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Marriage and the Power of Divorce
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Guest, it's time once again for the massively important and exciting FoH Asshat Tournament!
Go here and give us your nominations!Who's been the biggest Asshat in the last year? Give us your worst ones!
Soygen
The Dirty Dozen For the Price of One
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Noodleface
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Hoss
Make America's Team Great Again
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iannis
Musty Nester
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So, I had an "epiphany" driving home last night. After the shower, car time is best thinking time.
I've been trying to think of a way to explain that sex is important and without it the whole system falls apart WITHOUT treading into "hurr durr I just like you for your tits" territory.
The best I got is an ARPG analogy. I like a whole bunch of aspects of those games, the number crunching, buying MTX, planning and trying out builds. But if the game just all of sudden stops dropping loot and nothing else changed, I wouldn't play it anymore.
So sex is the loot and spending time with the family, household chores, excelling at work, are the menial parts of the game. I enjoy doing those "menial" parts because I perceive a reward from the time investment. With no sex, I'm not perceiving a "reward", even if it's subconsciously, so the system is deteriorating.
I realize this is very simplistic, but I think it makes sense on some level. How do I relate this thought to her? Or is this a bad road to go down?
I've been trying to think of a way to explain that sex is important and without it the whole system falls apart WITHOUT treading into "hurr durr I just like you for your tits" territory.
The best I got is an ARPG analogy. I like a whole bunch of aspects of those games, the number crunching, buying MTX, planning and trying out builds. But if the game just all of sudden stops dropping loot and nothing else changed, I wouldn't play it anymore.
So sex is the loot and spending time with the family, household chores, excelling at work, are the menial parts of the game. I enjoy doing those "menial" parts because I perceive a reward from the time investment. With no sex, I'm not perceiving a "reward", even if it's subconsciously, so the system is deteriorating.
I realize this is very simplistic, but I think it makes sense on some level. How do I relate this thought to her? Or is this a bad road to go down?
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Noodleface
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I don't know how to relate that to her, but I definitely would not relate it like you laid out. Calling stuff menial and time investment will probably rub her pill-popping body the wrong way.
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Pemulis
Not Woke
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Is it really almost completely about sex? I would think that a wife that is constantly complaining about pain, sleeping all the time, generally miserable would be a drag to be around. If you don't miss the woman that she was before she wasn't feeling well, then I think there are bigger problems.
My wife is a school teacher, and she was literally expending whatever energy she had to get through the workday. She even got a doctor to prescribe her adderall for "adult ADHD" when it was really just a crutch to get up and stay on her feet. I later learned she was doubling up the dosage in the morning instead of taking it twice a day, and it was making her manic. Her GP was virtually useless throughout the whole process, and I ended up taking a day off of work to go with her to an appointment to demand that we consider all of her crazy symptoms collectively. We actually got a "we may never know exactly what is going on" before I lost my shit. We left the office with referrals to both an endocrinologist and a rheumatologist (which we weren't going to get if I hadn't gone along). My kids were literally begging me that they wanted their mom back. Yeah, I missed the sex, but I missed having a functioning life partner even more.
I guess my point is, you may need to be an asshole (briefly) to get things figured out and on track. I don't think the current path is sustainable; at least it wasn't going to be for me.
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Soygen
The Dirty Dozen For the Price of One
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"Look, babe. I'm ok with no more legendaries or epics dropping, but you gotta' at least hand out a green or blue here and there!"
Seriously, though, I'm not sure how to approach her. It's something that would require really knowing her and what she's like.
Seriously, though, I'm not sure how to approach her. It's something that would require really knowing her and what she's like.
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No, it's just a focal point. Yeah, I miss my wife. My thought was along the lines of "If I'm getting fucked, I can put up with this shit better". But maybe that's wrong.
Yeah, I know, stupid engineering brain thinks differently than most people.
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Noodleface
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BTW I may joke - but I sort of was looking down the same barrel awhile back. It had been months (I lost count) and in my head I was going "Well, if she isn't going to do it with me... I'm going to find someone that will."
I had to take a step back and realize that wasn't the way. Besides, any time I would think about it my kids would pop in my head and I realized how much of a shitbag I'd be.
We did talk about it. She had serious issues with me not 'taking care of myself' and some other stuff. We both made some trade-offs to make sure we were both on the same page. Once we did it that first time, it's been off the chain since.
Your situation isn't exactly the same though.
I'm going to risk sounding like an idiot here, but have you considered marriage counseling? At this point what do you have to lose? You aren't getting laid, and you sound like you don't really like your wife. But, it does sound like you want it to get better. I would start by telling your wife you're really bothered by everything and you'd like to talk to someone together to work through it. I don't know how best to bring this up to her.
I had to take a step back and realize that wasn't the way. Besides, any time I would think about it my kids would pop in my head and I realized how much of a shitbag I'd be.
We did talk about it. She had serious issues with me not 'taking care of myself' and some other stuff. We both made some trade-offs to make sure we were both on the same page. Once we did it that first time, it's been off the chain since.
Your situation isn't exactly the same though.
I'm going to risk sounding like an idiot here, but have you considered marriage counseling? At this point what do you have to lose? You aren't getting laid, and you sound like you don't really like your wife. But, it does sound like you want it to get better. I would start by telling your wife you're really bothered by everything and you'd like to talk to someone together to work through it. I don't know how best to bring this up to her.
Noodleface
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True, but I think Deathwing has a very serious problem brewingIt’s easy to sound like you don’t like your wife on here, 90% of the time you sound like you don’t like yours either. It’s the nature of this forum, we complain and vent a lot here.
Lendarios
Trump's Staff
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bro.
I told my wife yesterday the reason I married her was because of her ass, and because i liked having sex with her, she looked at my puzzled and asked me what was wrong with me.
So I told her nothing is wrong with me, sex is the root of marriages.
The argument ended up better than last time, so progress I guess.
The_Black_Log Foler
PalsCo CEO - Stock Pals | Pantheon Pals
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Potentially. I also have a very bad habit of getting inside my own head, essentially having a dialogue with myself about how much it sucks. That's part of why I posted that somewhat silly euphemism. In the past, I would have just gone for it without running it by someone else first. In all other problems in my life, my wife is that person.