Marriage and the Power of Divorce

Noodleface · Oct 13, 2016

trex said:
Jesus. Loosen the purse strings. 69 in the summer. 72 in the winter. No exceptions.

Noodleface i don't understand why you say your wife stays at home when she works three night shifts a week. I hate to break it to you, but you're not a SAHM if you have a paying job outside the home. And if I worked three night shifts a week and was still expected to be the only one doing housework...well. That would not go over well.

I love having no job. Living the dream. I don't understand why so many people have kids just so someone else can raise them, my parents included.

No where have I ever said I expect my wife to do all of the house work. In fact I do the majority of it.

trex · Oct 13, 2016

Izo said:
Show us where the caretaker touched you on the dolly. But seriously, 2 make more money than 1, and daycare is cheaper than 1 salary - unless you're an ihop waiter ofc.
Also, you'll find out when you're 40, boobs saggy, icteric from all the boozing and tyen gives flowers to the next wife prospect - and the prenup you signed says you're fucked, For real, get a j-o-b and make your own dollars.

You have quite an imagination. I most certainly NEVER signed a prenup, and if the worst does happen I can fall back on my parents while I finish my education, no problem. Thankful for that.

Both my parents worked and my whole life we were just trains passing in the night. Not what I wanted for my life or my kids.

Noodleface said:
No where have I ever said I expect my wife to do all of the house work. In fact I do the majority of it.

That's good. She's still doesn't "stay home" you two work opposite to avoid daycare costs, as many people do. Sounds stressful to me, but whatever works for you two.

Alex · Oct 13, 2016

trex said:
Jesus. Loosen the purse strings. 69 in the summer. 72 in the winter. No exceptions.

Wait. You have A/C? No one in SF has A/C. Or central heat. I'm rocking the old school radiator heater. Windows open all year round.

Cad · Oct 13, 2016

trex said:
You have quite an imagination. I most certainly NEVER signed a prenup, and if the worst does happen I can fall back on my parents while I finish my education, no problem. Thankful for that.

Both my parents worked and my whole life we were just trains passing in the night. Not what I wanted for my life or my kids.

That's good. She's still doesn't "stay home" you two work opposite to avoid daycare costs, as many people do. Sounds stressful to me, but whatever works for you two.

Realistically though, think about it for a second; lets say you're 40, thats in what, 15 years for you? Your kids will be almost 18. You divorce you get half of the marital estate. I dont' want to insult you I have no idea what your marital estate might be worth. Take your current net worth and divide it in half (don't forget debt). You get that in a lump sum, minus 10-50% for attorney's fees depending on how much you fight. With your kids ages you'll get, what a few years of 20% of Tyen's income in child support until the kids are 18.

What then?

It's important not just for your household or your kids but for yourself that you have the ability to take care of yourself if you need to. Married people are a team and whatnot but people do divorce. If you don't maintain the ability to earn a living (or never attain it in the first place) due to reliance on your husband, then you put yourself in a very precarious position. He loves you right now so you are well taken care of. What happens when that changes? Are you willing to bet your livelihood on it?

Leadsalad · Oct 13, 2016

And then everyone in SF loses their shit when it hits 78 degrees and screams heatwave.

Duck you pussies, come out to the east bay and enjoy some 95+ you rich hipster twats.

trex · Oct 13, 2016

Cad arent you a lawyer? If Dan and I are married for 20 years and he decides he wants a divorce I don't just get dumped out on my ass. If he's the provider for 20 years I'm going to get years of alamony. Plus we're having at least two more kids and are seriously considering homeschooling.

We made vows. If he wants to break them he is definitely going to pay a lot of money to be able to do it. That or he can post in the grownup forum some how to breech a marriage and get away with it thread.

My life is devoted to my family. Do I have moments where I feel like I can't sit in my house for another minute? Of course. Do I sometimes feel worthless? Duh. Would I have thought this is where I'd be 10 years ago? No. Do I know I'll never regret my decision to do this? Absolutely not. But for now this is what we've decided and this is what we're sticking with.

Im not going to tell you my job is "so hard. Harder than any other job" like some people do (I just so happen to disagree with that statement anyway) but we do have a lot on our shoulders. Plus we are expected to be perfect "since we don't have a job".

It gets really hot here, btw. Weeks of 90+ days. A/C, washer/dryer and dishwasher were on our "non-negotiable" list

Alex

ZyyzYzzy · Oct 13, 2016

trex said:
Cad arent you a lawyer? If Dan and I are married for 20 years and he decides he wants a divorce I don't just get dumped out on my ass. If he's the provider for 20 years I'm going to get years of alamony. Plus we're having at least two more kids and are seriously considering homeschooling.

We made vows. If he wants to break them he is definitely going to pay a lot of money to be able to do it. That or he can post in the grownup forum some how to breech a marriage and get away with it thread.

My life is devoted to my family. Do I have moments where I feel like I can't sit in my house for another minute? Of course. Do I sometimes feel worthless? Duh. Would I have thought this is where I'd be 10 years ago? No. Do I know I'll never regret my decision to do this? Absolutely not. But for now this is what we've decided and this is what we're sticking with.

Im not going to tell you my job is "so hard. Harder than any other job" like some people do (I just so happen to disagree with that statement anyway) but we do have a lot on our shoulders. Plus we are expected to be perfect "since we don't have a job".

Keg has 2 trips planned to Portland?

Don't homeschool. No offense, you are a fucking idiot. So a fucking idiot teaching little fucking idiots is not a good idea. Seriously, can you still do calculus (if you ever could in the frist place) on a piece of paper or trigonometry? If not you can't teach your children physics in high school, which means you are also probably incapable of doing justice with teaching them chemistry and biology.

Cad · Oct 13, 2016

trex said:
Cad arent you a lawyer? If Dan and I are married for 20 years and he decides he wants a divorce I don't just get dumped out on my ass. If he's the provider for 20 years I'm going to get years of alamony. Plus we're having at least two more kids and are seriously considering homeschooling.

Alimony is only available in some states. I think Oregon is one of them, but I wouldn't count on it remaining that way. And I wouldn't count on a husband not establishing residency in a non-alimony state and applying there. Nevada is notorious for this purpose.

If you want to go all in on this Tyen is your meal ticket thing, thats fine, I hope it works out for you. You don't have to look around too hard to find women that it hasn't worked out well for though.

lurkingdirk · Oct 13, 2016

My wife hates cooking. I love it. I do virtually all the cooking.

I have a substantial amount of free time, I usually do the laundry.

I help the kids with their music lessons. That's more my thing.

My wife spends a substantial amount of time dealing with homework.

My wife deals with teenage daughters and all that entails.

My wife likes to cut the grass. I do the trimming.

I think we have a pretty good division of labour here. Not a lot of it is gender defined, and we have kids to help with a lot of it (when your kids get old enough to do yard work, dishes, and cleaning, life is awesome). I earn the larger income, that has no bearing on what duties are fulfilled at home because she works just as much as I do, just not at as high a pay rate.

Also, we have double beds only in the house. Not a thing, just never had a need to go bigger. If we fool around there is plenty of space. If we sleep, there is plenty of space. Neither of us move while asleep. For example, if I'm sleeping on my side and get uncomfortable, I'll wake up and lay on my back. That doesn't require space. Also, we're both tall people, though slim. I'm 6'1" and she's 5'10". Double bed has never been a problem, and we never cuddle sleep.

ZyyzYzzy · Oct 13, 2016

What? I'm 6'3" and I physically do no fit on a double length wise.

trex · Oct 13, 2016

Parents are wealthy. I could be thrown out on my ass tomorrow and be 100% fine. Not worried about it.

If you leave the state your custody is out the window. I'd be very surprised to see my husband forfit his relationship with his kids to avoid paying his ex what's fair anyway. I'm not the only one in the relationship who thinks it is necessary to have an at home parent. I understand that having an at home parent is not for everyone. It is, however, for us.

ZyyzYzzy you obviously know nothing about homeschooling. Even if what you said was true though, and even if I'm a total idiot, I'm gifted academically. Tyen and I have no doubts in my ability to help educate the kids. Whether or not any or all of them go to school depends on how they mature athletically, but if they're like us...

And wtf a full bed? I'm not quite 6', but I cannot lie on a full bed without my feet being off the edge. Hell to the no.

lurkingdirk · Oct 13, 2016

You people need to learn how to sleep.

Soygen · Oct 13, 2016

trex said:
Parents are wealthy.

Do they contribute to your current lifestyle or is Tyen the sole income source for all your needs?

Phazael · Oct 13, 2016

Here is a clue. That nose, attention whore complex, the parents having money and willing to be her safety net, her locking down the first pussy starved beta who would bow down to the camel toed beast at her command? Jewish American Princess is what we called that back in the day. She may not be jewish (though the tucan sam nut cracking evolutionary adaptation and A cups say otherwise) but she definitely has the princess thing locked down.

trex · Oct 13, 2016

Soygen said:
Do they contribute to your current lifestyle or is Tyen the sole income source for all your needs?

Tyen. If we needed something or something happened it'd be no problem, but there isn't an amount we receive. The presents are nice and because of them I have zero debt, so that's a big plus. It's not like Tyen's salary goes to paying off my school/old medical bills/etc.

trex · Oct 13, 2016

Phazael said:
Here is a clue. That nose, attention whore complex, the parents having money and willing to be her safety net, her locking down the first pussy starved beta who would bow down to the camel toed beast at her command? Jewish American Princess is what we called that back in the day. She may not be jewish (though the tucan sam nut cracking evolutionary adaptation and A cups say otherwise) but she definitely has the princess thing locked down.

Rude. I do not have a camel toe. ...and Tyen was like the 3rd pussy starved beta.

Soygen · Oct 13, 2016

Every chick has a camel toe if they try hard enough.

Cad · Oct 13, 2016

Its good to have parents who will take care of you, it's just another reliance. You're reliant on the grace of others and a delicate set of laws so you can eat. Thats a scary place to be for me.

Mrs. Gravy · Oct 13, 2016

Divorce isn't the only way married people suddenly become single. I would do whatever I could to maintain a set of marketable skills in whatever field of employment was my interest.

Personally, I have worked since I was a teen. I had jobs through HS, college and grad school and ever since then. All of my sisters have as well and the three of them also reared children. We also were all fortunate to have hard working loving partners but each of us know we can manage ourselves with or without them.

I do believe this discussion started with a question about doing dishes...for god's sake - if the dishes being dirty bother you then talk to her about it or do them yourself, but don't let it control how you feel about her, they are just dirty dishes.

Cad · Oct 13, 2016

Marriage and the Power of Divorce

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