Girls who broke your heart thread

Did you do what I suggested with Ivana?

Thanks for the kind words, folks.

I was sort of offline for a few weeks, time to deliver that ring pic. (noticed I managed to fuck up the focus... ah well). It"s Palladium btw. She doesn"t wear gold jewelry and white gold looked too white...
I like it a lot. It"s simple, yet somewhat elegant.

Wedding will be on July 30th, everyone around us is happy as fuck (I think her whole family sort of feared they"d have to keep her, but now she finally found someone)

I followed your suggestion. I am sure I will have more to report about Ivana before friday. At the moment we are still dissolved. She told me that is definitely her goal to get married.

Do I really want to get BACK into a relationship with her when she is just waiting for someone she can marry? Whether its me or the next guy she meets?

I am sure even if the issue is "settled" it will come back up again.

In my opinion, people always have good reasons to break up. Either the reason was something they could not fix, therefore not get back together. Or it was something they could fix, and would not have broken up in the first place*.

*sometimes shit happens and you break up over nothing, feel free to get back together and have a real breakup.

Just remember, almost all relationships EVER end up in one of two possible outcomes: Breakup or Death. Its what happens before you get to the inevitable conclusion that either makes it a good experience or a bad one.

@Phoenix:
I enjoy the dates and the quality time, however, there are some things you can find out instantly. A girl that lists: watching tv, shopping, and chatting on the computer. As the three things she likes to do in her free time would IMMEDIATELY be removed from my dating pool.

I don"t think you know what you want. To be honest, I think you need to think with your heart instead of your ego.

I know that"s cheesy and shit, but I don"t think you"re ready to go beyond dating...and by dating, I mean hooking up.

That is something MUCH easier said than done.

This is one of the MAJOR reasons I tell everyone that I am not ready for marriage. I just want to go have fun. I want someone that I can share the fun with. Thats what I want out of a relationship. Obviously there is more to it than that. Emotional and physical intimacy are very important.

How would you suggest thinking with my heart instead of my ego?

Ravvenn said:

Think

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That sounds difficult. We need easier suggestions in here that we males can actually follow.

Beside that, I think you are right.


@Divinefactor: Stay away from the ex, just date those girls (outside of the bedroom) and see who you enjoy the most. At some point you will realize that you"d rather spent your day with X than Y and thats when you cross Y out.

The whole idea of "I want some girl that does this and that and then that and can do that" stays a fantasy in the end. Dont focus on it too much, just go for the most fun girl and stay away from the crazy/fuckups.

We"re talking about a man here, and a man with multiple options. Clearly the only choice he"s gonna make is the one that keeps his options open, even if it doesn"t result in getting laid. Dont underestimate male reasoning. The route taken is gonna be the route with the greatest prospects of sex and hte lowest prospects of sabotaging those previously-mentioned prospects.

Ravvenn said:

I don"t think you know what you want. To be honest, I think you need to think with your heart instead of your ego.

I know that"s cheesy and shit, but I don"t think you"re ready to go beyond dating...and by dating, I mean hooking up.

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People seem to mix dating with hooking up so much... Fucking around != dating

Apart from the ex, I have not bedded any of these girls.

That is exactly what I do... I meet new people, when I am interested in them, I ask them out. When I lose interest, I do not even bother talking about them. Which is why I only mention the girls I am currently interested in, except for Jenny. I mention her because of her interaction with one of the girls I am currently interested in.

I have a three day weekend coming up, so I am going to ask Nora to go for a bike ride and have a picnic with her. I missed a call from Ivana tonight. Probably for the best on that one.

@Inconsiderable- That list of things was just in response to what do I want. How do people even answer that question without sounding trite and cliche? I want to be happy. blahblahblah. I have found from my previous relationships, that those things MAKE me happy. As much as some of them are fantasy, some of them are reality.

@Dabamf- I can see where some of my actions look like that but the only reason I am pussyfooting around the Nora Jenny situation is because I am very interested in Nora and sadly one of her best friends just got in the way. I do have lots of choices, but have no issue with being in a steady relationship (even though Ravvenn has told me not to, I still want to know what you mean by that Ravvenn~)

Divinefactor said:

@Dabamf- I can see where some of my actions look like that but the only reason I am pussyfooting around the Nora Jenny situation is because I am very interested in Nora and sadly one of her best friends just got in the way. I do have lots of choices, but have no issue with being in a steady relationship (even though Ravvenn has told me not to, I still want to know what you mean by that Ravvenn~)

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Meant by what? Not pussyfooting around? I told you to ask Jenny if Nora was into you. It"s a innocent way to shoot her down and let her know you"re into Nora, not her.

I don"t think I told you not to do anything else.

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I guess the reason I said that is you have so many candidates. It"s appearing almost as if they"re job applicants.

Do you not see a LTR having the capabilities of being fun or spent with someone you have fun with?

I realize we all have standards, if you will, that we"d like our significant others to live up to. We have a pseudo-list of qualities and characteristics we"d like them to have. However, you / we must be reasonable. Don"t use this "list" as a scorecard rather than you just looking for common interests and attractive traits these potentials have.

You won"t find someone who fits the complete description. I like rock climbing and camping, but I really can"t see this man being ripped away from all of his work and gadgets that run off of the internet. Plus, I don"t see him enjoying campfire cooking quite as much as I do (I can make biscuits and gravy on a campfire, sup?). It"s something we don"t have in common, but I don"t see it as a flaw. I see it as an opportunity to find girlfriends who like this and do it with them while giving him a (much needed) break from me. Of course I"d rather do these things with him, but I"d also like him to go shopping with me and that"s never going to happen!

I also know there"s things he probably loathes about me, I have quirks and flaws and I"m sure he wishes I had more things in common with him. I"m not always supportive of his job, I get a little bitter even (lonely then bitter). However, I do make conscious efforts to work on that part.

That"s all OK, too. To me, although we don"t have everything in common or do everything I want and like to do, he"s flawless and perfect. I love him so much I gross myself out sometimes, it"s so cheesy and girly. Ick! It does exist to not have everything in common and still find someone to love you unconditionally. If I"m capable of it, surely one of the ladies you meet down the road will be, too.

In order to find out if you can have fun with them, I"d suggest this.

First, NARROW DOWN YOUR CANDIDATE LIST. Take the ex off, she"s your ex for a reason (young love ((high school)) doesn"t always apply, though). Nora isn"t going to make the cut if your friends don"t like her. Friends are normally right (be sure your friends aren"t crushing on you first). Hopefully you"re not the type who rebels or you"ll end up with her and push everyone away in time. Jenny is out, too.

Give us some more information on Ivy and Lilly. I don"t really understand the dead in the water thing, too.

It"s like what I do when shoe shopping! I place them all in a row. Then I decide on the winner based off of which one is the sexiest, which one goes with the most outfits, which one is the most comfortable, which one makes my legs look great, and which one I"d get the most use out of.

Pick your shoes.

@Ravvenn- you told me not to do anything besides hooking up until I figure out what I want. Which is the part I didnt really get. The not pussyfooting around part I got. Which also landed me a date with Nora on Monday~

This is part of the process I am doing now.

So the reason I haven"t crossed Nora off, is because I can discount what my 2 friends have said. You hit the nail on the head on that one, my BEST friend introduced me to her because we have alot in common. The other two friends that do not like her (both girls) may have a crush on me (one of them happens to be Ivy).

Ivy - one night we ended up kissing twice, no fireworks or anything like that. Even kissing Jenny as more interesting... which is why I say dead in the water. ALSO... She is in a different situation now. She works at a bar and had previously dated one of the owners, she says she still loves him but they broke up for good, her family needs a bunch of money, dramallama, she still makes me melt whenever we spend time together. Cute, caring, sweetheart of a girl.

Lilly- I met Lilly recently, thought she was cute, so I got her number and asked her out. We went out once so far and had a pretty good time. I dont really know that much about her yet, but she likes doing outdoor activities so thats always a plus!

Maybe I see my list different than you do, nothing is set in stone like: must love dogs. Its the idea, she has to at least WANT to try the things I like to do, not just outright refuse. This is a mentality of wanting to be part of my life. The same that she wants to have me TRY the things she likes to do. This is a mentality of trying to include me in her life.

The example of the unwind time is something that can easily be explained to anyone, its not a trait or mentality, just something you learn.


If I could line them up like shoes and wear the appropareiate pair for the situation it would work something like this:

Nora- Best as a travel companion
Ivy- Best as a drinking buddy
Lilly- Best as an activity partner

Nora is also fun to go to the bars and dinner with. I planned a date to go ride to a mountain on Monday so we will see how she is as an activity partner.
Ivy is also a good activity partner and is generally interested in trying new things to go do.

Lilly- I have seen Lilly twice, and went out with her once, not sure yet!

Perhaps there needs to be less over-analyzing. Having read these last few walls, I"m starting to feel like it may do more harm than good.

Yeah I don"t know why you"re analyzing these girls and listing their pros and cons. Just go with whoever you feel the most feelings towards. It isn"t really that difficult. I know we"re an MMORPG forum so min/max is in our blood but relationships don"t have DKP values.

post pics and let us decide!

kollos said:

post tits and let us decide!

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fixed

It"s easier to buy a pretty set of tits than it is to buy a pretty face. Post full body shots, IMO!

projectoffset said:

Perhaps there needs to be less over-analyzing. Having read these last few walls, I"m starting to feel like it may do more harm than good.

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Na. Thinking about what you are doing is KEY. Not only when it comes to girls but when it comes to LIFE.
As long as he is not giving the girls attributes with values and a formula to see which one scores the highest... his analysing is just right.

Is there a general consensus on open relationships? Or do opinions vary greatly?

Reason I ask is... I am coming up on 8 months with a girl and to say that everything has gone smoothly is an understatement. Even though 8 months is a brief time to say things like: "I can see myself married to a girl like this" or "I can see myself indefinitely with a woman like this" and so forth... Somehow, I feel like I could see myself with this girl, but I feel limiting myself so early might bring future problems. Kinda like the typical high school sweetheart syndrome.

"Couple meet at high school. They are together throughout and past graduation. Guy or girl haven"t been with anybody else or partied-hardy for that matter. They can"t handle the freedom college or post high school brings and they go hay-wire and break up, turn into complete opposites of their high school (monogamous) sweetheart days".

Now, I"ve been with other women, pretty sure shes been with other guys. But I am 23 and I don"t plan on getting married till I am 28 at least.

Being in a completely monogamous relationship, to me, sometimes, feel contradictory. Especially since I always had that 28 minimum marriage age thing.

I guess my real gripe is... If you love somebody a lot, but would like to take a break (eventually), for your own sake, whats the best way to go about it?