Marriage and the Power of Divorce

LachiusTZ said:

Edit: Our conversation where she was telling me all the ways she was going to being a cunt regarding our child eventually rotated to her looking for some comfort etc, and I asked her (almost verbatim) "You realize you are holding a gun to my head while asking me if I want to be with you?". Its not like this woman has not had a lifetime of experience with me, so knows my reactions and how / who I am. I might be completely fucked in this ordeal, but I am still going to try.

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That's a shit situation and with that, I empathize. However, the advice you're getting here is still valid. You have to be the reasonable one while she acts out. Your lawyer will end up telling you the same thing (assuming she doesn't calm down and try to settle things amicably).

Divorce with kids is an exceptionally shitty situation, especially when the parents live apart. And not just for the parents, but for the kids as well.

I'm sure you're mega pissed off at her right now, and justifiably. But going nuclear and trying to be even more devious and undercutting than her is just going to exasperate the third party deciding the case and make them more likely to ignore you both & settle things their way. Which will probably suck for both of you. Be pissed for now, but once the actual dealing starts, you have to put that behind you and work for the best deal, which means rising above the bullshit thrown your way. It sucks.

The goal is to get the best situation for yourself and your kid afterwards, and you have to focus on the outcome rather than the slog through shitsville to get there. Keep your focus on high level goals and try not to get bent out of shape by smaller indignities (there will be many).

Side note: Tarrant has been through divorce with kids, you should probably consider his thoughts on this. Also, sorry your soon-to-be ex is being a turbocunt. I think I lost like 10%+ body weight during a relatively mild divorce (no kids), and it wasn't from exercise. It's a shitshow, and it takes a toll.

Why do people have to hold children as some sort of leverage? That's so shitty, and causes children to grow up resenting parents. Hell.. I resent my own for it.

Noodleface said:

Why do people have to hold children as some sort of leverage? That's so shitty, and causes children to grow up resenting parents. Hell.. I resent my own for it.

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Because people are shitty and divorcing parents are vindictive fucks.

My parents played human wishbone with me on the front lawn over custody disputes on at least a few occasions. Good times.

Frenzied Wombat said:

Because people are shitty and divorcing parents are vindictive fucks.

My parents played human wishbone with me on the front lawn over custody disputes on at least a few occasions. Good times.

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My parents often put me in the middle of it too, especially money stuff

"Your father can pay for this, why don't you tell him I said that"

Of course, I was little, so I didn't really know any better. But who does that? Call the fucking man yourself.

consensus said:

it has been that way since the beginning of time.

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No it hasn't. It's only been that way since the U.S. "family law" guidebook made children a bargaining chip for more money.

You can push for a drug test but it takes so long anyone who's not a hardcore addict will be able to quit long enough to pass.

I've even known women who still got custody after failing a drug test (for weed anyway). All they had to was complete an 8 week drug class and they got their custody back. Family courts really really really want to keep the mother in the picture, so I would focus on trying to reach an amicable agreement.

What is this fraud you speak of?

For you guys in the military

Infiltrating "Mommy Wars" Facebook group - Age Of Shitlords

jesus

My parents were unhappily married for several years and waited for us kids to be out of the house before they got divorced. I'm the youngest. I came home from college on Christmas break and 4 days before Christmas my mom told me they were getting divorced. Without him even present. Was a shitty Christmas, put a damper on my whole trip actually. In fact, I was surprised as hell.

Anyway, my advice is to make sure you give your kid a stable home base and encourage your wife to do the same. When my mom moved out she moved to 4 different cities (all in CO) and then back again to my hometown within like 3 years. When I would come home from college I would feel really out of place and it sucked. Sometimes sleeping on the couch even-- one condo she lived in she was in a downsizing mood. My dad (actually my step dad) had his (foreign) gf and her son (my age) move into our house. Hurt my feelings and I didn't feel welcome there either. Then when they broke up he almost instantly moved in with a new girl in her house and is now renting out my childhood house. Definitely don't feel welcome there either. Pretty much just don't go home anymore and when I do I stay with my aunt and her family.

I think a lot of people think now that they're not in a marriage they can just change every aspect of their life...a "fresh start", which also changes the child's. Even if they think they are bettering the child's life...I think kids need consistancy. It probably works best for the kid that you're not living there currently. Wouldn't things basically just stay the same for him?

By the time I was in college my parents' lives didn't really matter to me. They really don't matter now that I live thousands of miles away. We speak maybe 4-5 times a year. My parents also divorced right after the youngest (my little brother) moved out. Nobody saw it coming, but it didn't really matter to me at that point because I was 28. My mom didn't take it well when I told her that.

Unfortunately for me, my mother told us that my dad was a piece of shit that cheated on her and potentially fathered other children. None of it was true and it took me into adulthood to figure it out.

She also keeps trying to get back with him even though she's married. And she's addicted to drugs.

I don't really talk to her that much..