First time poster, long time reader (circa. EQ 1999, played Povar / CT). Hell, followed FOH for a long time, Triton as well - where on earth did Tigole recede to?
LulzSect
tldr of my experience; First drunk @18, first drug @22 was ecstasy, smoked weed on the same evening. Continued ecstasy/weed usage throughout my mid-20s, combine with hallucinogens (good ole hippy-flip = MDMA+Mush). Alcohol played a significant factor during this time. Girlfriend of the time got me into coke - fuck like a rockstar by night, death by day with the comedown. Coke became paramount, no longer spontaneous. After a few wake up calls - I had to turn life around and rejoin reality.
Substances were an escape, although I did not know it at the time, I've later identified many of my "escapes." For me, and maybe a few people can relate, but on-line gaming was/is my drug, especially MMORPGs. Fuck, I don't even play to enjoy, I just power game hard, grinding shit for no fucking reason. Later in life, I finally discovered/acknowledged/accepted that my trauma/pain that I avoid is rooted in some fucked up self-worth fear-base of not being acceptance of myself and/or by others.
Anything to escape the shit that I hate.
I feel that Gunnar's quote is the beginning to your dilemma. What are you trying to escape?
From working with oppressed/marginalized people who are deeply embedded in substance abuse, I have learned that these "broken" individuals are in some way avoiding the pain they have endured throughout their lives. Pain is a subjective, as it holds different meaning for different people, however the pain (psychological, emotional, physical) you may have experienced, witnessed or even received as a by-standard has an effect.
Gunnar's quote essentially is highlighting trauma and our natural tendency to avoid it (fight or flight basic knowledge).
If you look deeply into anyone's life, addiction is there, it doesn't have to be a drug. You are most likely being triggered to use, not valuing yourself, gaining acceptance with friends. Yes, alcohol is probably the precursor that leads to the coke usage, however using coke also connects you to a situation, people and gaining that false confidence.
Cocaine is technically a psychological addiction, not chemical - with enough use and continued use, it could lead to a chemical or physical dependence. You can do the whole get rid of the negative influences, move, join a group - I'd suggest seeing a counsellor that focuses on CBT with a direct understanding of the addict brain. If you read - find the books by Gabor Mate, in particular the title "In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts."
Btw, from reading your posts, you aren't all that fucked up and you got a shit ton of support even from those who end up in the Shaw quite often (hilarious to non-extent). Finding support is key to any form of recovery.