Tragot said:
So, not sure why I"m posting this, but if I can"t figure it out, maybe some random person from the intrawebz can.
I will try and cliff notes this as best as possible. Back in the early 2000"s I dated/lived with a girl for three years when I was in my mid 20"s. I thought she was the one, almost married her. Found out she was cheating on me for over a year of that time, and in the end put me way in the poor house.
Forward to 2 years ago and I"m in my mid 30"s. I"m almost out of debt, and back on my feet. Met a girl who worked for a different division of my company in an office in a different town 45 mins away. Shes older than me, has two teenagers.
We started dating, and 2 months in she was in and out of town for the next 6 months. During that time her office got closed and moved to mine. We still worked for different divisions. We would bump into each other once or twice a day, but still only got together on the weekends.
The whole time I"ve known her, she"s worked 2 jobs as she was primarily raising both kids. We kept things quite about us for 9 months because she reports to VP"s/director level ppl.
I never got to the point of marrying her, or even really debating it though I"m madly in love with her.
Earlier this year, the stress of custody, finances, work, teenagers and everything else started getting to her. In feb she started withdrawing herself from just about everything. By April I started to panic some that something was up. At first though of preggers, or another guy. Turned out it was just all of the stress she has in juggling everything in her life.
Then come May, and she tells me she needs space. So we didn"t see each other on the weekends, i tried to keep calls and texts as low as possible. All the while she just got more and more withdrawn from everything and was getting depressed.
She started neglecting herself, and started to put on some weight. She was falling behind things like yardwork and what not and was feeling like everything was overwhelming.
She tells me she doesn"t have time for her kids,a third job, let alone herself and didn"t feel she could keep a bf in the mix. She"s worked 6+ days a week every week the whole year.
So, last month she breaks it off completely. Says it"s all her and she doesn"t have time and it"s not fair to string me along. I tried alot to convince her she didn"t have to do everything alone and i think that didn"t help my cause.
Sad thing is, I"m still desparately in love with her. I want a second chance with her, and I can"t justify why cuz I"d have to be crazy to do it.
It"s been almost two months. I try to not bump into her at work as best I can. She"ll email me out of the blue a little or small talk if we bump into each other.
For what ever reason, I guess I"m going to give it another 2 months and ask for a second chance. Hopefully things may have settled by then. What I don"t know is if I"m just a complete idiot for wanting to do it.
All I had to read was single mother. EJECT NOW! Don"t even think about this woman.
15 reasons to avoid single mothers. Granted some of these don"t apply here since her kids are teens, but most still do.
Spoiler Alert, click show to read:15) Baby Damage
Child birth has a traumatic effect on the female form. Pregnancy leaves stretch marks, saggy breasts, and c-section scars. I"ve also heard that the nookie is even stretched out; it isn"t the same anymore. Then there"s the weight gain. Some chicks NEVER LOSE IT, or they never get their former hot shape back.
14) Babies Interrupt Nutbusting
I"ve had this happen to me. I was banging a chick and her kid interrupted my sex. Needless to say I was pissed. If some kid is going to interrupt the meanest head you"ve ever gotten, that kid should have your last name.
13) Scheduling and Logistical Problems
Chicks will use this as an excuse to get out of date with you or they legitimately can"t find a baby sitter. Either case, it isn"t your problem. By avoiding single mothers you effectively eliminate this excuse.
12) Is He The One?
This is only a problem if you"re trying to pursue something other than a booty call. Wanting to spend time with you, but not wanting to bring strange men around her kids, you find yourself only seeing this chick after 10 or 11PM. You want to move forward, but she has to make sure you"re the "one." This could take months. It"s bad enough that these chicks are "interviewing" you as a potential boyfriend, but these chicks are now gauging your parenting and fatherly skills? AH, HELL NAW!! FUCK YOU AND THAT!! I suggest dealing only with chicks that are readily available to hang out.
11) Rent-A-Daddy
Realizing her mistake, realizing that kids (especially boys) need fathers, the chick gets desperate. Any every guy has the potential to be "daddy." You"re out trying to smash, not inherit a family.
10) Double Heart Break
You"re with the chick, then everything falls apart. You not only do you have to deal with losing the chick, but you"ve formed a bond with lil" Jimmy. You and Jimmy play Call of Duty together, watch the A"s, toss the ball around, go to the zoo, and other things dads do with sons or daughters. On top of maybe missing the chick, you miss the kid. The cold part about it is, you may miss the kid more than you the chick.
9) Unnecessary Expenditures
Contrary to that shit women spew about "not needing a man to spend money or take care of their kids," guess what"s going to happen if relationship moves forward? YOU"RE GOING TO BE SPENDING YOUR HARD EARNED MONEY ON HER KID!! Say you"re six months to a year, or even a year an half into a relationship with this chick. You mean to tell me you NOT EVEN ONCE bought this kid a video game, this month"s issue of Batman, a cake for her birthday, some school clothes, or a Christmas present? Of course you will, especially if their father isn"t around. Also early in the relationship, if you"re feeling this chick, if she can"t get a sitter, either you or her will suggest bringing the kid along. Suddenly those romantic evenings you planned for that fly little lounge get tossed aside for family outings at Chuck E. Cheese.
8) You Know What She"s Going To If She Gets Pregnant
There"s a school of thought that says single mothers are easy to fuck. The irony is, those same chicks that believe in premartial sex, when they get pregnant, suddenly have an epiphany, find Jesus, and won"t have an abortion. Knowing this fact, do you really want to be this father of this woman"s child?
7) Decision Making and Judgment Skills Are On Display
This chick got knocked up by somebody she was supposedly "in love with." Not only is she a bad judge of character, she"s GROSSLY irresponsible. The same guy that"s an inattentive, insensate, abusive asshole, is now the same guy she thought the world of and had unprotected sex with.
6) You"ll Never Be #1
When you"re trying to build a relationship with somebody, you should be the focus of that woman"s life. It should be about you and her. If she has a kid, you"ll NEVER BE #1!! That"s not a bad thing either, but it"s something I don"t want to deal with. Neither should you.
5) Resentful Little Bastards
This is a recent event that happened to me personally. This chick I"m messing with, her best friend is involved with a co-worker. Thing is, baby girl just broke with her "baby"s daddy" for good after eight tumultuous years.
The daughter, though a bright and sweet little eight-year-old, is a fucking brat. Even though her parents had a fucked up relationship -- due to her father and his issues -- it was all she knew. Due to her age, all she wants is her mom and dad back together. Being upset, jealous, resentful, and wanting a return to normalcy, the little girl told her grandmother -- my bed buddy"s friend"s mother -- that her mom loved her new boyfriend more than her.
If you"re dealing with a single mother, not only do you have to win over the chick, you have to win over the kid(s), something that may never happen. When your dealing with a chick, you shouldn"t have to worry about a third party trying to sabotage your relationship.
4) Reduction In The Number Of Children You Want To Have
We all have an idea of the number of kids we"ll want. If you get involved with a single mother, you can reduce that number significantly. If a chick already has 1,2,3,4 kids, how many more do you expect her to have? Or what if she"s one of those women that have problem pregnancies and getting pregnant affects her health or puts her life in jeopardy? Adoption is cool and I"m a big proponent of it, but there"s something about having a kid of your own.
3) You"re Not My Dad!
You hook up with the chick. Eventually the issue of discipline is going to come up. Some kids getting resentful or just being a bratty prick is going to eventually pull the "YOU CAN"T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!! YOU"RE NOT MY DAD!!" card. Personally, if I did date single mothers and some dumbass kid pulled that stunt on me, I would say, "You"re right. I"m not your father. Since I have no authority over you and you refuse to listen to me, you need to pack your shit and go live with your dad." This would be a deal breaker for me. In addition, some chicks or the dad would have a problem with you disciplining their kid. I"m sorry, but if some kid breaks my laptop, I"m whupping his ass.
2) Baby"s Daddy
When you"re dealing with a chick and getting to know her, you shouldn"t have to deal with the kid"s father. Some guys can"t get over the fact that their ex has moved on. Before, he was an inattentive jerk and didn"t give a jolly goddamn about her. Now that you"ve entered the picture, this dude wants to be the ideal boyfriend and a "Father of the Year" nominee. The guy starts stalking her and wants to fight you. Even if the chick and guy are on good terms, the guy feels as if he can always smash. He knows her. He knows what she wants to hear and what makes her happy. The next thing you know, you"re having this conversation: "I"ve decided to try and make it work with Jimmy"s dad." Best way to avoid the situation is to avoid single mothers.
1) Tag, You"re It!!
This should be the BIGGEST deterrent to EVER dealing with single mothers. In some jurisdictions -- I think California is one of them -- if you start dealing with a chick with kids, move in with her and then things go south, THE CHICK CAN SUE YOU FOR CHILD SUPPORT!! She can claim that her and child have "become accustomed to you supporting the child." YOU COULD POSSIBLY END UP PAYING CHILD SUPPORT FOR A KID THAT ISN"T EVEN YOURS!! Imagine being extorted money because you were doing what you thought was the "right thing." The state doesn"t give a rat"s ass that the relationship"s over or you being a "good guy." They just don"t want the chick on welfare. So as far as you"re concerned, "TAG, YOU"RE IT!!!"
The only reason why one should EVEN CONSIDER single mom, is because it"s FOR SURE ASS and she"s the one doing the pursing. She"s being the aggressor, she asked for the number, she"s calling, she"s setting up the date. Even then, she"s just there until something better comes along. Instead of putting all the time and effort into M.I.L.F.s, that effort should be better spent on G.I.L.F.s. [Girls I"d like to fuck]