Marriage and the Power of Divorce

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Soygen

Soygen

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I just want to say that it was nice to see Grumpus Grumpus come back to the thread he started and have a total "good news" update. Congrats on things going well!
 
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Adebisi

Adebisi

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Soygen said:
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Hoss

Hoss

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Grumpus said:
After she was done with the shunning from her family for marrying me everything smoothed out and life is peachy. It was always peachy for us but not her family. But they accepted us with open arms once the process was over.
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Shunning process? I thought shunning just meant you never had anything to do with the person again. So mormons don't even have the wherewithal to stick with it?

How long was the process and what did it entail?
 
Mures

Mures

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Chris said:
Don't know if this is the right place but I have a problem:

I'm in a long term relationship for two years and we have been living together for a year. We haven't had sex for 6 months and it was infrequent before that. She has a few genuine health problems that cause occasional back pain/migranes/hormone changes and stress with her college course, I've tried to be understanding about that but I'm not a saint. I either get a preemptive "ouch my stomach" or nothing back when I try to initiate anything. I know it's not always made up, I had to take her to hospital once and she has two sets of medication. Recently she has appeared to be in good health though and just has college stress.

I thought I'd found my soul mate and we built a nice life together but we are arguing more now because of this. She doesn't know, I haven't talked to her about this at all, I don't know what her take on why we aren't getting on is.

I have almost zero relationship experience other than this, I was typical social anxiety virgin nerd type. My last (short) relationship the same thing happened and it ended very quickly because we didn't love each other. I have no clue how to approach this.
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Step 1 is you have to have a talk about it. Feelings will likely get hurt, but until you discuss the problem at hand it obviously is not going to get any better. Things will likely get heated, remember this and remember to stay as calm as possible, you want a discussion, not an argument.

After that if things don't improve considerably you need to accept being in a sexless relationship or that the two of you just aren't compatible.
 
Chris

Chris

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Thanks guys advice is making me feel better. We talked a bit last night about related issues which makes it easier to talk about the big issue for me over next few days.
 
Grumpus

Grumpus

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Hoss said:
Shunning process? I thought shunning just meant you never had anything to do with the person again. So mormons don't even have the wherewithal to stick with it?

How long was the process and what did it entail?
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Jehovah's witnesses do what is called Disfellowshiping. Family and friends cut all contact until the disfellowshipped person is "reinstated". This takes a random amount of time based on the person church attendance. Every three or so months the "Elders" (which each congregation has about 10 or so of) meet and discuss if god has forgiven the persons sins or whatever. Im sure they prey and make some shit up.

It took my wife about 10 months to be reinstated.

My son was born while my wife was disfellowshipped so she never saw her parents or any family or friends during the pregnancy. Her parents and my parents and her brother did come to the delivery which was nice. They could have gotten in big trouble for that.

After she was reinstated family and friends threw a bunch of baby showers and stuff for her. Her aunt is quite wealthy and sent us many care packages as well from england. Those shoes my son is wearing in that picture I posted are Gucci for example, like $300 baby shoes.

My wife now goes to church like once every two weeks to keep up appearances but shes kinda of fading away from the religion.
 
Deathwing

Deathwing

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Love knows no boundaries. Jets and sharks. Montagues and Capulets. Heathens and believers.
 
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T

Tenks

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It just sounds like an insurmountable deal breaker to me. It doesn't even sound like she's a reformed JW trying to live a sane life she's back in the club.
 
Deathwing

Deathwing

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It's hard to break up with your family. Took years of slow retreat to finally get my family to understand I didn't want to go to church with them(or at all). It was really hard to them to not think of church as just another family event.
 
Hatorade

Hatorade

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Grumpus said:
Jehovah's witnesses do what is called Disfellowshiping. Family and friends cut all contact until the disfellowshipped person is "reinstated". This takes a random amount of time based on the person church attendance. Every three or so months the "Elders" (which each congregation has about 10 or so of) meet and discuss if god has forgiven the persons sins or whatever. Im sure they prey and make some shit up.

It took my wife about 10 months to be reinstated.

My son was born while my wife was disfellowshipped so she never saw her parents or any family or friends during the pregnancy. Her parents and my parents and her brother did come to the delivery which was nice. They could have gotten in big trouble for that.

After she was reinstated family and friends threw a bunch of baby showers and stuff for her. Her aunt is quite wealthy and sent us many care packages as well from england. Those shoes my son is wearing in that picture I posted are Gucci for example, like $300 baby shoes.

My wife now goes to church like once every two weeks to keep up appearances but shes kinda of fading away from the religion.
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Sheeet same story with my best friend only his now wife was Mormom, her parents did all that bullshit because he wasn't mormon. Everyone knew the truth though that it was because he is black and she is white. Was this whole thing, got very ugly. Religions are scary.
 
Noodleface

Noodleface

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Religion was sort of a deal breaker when I was actively dating people. It's one of the few things I believe that you need to be on the same page with fundamentally. Kids, money, religion. Stuff like politics might matter to some people too.
 
Grumpus

Grumpus

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Hatorade said:
Sheeet same story with my best friend only his now wife was Mormom, her parents did all that bullshit because he wasn't mormon. Everyone knew the truth though that it was because he is black and she is white. Was this whole thing, got very ugly. Religions are scary.
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Luckily her family is pretty chill outside of religion. They were all born in to it so they just do it to keep it going I guess. Everyone is very friendly and likes me.

Her grandparents grew up hippies doing shrooms and shit. Every time I go to there place her Grandpa gets me a beer asap. He runs a wood shop with my wife's mom and is just a cool dude.

Now that the technicalities of the religion are over I actually like her family a lot.
 
iannis

iannis

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Noodleface said:
Sounds more like a cult
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They're witnesses, dude. It is a cult.

They're a lot like Mormons.

Nice enough folk. I got no problem chatting with their missionaries. Their religious structure is old-school though. They don't seem to abuse anyone to any extra ordinary degree.
 
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