The Girls Who Broke Your Heart Thread

McCheese_sl said:

Secondly, "making a move" doesn't have to be anything major, but it should be something that shows that you're interested in a romantic way. In my case, Ialwaysgo for a kiss at the end of a first date, whether or not I'm 100% confident she's wanting/expecting it. Even if a girl doesn't want you to kiss her, she's going to respect your confidence for trying it. Worse case scenario you get flat-out rejected (which seems really rare in my experience). At least then you know that she's not interested and you can move on rather than posting on a message board about how you can tell if you're in the friend zone or not.

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You should be making an attempt to kiss them within 1-3 dates, at worst. Fucking should occur within 5-10. Not that it will necessarilyalwaysresult in success, but the attempts should always be made within those time-frames. Like McCheese said, even if she rejects you, you at least know where you stand and can move on without wasting more time.

*EDIT* I just saw the post above mine. I can save you a lot of time and money and tell you flat out that the secret to avoiding the friend zone is confidence, and that's pretty much what all that pick up artist stuff boils down to. If you want to be romantically involved with a girl you need to be confident enough to go for it and not worry about looking stupid or fearing rejection.

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This is the #1 attractor of females. Confidence will get you really, really far. It's the reason why "good looking" men are so successful. It isn't necessarily their looks themselves, it's the fact that their looks make them confident. Thing is, you can be confident even without looking like Brad Pitt.

Chris_sl said:

I don't want to look stupid or get rejected but my main fear is coming accross as a creepy person giving unwanted attention - that's the confidence I guess.

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I understand where you're coming from. Like I said, I used to suffer from those same thoughts. They have a crippling, cumulative effect on you because you psych yourself out of doing anything that leads to a romantic relationship, and because you don't get into a romantic relationship your thoughts of doubt increase and the cycle repeats.

By the way, don't think that reading the pick up artist books is going to somehow magically make your problems go away. Everything in those books will still rely on you having the confidence to actually take the risk of looking stupid, getting rejected, or coming across as a creepy person giving unwanted attention. Until you get over that initial confidence hurdle all the advice and tips in the world won't help.

*EDIT* I got over my confidence problems by doing 3 things:
1) I lost weight, got into shape, and changed my hair to the point where I, personally, was happy with how I looked.
2) I updated my wardrobe
3) I watched the shit out of Mad Men. Seriously.

Before doing all that I had no confidence and I assumed a girl wouldn't have any interest in me. Basically a defeatist attitude. Now I'm at the point where I'm the opposite: I assume a girl is into me and I'm surprised when she's not. It's so much easier when you go into it with a winning, positive attitude.

Chris_sl said:

I'll try and pick that book up tomorrow, I have heard of it. A friend gave me a PDF version but I lost it before reading it.

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http://ebookbrowse.com/gdoc.php?id=8...c7b1a076684b45

Enjoy.

Passenger_sl said:

http://ebookbrowse.com/gdoc.php?id=8...c7b1a076684b45

Enjoy.

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Thanks, not sure I can pull any of that off lol but I'll keep reading - it's a good read anyway so far.

Big Phoenix_sl said:

Another thing is just how fucking stupid they all really are. Who the fuck posts about committing illegal acivities, but also includes the location it took place, the time and then post fucking pictures of themselves committing the act? If any law enforcement types find that site its going to be their happiest day ever.

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I don't think prostitution is generally worth local law enforcement's time. Its not really even a very serious offense in most places, is it? I think they mainly just do a sting/sweep once in while for PR and to keep it contained. Maybe shut down a shithole hotel here and there if they let it get rampantly out of control and its a public health risk. If they were in any real danger from posting on those forums then the forum wouldn't exist and be so full of activity.

Chris_sl said:

Thanks. Well she did suggest an alternative but cancelled that too, no alternative suggested after that. I'll just let her contact me if she wants to see me, trying to be more laid back about stuff like this - in the past I'd be trying to arrange other days and getting stressed out over it.

How do you "make a move" or "express interest"? This stuff seems so easy for most people but I don't seem to be making much progress. I really despair over it.

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You're just way in your head with this. I think your biggest issue is you're scared of rejection. That's pretty normal. You have the right approach currently. Back off and see if she hits you up. She probably will at some point. If not, hit her up in a month or so and try to get out. You're in a bad spot because you let this turn into a guessing game on your end. she holds the cards and you have no idea what she's thinking. It would of been easier if you acted a long time ago right? That's why you need to act from here on out when you meet a girl you like. Don't be afraid to flirt with her and get some good banter going. Use texting to your advantage and role play with her a bit. I typically put every girl into a wife role and breakup/get back together with them all the time. We take imaginary honeymoons, have kids, etc..That way when you do meetup hooking up seems almost normal. If you're looking for a fun way to go for a kiss tell her some girl told you that you were a bad hugger, she said you hug like a dead fish.. It will get her laughing. From there just practice hugging and go for a kiss. Worst case is you made a new friend.

The Game and similar books will help you understand how female attraction works. Faking confidence until you have confidence is probably the most effective immediate improvement possible. The rest of it is essentially trial and error, with an eye toward constant improvement. People that suck with girls all (1)are afraid to try and/or (2)don't analyze their failures and learn from them. Avoid those pitfalls and you'll improve over time. Also, pay attention to what successful guys do

In my experience, making a move and getting turned away is the best way to get over your fear of rejection. It won't seem like such a big deal anymore after the first time (it happens to everyone). The more you worry about this stuff, the harder it will be.

Face her, make some noise like you have something important to say, and then go straight for the boobies with both hands. Give her your best Mad Max stare.

Fear of rejection: CONFRONTED AND CRUSHED.

McCheese_sl said:

2) I updated my wardrobe

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What do you guys that are saying this update your wardrobe to? Are you suiting up like Barney Stinson? Being uncomfortable all the time doesn't seem worth it. But I agree that walking around in jeans, woot t-shirt, and a hoodie probably isn't doing me a lot of favors either.

So Keg has pissed on the hooker yet or what?!?!

Djay_sl said:

What do you guys that are saying this update your wardrobe to? Are you suiting up like Barney Stinson? Being uncomfortable all the time doesn't seem worth it. But I agree that walking around in jeans, woot t-shirt, and a hoodie probably isn't doing me a lot of favors either.

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Being clean is the general idea. Pay attention to what other people are wearing where ever you go and match somewhat. You don't need to spend $50 on a shirt, a brand less polo from khols is just as good a ralph lauren. It just needs to fit right.

Djay_sl said:

What do you guys that are saying this update your wardrobe to? Are you suiting up like Barney Stinson? Being uncomfortable all the time doesn't seem worth it. But I agree that walking around in jeans, woot t-shirt, and a hoodie probably isn't doing me a lot of favors either.

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In my case it wasn't so much connected with style but more connected with buying clothes that fit me well and colors that suited me. For example, I had some dress shirts that fit me but not really well...they were a bit baggy and made me look fatter/puffier than I actually was. I spent extra time at the story and through trial and error finally managed to find a brand and style that fits me perfectly and look really great on me. It's amazing how so many clothes that you think fit you are actually slightly too big or small, you just don't realize it until you actually find something that fits you like a glove. Another thing I did was buy a nicer, second pair of sneakers specifically for those not-casual-but-not-formal occasions. Before I just had one pair that I'd wear everywhere other than work, but now I have a gym/running pair (my old all-purpose pair), a nicer going-out pair (for casual dates, etc.), and then my dress shoes for work and formal occasions.

Overall though when people update their wardrobe it still goes back to confidence. It's not about how you look, but how you feel when you wear those clothes. Generally when people update their wardrobe they get a surge of confidence in their new look and that translates to better success in all social interactions. The same thing can be accomplished with something as simple as a new haircut.

I'm not sure whether this is dating advice or advice on business. Sounds like the same thing.

Dumar_sl said:

I'm not sure whether this is dating advice or advice on business. Sounds like the same thing.

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Well, it kind of is the same thing.

30+, every guy should have a nice suit. You dont need to drop a grand, but 3-400 will get you something that can last a decade. Sounds trivial, but a good fitting suit will double your confidence level.

Dating can be very cyclical based on age as well. 25-30 can be a tough age for guys, because the non crazy women are working on thier first marriage and kids. 30+ it opens up alot more. It just sucks because at that point most eligible women will be divorced with a kid or two. This is also very dependant on where you live. NY, LA or more "hip" areas you will have alot more single women waiting longer to settle down. In the midwest anyone 30+ that doesnt have a spawn or two is batshit insane and not capable of having a relationship.

Its tough out there!!

Thorne_sl said:

Well, it kind of is the same thing.

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Yes yes, exactly what I wanted to hear. Let's go somewhere worthwhile.

So in your mind, business advice is sound dating advice and vice versa? If the answer is yes, why do you think this is the case, meaning why can the advice be used in two different spheres of life?