Chris
I really think you have blinders on for this game. Full disclosure, I'm subbed to FFIX and I haven't been subbed to WoW in a year+(?, I don't care enough to check) I bought shadowlands because it looked interesting then checked out when it was just the same as usual.
Time Gates, grinding, pointless itemization, FFIV basically has the trifecta on what most here (including yourself) would call "bad game design".
Being that said, it has one of the best stories available in an MMO.
In everquest, you played a dungeon or raid over and over for things to sell or gear to get for yourself.
in FFXIV, you basically gear yourself out in a run or 2, if you don't then you buy gear with your tokens.
in WoW, it was roughly the same but the dungeons and raids felt more...I dunno "alive"?
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EVERY FFXIV Dungeon run is basically this.
AE Pull 1, AE pull 2, Boss 1. AE pull 3, AE pull 4, Boss 2. AE pull 5, AE pull 6, Final Boss.
Boss battles are variations of avoid the telegraph or "Figure out the mechanic that will 1 shot you".
There isn't splitting, there isn't CCing, those abilities should, at this point, be removed because no one uses them. If I, as the tank, DON'T do the pull strat I just mentioned, people will literally go off and pull things so that we do that strat.
After you do these dungeons the first time and the mystique is gone, there is nothing but grind.
The same can be said of WoW dungeons to a degree but I dunno...I can't really figure it out myself, it isn't the same feeling. I dunno, it usually felt interesting in WoW to do a dungeon and try a pull a certain way so that you could avoid a pack or pull a pack with a big mob and see if you could survive. Most dungeons wouldn't fall into that sync that I mentioned of "Pull 1, pull 2, boss", but the few that did, you had to WORK for those pulls.
WoW just feels more interesting, sure after the 10th time running a specific dungeon in WoW you start to feel like "this is boring as fuck" but it applies to that dungeon, typically, not ALL dungeons. For me, FFXIV's model of "AE 1, AE2, Boss1" makes it so that the "this is boring as fuck" statement applies to all dungeons, because they ALL follow that rule (Aside from a few at the beginning of the game).
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Who knows, maybe in WoW the difference is, I ran things the become a better DPS or tank or healer because some things required you to do well.
In FFXIV you don't have to be a good tank or DPS or healer to actually down content, there isn't a need to be better. In fact you can grab an addon that converts most of your rotations into "SPAM PRESS 1 FOR SINGLE TARGET AND 2 FOR AE!" but even if you don't do that, most rotations are simple (some are comically over complex).
For me there is no need to mentally subject myself to gating and grinding for better +1 betterer gear because there isn't a need for it unless I wanna "Do things faster".
in WoW at least there was gear that was beneficial that also made you wonder what the fuck it did, trinkets or random items, things that were just interesting. Sure you could go grab a spreadsheet and be like "IF I USE THAT ITEM OVER THIS I'LL DO X% LESS DAMAGE" but you can literally do that for any game including FFXIV (though to be honest, why the fuck you would do that in a game that was so clearly defining gear routes is beyond me).
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My wife still loves playing FFXIV but truth be told I don't know why, all she does is sit in towns and craft 24/7 while listening / watching other people play the game on twitch on her 2nd monitor.
Me, I finished the story, did the raids, did my "Wondorous journal" a few times and then just clocked out mentally. This shit is just grindy as fuck and I don't wanna deal with another RNG fest when it comes to farming shit. I'll continue following the game for the story but you are huffing paint if you can't objectively look at the game and say, "It is this way and I don't mind it's flaws." rather than trying to sell a product to people that doesn't exist.