Marriage and the Power of Divorce
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Quineloe
Ahn'Qiraj Raider
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Are your finances really separate if she pays half the mortgage the house is on?
Soygen
The Dirty Dozen For the Price of One
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Not sure what you're getting at? I just mean, beyond the shared paying of bills, any excess money for saving any spending is separate. Obviously our finances are not 100% separate. We live together and have a daughter together(as well as my stepson from her previous marriage).
Quineloe
Ahn'Qiraj Raider
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What I'm getting at is that in case of a divorce, she can claim the mortgage that went into the house as her part of the house. At least that's how it works here.
Soygen
The Dirty Dozen For the Price of One
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Oh. Probably also true here. I didn't say I did it out of some divorce protection strategy. I just like to be able to spend my money how I please(and she as well). If shit goes south, I'll report back to this thread if I'm not in prison.
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Gavinmad
Mr. Poopybutthole
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Noodleface
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Tarrant
<Prior Amod>
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He'd owe her a bunch of equity yes, but since the house was his before they married any decent lawyer would ensure he keeps it.
Noodleface
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So I need to bounce something off people here. I kind of have an idea of what everyone will say, but still looking for opinions.
I got a new job making 25% more (125k), came with a very small sign-on bonus (3k). I'm pretty responsible and very rarely ask for anything. I'm also the sole earner in the house. I usually just sacrifice bonuses and tax refunds and they get absorbed into kid stuff, or house stuff, or wife stuff that she needs to deal with the kids. When she asks me for something, I never say no. NEVER. I also have her deal with all our finances. I'm a known procrastinator when it comes to bill paying, so I make the money and she deals with it.
When I got this job I said, you know what, we should use this 3k and each buy something nice. She's been hounding me for a new treadmill (which, I never denied she could get), and I have a lot of hobbies - primarily guitar. I only have two guitars, I usually sell one and buy a new one if I want a new one. The only money loss there is shipping.
But this time I said, you know what, I'm gonna buy a new one. I figured I earned this small bonus. So I pitch that to her and she instantly denies it, saying we have a lot of expenses coming up - new baby (she's not pregnant), which includes diapers, a new car (we will need one 100%), etc. And she wants to invest some money (this is a new thing she's decided because her parents do it, and I haven't heard any good results from it). Ok, I don't really understand - I'm talking $700 to myself here.
I'm pretty angry about it, because I don't just toss money around willy nilly. I don't go out to eat ever (fast food MAYBE once a month, sometimes two), I don't have any vices like smoking or drinking, my main hobby is sitting on my computer or playing guitar. I live pretty frugally.
Just frustrated because she kind of shut down and wouldn't listen to me.
On the flip side, that 700 could go into our mortgage, or a few car payments, or whatever. On the flip side of that, we aren't poor.
I got a new job making 25% more (125k), came with a very small sign-on bonus (3k). I'm pretty responsible and very rarely ask for anything. I'm also the sole earner in the house. I usually just sacrifice bonuses and tax refunds and they get absorbed into kid stuff, or house stuff, or wife stuff that she needs to deal with the kids. When she asks me for something, I never say no. NEVER. I also have her deal with all our finances. I'm a known procrastinator when it comes to bill paying, so I make the money and she deals with it.
When I got this job I said, you know what, we should use this 3k and each buy something nice. She's been hounding me for a new treadmill (which, I never denied she could get), and I have a lot of hobbies - primarily guitar. I only have two guitars, I usually sell one and buy a new one if I want a new one. The only money loss there is shipping.
But this time I said, you know what, I'm gonna buy a new one. I figured I earned this small bonus. So I pitch that to her and she instantly denies it, saying we have a lot of expenses coming up - new baby (she's not pregnant), which includes diapers, a new car (we will need one 100%), etc. And she wants to invest some money (this is a new thing she's decided because her parents do it, and I haven't heard any good results from it). Ok, I don't really understand - I'm talking $700 to myself here.
I'm pretty angry about it, because I don't just toss money around willy nilly. I don't go out to eat ever (fast food MAYBE once a month, sometimes two), I don't have any vices like smoking or drinking, my main hobby is sitting on my computer or playing guitar. I live pretty frugally.
Just frustrated because she kind of shut down and wouldn't listen to me.
On the flip side, that 700 could go into our mortgage, or a few car payments, or whatever. On the flip side of that, we aren't poor.
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Get involved with the finances. If you don't have a clear pictures of your budget, you can't say for certain how important that $700 really is(or isn't). It probably isn't, but you don't know.
The wife and I agreed on fun money to avoid these conversations. Anything that you don't "need" gets paid for by fun money. One-time income, like bonuses, get split evenly into fun money and then each person can spend it however they want and the other can't say shit. In your situation, the guitar would fall under fun money. The treadmill...probably not.
The wife and I agreed on fun money to avoid these conversations. Anything that you don't "need" gets paid for by fun money. One-time income, like bonuses, get split evenly into fun money and then each person can spend it however they want and the other can't say shit. In your situation, the guitar would fall under fun money. The treadmill...probably not.
Noodleface
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Yeah, I have stuff set to auto-pay that's my own stuff like car insurance, etc. I'm just terrible with putting stuff off that can't be set to auto-pay. Stuff like our mortgage you have to do manually.
It's tough to explain.
I shouldn't say I'm not involved at all, I know how much money we have (We just got a 4k bonus, 7500 tax refund, 3k sign on bonus in a matter of two weeks - and I check our balance before I buy stuff like groceries or whatever). I just don't deal with the bill paying. She can do something since I'm the one working.
Soygen
The Dirty Dozen For the Price of One
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Fuck the flip side. You, out of your own skill and will, attained a job bringing in an additional 25,000 dollars annually that you didn't have before. On top of this, you got an additional 3,000 bonus simply for taking the job, and you're not allowed to use 2.5% of that additional money to get yourself something nice. Literally 2.5%. Dude...
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Tarrant
<Prior Amod>
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Fuck the flip side. You, out of your own skill and will, attained a job bringing in an additional 25,000 dollars annually that you didn't have before. On top of this, you got an additional 3,000 bonus simply for taking the job, and you're not allowed to use 2.5% of that additional money to get yourself something nice. Literally 2.5%. Dude...
I had something typed up but this sums it up.
Noodleface
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Right, that's sort of my point. This wasn't a job she pushed me for, or anything. This was me, all me. In fact, I was offered the job on the spot because I used to work there and people really liked me.
For once I felt like I earned something nice and was a bit dismayed when she didn't share that sentiment.
Edit: I forgot. The offer was 110k but I negotiated the 125k and 3k signon...
For once I felt like I earned something nice and was a bit dismayed when she didn't share that sentiment.
Edit: I forgot. The offer was 110k but I negotiated the 125k and 3k signon...
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Did you do this by yourself, or did you include her in the decision to pursue this job from the beginning?
Noodleface
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Erm, what? Are you talking some specific investment, or just general stock/bond retirement savings? If you're not investing you're doing yourself a HUGE disservice later in life (although right now might not be the best time to get into the market).
That aside, you're entitled for some return on your bread-winning. My wife likes to eat out more than I would on my own, but she makes more money than I do so I just grind my teeth a bit and then enjoy it.
Your difficulties here are more about your relationship than money, obviously.
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Noodleface
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Just retirement. Which I agree with... But not putting my life on hold for that
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