First World Problems

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Conefed

Conefed

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Hoss said:
Showering last night. It's been a couple days since my wife and I did the nasty. I suddenly remember some old spank bank material while I'm cleaning my junk and it goes off in my hand.

Get out of the shower, wife is there ordering me on the bed. Apparently she wants to blow me. My mind is racing trying to figure out if I should tell her what just happened, or if I'll be able to pop again. I try for option 2 because she's good at the dick sucking. A few minutes in she figures out what's up and I feel like an asshole. This 'getting old' thing is bullshit; I used to be able to jerk off in the bathroom right before sex and still practically be a 2 pump chump.

This morning she tells me her back is hurting and she thinks it happened when she was trying to blow me. I should probably start a pool on how long it'll be till my next BJ.
Click to expand...

Yeah the shame experienced from unloading before you're unexpectedly summoned to the bedroom is a special kind of feeling.
 
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Namon

Namon

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Conefed said:
Yeah the shame experienced from unloading before you're unexpectedly summoned to the bedroom is a special kind of feeling.
Click to expand...

It's like special place in hell levels of special. Seriously. Wife has a very up and down libido, so it's happened a few times.
 
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Sylas

Sylas

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going on a trip to London > Dublin > Manchester (to see a Red Hot Chili Peppers/Babymetal concert) then a week of debauchery in the Philippines and the luggage fee for the flight from Dublin > Manchester costs more than the airline ticket ($12).
 
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Conefed

Conefed

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Spoiled by Netflix's captioning abilities.
Everything else is either inferior or non-existent.

FYI: Captions are boss around kids and other distractions. When they crank up their bullshit, you don't miss a beat without even needing to touch the remote.
 
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Hoss

Hoss

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Yeah, I'm getting old and love captions too. Especially when we watch British shows wehre they mangle the president's english.
 
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Conefed

Conefed

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I'm tired but I don't want to sleep
but I have work in the morning
and I don't want to go
but that's not an option because there are things to do and get done
 
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A

a_skeleton_01

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The morning before my wedding I'm hanging out drinking beers for breakfast with my soon to be brother-in-law. He takes some vitamins with a big foaming gulp of beer and coughs most of it up. He says 'fuck, I drank too much beer to swallow my vitamins!' There's layers of benefit going on there. It was a good morning.
 
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Chukzombi

Chukzombi

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When you come to Walmart to buy the shit you saw last time but didn't have the cash to waste on trifles and you notice everything you wanted is gone now and you wasted a trip to this shit store.
 
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Heylel

Heylel

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First world problems in silicon valley are off the charts petty. They barely qualify as first world. It's Jetsons level shit. For example, on Thursday they ran out of free brisket at the work bbq shack. Had to get free ribs.

Oh the humanity.
 
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ZyyzYzzy

ZyyzYzzy

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Heylel said:
First world problems in silicon valley are off the charts petty. They barely qualify as first world. It's Jetsons level shit. For example, on Thursday they ran out of free brisket at the work bbq shack. Had to get free ribs.

Oh the humanity.
Click to expand...
how the fuck do you work under such conditions? Contact hr immediately
 
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1

1987

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Im proud of the Germans. In an attempt to establish global solidarity they brought a third world problem to the first world en masse......Islam
 
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Conefed

Conefed

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Young Justice pops up on Netflix and you think, "Oh! New episodes" .... :emoji_cry:
 
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Sludig

Sludig

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Your eating your drive thru wendys nuggets (which in my area CO they no longer sell spicy despite being the state of god damn green chile on everything) dunking your 4 piece to consume the bbq packet and discover partway thru they accidentally gave you a 6....
 
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Conefed

Conefed

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Needlessly "fancy" restaurants bother me. Finally got around to trying a spot that's been raved about for over a year.

Paper straws? ... that texture. Feels like it's deteriorating from the very first use.
Feels like a straw that I forgot to unwrap.

Small and expensive -
If it's small, it better be: cheap / exquisitely flavored.
If it's expensive, it better be: expansive / exquisitely flavored.
When it's both, it better be: exquisitely flavored.

Expensive food that's dry
Dry food that has light sauce
Light sauce that's so light, it's only a slight discoloration over a small area.

Bread that appears fancy, and may have fancy components, but is mildly comparable to grocery bakery rolls.

Canadian bacon, it must be something other than ham. Otherwise, just call it ham.

Edit: Bonus pickle tickle: Having them hand me the iPad with four tip buttons starting at 15%, and a "custom" button, which I used, choosing a figure, digit by digit, less than what was suggested.

Edit and let me say that there is time and place for fancy, small portions, and expensiveness. It's the tryhard vendors that bother me.
 
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Conefed

Conefed

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Procrastinate all day and then with less than 2 hours left in your shift, and you finally get in the swing and building motion, the boss knocks on your door and puts you on assignment, which requires you to leave the office.
 
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Guurn

Guurn

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I went out to eat at what is allegedly a top restaurant in the Mpls/St Paul area. It's expensive for the area, main dishes in the 30$ range. What are these main dishes... Fucking open faced sandwiches. How am I supposed to eat that shit. Cut it up? The only other alternative is to pick it up and get my fingers dirty like a barbarian. The next day I'm playing in a disc golf league and a guy on my card is a top chef. Literally his do chef won the James Beard award this year, so I complained to him. His reply... We serve them as well. Farm to table... Shitty sausages... Now this. Do people want to live like this?
 
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