Noodleface
A Mod Real Quick
- 38,278
- 15,111
Marriage and the Power of Divorce
- Thread starter Grumpus
- Start date
-
Guest, it's time once again for the massively important and exciting FoH Asshat Tournament!
Go here and give us your nominations!Who's been the biggest Asshat in the last year? Give us your worst ones!
- 16,743
- 7,767
Unrelated to noodle thread:
I told my wife that she's a bummer to be around. In terms of wanting to have sex, this was a mistake. But it's the honest truth, this stupid fucking fibro is taking over every facet of her life. Her feet always hurt. Or her back. Or her head. She's always tired, taking naps whenever she can yet sleeping poorly during the night. I've lost count of the amount of daily supplements and pills she takes.
We have sex so infrequently that talking about not having sex is ruining chances at having sex. It's like some twisted nothavingsexception.
I just don't know what to do. The disease isn't her fault though I think she's handling it poorly. I want to fuck pretty much every day but wanting to fuck her is starting to fade. I used to daydream of things I'd want to do to her but I noticed that I haven't had those recently.
I mean, I do know what to do I just don't want to. Our needs in the relationship are no longer congruous, for whatever reasons or faults. It feels like bullshit to divorce someone because they can't putout enough due to a debilitating disease. But 40+ more years of this shit...ugh.
I told my wife that she's a bummer to be around. In terms of wanting to have sex, this was a mistake. But it's the honest truth, this stupid fucking fibro is taking over every facet of her life. Her feet always hurt. Or her back. Or her head. She's always tired, taking naps whenever she can yet sleeping poorly during the night. I've lost count of the amount of daily supplements and pills she takes.
We have sex so infrequently that talking about not having sex is ruining chances at having sex. It's like some twisted nothavingsexception.
I just don't know what to do. The disease isn't her fault though I think she's handling it poorly. I want to fuck pretty much every day but wanting to fuck her is starting to fade. I used to daydream of things I'd want to do to her but I noticed that I haven't had those recently.
I mean, I do know what to do I just don't want to. Our needs in the relationship are no longer congruous, for whatever reasons or faults. It feels like bullshit to divorce someone because they can't putout enough due to a debilitating disease. But 40+ more years of this shit...ugh.
Noodleface
A Mod Real Quick
- 38,278
- 15,111
When you say she's handling it poorly what do you mean exactly? You may have posted this before, I only skim this thread sometimes.
Soygen
The Dirty Dozen For the Price of One
- 28,433
- 44,761
I agree that it's hard to justify divorce(initially) in that situation. At some point, I would have to bring up being in an open marriage, if sex was permanently off the table.Unrelated to noodle thread:
I told my wife that she's a bummer to be around. In terms of wanting to have sex, this was a mistake. But it's the honest truth, this stupid fucking fibro is taking over every facet of her life. Her feet always hurt. Or her back. Or her head. She's always tired, taking naps whenever she can yet sleeping poorly during the night. I've lost count of the amount of daily supplements and pills she takes.
We have sex so infrequently that talking about not having sex is ruining chances at having sex. It's like some twisted nothavingsexception.
I just don't know what to do. The disease isn't her fault though I think she's handling it poorly. I want to fuck pretty much every day but wanting to fuck her is starting to fade. I used to daydream of things I'd want to do to her but I noticed that I haven't had those recently.
I mean, I do know what to do I just don't want to. Our needs in the relationship are no longer congruous, for whatever reasons or faults. It feels like bullshit to divorce someone because they can't putout enough due to a debilitating disease. But 40+ more years of this shit...ugh.
- 16,743
- 7,767
No second diagnosis. She doesn't even like the doctor that told her she has fibro yet continues to visit said doctor. Does nothing to manage the disease except take multitudes of pills and supplements. People's reaction to adversity(and I realize I'm probably guilty here too) is the most telling. And to me, it feels like she's just rolled over.
Tarrant
<Prior Amod>
- 15,801
- 9,212
Alright I had a long response typed out how it's selfish to expect someone in chronic pain to just putout when you want. As someone who's married to someone with it, I can't imagine holding it against her in any way, though on that same note, we still have sex at least a couple times a week.
That said, she should see another doctor for sure, and if it is Fibro, there's nothing she can really do man. My wife has sever RA and literally in huge flares I can hear her joints pop from across the house as she walks to the bathroom. However she has sought out things on her own. She gets $80,000 infusions medications twice a a year (two sets of two) that really help. There are things she could do to help manage but in large flares shes up a shit creek if that's what she truly has. Many doctors when they can't figure out what the hell is wrong will toss out a Fibro diagnosis just to be done with it, so I get your frustration about wanting to her to get a second or third opinion.
There's no simple solution right now though that's for sure. And I can't imagine bringing up a convo with the wife that goes like "hey, I love you and I know your in pain so is it okay if I fuck other women since you're incapable?" No matter how you phrase it that's how it's going to be perceived and it makes me cringe to think about it.
That said, she should see another doctor for sure, and if it is Fibro, there's nothing she can really do man. My wife has sever RA and literally in huge flares I can hear her joints pop from across the house as she walks to the bathroom. However she has sought out things on her own. She gets $80,000 infusions medications twice a a year (two sets of two) that really help. There are things she could do to help manage but in large flares shes up a shit creek if that's what she truly has. Many doctors when they can't figure out what the hell is wrong will toss out a Fibro diagnosis just to be done with it, so I get your frustration about wanting to her to get a second or third opinion.
There's no simple solution right now though that's for sure. And I can't imagine bringing up a convo with the wife that goes like "hey, I love you and I know your in pain so is it okay if I fuck other women since you're incapable?" No matter how you phrase it that's how it's going to be perceived and it makes me cringe to think about it.
- 1
- 1
TJT
Mr. Poopybutthole
- 42,744
- 109,115
Had a huge argument with my girl today about the stupidest shit ever that really pissed me off. She knows I quit my new job for a better new job and was supportive of it. So today I am doing shit around the house, studying stuff before I start the new job and generally enjoying the two week vacation I should have taken (which she also agreed I should do).
Today she told me, "someone has to earn money you know!?" and, "I wish I had a break to relax and study." Which I found fucking triggering because I pay all the bills anyway she pays exactly nothing and knows that I have more than enough to not work for quite a long time before it ever became an issue. Let's hope she chills out about that today because god damn.
Today she told me, "someone has to earn money you know!?" and, "I wish I had a break to relax and study." Which I found fucking triggering because I pay all the bills anyway she pays exactly nothing and knows that I have more than enough to not work for quite a long time before it ever became an issue. Let's hope she chills out about that today because god damn.
TJT
Mr. Poopybutthole
- 42,744
- 109,115
Noodleface
A Mod Real Quick
- 38,278
- 15,111
- 16,743
- 7,767
Yeah, I'm not sure I'd want to try an open marriage anyway. I can easily see myself looking forward to spending time with the other person, not my wife, and it's pretty easy to see how that kind of dynamic would end.
I mean, that's the root of the issue right now. I don't look forward to spending time with my wife. No fucking and almost all free time outside taking care of our kid and household chores is spent with her sleeping. It's not her fault, but it is what it is and I don't know how to deal with it.
- 3
Tarrant
<Prior Amod>
- 15,801
- 9,212
Wow
TJT
Thats nuts. I went through that with my second wife...except she wasn’t working due to being fired for calling in all the time. I’d let her know how much it irked you, like noodle said, holding onto that won’t do you any favors.
Yeah, that’s totally understandable. It’s a complete shift from what your normal was and it takes time to adjust to things. I’d just encourage her to keep getting a second opinion for now and see where it goes. I don’t know what meds she’s on but sometimes it takes awhile to adjust to them and some handle those meds poorly. My wife loves her Tramadol but I have a friend who went on recently who calls it the worst drug she’s ever been on. Maybe it’s just a matter of finding what works for her...but she’s gotta hit up more than one doctor for that for sure.
TJT
Thats nuts. I went through that with my second wife...except she wasn’t working due to being fired for calling in all the time. I’d let her know how much it irked you, like noodle said, holding onto that won’t do you any favors. Yeah, that’s totally understandable. It’s a complete shift from what your normal was and it takes time to adjust to things. I’d just encourage her to keep getting a second opinion for now and see where it goes. I don’t know what meds she’s on but sometimes it takes awhile to adjust to them and some handle those meds poorly. My wife loves her Tramadol but I have a friend who went on recently who calls it the worst drug she’s ever been on. Maybe it’s just a matter of finding what works for her...but she’s gotta hit up more than one doctor for that for sure.
Frenzied Wombat
Potato del Grande
- 14,730
- 31,803
You only have three options as fibro isn't going to get better:
1) Stick it out stalwart style, beg for sex when you can, and buy a lot of porn for the years to come
2) Get a divorce
3) Start romances on the side and/or escorts
Can't tell you which to go for, but I guarantee you that those are your only viable options.
My stepdad stuck with my mom who was diagnosed with ovarian cancer at 52 for ten years until she died. During that time there was no sexual relationship due to her condition, yet from all outward appearances he was faithful until the day she passed. I consider him a saint for going ten years without sex, and even if he did cheat, I'm glad he kept it from my mother.
Noodleface
A Mod Real Quick
- 38,278
- 15,111
I wonder if it's worth talking to a professional about this. Surely you arent the only dude ever who has dealt with this
The_Black_Log Foler
PalsCo CEO - Stock Pals | Pantheon Pals
- 47,706
- 42,934
Wish I had a solution for you. But let me say, chronic pain can change someone's life and mental health. It blows because her life could start to revolve around it if it already hasn't. I say that empathizing for her and not having a solution for you other than to maybe help her explore how to make her qol better. Fibro is retarded diagnoses of exclusion. I assume she's had workups by multiple specialists? Is she on meds for it?Unrelated to noodle thread:
I told my wife that she's a bummer to be around. In terms of wanting to have sex, this was a mistake. But it's the honest truth, this stupid fucking fibro is taking over every facet of her life. Her feet always hurt. Or her back. Or her head. She's always tired, taking naps whenever she can yet sleeping poorly during the night. I've lost count of the amount of daily supplements and pills she takes.
We have sex so infrequently that talking about not having sex is ruining chances at having sex. It's like some twisted nothavingsexception.
I just don't know what to do. The disease isn't her fault though I think she's handling it poorly. I want to fuck pretty much every day but wanting to fuck her is starting to fade. I used to daydream of things I'd want to do to her but I noticed that I haven't had those recently.
I mean, I do know what to do I just don't want to. Our needs in the relationship are no longer congruous, for whatever reasons or faults. It feels like bullshit to divorce someone because they can't putout enough due to a debilitating disease. But 40+ more years of this shit...ugh.
I don't know how long she's had it but the mind is a funny thing. If she's had it long enough and has the mental fortitude she may be able to almost "block" it. It's rough.
Edit - saw a few of your replies. Is she on ACTUAL prescriptions like neurotin, cymbalta, etc? What doc gave her this diagnoses? A specialist? What kind?
2 docs is nothing for fibro. I spent 6 years in chronic pain with "fibro." After like 20k down the drain and seeing 5-7 specialists, I decided to get a second opinion from a new Ortho, dude mri'd my shoulders with contrast.. Had tears in both shoulders my original Ortho missed. Long story short had them fixed and it's better.
She needs to exhaust all medical possibilities and you need not push her for sex. Spend that time trying to get her help. Fix the issue and sex will follow.
Last edited:
Pemulis
Not Woke
- 3,302
- 9,195
Fibro, RA, and a multitude of other autoimmune related ailments can be helped tremendously by modifying your diet. I don't share much here because it tends to get brought into other threads, but I can tell you from firsthand experience, what people put into their bodies has a significant impact on the frequency and severity of these illnesses. My wife has been to multiple doctors and been diagnosed with at least three different autoimmune diseases. Pills may help symptoms, but NOTHING is more effective than diet.
Look into the Autoimmune Protocol Diet (AIP). It ABSOLUTELY sucks for the first 30 days because it eliminates so many things, and it takes a shitload of discipline and commitment. I do the cooking at my house, and believe me when I say it is a serious pain in the ass. But I will say this, I offered to cook for and stick to the diet with her just so she would do it because it was like having a different person in the house when she had tried it last Fall. The difference in our spousal & family quality of life is like night and day when she is not suffering with her symptoms. Happy to share more details if you're interested, but you should at least look into it.
Look into the Autoimmune Protocol Diet (AIP). It ABSOLUTELY sucks for the first 30 days because it eliminates so many things, and it takes a shitload of discipline and commitment. I do the cooking at my house, and believe me when I say it is a serious pain in the ass. But I will say this, I offered to cook for and stick to the diet with her just so she would do it because it was like having a different person in the house when she had tried it last Fall. The difference in our spousal & family quality of life is like night and day when she is not suffering with her symptoms. Happy to share more details if you're interested, but you should at least look into it.
- 1
Khane
Got something right about marriage
- 20,346
- 14,012
- 16,743
- 7,767
Cymbalta is one of the meds she's on. Not diagnosed by a specialist, a general practitioner. I have been pushing her to see a different doctor. She actually has something lined up tomorrow morning, but I'm not sure it's "because I want to get better" or "to shut him up". She's still mad at me for the honest feedback I gave her.
Pemulis
I'll look into it. Diet is not one her strong points. She comes from the one culture(Italian) that supposedly rejected Atkins en masse, and she's no different. I can't say I'm much help in this area. I'm one of those people that will save calories for a bigger desert, that sort of thing. Hasn't bit me, yet...I appreciate the responses from others as well.
TJT
Mr. Poopybutthole
- 42,744
- 109,115
Women make no sense. Plain and simple.
I told her that was some mean shit to say and also nonsensical. Then she apologized. I guess she has this notion that men must always be working or they're not men. Even though I told her of my dilemma and she supported my decision along with supporting my two week break inbetween. But still had the gall to say that shit. It's even more insane because its not like her working is actually going to pay bills. I have all that covered despite the two week break lol.
I can only figure it has something to do with her expectations of men and having grown up outside the USA.
I told her that was some mean shit to say and also nonsensical. Then she apologized. I guess she has this notion that men must always be working or they're not men. Even though I told her of my dilemma and she supported my decision along with supporting my two week break inbetween. But still had the gall to say that shit. It's even more insane because its not like her working is actually going to pay bills. I have all that covered despite the two week break lol.
I can only figure it has something to do with her expectations of men and having grown up outside the USA.
