I"ve debated posting a few times here in this thread, didn"t but i figure what the hell. I"m 22 and have dated like 4 chicks, I didn"t get my first "real" girlfriend until I was like 17. And only 1 would I actually consider a real relationship that lasted longer than a week. Another was a few months, but still was whatever. I"ve been dumped by every girl I"ve dated. The first one was over an instant message of all things. Of the 2 that lasted longer than a month.
The first was junior year of highschool. All happens to be the only one where I was the one to ask her out. I"m usually a rather passive person, the kind of person that if I wanted to borrow 5 dollars, i"d go on about something i wanted for 5 dollars, until you offered it to me so it felt like i wasn"t asking but you were just offering it to me. Same thing usually happens with me and girls, i usually try to just hang around them and be friendly and see where it goes from them if they become interested in me and engage it. But anyways. I knew this girl, i"d always try to talk to her and walk her to classes and the bus, etc. Finally asked her out, i"d see her at school and we"d occasionally go out and do things. This went on for a few months. Then one day at some sort of teen night or something at the beach, she pulls the "We should just be friends" card then goes on to ask if i"m gay. What the fuck? Apparently just being a nice guy that isn"t obcessed with getting in your pants is gay I suppose.
This then leads to my next and what i"d consider my only real relationship. Shortly after that break up, my parents got divorced and I had already been dealing with depression for a few years and never really stayed on medication because i didn"t really believe in it, and had stopped going for any consuling. Things pretty much fell apart and I was put in a mental institution (is that the PC term these days?) by my mother because she feared for my safety or something, and probably rightfully so. Anyways, I was there for about 2 months or so, and there was this girl there that was kind of in and out alot that I got to know pretty well. Like with all the group therapy sessions and stuff, it was kind of easy to get to really know people and things about them that wouldn"t really normally just be talked about. So when I was leaving, we exchanged phone numbers even though we were told not to keep in contact with anyone we met there. So shortly after she got out, we decided to hang out and just hit it instantly into a relationship. She had her problems though, she had problems with bulemia, she had bi-polar (she was on medication so i never saw her really bad), and had been a cutter so she had really awful wide/deep razor blade cuts all over her arms, but none that bothered me. I had my problems too. She also lived about 3 cities away, about a 20 minute drive so we"d see eachother once or twice and week and talk on the phone whenever we could. It was the only relationship i"ve had where we actually went on dates and just hung out with eachother and stuff. The sex was awesome too, but honestly I just liked being with this girl. We could be sitting around doing nothing, and it was alright just to be with her. I was completely and totally head over heels for this chick. We"d even talked about moving in together and the thought of marriage was even talked about once, though maybe admittantly while we were a little drunk. We dated about a year and half or so, and she was looking for a place to move into since she could no longer stand living at home with her alcoholic mom. I"d really not done much of anything with my life. I was a high school drop out, living in my grandmother"s basement with no job, so there was no way I could help her get an apartment at the time. So she finally found an apartment but she was had this guy roommate. It didn"t really bother me at first, I trusted her. But then she started talking about him all the time and stuff, and i started to get weary. Then finally, the day before valentines day, she comes over to my house and breaks up with me. She gave valid reasons, mainly that I wasn"t really going anywhere in life and that our relationship pretty much wasn"t either due to it. I later find out she was dating her roommate shortly afterwards of breaking up with me, whether she was cheating on me before breaking up or not, I have have no idea. I"d like to think not, and i"m fairly sure no. But who knows.
That break up hit me hard, that night I drank like a whole litre of vodka and was probably the most sick i have ever been in my life seeing as I never drink really. I tried my damnest to get her back, i brought her flowers at work and blew up her phone for a few days, but to no avail. It"s been like almost 2 years since we broke up and i haven"t dated anyone since or really even considered it.
TLDR version: Sorry for the long ass post, but I can carry on sometimes. But basically I still think about this chick every once and while, kind of wonder where she is, what shes up to these days. I caught up with her about 1 year or so ago on facebook and we exchanged messages for a while like "hey how are you doing stuff" but nothing more. But anyways, I don"t really feel like i"m in such a bad place as I was then and i"ve been recently considering maybe trying to start dating again, but I still have that sinking feeling not to since I was so hurt by my last break up. Would it be better to just wait until I feel totally confident in my ability to be in a relationship before looking again, or should I just test the waters and see what comes out of it?
Edit:Figured I might as well put in a picture if you read all that BS. This is a picture of the girl that I was mainly writing about.
