY SHOW THEM OPEN AND CLOSE LIKE FOUR TIMES REAL QUICK TO MAKE SURE EVERYONE SEES THEY OOOOPPPENNN AND CLOSE FOR THE TOY LINE.
Why is Vader Jamaican? "Hey mon I believen your aspirations mon be chooookin you mon hehehh" why?
Why did Jimmy Smitts leave, go back to Alderan, get Leia, send her on a ship back to the rebel base (SHE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE GOING TO GET OBI-WAN) and then immediately dock with the flagship and attack Scarif. WHY WAS SHE THERE IN CONTRADISTINCTION TO THE ACTUAL DIALOGUE OF THE MOVIE FUCK.
Fuckl
fuck fuc k fukc
fuck
4 out of mother fucking 10 anyone thinks this was better than the other prequels is a blind sycophant. Fuck me sideways this movie got basically everything wrong with Star Wars.
I'm done.
No wait, why were there fucking FOOTSOLDIERS AT THE REBEL COUNCIL MEETING. DO YOU NOT HAVE LITERALLY ANY OPERATIONAL SECURITY?
WHY DOES A RANDOM REBEL PILOT STOP A RANDOM PRIVATE FROM ACCOSTING MON MOTHMA? Like bro, you're just as a fucking not approved to be near the leader of the alliance talking deep strategy and shit. Doesn't she have bodyguards?
RUBBBBERRRR TARRRKINNNNNNNN
Why the fuck does Director Krennic have like brown, dirt filled teeth? Do they not have dental care in the 83rd millennium in that galaxy? They clearly don't have thermal vision, which I CAN GET ON MY CELL PHONE, because fucking Jyn Urbad is staring out a vision slit in the rock bunker door like a retard.
So story -first off, the opening scene is just awful at presenting anything about the fucking MAIN CHARACTER. Her parents are dead and CONGRATS SHE'S IN PRISON OK REVENGE INCOMING I GUESS.
Saul "Oh man I'm really tired" meaningless death and introduction. Like what the fuck? The fuck was that entire scene? Literally NOTHING on the planet even mattered, they could have just found Saul and he had the two 'main-ish' dudes and they escape and he doesn't. What the actual fuck was the point of the ching-chong liberation front attacking ONE SHIPMENT OF APPARENTLY MILLIONS of crystals they didn't even need obviously.
Next, what the fuck is the point of the heavy weapon with keg? Like one scene its like an aliens autogun, then you get a closeup and it's got the stupid fucking ammo link chain like a minigun but...why? seriously why? I mean what's in the giant gasoline drum? Why would you burden yourself with an extra 20 pound 'chain thing' if all you need is one power cable to your gun? Why the fuck later in the movie did he start pump action shotgunning people? What the fuck was the pumping even for? My god the fucking action tropes were out of control.
The entire movie assumes you're a fucking idiot. Rebels: "Fire Ion Cannons" Imperials: "THE SHIP'S NOT RESPONDING" *ship drifts out of control sparking with lightning* Admiral blackhead: "THE STAR DESTROYER IS DISABLED" No fucking SHIT it literally just happened and was told to us THREE TIMES IN A ROW SARDINEMAN.
What's the point of "I'm one with the force the force is with me" press the button then immediately die? Is the force just a trickster? A cruel, capricious god filled with hate? Does it just abandon the fuck out of you the second you're worthless? Are the midichlorians to blame?
How do you use the memory core which is CYLINDRICAL and relies (apparently) on line of sight... with a window on one side only. HOW WOULD YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WERE SELECTING ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE CYLINDER.
Holy fuck this movie rustled my jimmies. The space battle was well animated but overall there was only one memorable moment when the HAMMERHEAD (really, really that was your name like... christ Disney probably ripped that from Rebels or some shit "alright guys what's cool" Retard Jimmy: "Oh boss I know what if the hammerhead like you know HITS SOMETHING" "Brilliant BECAUSE ITS GOT A HAMMER IN THE NAME!!!!") exploded the star destroyers/gate. The rest was pointless jack off and CGI rape of EP IV footage
WHY THE FUCK DO THEY MAKE CARGO AT-ATs, WHY? YOU HAVE SPACE SHIPS AND ANTI-GRAV IT WAS JUST THERE TO BE MENACING AND SLOW FOR NO REASON ON HOTH FOR THE STORY? WHO WOULD WASTE THE TIME TO LOAD THE SLOWEST MOVING VEHICLE IN THE GALAXY WITH CARGO.
I don't give a fuck about any of these characters. At all, like literally they all seem like complete toolbags. WHY DOES THE ALLIANCE COUNCIL HAVE RANDOM DIVERSITY QUOTAS WHO CAN'T EVEN ACT. The fuck, like ethnic Africans on Yavin 4? "LOOK WE INCLUDEDS THE BLACK GUY BECAUSE WE PROGRESSIVEEEEEE" It's a fucking space opera, I'm sure you could have called literally any real actor of any race to play these parts well, including a black person who would not bring shame to black actors everywhere. Hamfisted acting and just DERP DE ALLIANCE DERP OK WE FIGHT DERP OK NOW GO HERE. "We can't go unless the entire council decides" Well fuck then when was the last time you actually DID anything then? What kind of power structure is that? But as soon as the one admiral decides he's going to war everyone else signs up anyway? The fuck guys, the fuck?
Also what the fuck is with the teenager-with-a-switchblade-comb fucking vaginawing gunboat transport things. LITERALLY THE WINGS OPEN AND CLOSE (Gay-foils, you can't call those fucking douchey things s-foils, those belong on real fighters) AT RANDOM FOR NO REASON. Taking off? Fuck it maybe! High G maneuvers? Fuck it wings don't matter I got antigrav! Taking a left turn OH FUCK BETTER DROP THE FAGWINGS OUT BECAUSE PEW PEW 3D SPECIAL EFFECTSS WEE ok retract them again QUICKLY SHOW THEM OPEN AND CLOSE LIKE FOUR TIMES REAL QUICK TO MAKE SURE EVERYONE SEES THEY OOOOPPPENNN AND CLOSE FOR THE TOY LINE.
Why is Vader Jamaican? "Hey mon I believen your aspirations mon be chooookin you mon hehehh" why?
Why did Jimmy Smitts leave, go back to Alderan, get Leia, send her on a ship back to the rebel base (SHE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE GOING TO GET OBI-WAN) and then immediately dock with the flagship and attack Scarif. WHY WAS SHE THERE IN CONTRADISTINCTION TO THE ACTUAL DIALOGUE OF THE MOVIE FUCK.
Fuckl
fuck fuc k fukc
fuck
4 out of mother fucking 10 anyone thinks this was better than the other prequels is a blind sycophant. Fuck me sideways this movie got basically everything wrong with Star Wars.
I'm done.
No wait, why were there fucking FOOTSOLDIERS AT THE REBEL COUNCIL MEETING. DO YOU NOT HAVE LITERALLY ANY OPERATIONAL SECURITY?
WHY DOES A RANDOM REBEL PILOT STOP A RANDOM PRIVATE FROM ACCOSTING MON MOTHMA? Like bro, you're just as a fucking not approved to be near the leader of the alliance talking deep strategy and shit. Doesn't she have bodyguards?
RUBBBBERRRR TARRRKINNNNNNNN
Why the fuck does Director Krennic have like brown, dirt filled teeth? Do they not have dental care in the 83rd millennium in that galaxy? They clearly don't have thermal vision, which I CAN GET ON MY CELL PHONE, because fucking Jyn Urbad is staring out a vision slit in the rock bunker door like a retard.
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