Famm
Ahn'Qiraj Raider
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I can't wait that long. One of you hurry up and do something stupid or crazy.
The Girls Who Broke Your Heart Thread
- Thread starter Wintermute
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Guest, it's time once again for the massively important and exciting FoH Asshat Tournament!
Go here and give us your nominations!Who's been the biggest Asshat in the last year? Give us your worst ones!
Void
BAU BAU
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I posted it either here or back at FoH, but I had a girlfriend once that had to remain in contact with her ex because he had promised to keep paying off some debt he racked up in her name. Every month it was a fiasco and crying-fest when she'd try to get the money from him. I was not going to pay for it (ended up with enough debt from her anyway, but that's a different story). I told her it was up to her, she could remain in contact and eventually get the money each month, but be a mess, or cut all ties and just deal with it herself. She used to always go meet him for the money on her own, but asked if that bothered me. I told her no, I trusted her, why would it? I was showing my trust in her by letting her go, I said. Then one day she comes back and tells me that he had tried to kiss her so she just left. Again she asked me if I was mad. I said sure I was mad at him, but why would I be mad at her? She told me she left immediately afterwards, and they were in a McDonald's so it wasn't like he was going to rape her right there, so other than knowing he's a douchebag and either bringing me along next time or never meeting with him again, of course I wasn't mad.
Well, months later when we got in a different fight, she brought that back up and informed me that she had *wanted* me to be jealous, and tell her not to go, or insist that I come along (before the kissing incident), and that it bothered her that I was so nonchalant about her seeing her ex-boyfriend. I countered with asking if there was any reason I should be jealous, was she fucking him, did she lead him on, did she give him any reason to think he could kiss her? She said no to all of them, but she still wanted me to be jealous. Apparently flat out telling her that I was letting her go because I trusted her wasn't good enough, I was supposed to live up to some storybook romance where I got terribly jealous and confined her to her quarters or something.
I'm still not sure, and for all I know she lead him on/fucked him, who knows? Needless to say, she was fucking nuts, but the point is that you never fucking know exactly what someone wants. She might be telling you that she's talking to her ex so that you can be jealous. Of course, if that's the case there are further problems on the horizon, but you never really can tell. She might also be doing it because she believes in honesty, which is a good thing.
Well, months later when we got in a different fight, she brought that back up and informed me that she had *wanted* me to be jealous, and tell her not to go, or insist that I come along (before the kissing incident), and that it bothered her that I was so nonchalant about her seeing her ex-boyfriend. I countered with asking if there was any reason I should be jealous, was she fucking him, did she lead him on, did she give him any reason to think he could kiss her? She said no to all of them, but she still wanted me to be jealous. Apparently flat out telling her that I was letting her go because I trusted her wasn't good enough, I was supposed to live up to some storybook romance where I got terribly jealous and confined her to her quarters or something.
I'm still not sure, and for all I know she lead him on/fucked him, who knows? Needless to say, she was fucking nuts, but the point is that you never fucking know exactly what someone wants. She might be telling you that she's talking to her ex so that you can be jealous. Of course, if that's the case there are further problems on the horizon, but you never really can tell. She might also be doing it because she believes in honesty, which is a good thing.
Seananigans
Honorary Shit-PhD
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That was just her saying (without knowing what is actually going on inside her own body/head/biology) that she wanted you to engage in mate guarding.
This modern belief that it's best to just "be cool" and let your girlfriend/wife run around and hang out with other guys one on one is utter fucking nonsense. It's a huge display of weakness. There is no circumstance where a girlfriend/wife needs to hang outsociallywith another male. She has girlfriends for that, or she can engage with other men in a group setting with you around.
This modern belief that it's best to just "be cool" and let your girlfriend/wife run around and hang out with other guys one on one is utter fucking nonsense. It's a huge display of weakness. There is no circumstance where a girlfriend/wife needs to hang outsociallywith another male. She has girlfriends for that, or she can engage with other men in a group setting with you around.
Famm
Ahn'Qiraj Raider
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Like that's remotely safe! The only way to really keep her from straying is to be a better man than she can get elsewhere, so she doesn't want to give you up. Which means constantly bettering yourself and staying a step ahead at all times. We men like to rest on our laurels in relationships though and often get a false sense of security which bites us in the ass. As soon as she perceives another man as being in a better place than you, you are in danger. Double danger if, as mentioned, he's someone with a previously existing sexual attraction. So you can constantly be improving in some specified and all general aspects, or you can kick back and look at them as easy come/easy go.
Ya, there is no use asking how she would feel about it if you were friends with your ex. It's one thing to just say, oh ya I'd be fine with that, and quite another to actually be in the situation.
Big Phoenix
Pronouns: zie/zhem/zer
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Lol people are fucking stupid.
Listen, weallknow deep down inside the only reason a guy will keep up any sort of relationship with a girl(whether she is in one or not) is for chance to bang her at some point in time. Now is it worth it to put your foot down every single time some retard tries to keep the back burner lit? Probably not.
Famm
Ahn'Qiraj Raider
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Its a lose-lose situation, like I said earlier, women constantly put you in those catch 22's. The only way to win the game is not to play. So, yeah, you're right you have to pick your battles, but not fighting every single time doesn't mean they aren't battles.
Big Phoenix
Pronouns: zie/zhem/zer
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Just imagine how many times your girl gets hit on or flirted with when she goes out, especially if shes remotely attractive.
Famm
Ahn'Qiraj Raider
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Your relationships are literally under attack at all times. Its not even just going out. Unless you are with a hideous girl, I mean truly hideous. Even fat or dorky girls get hit on randomly in public orders of magnitude more times than any man. The point wasn't fighting against the tide of reality, but that deliberately maintaining old relationships is another step beyond. Talking to ex's can be serious warning signs, but its all pretty situational when you need to take a stand.
Sutekh
Blackwing Lair Raider
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Come on bro, you've got a warped view of reality if you truly believe what you're saying right now. Just because some random schmuck is hitting on your woman doesn't mean your relationship is under attack. Talking to ex's isn't a warning sign at all, they shared a friendship sometime in the past and it makes complete sense that they can maintain a platonic relationship if they're mature. If not then I guess you're with the wrong woman.
I've got multiple female friends that I wouldn't even come close to porking, even if I were single.Big Penix_sl said:
Famm
Ahn'Qiraj Raider
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You're as bad as Zehn with this perfect little marriage shit. Its not over-dramatic, ok using the word "attack" maybe slightly. But women have literally hundreds or thousands of suitors a month, men are generally not approached out of nowhere by a woman like that, maybe situationaly you get hit on but not with the same consistency and frequency.
Izo
Tranny Chaser
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Sutekh
Blackwing Lair Raider
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I don't understand what you mean by the first comment. I'm talking about living your life (IE having relationships) in a certain mentality not a fictional ideal that can't be obtained. If you pervade an heir of maturity in a relationship, you'll get one back. If you don't and you're not getting what you want from the relationship then there's really no downside to leaving the person.
I guess I should say I have multiple women that want to plow me, but I would never plow them.
I don't really get why you think the way you do, is it because when/if you're in a relationship with a woman you'd leap at the opportunity for a beautiful woman to hit on you?
I guess I should say I have multiple women that want to plow me, but I would never plow them.
I don't really get why you think the way you do, is it because when/if you're in a relationship with a woman you'd leap at the opportunity for a beautiful woman to hit on you?
Famm
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That's really easy to say in a vacuum, it doesn't always seem so cut and dry for guys immersed in the relationship. Which is essentially what this thread is about lots of times. Unbiased outside opinions on where that line gets drawn.
Sutekh
Blackwing Lair Raider
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It's easy to say period, when you leave high school you should stop worrying about the drama and bullshit of it. If you're immersed in a relationship where that can't happen, I'll be more than happy to be the person to slap you awake.
Void
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I should mention that the girl in question was 23 and I was 29 or so, which was 15 years ago for me, so I've learned a lot since then, and she probably has too, although I haven't talked to her since then and I couldn't care less what happened to her. Probably has 5 kids and living on welfare, because she literally couldn't spell "cat" right consistently (no joke). At the time I felt it was a legitimate reason for her to be seeing him, because he owed her money that I sure as fuck wasn't going to pay, and she couldn't pay.
Today I'd still probably play it the same way, except I wouldn't wait around another year or so to figure out to dump her ass once she started playing those fucking games though. God I look back and wonder wtf I was thinking. And she definitely cured me of the "dumb girls are ok" thing. So at least I learned a few things!
Today I'd still probably play it the same way, except I wouldn't wait around another year or so to figure out to dump her ass once she started playing those fucking games though. God I look back and wonder wtf I was thinking. And she definitely cured me of the "dumb girls are ok" thing. So at least I learned a few things!
Famm you're a lunatic. You think just like my brother. Keeping the view that every woman would take any opportunity to "upgrade" no matter what is insane. It's a coward's philosophy because then you never have to put trust in someone and get hurt. You can always say "of course she did that. She's a woman" and pretend like it doesn't bother you so much because you saw it coming with your meaningless platitudes.
As for the original question, lots if variables matter, but in this case it's pretty obvious that the catalyst for him contacting her is his breakup with his partner. That means quite obviously that his intentions are more than friendship, even if he's playin the stealth game right now. She should be aware of that or be made aware of that.
As for the original question, lots if variables matter, but in this case it's pretty obvious that the catalyst for him contacting her is his breakup with his partner. That means quite obviously that his intentions are more than friendship, even if he's playin the stealth game right now. She should be aware of that or be made aware of that.
Famm
Ahn'Qiraj Raider
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Its not her fault. You let her get to that point, you have to take responsibility as a male. If she's a crazy enough slut that it was inevitable then you are at fault for investing in her. If you weren't bringing enough to the table that she went elsewhere then its your fault for not living up to what you're supposed to bring to her life. Either own that or accept that you lost interest in her and its time to move on anyway. I never said they will take an upgrade "no matter what" I said they'll take it if its an upgrade, meaning you aren't bringing your best to her anymore.
The problem is a lot of guys find their women "slipping up" with guys who are capable of giving the illusion of being a better deal, and any minor fissures in a relationship can be justification enough for some women to jump at the chance. That's why you can't just take this ex thing at face value. In fact I've said the same thing as you from the start and more than once, its situational. But it sounds like that guy is trying to undermine the relationship. You really can't stand for that, and if she doesn't respect your position, then its a problem.