Marriage and the Power of Divorce

Cutlery said:

From that day on, she started saying shit like she was scared of me, because I guess that was the point she figured out that all the movies and TV shows were lying to her and women can't really beat men in a fight. Bear in mind at no point did I hit her or hurt her beyond the point of physically restraining her. I just took the knife from her, and stopped her from hitting me.

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I know that feel.

Exgf tried to choke me, in front of her house on the sidewalk no less. I yanked her hand down from my neck and drove off. Once she calmed down she had the nerve to say I hurt her arm when I asked if she can comprehend what she did earlier.

Cad said:

Not criticizing you Cutlery because a ton of people do the same thing, but you cannot ignore the red flags of crazy. The situation you're describing got to where it was because you ignored those red flags and rationalized it by saying "for the kids." She did not give a fuck about you, while you cared quite a lot and kept thinking you could make it work.

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IMO this is most big problems/drama in relationships. People just ignore everything until the plane crashes into the building then ask how or what do they should do after. The only real solution is not to allow the plane to crash into the building.

Looking back there was quite a few red flags warning me that my ex would eventually be violent towards me. Punching walls, destroying things etc.

Well if the cameras ended the issue, great. I would take the added step of not having a key under a rock and using a keypad lock on the door (with camera doorbell). But it sounds like it may have sorted itself out. Finding a rando bra under the dresser is pretty odd, though.

It wasn't even like a sexy bra either. Fucking sports bra, which also helped my case. Because zero chick is coming over to hook up with a dude wearing some workout clothes, and then leaving it there.



We still have it. It's hanging on the closet door. At this point, we joke about Cinderella coming back for it some day. She's a pretty good sport about the whole thing.

Like I said, the thing that gets me isn't even the bra. Fiance's initial reaction was one of shock, but once she sat down and thought about the fact that I was at work literally from the time she got up until the the time she got home from work, she realized that the most obvious conclusion to draw was completely incorrect, as I simply do not have time. Plus, the other thing I have going for me is that I already broke up with her once. She knows I'm not that type of guy, and if I wanted her gone, I'd just tell her to leave.

What gets me is the just outright boldness of the whole thing. Let's say for a minute that the scared shit is a game. Let's be charitable and say she doesn't fear for her life from me. She had to see there were no cars in the driveway (just driving by or something, probably couldn't have the kid with her), have this thing laying around in her car ready to go (had to just be a crime of opportunity), decide to gamble on opening the garage door (she knows the dog could hear that anywhere in the house, because it's how I come in the house), gamble that my truck wasn't in there, gamble that even with no cars that there STILL wasn't anyone inside, then gamble on running all the way up the stairs to the bedroom. Just think about the fucking balls that requires.

Now toss in if you just ruined a guy's life, and you probably DO actually think he might physically harm you, and it just borders on completely unfathomable. I don't know man. Crazy women do crazy shit, but that just seems a little far. I'm not saying it didn't happen, I'm not saying she's incapable of it, I'm just saying...whoa, that's an escalation that no one could have seen coming.

Anyway, Merry Christmas you degenerates. Thanks for letting me share this crazy shit!

Cutlery said:

Turns out my ex got a ring from the cuck she left me for. Guy is decent looking, makes a lot of money, has a big house, wants kids, proposes to 45 year old woman without uterus. It's like they're meant for each other.

Thing is that after I heard that from the kid, I felt this weird sense of relief. Like, I finally feel normal now. Like she's never gonna be my problem again. Like I'm not sad anymore. My life has been one non stop sad fest for the last 6 years. Lost an 18 year marriage, had to spend $10 or 20k to clear up the legal shit after the divorce, had to work 70 hours a week for 2 years to stay afloat and keep the house, had a buddy of 25 years die in his sleep, had another buddy put a bullet in his brain, lost a 13 year old dog, left a job I was at for 20 years. That's a rough fucking six years.

And I just realized last night that I don't think I'm carrying any of that baggage anymore, and I can just be normal. I don't even remember the last time I wasn't stressed the fuck out about everything. What a weird thing.

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Bro, you're really fucked up but I'm glad you're happy now. One positive for you is that he'll eventually leave her for the woman he wants to have kids with. What is the visitation set up for you? When can you completely move on from this bitch? Also, you said you've been with the current fiancé twice and for a while this time? When's the wedding to get back to the thread's roots?

zzeris said:

Bro, you're really fucked up but I'm glad you're happy now. One positive for you is that he'll eventually leave her for the woman he wants to have kids with. What is the visitation set up for you? When can you completely move on from this bitch? Also, you said you've been with the current fiancé twice and for a while this time? When's the wedding to get back to the thread's roots?

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My oldest lives with me, has since the day she turned 18 (she was 75% in the divorce decree). Youngest is 50/50 custody. Minnesota might be a commie state, but their divorce shit is actually pretty decent. Unless there is a substantial reason not to, parental rights default to 50/50.

We don't communicate very often now. I respond to about one in 3 or 4 texts she sends me. I haven't physically seen her in person since the dog died last year (was her dog, I let her come say goodbye...goes into what Cad was saying. Would she do the same for me? No. But, I need to be able to live with myself, so I do the right thing even when it's not reciprocated). I make almost as much as she does now, so I told her to stop paying child support so I don't have to see her name once a month for $30 or whatever the fuck it would be.

5 more years and the youngest will be 18 and we'll never need to talk again.

Getting married again next Sept. Got the lawyer today for the prenup, try to do this shit right this time.

Cutlery, cheering for ya bro. Good deal.