Noodleface
A Mod Real Quick
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Marriage and the Power of Divorce
- Thread starter Grumpus
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Guest, it's time once again for the massively important and exciting FoH Asshat Tournament!
Go here and give us your nominations!Who's been the biggest Asshat in the last year? Give us your worst ones!
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Well, she's married to me, so yes.
Also, yes. She has a long history of trying to medicate that issue.
Lendarios
Trump's Staff
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I do have a claim to spend some portion of my work however I want. As long as it doesn't impact the finances. Like you said you don't even talk about values below a certain x.
Gurgeh
Silver Baronet of the Realm
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I can relate to that, I'm in a similar position it seems, wife also grew up outside of France, and I don't think the word "relax" even exist in her country, or something. She's got to work or do housework or cook or whatever. But fuck, if you've come to France you somewhat have to expect that people are going to occasionnaly relax, don't you ? We're earning about the same but I work less than half her hours, but my work does require me to be really focused, so I really need 1 or 2 hours a day of rest and silence. And even if I earn a bit more than her, do more housework, take care 3 times more than her of our daughters, she'll occasionnaly pester me when I'm trying to rest. And it's super annoying because I really that rest and when she does that it really pisses me off and instead of being able to relax I end up being angry.
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Trump's Staff
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I never had that talk. I just got married put everything together and carried on.
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Trump's Staff
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Btw deathwing. It is not about the money. The amount is peanuts, but there is the whole family dynamic/ control behind it.
Look if what I am doing is enabling a drug user, her words, and she may be right. It is still my choice, not her. It is I who has to decide and say "look brother I can't give you more money".
Not her firing on all crazy cylinders the first time it happens.
Look if what I am doing is enabling a drug user, her words, and she may be right. It is still my choice, not her. It is I who has to decide and say "look brother I can't give you more money".
Not her firing on all crazy cylinders the first time it happens.
Noodleface
A Mod Real Quick
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You're married dude! Decisions should be made together! You're right that it's not a money issue, its a respect issue. You assumed she'd say no before you even mentioned it and just did it.
None of us know your family dynamic, but it seems like you two are on different wavelengths.
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Big Phoenix
Pronouns: zie/zhem/zer
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How badly would divorce impact you financially? Does she make significantly less than you?
At some point you have to have a "either you seriously work towards and make progress resolving these issues or we get a divorce" talk. Her being depressed and "being in pain" is not a reason to live the rest of your life unfulfilled sexually and generally dead waking up. Having a problem isn't the issue, it's the complete lack of trying to resolve it that is.
The_Black_Log Foler
PalsCo CEO - Stock Pals | Pantheon Pals
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Thanks. This was what I was hoping to hear and glad it's worked out well! I agree, it's good to have the whole money thing be transparent.
Jesus christ, you guys. Unless this is all just one-sided venting I have to wonder why you are with the people you're with. My wife and I have been together 14 years, 2 kids, and never once have we had anything close to the kind of bullshit between us that you all are implying is a part of daily life.
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Wantonsoup95
Ahn'Qiraj Raider
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We share a bank account and all of our paychecks are a pooled resource. But I keep everything I earn in cash jobs as fun money
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She makes quite a bit less than me but I'm trying very hard to not let that influence this situation. I've already had this dialogue with myself, just haven't had the balls to just lay it out there. Every new slight or inconvenience is easier to cope than the big pain of a divorce. I'm not saying that's right, but that is likely how most people rationalizing sticking around in bad marriages.
I agree that the lack of effort is what really hurts. I could probably put up with worse if I thought she was trying her best.
"generally dead waking up" is too accurate
Lendarios
Trump's Staff
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Not all decisions are made together. Some decisions are up to one partner and you have to trust your partner will make a decisions you agree with, or will make a decision for the good of both.
Also there is a difference between hearing someone input on a topic and then making a decision vs making a decision together.
Noodleface
A Mod Real Quick
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Wantonsoup95
Ahn'Qiraj Raider
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You marry someone because you can put up with their faults... some of us come here to bitch about the ridiculous EULA we agreed to.
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Hoss
Make America's Team Great Again
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You know that a diagnosis of fibromialgia is the doctor's nice way of saying the shit's in her head, right? If he settled on that it means he doesn't know. Make sure she knows this doctor she loves is calling her a lying attention whore. If that doesn't motivate her to find another doctor, then she is a lying attention whore.
Or she might be a lying drug addict. You said you don't even know what drugs she's on. Loser doctors who diagnose fibro don't mind prescribing drugs to shut the patient up. Are any of them habit forming, like opioids? That's actually the next thing you should do. Figure out what all she's taking.
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Tarrant
<Prior Amod>
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Any decent doctor now will he careful with a Fibro diagnosis. It’s a legit disease though, saying it’s not is just ignorant.
Has it been a crutch for bad doctors for years? Yes. Can good doctors still diagnose it with careful consideration and work? Yes.
Has it been a crutch for bad doctors for years? Yes. Can good doctors still diagnose it with careful consideration and work? Yes.
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TJT
Mr. Poopybutthole
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She grew up in Ukraine. Suffice to say the primary difference I've noticed is that she has an extremely clear and firm belief on what constitutes as Man shit and Woman shit. Thus, anything that falls into my category she fully expects me to do 100% and any expectation that she should help is patently absurd and pisses her off. This is actually quite beneficial most of the time because she doesn't bother asking questions about Man Shit and has zero problem cleaning up, laundry, repairing clothes, and whatever else. Although I never minded doing it myself.
A nice change from dealing with American women and what I refer to as Disney Princess syndrome. Where everything becomes an argument as the expectation is that you just do what she wants. Got real tired of that shit after awhile. Many women seem to suffer from it.
As far as finances we keep them separate. I manage all bills, and investments and she just saves as much cash as possible as there are a number of major purchases in Ukraine she wants to make next year that all require cash only. Like a flat, and some other things. After that I'll be getting her on my investment to cash ratio... or trying to. But cash is king where she grew up and it will probably be hard to shake that off her.
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