Girls who broke your heart thread
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You got that wrong. If you do love her, you do not think like that. You like her, but not enough. So you have to decide if staying with her some more is more important than sleeping around. Prolly not.Vim said:
Also open relationships usually dont work. I never heard of one working in reality, only how it tends to become one-sided and slowly fucks things up completely.
I think you are confusing the term open relationship with breaking up and seeing other people then getting back together.
They are not the same.
If you are thinking like this, you probably don"t love the girl.
Also, any reason you picked 28 to get married? Or is that just a magic number thats far enough away that lets you feel like you have time to have fun before settling down or are you actually planning on being established in your career enough to take care of a family at that point?
Also, you said: to say things have gone smoothly is an understatement...
if its an understatement, why are we having this conversation?
They are not the same.
If you are thinking like this, you probably don"t love the girl.
Also, any reason you picked 28 to get married? Or is that just a magic number thats far enough away that lets you feel like you have time to have fun before settling down or are you actually planning on being established in your career enough to take care of a family at that point?
Also, you said: to say things have gone smoothly is an understatement...
if its an understatement, why are we having this conversation?
Breaking up and then getting back together is probably a better description. I picked 28 because thats when I"ll be well beyond my 2 bachelors and ready to take on the family man role.Divinefactor said:
Shes definite wifey material, I just don"t want a wife yet. Plus shes 19, I reckon we have some breathing room. :/
Sooner rather than later. Your love is more like puppy love. If it were "real" love, you wouldn"t be having these thoughts.Vim said:
You"re both young, she"s very young. I"d say to just let her go now. If you two meet up down the road again and it works, great. If not, that"s also great if you find love elsewhere. Don"t waste your time or hers, she"d probably feel pretty crappy if she knew what you were thinking. I know I would.
I agree with Ravvenn on this one.
She is 19, she doesn"t know her elbow from her asshole. Hell she doesn"t even know what the inside of a bar looks like.
She is 19, she doesn"t know her elbow from her asshole. Hell she doesn"t even know what the inside of a bar looks like.
Open relationships do work (with a lot of ground rules and trust).
But nothing will work with a 19 year old.
But nothing will work with a 19 year old.
If you"re thinking about it, you"re already broken up. I did the exact same thing, at the exact same age, and it was a good (actually essential) decision. I still think about her, but it was for the best. Plus, if she"s 19, she also needs to get out and date around before she can settle down.Divinefactor said:
Don"t try an open relationship. It will just end badly and ruin any future potential. It"s a tempting to have your cake and eat it too, but it will blow up. Be honest and make a clean break, then maybe you can call her in 3 years after you"ve taken a few more dips in the pool and she might be happy to hear from you.
Love comes in many flavors and all of them are valid. This relationship, the girl and probably yourself are not very mature. Certainly not mature enough to still be emotionally involved and fuck other people.Vim said:
And as you have said, you are young and want to play the field. Go play the field and reassess after you get to the point in your life that you want something deeper.
You can love someone and not be with them or profess your undying devotion. Most of that aspect of love will eventually wear off regardless of your maturity and nature of the relationship anyway.
I guess I"m a moron because when I hear Open Relationship, I hear it as "Open; honest, loyal, monogamous, etc." Hehe.
I think a relationship where you "take a break" is not a relationship at all, it"s a break up. I"ve never seen taking a break work, one person "cheats" (using that term loosely since it was a break-up) and the other will always hold a grudge, end up paranoid, always bring it up in fights, and so on. This would never EVER work with a 19 year old. She hasn"t gotten though her crazy-phase yet (don"t act like you don"t know what it is).
She may be marriage material RIGHT NOW, but she has a lot of phases to go through (my own theory is we have several phases; stupid, crazy, clingy, naive, etc). She has a lot of changes to make as well. Women seem to either embrace or release the crazy when we"re 25ish. I wouldn"t marry a chick until she was atleast 27 to be sure! We change A LOT, no joke. While many of us keep the things that we have grown up doing, we change the way we act and react as we age (and learn).
If you TRULY LOVE someone, you don"t want breaks. A break to those of us in loving relationships is a night out with the boys or girls, not splitting up, making sure the grass isn"t greener elsewhere, etc.
You"re so young and she"s still a teenager. This will end terribly, one of you will fuck someone else and one of you will subconsciously sabotage the relationship as a direct result of it.
You"re together or you"re not. Or as my grandma told me about love, "shit or get off the pot". (Check my rhymes, yo)
You want to make sure there"s not better and keep her on-hold, that"s not love, son. That"s you being confused and a little selfish (and that"s actually OK and normal, especially at your age). Think about her, don"t be that guy who makes the mess for someone else to clean up. She"s too young to emotionally handle this pseudo-open relationship stuff. I"m pretty old and couldn"t handle that.
I think a relationship where you "take a break" is not a relationship at all, it"s a break up. I"ve never seen taking a break work, one person "cheats" (using that term loosely since it was a break-up) and the other will always hold a grudge, end up paranoid, always bring it up in fights, and so on. This would never EVER work with a 19 year old. She hasn"t gotten though her crazy-phase yet (don"t act like you don"t know what it is).
She may be marriage material RIGHT NOW, but she has a lot of phases to go through (my own theory is we have several phases; stupid, crazy, clingy, naive, etc). She has a lot of changes to make as well. Women seem to either embrace or release the crazy when we"re 25ish. I wouldn"t marry a chick until she was atleast 27 to be sure! We change A LOT, no joke. While many of us keep the things that we have grown up doing, we change the way we act and react as we age (and learn).
If you TRULY LOVE someone, you don"t want breaks. A break to those of us in loving relationships is a night out with the boys or girls, not splitting up, making sure the grass isn"t greener elsewhere, etc.
You"re so young and she"s still a teenager. This will end terribly, one of you will fuck someone else and one of you will subconsciously sabotage the relationship as a direct result of it.
You"re together or you"re not. Or as my grandma told me about love, "shit or get off the pot". (Check my rhymes, yo)
You want to make sure there"s not better and keep her on-hold, that"s not love, son. That"s you being confused and a little selfish (and that"s actually OK and normal, especially at your age). Think about her, don"t be that guy who makes the mess for someone else to clean up. She"s too young to emotionally handle this pseudo-open relationship stuff. I"m pretty old and couldn"t handle that.
Chicks...Ravvenn said:
And women wonder why we can never effectively communicate with them.
That"s why I say, some women embrace it, some learn to control it. I may be putting too much of myself out there, but I"m honest to help people. It takes a sometimes daily conscious effort to keep ourselves in check. Not always crazy per se, but emotional. We react with emotions instead of with rationality if we do not actually THINK before we speak. We have to kind of talk to ourselves (like in our heads, I guess) when we dwell on something and basically tell ourselves to "stop".masteen said:
Let"s say you make a comment a co-worker hit on you. This can go two ways; she dwells wondering if you flirt back, who the co-worker is, is she prettier than her, etc. IF she starts thinking this way, she needs to actually stop it herself and think, "he was honest and told me, stop being paranoid without reason". Or she continues to dwell and ends up accusing you of liking the coworker because if she knew you were in a relationship she wouldn"t hit on you (or some equally stupid variant of that). Retarded example, but you can hopefully get my drift.
We think too goddamn much, we over-analyze everything. I"m guilty of it, it"s totally shitty. I"d have something on my mind, and two weeks later when I actually say something it"s very possible I"ve already created 20 false scenarios in my head over something so retarded it"s embarrassing. It really is humiliating being emotional and/or hormonal. I do make an effort almost always to remind myself I am a stupid girl who over-thinks things and to knock that shit off. It takes work and for some women, they take the easy way out byembracing the crazy. They blame hormones, blame men, etc. It"s (hormones, not men) a semi-valid reason, but not an excuse. We are capable of controlling a lot if we"re willing to do the work, and it"s hard work. Another thing is with hormones, things like birth control can really mess them up and cause women to be emotional wrecks, I just started taking it for a medical condition a few months back and holy crap, I turned into a total clinger. I also have side effects with it (headaches and nausea/vomiting). It took me 3 months to get back into order.
Find someone who can take you confronting them and their personality flaws (like being hyper-sensitive, moody, etc.) and find someone willing to work on it and you have yourself someone who will love you and work hard to keep their crazy in check.
I"m also aware of the fact men have "issues", too, albeit not as many as us. You"re just not as emotionally screwed as we are which is why you"re way better at hiding and controlling it.
I really enjoy reading your posts like this. While it"s nothing new or groundbreaking it still is nice to hear from the other half and see things from your point of view.Ravvenn said:
I think Rav is the exception, not the rule. Most chicks don"t realize they"re being hormonally retarded and will hold a grudge for something you said wrong while they were having their period.
I didn"t until my boyfriend pointed it out to me and told me how unattractive it was and basically said, "If I ever leave you, this will be why". I didn"t want that, I don"t want that! I will always be grateful he"s honest enough to just say things like they are, and I will always appreciate that I was given the opportunity to change. That"s why I told someone here to do the same thing, it worked on me!