Marriage and the Power of Divorce

Leadsalad_sl said:

High partner count on both ends is a red flag, yes.

But a woman at 0 and a man at 0 are also seen completely differently by the opposite sex.

Men see a woman with 0-3 lifetime partners as relatively stable and attractive. 0 isn't a huge red flag as compared to men where it is essentially a death knell for their ability to elicit sex from the opposite sex.

Virgin females are still desireable. Virgin males are never desireable outside of idiotic religious requirements.

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Not entirely true. I've been with two virgins and find it desirable. But then again, I'm weird!

And very very not religious. I'm Canadian after all.

lindz_sl said:

Not in the least.^

High partner count would make me by hesitate.

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I hear this all the time from women-- "oh, he's a pig/ male slut, gross" and the next thing you know she's slept with him. I don't think women want to admit that at least subconsciously, a guy that has slept with a lot of women represents virility, and obviously has characteristics that are attractive to women (looks, charisma, money, power, whatever) that enabled him to achieve that high count in the first place. Look at John Mayer-- the guy is a walking poster child for promiscuity and broken/failed relationships, yet there is an endless line of actresses waiting for the chance to ride his pain train despite the fact that it's a well known fact that he's a total pig.

EDIT: I'm probably the only guy that prefers a woman with a higher partner count. They're less prudish/conservative, generally look at the world in a less na?ve way, and are of course usually better in the bedroom.. I don't judge women for being too horny.

Leadsalad_sl said:

High partner count on both ends is a red flag, yes.

But a woman at 0 and a man at 0 are also seen completely differently by the opposite sex.

Men see a woman with 0-3 lifetime partners as relatively stable and attractive. 0 isn't a huge red flag as compared to men where it is essentially a death knell for their ability to elicit sex from the opposite sex.

Virgin females are still desireable. Virgin males are never desireable outside of idiotic religious requirements.

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Id find a woman in her late 20s or early 30s who only had 3 partners to be a red flag. I'd wager 10-20 would be a normal/low end average. That few of partners is a sign she's a dependent person and unable to go without a relationship. Plus, she might be like onoes wife and decide that she needs to get wild because she never got to experience life.

fifey_sl said:

Id find a woman in her late 20s or early 30s who only had 3 partners to be a red flag. I'd wager 10-20 would be a normal/low end average. That few of partners is a sign she's a dependent person and unable to go without a relationship. Plus, she might be like onoes wife and decide that she needs to get wild because she never got to experience life.

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fifey confirmed Herpes carrier.

Frenzied Wombat_sl said:

I hear this all the time from women-- "oh, he's a pig/ male slut, gross" and the next thing you know she's slept with him. I don't think women want to admit that at least subconsciously, a guy that has slept with a lot of women represents virility, and obviously has characteristics that are attractive to women (looks, charisma, money, power, whatever) that enabled him to achieve that high count in the first place. Look at John Mayer-- the guy is a walking poster child for promiscuity and broken/failed relationships, yet there is an endless line of actresses waiting for the chance to ride his pain train despite the fact that it's a well known fact that he's a total pig.

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You are making the mistake of thinking the woman is attracted to him because of his high partner count and not the other things that gave him that high count to begin with that made her go against her stated intentions.

I like to think of it as Braille for my penis.

Frenzied Wombat_sl said:

I hear this all the time from women-- "oh, he's a pig/ male slut, gross" and the next thing you know she's slept with him. I don't think women want to admit that at least subconsciously, a guy that has slept with a lot of women represents virility, and obviously has characteristics that are attractive to women (looks, charisma, money, power, whatever) that enabled him to achieve that high count in the first place. Look at John Mayer-- the guy is a walking poster child for promiscuity and broken/failed relationships, yet there is an endless line of actresses waiting for the chance to ride his pain train despite the fact that it's a well known fact that he's a total pig.

EDIT: I'm probably the only guy that prefers a woman with a higher partner count. They're less prudish/conservative, generally look at the world in a less na?ve way, and are of course usually better in the bedroom.. I don't judge women for being too horny.

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Like I said in an earlier post, the red flag is more depending on what you're looking for. If this is a person with an extreme high number and doesn't do relationships and you are looking for a relationship, probably something you'd want to think about.

fifey_sl said:

Id find a woman in her late 20s or early 30s who only had 3 partners to be a red flag. I'd wager 10-20 would be a normal/low end average. That few of partners is a sign she's a dependent person and unable to go without a relationship. Plus, she might be like onoes wife and decide that she needs to get wild because she never got to experience life.

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Depends on when she was married or was in a long term relationship. I met my husband at 19, so I only had three years of sleeping around before I became a good little wife.

Deathwing_sl said:

Unless you're a dom, why would you find virgins desirable?

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Because I have my own little neurosis though I do my best to hide them. ;p

I was cheated on A LOT prior to my husband so had a major distrust in men. It isn't a big deal anymore but there is still something desirable about me being his one and only.

fifey_sl said:

Id find a woman in her late 20s or early 30s who only had 3 partners to be a red flag. I'd wager 10-20 would be a normal/low end average. That few of partners is a sign she's a dependent person and unable to go without a relationship. Plus, she might be like onoes wife and decide that she needs to get wild because she never got to experience life.

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You're living in la la land bro. Too many movies lol. Something like 10% of women and 20% of men have over 15 partners during the course of their life, and you think the low end average is 10-20 at the ripe old age of 30???

The Ancient_sl said:

You are making the mistake of thinking the woman is attracted to him because of his high partner count and not the other things that gave him that high count to begin with that made her go against her stated intentions.

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My point is that women publicly say how "gross" the guy with the high partner count is, but sleep with him anyways. Obviously some fat smelly unemployed pig that somehow managed to achieve a high partner count isn't going to attract women solely based on the fact that he slept around. However, the point I'm trying to make is that male partner count does positively influence women's interest assuming he isn't a total loser (and the two are pretty much mutually exclusive situations). Ever notice how you get more attention from women in general when you actually have a girlfriend vs being alone? How suddenly girl "friends" start calling you more, or ex's start popping out of the woodwork again? Something about being desired by women makes other women desire you more.. Either that or jealousy, dunno.

This is kind of a silly conversation. How often does someone know about their potential partner's past promiscuity before they sleep with them?

It shouldn't matter much in reality, though our brains do wonder about these things. Do you people actually ask these questions before sleeping with someone? I know I don't because I generally do not care. Everyone has a past, I've learned to get over that.

Frenzied Wombat_sl said:

However, the point I'm trying to make is that male partner count does positively influence women's interest assuming he isn't a total loser (and the two are pretty much mutually exclusive situations).

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And I'm telling you correlation does not equal causation. She's sleeping with him because of the traits that have gotten other women to sleep with him, not because she finds his number attractive. That's ludicrous. If you want to think a little harder about it, what distinguishes a guy who says he has a high number and is lying vs a guy who actually has a high number.

Ever notice how you get more attention from women in general when you actually have a girlfriend vs being alone? How suddenly girl "friends" start calling you more, or ex's start popping out of the woodwork again? Something about being desired by women makes other women desire you more.. Either that or jealousy, dunno.

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This is true, but very different from your earlier statement. Some of what makes you desirable as a man in a relationship is actually different from what makes you desirable as a sexual target for a one-night stand. Now you could be out at a bar and a woman might want to fuck you more because she sees another woman is into you, but once again, this isn't technicallyyour number.

Ortega_sl said:

You're living in la la land bro. Too many movies lol. Something like 10% of women and 20% of men have over 15 partners during the course of their life, and you think the low end average is 10-20 at the ripe old age of 30???

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Might be due to growing up in/around the kind of punk/alternative lifestyle crowd but I'd say almost everyone I know has been with at least over ten. I know last year I slept with maybe ten or fifteen women. Granted it was a pretty man whoreish year for me usually it's closer to 1-5.

Wanting to fuck and wanting to marry can be two different things.

I'd want to fuck the guy that has been with a lot of women because he'd likely be awesome in bed.

I'd want to marry the guy I know can be monogamous. Then you teach them how to be awesome in bed!

The Ancient_sl said:

fifey confirmed Herpes carrier.

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*cough

lindz_sl said:

I met my husband at 19, so I only had three years of sleeping around before I became a good little wife.

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You got locked down at 19 with a guy in that age range. You're not really a valid example. I've already aired my history elsewhere and now as I'm just starting 30 I'm completely fucked in the dating market because of the 0 partner tag if a woman were to find out.

You completely fail to consciously admit that a virgin male past 20 is utterly repulsive. Call it misogyny or whatever you want to label it but you're not actually suffering anything as a female in this world. The 80% of the invisible to women male population is. And behind closed doors to you as well (out of sight, out of mind).

I'm in the same boat as Wombat, I would prefer a girl with a higher partner count. I've slept with maybe 8 or so virgins, and it was never anywhere as nice as someone who knew what they were doing/knew themselves, etc. Being a virgin just comes with a slew of hang ups and issues that annoy me. In my experience, virgins lacked confidence, and I guess I'm attracted to that.

That being said, this last girl, the girl from high school, was telling me she was really worried she wasn't going to be able to please me, because she knew my reputation. I laughed and went "What reputation? I've been married for 11 years, pretty sure I don't have a reputation for anything." and she said "Ohh I heard about you a lot back in the day, seemed like everyone I knew had either slept with you or knew someone who slept with you, so I was just worried with you being so experienced." I laughed again and asked "How many girls do you think I've been with?" and she said "Well... I don't know... but I would guess over 200?"

She was number 25. I then got to continue laughing and go "Wait, what kind of girl are you that thinks I've slept with over 200 woman and STILL wanted to jump into bed with me! hahah"

She told me her number. It was over 50. I'll be honest, I was taken aback and it took a minute to process and determine that it didn't bother me. I basically couldn't think of a reason to be upset, knowing that I'd like to be able to be in her situation, so why should it bother me? But yeah, it definitely took a minute. I think I've introspected it enough now that a high number like that wouldn't bother me in the future, especially since I'm not getting re-married, but yeah, I do feel like you can infer some things based on numbers.

Anyway, my point was, I tend to agree that I'm sure there is a lot of phycology that varies from person to person on what they prefer, it's not just cut and dry, but I would guess that most people prefer partners who have some experience, but not too much. Probably 4-8 previous partners is what most people would be looking for would be my guess, enough so that you know other people have desired them in the past and they have some experience, while few enough that you can still feel important and special in some way.