Girls who broke your heart thread

Zindan said:

I feel I have to defend her a bit here. I do not think that she will ever actively go out and look for someone to jump into bed with, she really isn"t like that. Rather, I think at some point in the next few years she is going to meet some guy who she is attracted too, and he won"t care that she is married, and eventually he will tempt her..and she will cave in. There are at least two guys at work who she is attracted too right now, but both of them wouldn"t do anything about that, but if they tried, I am sure they would succeed.

This is such a sucky situation. I am sitting here resisting the urge to drive over to where one of her best friends works as a bartender and seeing what is up (her and I don"t know each other well). I even have a reason to go and talk to her, but I look at things with all the comments here going through my mind and going over there would be a bad idea.

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You feel you have to defend her a bit by saying she"s not a complete jump-into-bed whore, but she"ll probably fuck some guy on the side in a little while?

Also, bad idea talking to her friend. Unless you are already friends with that friend, it"s creepy and she"ll find out about it for sure. She"ll probably be pissed off about that too. Just drop it and be happy that you got to go on fake dates with a 20 year old when you"re 38.

Tarrant220 said:

Trying to keep myself busy, tomorrow she"s coming over to get the few things left at my place. She knows I"m a wreck so acting like I"m not wont work, what should I do?

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Make the encounter as short as possible? Have all the things she left collected and near the door so you can just give them to her and the whole ordeal should last less than a few minutes. The longer it takes, the more time you have to say or do something stupid that you"ll regret.

So ok...

I thought about it and fuck it, fuck her and her silly shit. Even though she is smoking hot and is awesome when shes not playing mind games. I deserve easier pootie tang than this stupid shit. I"ve been through enough crazy bitches and I feel its my turn to be the crazy one.

I won"t be going to the party and I won"t give her the gift. In fact, I am gonna erase her fucking phone # and remove her from FB and Twitter. Besides I can"t be focusing on chicks that cause me so much stress and anxiety in my life, when I should be focusing on getting quick lays, school and when I have time, work.

Now I see her as an enemy though... This normal? I don"t wanna seem bitter. I will try my best not to, but I am sure we are bound to coincide more than once or very often. Should I just act as if nothing happened or be a complete dick (which I am great at, if I do say so myself) or should I not even say hi and play her off?

Zildan said:

I feel I have to defend her a bit here. I do not think that she will ever actively go out and look for someone to jump into bed with, she really isn"t like that.

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She already did. She just didn"t go through with it.

Rather, I think at some point in the next few years she is going to meet some guy who she is attracted too, and he won"t care that she is married, and eventually he will tempt her..and she will cave in.

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She already did. She just didn"t go through with it.

This is such a sucky situation. I am sitting here resisting the urge to drive over to where one of her best friends works as a bartender and seeing what is up (her and I don"t know each other well). I even have a reason to go and talk to her, but I look at things with all the comments here going through my mind and going over there would be a bad idea.

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Horrifically bad, because that shit would get back to her the second you walked out the door.

You can "be yourself", which would mean a lot of insecurities popping up way too early in most of these potential relationships, or you can fake the confidence in the forms of communication mentioned above until it"s developed for reals, which would make one an overall better partner and a more stable person overall

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But how long until it"s "developed for reals?" Eomer is nearing 30 and still doesn"t have it. Brad also is in a similar situation. Ronaan is almost 40 and still doesn"t have it. How long until this panacea fixes their relationships?

You think that being a liar to yourself and your partner creates a better relationship? Cool. Not for me though. I find it infinitely more stable and comforting to be with someone who also has insecurities, and to be able to see her as an equal.

Pretending to be confident wont make the root of the insecurity go away. It always crops up at the next rejection, the next big failure, etc.

This whole thread has become "help, I don"t like myself, help me be someone else to land this girl" when it should be "help, she didn"t like who I am, help me find someone that does."

My point is pretend that you"re not a sobbing twat and eventually it"ll be natural, and during that time, find out why you"re a sobbing twat. Are you afraid of the next girl leaving you for someone else, won"t amount up to anything, unable to provide, sexually inadequate? Figure that shit out while learning how to be confident. It"ll all fall together.

I"m not saying fake who you are to get laid. But don"t bring out the crazy-emo side of yourself and get that shit in check, and to play into gender stereotypes, be a man. Sometimes people have to "learn" how to be confident by acting like it, and when they grow a pair, they can analyze themselves to find out why they act like a possessive, jealous, insecure guy.

Grobster said:

Pretending to be confident wont make the root of the insecurity go away. It always crops up at the next rejection, the next big failure, etc.

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I should"ve added the self-analyzation part. I"m more or less advocating learning the skill of being confident, introspection, and being a better YOU before pursuing any kind of meaningful relationship.

GrobbeeTrull2.0 said:

But how long until it"s "developed for reals?" Eomer is nearing 30 and still doesn"t have it. Brad also is in a similar situation. Ronaan is almost 40 and still doesn"t have it. How long until this panacea fixes their relationships?

You think that being a liar to yourself and your partner creates a better relationship? Cool. Not for me though. I find it infinitely more stable and comforting to be with someone who also has insecurities, and to be able to see her as an equal.

Pretending to be confident wont make the root of the insecurity go away. It always crops up at the next rejection, the next big failure, etc.

This whole thread has become "help, I don"t like myself, help me be someone else to land this girl" when it should be "help, she didn"t like who I am, help me find someone that does."

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Grobb you have zero room to talk. You already fucked up your past relationship and you"re on a collision course with all hell breaking loose with your current. So please take a backseat to these conversations. All you know how to do is go into massive debt and knock up some fucking whale and then marry her after knowing her for a handful of weeks.

As stated in the past the advice here isn"t about not being yourself it"s about reeling yourself in sometimes and not doing fucked up weird as hell shit.

Vim said:

So ok...

I thought about it and fuck it, fuck her and her silly shit. Even though she is smoking hot and is awesome when shes not playing mind games. I deserve easier pootie tang than this stupid shit. I"ve been through enough crazy bitches and I feel its my turn to be the crazy one.

I won"t be going to the party and I won"t give her the gift. In fact, I am gonna erase her fucking phone # and remove her from FB and Twitter. Besides I can"t be focusing on chicks that cause me so much stress and anxiety in my life, when I should be focusing on getting quick lays, school and when I have time, work.

Now I see her as an enemy though... This normal? I don"t wanna seem bitter. I will try my best not to, but I am sure we are bound to coincide more than once or very often. Should I just act as if nothing happened or be a complete dick (which I am great at, if I do say so myself) or should I not even say hi and play her off?

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I kinda just went through your previous posts about her and your situation, and you misplaced a few cards. First, at the beginning of relationships you can"t keep texting. You have to keep it simple. Someone earlier in this thread reiterated the same thing, saying only text when you are going to be late meeting her, etc etc. Texting too much will "scare" her out of a chance of a relationship.

The other part about going to the friends party or whatever and she shows up, you blew it. You played it perfectly at the beginning, but eventually let your emotions take action. The nervousness/avoiding eye-contact means you were freaking her out, you were smuggling her with attention. You have to let HER approach YOU. If she wasn"t going to say anything to you at the party, I wouldn"t have said anything either.

With the whole deleting her off your phone and Facebook, get over it. You don"t want to look like a creepy asshole, so don"t do it (unless you already have, then it"s too late). You went after a girl and it didn"t work out, best thing to do is move on to something else.

Grobbee said:

This whole thread has become "help, I don"t like myself, help me be someone else to land this girl" when it should be "help, she didn"t like who I am, help me find someone that does."

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People spend lots of time and money "improving" themselves, whether through clothing, exercise, tanning, cars, education, social standing or whatever else. Of course not all, maybe not even most, of that effort is directed towards attracting members of the opposite sex. Depending on the person of course.

I fail to see why you have such an issue with guys helping each other learn about how females and relationships operate in an effort to improve their chances of dating success.

It"s not about being someone else. Some people giving advice here do follow some of the "gaming" guidelines, but for the most part I don"t see anyone offering people advice on coming up with canned material or changing significant aspects of their personality just to get a bit of tail. It"s more along the lines of teaching people about bad habits and mannerisms that females might find unattractive that they should work on.

I"m certainly not trying to change who I am. In many ways I already am what the "gamers" would advise people to be. I think I"m pretty fucking awesome, and so do most people I know. But I"ve got some tendencies that I"m learning about myself that aren"t helping and quite possibly are hurting my relationships with women.

Instead of repeating the same mistakes, I"m trying to learn from them. There"s no question that attracting and keeping a mate is a skill, whether you"re a human or an animal. Why is it so offensive to you that some guys might want to work to improve their ability to do so?

Then it sounds like you are willing to "settle" for anything at this point. You don"t need advice, you can find any girl in your phone book you know that wants a serious relationship.

Dabamf said:

Advice

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Thanks for the advice and the honesty. So at this point, I"ve likely screwed the pooch, eh? With her still being flirty, I"m taking that as just a stupid mind game that she"s using because I"m letting her? I"m assuming it"s best to just ignore her now?

Desidero said:

You feel you have to defend her a bit by saying she"s not a complete jump-into-bed whore, but she"ll probably fuck some guy on the side in a little while?

Also, bad idea talking to her friend. Unless you are already friends with that friend, it"s creepy and she"ll find out about it for sure. She"ll probably be pissed off about that too. Just drop it and be happy that you got to go on fake dates with a 20 year old when you"re 38.

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Haha, nice.

Tenks said:

You already fucked up your past relationship and you"re on a collision course with all hell breaking loose with your current.

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Um, what? I didn"t "fuck up" the past relationship, I left it for a better one.

So please take a backseat to these conversations. All you know how to do is go into massive debt and knock up some fucking whale and then marry her after knowing her for a handful of weeks.

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LOL, whale?



So huge And she"d been my best friend for a year before we even dated. You really need to fact check before you go on a rant. As to the debt... most college kids have it. Mine"s down from 10,000 to 8,000, and dropping. Yup, that"s all I know how to do...

As stated in the past the advice here isn"t about not being yourself it"s about reeling yourself in sometimes and not doing fucked up weird as hell shit.

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But if "yourself" is sending the package, then why change it? Some girl will absolutely love it. You"ve just got to be persistent.

Vim:Good for you. You might try the ignoring approach, because being a dick to her might give off a bad impression to her/your mutual friends if they heard what"s happened, ie. "He"s been a complete douche to her after she shot him down." Since it sounds like you go to the same parties and such. Someone else might suggest the dick approach, but personally, I think reputation is far-reaching and immeasurably important in interlinked social circles. No need to shoot yourself in the foot, in my opinion.

Kirun said:

Simply an attention whore thing? She doesn"t do it with other guys,

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Pardon my disbelief, but how do you know that? My take is that she was openly flirting with you at work because by vice of you two working at the same place, you are "safe". You may not have the hesitance at dating someone from your job (if she"s in another department), but I"d bet that she does. The stigma of that-chick-who-sleeps-around-on-the-job shouldn"t be underestimated; and I"m sure she"s already aware of that. From the very beginning, you were probably a no-go in her eyes, she just strung you along (and is continuing to string you along) for harmless fun. Sorry. It"s a lost cause.

I have never really tried to have game. My problem has been being too much of myself. I constantly speak my mind and I really do not know when to keep to myself and when I should state my opinion. If something is on my mind, I let the person know to whom it concerns.

My dating issues have been the fact I am too shallow and expect too much so soon. I am impatient and I dont want to take the time to get to know the woman to see if I like her. I wanna know if I like her at first, then if I do, take the time to get to know her. I am realizing now that is some fucked up thinking.

As for my dating now, the chic I met at my Chamber meeting really came off as a gold digger. I have a decent car, but only one. Its a small Honda with nice wheels and a 3500 dollar stereo. It"s no where near a clunker, but it sure as hell isnt a Corvette.

Her first question was "What other kind of car do you have? This is cute, but its small."

I took her bowling, then to a place to play shuffleboard and get some drinks. She was way hotter than I could notice when she was wearing her work clothes. She didnt feel right for me and even though I probably did things she liked, I dont think she liked doing them with me. I will save some face and not contact her. She has my info if she is really interested.

Through some of my marketing, I have really started talking to one of the managers of an apartment complex I visit. She is very tall, probably 5"10" or 5"11", dark hair and hazel eyes. Very cute and amazing facial expressions that really make me enjoy talking to her. I have gone back various times to arrange a product I offer apartments. Each time I have gone, I have been someone for her to vent to (friended, I am sure... especially since she is married). I dont know why, but I am so drawn to her. very attracted to her and I love talking to her. I actually feel safe talking to her because she is married. I feel no pressure and I dont feel I have to try and get her number.

I will say she has been and will probably be great practice on talking to women (really more of listening, she does so much talking). I scheduled a lunch next week with her. I usually take all of the apartment managers some lunch or take them out for lunch to butter them up. There is just something about her. I am looking forward to it a lot.

My ex goes in tomorrow for her breast augmentation consultation. Not sure if she is joking or serious, but she has even hinted at getting D"s instead of C"s. I feel like this is some kind of ploy to real me back in, especially since I have not been talking to her much as of late. But damned if I would pass up a chance to try them out.

I hate women. I seriously feel like I am losing my mind because of them. You can be the nicest guy on the planet with one woman and fail. Next woman, you can try and be the asshole and still fail. Its hit or miss. Just being me almost always guarantees a fail. My best of luck has just been the ones I was friendly with and didnt even try and date.

I guess what I am learning from this- It doesnt matter who you are or what you do or how you look. Just be yourself and be their friend (and really mean it) and you will succeed. Knowing that makes it hard because even if you try and force something as simple as that, you are still doomed to fail.

Ronaan said:

This is where it gets complicated (oh no).
The motorbike trip I mentioned above is the annual meeting of my make/model here, I was there once in 2007 and met the cutest girl ever, cool as any of the guys, fixes her own stuff, rides the same motorcycle as I do (more or less), all that stuff.
Met her again this year.

And she lives 250+ miles away.
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU....
Anyway, hung out all the time over those 4 days pretty much, but again I never even had the nerve to ask anything personal. When she showed up she had to check twice to be sure it"s even me (she knew the fat me from 2007).

Ah hell I should just forget about that, she probably hates smokers and long distance relationships equally.


Still had a lot of fun.

edit: to let you in on the level of fail I achieved... one (actually more or less our first) conversation went like this:

her: oh I always feel bad for you when you post about your bad luck with women. well I"m actually looking myself.
me: oh. yeah. hmm. *blank stare*

You know, I could have at least *tried* to see if she was just being nice, or if she wanted to see if I"m interested. But I"m too stupid for that.

Fuck.

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You wouldn"t believe the iceberg of fail I"m cruising towards. Against better judgement I messaged her (on the forums) and basically told her what"s up.

This can not end well.

Anyway, what do you people think of long distance relationships? Anyone have experience?

And after how many private messages on the forum should I send her the package (TM)?