I listened to my body, my body told me to eat.
Stomach: Yo, Himeo BRO, I'm fucking starving here. EAT SOMETHING
Himeo: Damn, okay. Not really sure what to get.
Cravings: That pizza looks pretty fucking good right now.
Himeo: Stomach, you good with pizza bro?
Stomach: I could fuck with some pizza. GIVE IT TO ME.
I got fat. So I listened to "the experts" and took their calorie counting method of weight loss.
Stomach: Yo, Himeo BRO, I'm fucking starving here. EAT SOMETHING
Himeo: I gave you 2,000 calories bro. I can't eat anything else today.
Stomach: I don't give a fuck. EAT SOMETHING.
Himeo: No.
Stomach: EAT SOMETHING.
Himeo: NO
STOMACH: EAT SOMETHING.
Craving: Oh lawd, is that a donut shop?
STOMACH: EAT SOMETHING.
Himeo: Oh fuck.
Craving: Just have a donut, what's the problem?
Himeo: I, dude I ate 2K calories today. I can't.
STOMACH: EAT SOMETHING
Craving: Stomach's hurting bro, stop being a faggot and have a donut.
Himeo: What about the calories?
STOMACH: EAT SOMETHING
STOMACH: EAT SOMETHING
STOMACH: EAT SOMETHING
Himeo: Christ. Okay fine.
I couldn't stick to it.
Then I heard that sugar was the problem and stopped eating sugar.
Craving: Himeo bro, that donut shop looks pretty fucking good right now.
Himeo: Hell yea it does. Hey Stomach, you have room for some donuts?
Stomach: Are you out of your goddamn mind? I don't have any room for that shit. I'm full.
Craving: But you haven't eaten anything all day.
Himeo: Yea, wtf Stomach. I haven't eaten anything all day.
Stomach: No room man, shit sucks.
Himeo: Okay, that's cool I guess.
Craving: That pizza looks pretty tempting.
Himeo: Shit yea it does. Got some room for pizza stomach?
Stomach: Na bro, no room.
Himeo: Oh well.
I lost a lot of weight.
Pointing this out makes me a zealot.