Older Korean girl backstory:
Spoiler Alert, click show to read:Here"s a question in return Ravvenn (and Alcestis if she"s still alive), though I certainly contributed nothing to your dilemma besides "I won"t judge if you just abandon her":
I met this Korean girl on a hike about a month ago who is, based on estimates of work and travel history, somewhere between 32 and 36 years old. I"m 26. She"s SUPER sexy, fun, etc, and quite a bit younger acting than her age. She knew my friend so I ended up talking to her quite a lot and had no actual thoughts about getting together because of the large age difference. But recently I"m starting to think it might be worth my while to make something happen based on her actions.
Brief history/reasoning for my consideration:
-after the trip (~1 month ago) we were parting ways with everyone, me leaving before her, and she ran up to me 5 min later to make sure we exchange fb info, in way that seemed so eager and essential that it really caught my eye
-I sort of dropped her some bait about a fake promise she made to me to teach me to make some specific Korean food. I presented it jokingly and made no request for her #. At the end I said, "There"s no purpose for the msg, just saying hi." Her response was "you are so funny, blah blah blah, here is my cell #, call me."
-I called her 4 days later, chit chatted for under 10 min, said bye. She called me 3 times in the following days, the first 2 I missed, but in the last I said lets get dinner. and she agreed.
-2 days before the time, the group we are both a part of had a small dinner, so she suggested we go to that, but meet early so we can hang out beforehand.
-When we met, she wrapped her arm through mine as we walked, and did a lot of touching and slapping when I teased her.
-She continues to call or txt me much more than I do her.
Hesitations:
-She"s anywhere from 6-9 years older than me, based on estimates. I generally assume a girl is never interested in younger guys, but my history here has sorta proven otherwise
-While my ex is 32 and the last Korean I hooked up with was 31, I got overcocky with older girls, then got brutally shot down by the 30yr old Korean teacher I had. That really made me check whether I was way overcocky about being able to land older girls.
-She"s very playful with all people. This is why I ignored most of the things you"d normally take as signs that a girl is attracted to you. She"s a girl who will give most guys the wrong impression that they have a chance with her. This is probably the most important factor.
However, for the reason of the last hestitation listed, I had no real thoughts of trying to make something happen or think of her as anything more than a fun girl that would be good to see on future trips. Yet some of the things stick out like sore thumbs to me and make me think I should move on them. Ordinarily I wouldn"t trust my judgment because men are always biased to think a girl is into them, but I have one other girl I"m talking to also and have no real investment into trying to make something of this situation other than "if it is possible, it would be good."
So the question for the girls is, what might this girl actually be thinking in regards to me, and more importantly (because, as a guy I will try regardless of the answer to question #1), how do I go about making a move on someone significantly older than me? Most importantly and related to both questions: assuming she"s attracted, what role does she best want me to fill? Cocky young guy (established that quite strongly so far) to satisfy her carnal desires while she tries without success yet to find a husband? haha I"m being facetious.....but somewhat serious
I"ve been talking to the older Korean girl quite a bit lately. We"ll call her Demi for reasons that should be obvious. I set up something for Thursday, but I ended up bumping into her Tuesday.
Tuesday is sort of a guy"s night for a couple friends and me where we eat Korean BBQ and drink. This week my friend wanted to go to this wing place that has a special on Tuesday. The place also happens to be the same place this hiking group I"m in meets every Tuesday, so we bump into a few other guys I know. Demi had plans to meet them that night, so she showed up, so we had a pretty coincidental bump-in. We talked between groups a bit, but we were at adjacent tables so we spent most of the time talking within our respective groups.
After eating and a few beers, it"s time to go to my friend"s house to finish Bubble Bobble, the dumbest regular NES game ever. We wanted to just chill. But on the way out we bumped into Demi coming back from the bathroom and she asked where we were going. We told her, and she was really disappointed that I was leaving. Then she asked if she could come over (bold move, also slightly off-putting). I flat out told her no, because it was guy"s night, plus my friend is married and I didn"t wanna disturb his wife more. But she kept asking and asking so my friend decided to invite her over. So we left right away, and told her to call me when she was ready to come over (she couldn"t leave right away because it woulda been rude to her group).
(It is really strange to invite yourself over, but she is really assertive and always says what she wants, so it wasn"t that weird. Still slightly annoying, but given her personality and the fact that she WAS being straightforward, I can"t complain too much. )
Anyway, feeling that I pushed her away a bit too much, while we were in the cab to my friend"s place I sent her a text asking if she was coming over. I wanted to give her a little encouragement since I had basically told her she wasn"t welcome at my friend"s place. But then she called and said she can"t come anymore, for various reasons, so I said simply, "ok no problem, I"ll see you Thursday. Have a good night."
10 minutes later she called saying she"s on her way over.
For about the next hour we were all just drinking while my friend and I played Bubble Bobble and she watched. It"s kinda weird, because I really wanted this chick, but I couldn"t possibly have cared less that she was there. Tuesdays are sacred.
Around 11 we left, both quite drunk. I hadn"t made any kind of move besides some periodic touching that over time progressed to more intimate areas (start at forearm, move to upper arm, then back) while talking and joking. When we got in the stairwell I did my patented I"m-drunk-so-I-ignore-subtlety-and-caveman-push-her-against-the-wall-with-my-body-and-kiss-her. It worked magnificently and also got her really riled up. On the walk to get a cab I held her hand, and when we were getting in the cab I said "lets go to my place."
She obliged, and we got to my place and had sex. Drunk, dysfunctional, liquor-dick sex. I woke up in the morning to hungover, dysfunctional, hangover-dick sex. But it was good, and despite being mid-30s (I"m guessing 35), her body is fantastic.
It occured to me today that, at 26, the only Korean girls I"ve slept with are over 30.
I"m addicted to older girls now. I LOOOVE older girls. Everything has been simple and easy. The games are fewer, there is no battle between her conscience and her body in which you are the collateral damage ("oh yes, oh yes, OH WE HAVE TO STOP"), and they have been 100x more interesting than girls my age or younger.
The end.
And here"s a ridiculous thing: she told me she was so surprised when I kissed her. She"s basically been pursuing ME heavily, and she"s surprised when I reciprocate? Is this just a bold face lie, or is it, as I am slowly starting to believe, that I and most men actually understand women better than they understand themselves.
So many times I wonder "does she want me to kiss her?" yet is it true that she hasn"t even considered the possibility, even if she would happily kiss back?
Tenks said:
I"m not sure how to do exactly the opposite of this
Hahaha
In response to your question, when a girl is ranting you should, as everyone else said, be empathetic and don"t offer advice unless requested (regarding someone else"s statement, "what do you think?" IS the time you should offer advice...she should learn not to ask that if she doesn"t actually want advice, or else you"re enabling dumb female double-meanings).
I don"t think you should agree with her or give support unless you actually do agree. The best empathy is just restating what she said. "I hate my boss. I did all this work and x,y,z, and made him look good and he never mentioned my name to his boss" --> "It sounds like you are mad that he is taking credit for your work." Etc.
On the other hand, if she is complaining constantly and it is annoying or childish, simply being less involved in the conversation may be enough to hint about what you are thinking. Disagreeing with someone when they are mad or frustrated about the topic you disagree about is the absolute worst response you could possibly give, so using fewer words is a better way to convey your opinion.
