The Girls Who Broke Your Heart Thread

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Sutekh

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Jackie Treehorn_sl said:
Am I crazy or is this a goofy thing to do? Not a broken heart issue but a general dating anecdote.

I went out with this woman I dug a few times, she decided it wasn't working for her, no biggie. We remained friends, and she even let me stay in her house in another state for almost two weeks once while I was there for tourism. (Believe it or not we actually slept in the same bed, try that on for weirdness when you're not banging or dating but you did in the past.) We never stopped communicating at least maybe once a month or something, but we ended up living in two different states.

So I'm finally back where she is. I ask her out to lunch or for a coffee, I wasn't angling for shit, she counters with Saturday night dinner. We went, completely platonic, even openly talked about dating other people with her. She was all smiles, ate food off my plate, good conversation, etcetera. Parted ways, she sent me a text 20 minutes later saying how nice it was to reconnect. I still thought nothing of it other than platonic.

I'm farting around today and look at my OKC account. She "liked" me and clicked show up as visitor (I know she has the A-list deal where she usually browses invis.) So I'm like, uh...why is she liking me on here and making it known she's looking at my profile. I send her a text and she responds like five hours later saying "Oh, I was on OKC and just for fun I liked an ex boyfriend and a couple of guys I'm friends with just to be friendly. I saw your profile on there and just wanted to like it to be friendly."

Which I guess is plausible and I don't suppose I doubt her truthfulness, but isn't that a shifty thing to do? I know it seems silly in a sense, it's a fucking "like" on okcupid, but it could be seriously confusing to someone when she never immediately said "oh hey, I see you there! saw your profile and just liking you!" I sort of feel bad for the ex boyfriend she claims she liked, imagine the confusion it'd cause to someone she was actually with. I mean, the flipside is in the back of your mind, "did she just like me thinking I was gonna go heads over tails and ask her out romantically again?" "Did she want to ask me out but then chickened out in the five hours it took for her to answer?"

Just a strange story.
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You sure do go through a lot of trouble to try and convince us you're not interested in her, while also worrying about something really really trivial that she did for you.


You sure you're not just lying to yourself about being interested in her?
 
Phazael

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ohkcrlho_sl said:
I learned something really valuable here in TGWBYHT:
NEVER stick in crazy.
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The trick is they are all crazy, it is just a matter of degrees. The trick is to find a manageable level, just like more mature women will try and find a manageable level of asshole. But yeah, the actual credo is to never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.

Re JT's situation-
It is a friendzone thing, as much as you hate that word. She gets all of the emotional fulfillment she wants out of you without banging you. That's fine if you are genuinely friends with her and maybe she is actually going to do some wingman work for you on the dating site. Keep an eye out for red flags and don't read into it more than what it is, a way for her to sponge up some attention. Other women you may be dating with insecurity (read 99% of all women) may take issue with it, though.
 
Hoss

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I had a maid who liked and did a testimonial on my plentyoffish profile. Nothing between us, she just cleaned my house every month. According to her, it should help because when a girl looks at a guy's profile, they like to see other women having good experiences with you. It also helps if she's cute because it will increase the quality of the women who respond to you. I guess it's like that seinfeld episode where george dates a supermodel and all of a sudden other supermodels were attracted to him. I didn't even know that section existed, but she claimed chicks do and always look there.

I can't say if it helped. I talked to a lot of girls on PoF, but only met one and I married her. I never asked if any of them were swayed by the testimonial.
 
Rangoth

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Sutekh_sl said:
You sure do go through a lot of trouble to try and convince us you're not interested in her, while also worrying about something really really trivial that she did for you.


You sure you're not just lying to yourself about being interested in her?
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I agree, it's a fact he still likes her. Otherwise you'd see the like, do a little lol to yourself and go back to something interesting, which you probably were not doing if you were surfing okcupid in the first place. It's only "confusing" or misleading because YOU give a shit, so it bounces around in your little head like a hardon.
 
Phazael

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Rangoth_sl said:
bounces around in your little head like a hardon.
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rrr_img_100243.jpg
 
Jackie Treehorn

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Sutekh_sl said:
You sure do go through a lot of trouble to try and convince us you're not interested in her, while also worrying about something really really trivial that she did for you.


You sure you're not just lying to yourself about being interested in her?
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No, you and Rangoth are both right, there's an ounce of truth to it, just not a pound of truth. I just found it a strange thing to do. I don't give a shit either way, I have plenty of options, but yeah, I enjoy her company but I could do without confusing gestures. The entire time we had dinner...which I must say again I didn't even ask for, I just wanted to meet her for coffee or lunch...she was a little flirtatious and what have you and I wasn't trying to be in the least. It was just a series of confusing things, and I don't think it was misreads since I'm usually pretty adept at that. Plus, we managed to sleep in the same bed together for almost two weeks (having had sex previously) without even touching each other or anything strange.

For example, I recently went out with a woman for the first time, twice, once to a winery, once to a restaurant, and even though we both dig each other and plan to meet again, there was less flirting and chemistry from HER, which I considered a real date, than this woman I'm supposed to be friends with.

Here's a fucking confusing one for you for example: At one point during dinner she asked "Are you busy in the morning?" sort of in the middle of other conversation. I did a three second pause on that one. And I say "No, I'm free, why, don't you work?" And she responds "Yeah, I have to work tomorrow." She literally could have came out and said "Come fuck me after dinner" and I would have declined, or at the least I would have thought it uncomfortable.

What in the shit are you asking me if "I'm free in the morning" for? Who asks that?

FYI, too, to the poster above, "liking" someone on OKC is only seen to you, so it does nothing to boost your profile or anything like that.
 
Jackie Treehorn

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Phazael_sl said:
The trick is they are all crazy, it is just a matter of degrees. The trick is to find a manageable level, just like more mature women will try and find a manageable level of asshole. But yeah, the actual credo is to never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.

Re JT's situation-
It is a friendzone thing, as much as you hate that word. She gets all of the emotional fulfillment she wants out of you without banging you. That's fine if you are genuinely friends with her and maybe she is actually going to do some wingman work for you on the dating site. Keep an eye out for red flags and don't read into it more than what it is, a way for her to sponge up some attention. Other women you may be dating with insecurity (read 99% of all women) may take issue with it, though.
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I just moved to California, bay area, just two weeks ago. It's interesting that a lot of women I'm meeting freely talk about other guys they're dating, and in turn I tell them I also go out on other dates. It's a strange dynamic in a way but I suppose I appreciate the honesty.
 
Phazael

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Bay area is both a massive laid back area, when it comes to the concepts of relationships, and a den of crazy. You cannot really apply any known relationship rules to people from the Bay Area, for better or worse.
 
Jackie Treehorn

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Phazael_sl said:
Bay area is both a massive laid back area, when it comes to the concepts of relationships, and a den of crazy. You cannot really apply any known relationship rules to people from the Bay Area, for better or worse.
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Yah, I've actually heard this before. Including from my friend on the man side of things. She said a lot of people are poly / into permanent multi dating and it's hard to find anyone who wants to settle with one person. But she's a little crazy herself, so take that with a grain of salt.

Where I was (central Florida) talking about going out on dates with other people was virtually unheard of.
 
Sutekh

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Jackie Treehorn_sl said:
No, you and Rangoth are both right, there's an ounce of truth to it, just not a pound of truth. I just found it a strange thing to do. I don't give a shit either way, I have plenty of options, but yeah, I enjoy her company but I could do without confusing gestures. The entire time we had dinner...which I must say again I didn't even ask for, I just wanted to meet her for coffee or lunch...she was a little flirtatious and what have you and I wasn't trying to be in the least. It was just a series of confusing things, and I don't think it was misreads since I'm usually pretty adept at that. Plus, we managed to sleep in the same bed together for almost two weeks (having had sex previously) without even touching each other or anything strange.

For example, I recently went out with a woman for the first time, twice, once to a winery, once to a restaurant, and even though we both dig each other and plan to meet again, there was less flirting and chemistry from HER, which I considered a real date, than this woman I'm supposed to be friends with.

Here's a fucking confusing one for you for example: At one point during dinner she asked "Are you busy in the morning?" sort of in the middle of other conversation. I did a three second pause on that one. And I say "No, I'm free, why, don't you work?" And she responds "Yeah, I have to work tomorrow." She literally could have came out and said "Come fuck me after dinner" and I would have declined, or at the least I would have thought it uncomfortable.

What in the shit are you asking me if "I'm free in the morning" for? Who asks that?

FYI, too, to the poster above, "liking" someone on OKC is only seen to you, so it does nothing to boost your profile or anything like that.
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I've got girlfriends like this in almost the identical situation (I even slept in the same bed with one without fucking because she was sleeping on my uncomfortable couch, but I've got a king so there was plenty of space).

I usually just flirt back with them, it's kind of just a game you know? There really doesn't have to be anything behind the flirting. I mean I flirt with my ugly girlfriends too just to fuck around with them.
Shit me and my bestfriends girlfriend flirt all the time, I usually call her baby, put my arm around her, share food, etc. It's just fun.
 
Jackie Treehorn

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I can see that, we just didn't have that dynamic the last time we were around each other. So perhaps it's just an issue of getting used to her again in this way, if that's the way it is.
 
Sutekh

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Who knows man, maybe she is interested and wants to bone. What really matters is that you should not give a shit either way, for all the reasons you stated before.
 
Khane

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Jackie Treehorn_sl said:
Yah, I've actually heard this before. Including from my friend on the man side of things. She said a lot of people are poly / into permanent multi dating and it's hard to find anyone who wants to settle with one person. But she's a little crazy herself, so take that with a grain of salt.
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Sounds like paradise.
 
Phazael

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I was actually going to suggest you as a better source of advice, here. All kidding aside, you'd fit right in there.
 
Khane

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I'm trapped in East Coast monogamy hell. But I have a completely irrational fear of earthquakes. So there's that.
 
Brad2770

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I have been seeing a chick off and on for the past 5 months. I like her company and I enjoy the conversation, but it really fucking annoys me that she calls me "Baby" and "Babe". I don't like pet names. I have told her that I don't and won't use them, yet she still pushes and gets angry sometimes.
 
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