Girls who broke your heart thread
- Thread starter Aychamo BanBan
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That"s fucking funny!Brad2770 said:
edit: Eomer, you should consider changing your little tag under your name to that! That"s pretty damn clever!
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Hi man!brekk said:
Ok, you seriously want to break up with her. Three things:
1. You actually need to say the words "I feel we should break up." You have to actually say you want to separate and be broken up. You can"t sugar coat it because she may read the message wrong and think that you two are just taking a break, or slowing things down, or whatever.
2. When you tell her what went wrong, or when she asks what went wrong, make sure all your sentences start with "I feel", or "I think." Like, "I feel that I"m just not happy with this situation. I don"t think that this is what I want in a relationship." Don"t say anything like "You are not a good influence on me" or anything that involves *her*, only use sentences that involve the way *you* think. It"s a great little strategy because you are just stating what you think and feel, and there"s no way she can argue with that, because it is a personal feeling of yours. She can"t change the way you think or feel.
3. Be completely nice. Don"t burn any bridges. But of course you do not have to accept phone calls or return texts after you"ve broken up with her.
(It"ll probably be easiest to do on the phone man.)
Also I"m glad for you that you are quitting smoking weed.
brekk
Dancing Dino Superstar
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I wouldn"t say I"m quitting, but I would rather date someone who influences me smoking less, not more.aychamo_aycono said:
Yeah no worries, definitely wouldn"t do something like that.Azrayne said:
I"m going out with gamer girl for coffee this afternoon to talk with her about shit and see where we stand.
Cutlery
Kill All the White People
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Why? Chicks won"t do it.Azrayne said:
My HS girlfriend moved to colorado after my senior year. I spent all summer busting my ass, bought a plane ticket to come see her and 3 days before I"m ready to go, she fuckin calls me and tells me it"s over and hangs up. What? Fuckin really?
12 years later, I still have no fucking idea why. Not that I still give a shit, I"m married to a much better person, but it just baffles me. Chicks don"t give 2 shits about the right way to do things, and they don"t care if it makes sense to you or you get any closure outta the ordeal or not. They just take the easy way out and you might as well too.
George: "Do I have to break-up with her in person? Can"t I do it over the phone? I have no stomach for these things."
Jerry: "You should just do it like a Band-Aid. One motion -- right off!"
OR
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OR
<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/U8TnhNxKNlU&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/U8TnhNxKNlU&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>
Jerry: "You should just do it like a Band-Aid. One motion -- right off!"
OR
<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/w2t791_PbOk&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/w2t791_PbOk&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>
OR
<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/U8TnhNxKNlU&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/U8TnhNxKNlU&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>
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It"s not about being a coward, it"s about avoiding a scene or a potentially long embarrassing process. I"ve broken up with girls in person and on the phone. Depends on teh girl.Azrayne said:
It"s about being a man. Men handle their business face to face, with resolution and conviction.aychamo_aycono said:
You can do it over the phone, write her a letter, write her an email or text her. But you"ll see the truth of your thoughts and feelings and feel a lot better for it if you do it in person.
Yes she might cry. Yes she might beg. But you will be better for it. It reminds you that you have to be deliberate and thoughtful in your actions because people are fragile. Take it seriously.
I"ve debated posting a few times here in this thread, didn"t but i figure what the hell. I"m 22 and have dated like 4 chicks, I didn"t get my first "real" girlfriend until I was like 17. And only 1 would I actually consider a real relationship that lasted longer than a week. Another was a few months, but still was whatever. I"ve been dumped by every girl I"ve dated. The first one was over an instant message of all things. Of the 2 that lasted longer than a month.
The first was junior year of highschool. All happens to be the only one where I was the one to ask her out. I"m usually a rather passive person, the kind of person that if I wanted to borrow 5 dollars, i"d go on about something i wanted for 5 dollars, until you offered it to me so it felt like i wasn"t asking but you were just offering it to me. Same thing usually happens with me and girls, i usually try to just hang around them and be friendly and see where it goes from them if they become interested in me and engage it. But anyways. I knew this girl, i"d always try to talk to her and walk her to classes and the bus, etc. Finally asked her out, i"d see her at school and we"d occasionally go out and do things. This went on for a few months. Then one day at some sort of teen night or something at the beach, she pulls the "We should just be friends" card then goes on to ask if i"m gay. What the fuck? Apparently just being a nice guy that isn"t obcessed with getting in your pants is gay I suppose.
This then leads to my next and what i"d consider my only real relationship. Shortly after that break up, my parents got divorced and I had already been dealing with depression for a few years and never really stayed on medication because i didn"t really believe in it, and had stopped going for any consuling. Things pretty much fell apart and I was put in a mental institution (is that the PC term these days?) by my mother because she feared for my safety or something, and probably rightfully so. Anyways, I was there for about 2 months or so, and there was this girl there that was kind of in and out alot that I got to know pretty well. Like with all the group therapy sessions and stuff, it was kind of easy to get to really know people and things about them that wouldn"t really normally just be talked about. So when I was leaving, we exchanged phone numbers even though we were told not to keep in contact with anyone we met there. So shortly after she got out, we decided to hang out and just hit it instantly into a relationship. She had her problems though, she had problems with bulemia, she had bi-polar (she was on medication so i never saw her really bad), and had been a cutter so she had really awful wide/deep razor blade cuts all over her arms, but none that bothered me. I had my problems too. She also lived about 3 cities away, about a 20 minute drive so we"d see eachother once or twice and week and talk on the phone whenever we could. It was the only relationship i"ve had where we actually went on dates and just hung out with eachother and stuff. The sex was awesome too, but honestly I just liked being with this girl. We could be sitting around doing nothing, and it was alright just to be with her. I was completely and totally head over heels for this chick. We"d even talked about moving in together and the thought of marriage was even talked about once, though maybe admittantly while we were a little drunk. We dated about a year and half or so, and she was looking for a place to move into since she could no longer stand living at home with her alcoholic mom. I"d really not done much of anything with my life. I was a high school drop out, living in my grandmother"s basement with no job, so there was no way I could help her get an apartment at the time. So she finally found an apartment but she was had this guy roommate. It didn"t really bother me at first, I trusted her. But then she started talking about him all the time and stuff, and i started to get weary. Then finally, the day before valentines day, she comes over to my house and breaks up with me. She gave valid reasons, mainly that I wasn"t really going anywhere in life and that our relationship pretty much wasn"t either due to it. I later find out she was dating her roommate shortly afterwards of breaking up with me, whether she was cheating on me before breaking up or not, I have have no idea. I"d like to think not, and i"m fairly sure no. But who knows.
That break up hit me hard, that night I drank like a whole litre of vodka and was probably the most sick i have ever been in my life seeing as I never drink really. I tried my damnest to get her back, i brought her flowers at work and blew up her phone for a few days, but to no avail. It"s been like almost 2 years since we broke up and i haven"t dated anyone since or really even considered it.
TLDR version: Sorry for the long ass post, but I can carry on sometimes. But basically I still think about this chick every once and while, kind of wonder where she is, what shes up to these days. I caught up with her about 1 year or so ago on facebook and we exchanged messages for a while like "hey how are you doing stuff" but nothing more. But anyways, I don"t really feel like i"m in such a bad place as I was then and i"ve been recently considering maybe trying to start dating again, but I still have that sinking feeling not to since I was so hurt by my last break up. Would it be better to just wait until I feel totally confident in my ability to be in a relationship before looking again, or should I just test the waters and see what comes out of it?
Edit:Figured I might as well put in a picture if you read all that BS. This is a picture of the girl that I was mainly writing about.
The first was junior year of highschool. All happens to be the only one where I was the one to ask her out. I"m usually a rather passive person, the kind of person that if I wanted to borrow 5 dollars, i"d go on about something i wanted for 5 dollars, until you offered it to me so it felt like i wasn"t asking but you were just offering it to me. Same thing usually happens with me and girls, i usually try to just hang around them and be friendly and see where it goes from them if they become interested in me and engage it. But anyways. I knew this girl, i"d always try to talk to her and walk her to classes and the bus, etc. Finally asked her out, i"d see her at school and we"d occasionally go out and do things. This went on for a few months. Then one day at some sort of teen night or something at the beach, she pulls the "We should just be friends" card then goes on to ask if i"m gay. What the fuck? Apparently just being a nice guy that isn"t obcessed with getting in your pants is gay I suppose.
This then leads to my next and what i"d consider my only real relationship. Shortly after that break up, my parents got divorced and I had already been dealing with depression for a few years and never really stayed on medication because i didn"t really believe in it, and had stopped going for any consuling. Things pretty much fell apart and I was put in a mental institution (is that the PC term these days?) by my mother because she feared for my safety or something, and probably rightfully so. Anyways, I was there for about 2 months or so, and there was this girl there that was kind of in and out alot that I got to know pretty well. Like with all the group therapy sessions and stuff, it was kind of easy to get to really know people and things about them that wouldn"t really normally just be talked about. So when I was leaving, we exchanged phone numbers even though we were told not to keep in contact with anyone we met there. So shortly after she got out, we decided to hang out and just hit it instantly into a relationship. She had her problems though, she had problems with bulemia, she had bi-polar (she was on medication so i never saw her really bad), and had been a cutter so she had really awful wide/deep razor blade cuts all over her arms, but none that bothered me. I had my problems too. She also lived about 3 cities away, about a 20 minute drive so we"d see eachother once or twice and week and talk on the phone whenever we could. It was the only relationship i"ve had where we actually went on dates and just hung out with eachother and stuff. The sex was awesome too, but honestly I just liked being with this girl. We could be sitting around doing nothing, and it was alright just to be with her. I was completely and totally head over heels for this chick. We"d even talked about moving in together and the thought of marriage was even talked about once, though maybe admittantly while we were a little drunk. We dated about a year and half or so, and she was looking for a place to move into since she could no longer stand living at home with her alcoholic mom. I"d really not done much of anything with my life. I was a high school drop out, living in my grandmother"s basement with no job, so there was no way I could help her get an apartment at the time. So she finally found an apartment but she was had this guy roommate. It didn"t really bother me at first, I trusted her. But then she started talking about him all the time and stuff, and i started to get weary. Then finally, the day before valentines day, she comes over to my house and breaks up with me. She gave valid reasons, mainly that I wasn"t really going anywhere in life and that our relationship pretty much wasn"t either due to it. I later find out she was dating her roommate shortly afterwards of breaking up with me, whether she was cheating on me before breaking up or not, I have have no idea. I"d like to think not, and i"m fairly sure no. But who knows.
That break up hit me hard, that night I drank like a whole litre of vodka and was probably the most sick i have ever been in my life seeing as I never drink really. I tried my damnest to get her back, i brought her flowers at work and blew up her phone for a few days, but to no avail. It"s been like almost 2 years since we broke up and i haven"t dated anyone since or really even considered it.
TLDR version: Sorry for the long ass post, but I can carry on sometimes. But basically I still think about this chick every once and while, kind of wonder where she is, what shes up to these days. I caught up with her about 1 year or so ago on facebook and we exchanged messages for a while like "hey how are you doing stuff" but nothing more. But anyways, I don"t really feel like i"m in such a bad place as I was then and i"ve been recently considering maybe trying to start dating again, but I still have that sinking feeling not to since I was so hurt by my last break up. Would it be better to just wait until I feel totally confident in my ability to be in a relationship before looking again, or should I just test the waters and see what comes out of it?
Edit:Figured I might as well put in a picture if you read all that BS. This is a picture of the girl that I was mainly writing about.
(edit)Rica86 said:
Just read the final sentence. If you sit there slumming and being mopey about losing your girl you"llneverfeel confident enough to be in a relationship. It has been 1.5 years in all honesty you need to move on. Date someone new it"ll help you.
(/edit)
Hey there man, always nice to get new people here. We"re all pretty nice and honestly the advice given by most people is generally good -- though you aren"t really looking for any from your story.
Anyways I do have some advice to try and get out of a self-imposed depression. These are my personal experiences that helped me. Not saying this is golden.
#1) Limit yourself to 3 hours of "time wasting" computer timemaximumper day. This includes /b/ surfing, facebook poking, video games, basically any non-productive activity. You"ll probably find it hard to waste more than 3 hours on it eventually.
#2) Get a hobby (EverQuest doesn"t count.) Mine was going to the gym, football, Muay Thai and computer programming. These are just examples that fit for me obviously you"ll need to find how to burn your time.
#3) Instead of wasting time on the computer waste it in the real world. If you have nothing to do that day and you have 5-6 hours free at night then hang out at a coffee shop and read for a few of them. Roam around a park. Go shopping. Do something that involves being in society.
#4) Smile. Smile. Smile. Get in a happy state of mind and you"ll be a happier person.
#5) Make eye contact, say "hi." You"ll be surprised how friendly most strangers are. Even if they aren"t friendly its not like they"ll find you some crazy psycho for saying hello. In general they"ll say hello back and if it someone you"re interested in talking to further it can go from there
(tip: "Hello" is the best pickup line ever invented)
Sorry if this feels like unsolicitated advice but I felt the need to attempt to reply to your post with something.
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Azrayne
Irenicus did nothing wrong
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And please for the love of god avoid any more crazy bitches. If she was abused or had a bad childhood, if she"s a heavy drug user, has any kind of personality disorder, or is heavily religious, just save yourself the trouble and stay the fuck away. I know it"s tempting to just hit it, but it"s never worth the immense stress.
@Aychamo: You wouldn"t know what being a mature, centered adult was like if it showed you it"s brown-eye on the interwebs.
Tenks gives good advice, but be careful about the "saying hi" part. I"ve noticed it only works here in the Midwest to great effect. Must be our Ohio culture. Other places people seem... busier... so it doesn"t work as well.
Tenks gives good advice, but be careful about the "saying hi" part. I"ve noticed it only works here in the Midwest to great effect. Must be our Ohio culture. Other places people seem... busier... so it doesn"t work as well.