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Marriage and the Power of Divorce
- Thread starter Grumpus
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Guest, it's time once again for the massively important and exciting FoH Asshat Tournament!
Go here and give us your nominations!Who's been the biggest Asshat in the last year? Give us your worst ones!
BrotherWu
MAGA
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I'm at 15 years of marriage. She's smart (an engineer), hard-working, attractive, funny, a fantastic cook, family-oriented (awesome in-laws), doesn't give a shit if I go grab a beer with the boys, is happy-go-lucky, and still gives hummers. Sex life is not what it was but it isn't dead. Not too bad.
Then she will go shit mode and turn irrational, unreasonable, frigid, lazy, disrespectful, unrepentant, distant and I want to fucking knock her out. This isn't due only to menstrual cycles; there is an ebb and a flow to the crazy and you have to expect it and manage it.
Some days I think it is awesome. Other days I think fuck it, it isn't worth the trouble. Would I do it again? Probably, because I have found that having children is the most meaningful and rewarding experience of my life, even with all of the stress involved. And, if I am going to have kids, then I think that means that I owe to it to them to be there every night, with Mom.
What about with no kids? Wooo that is a close one. I know some bachelors my age and those guys do whatever they want whenever they want and can get nookie pretty much like ordering pizza. Doesn't sound too bad but I am sure it has its lonely times.
Then she will go shit mode and turn irrational, unreasonable, frigid, lazy, disrespectful, unrepentant, distant and I want to fucking knock her out. This isn't due only to menstrual cycles; there is an ebb and a flow to the crazy and you have to expect it and manage it.
Some days I think it is awesome. Other days I think fuck it, it isn't worth the trouble. Would I do it again? Probably, because I have found that having children is the most meaningful and rewarding experience of my life, even with all of the stress involved. And, if I am going to have kids, then I think that means that I owe to it to them to be there every night, with Mom.
What about with no kids? Wooo that is a close one. I know some bachelors my age and those guys do whatever they want whenever they want and can get nookie pretty much like ordering pizza. Doesn't sound too bad but I am sure it has its lonely times.
Blazin
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I have tried before but all I get is a 20 min speech on bacteria, maybe all RN's are a pain about anal. usually starts with "you know that there is where my shit comes out?"
Can you get UTI from anal? I have never had a UTI and they don't sound fun, but if porn has taught me anything it's that dudes love anal.
edit..that last part sure does sound gay.
Vitality
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I mean, wear a condom and don't put that shit in her pink afterwards or it will get pretty fucked up. A little research goes a long way here.
Male UTI's are rare as fuck and pretty easy to deal with. Female UTI's are a pain in the ass and can lead to some serious health issues.
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Next time she gives that excuse("that's where I poop"), please respond with rest of that meme. Honestly, how do you keep a straight face when she uses that?
Can you get a UTI from anal? Probably. I've done anal many many times along with eating her out, no detrimental effects. Anecdotal anal!
Oh, yeah, what Vitality said. Never do A2P. If you want to do anal right, plan on that being the last place you put your dick until you can wash it. As in, finish her off first.
Blazin
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Glad I'm not alone here in the LT marriage department makes me feel old at times. What age did you get married? 22 here, turning 37 next month. Dammit Khane has me sitting here thinking about delicious spaghetti vag, next thing you guys are going to tell me women also behave differently in bed.
Vitality
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You're much more likely to get a UTI from having unprotected sex with a woman who's yeastin' than you are from general Anal. Also much more likely to get a UTI if you don't pee/wash after doin' the dirty. (Basically bacteria festering up in that thang.)
Blazin
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Well I was going to get her drunk and go for it but then there is the other thread detailing how that makes me a rapist so been looking for another plan.
Vitality
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Just tell her you're thinking about other women and want to know what it feels like and that her butt is the closest thing.
Problem Solved, Kappa.
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Small butt plug. Most people fuck up anal by skipping preparation. The sphincter needs time to stretch to accommodate a penis wrecking that shit. Also, a magic wand while you're fucking her ass will help her associate good feelings with anal.
Blazin
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Shit's getting complicated, wife loves toys but super anal about anal, dont think I'm getting close to her with something called a butt plug. I have to face reality that just like I'm not going to get me any delicious spaghetti vag I'm also destined to a life without sticking it in her butt
Vitality
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Admitting defeat before the battle is no battle at all. Fight for your right to Party in the Farty bro. Just don't be dumb about it or she'll lock the gates.
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You need to stretch that hole with something that isn't your dick. Finger(s), tongue, toys, take your pick. Unless your wife is a pain slut. And if she is, she's likely a sub. In which case, just tell her you're going to fuck her ass.
Noodleface
A Mod Real Quick
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I got my wife close once, was laying out the pros and cons and she was nodding her head and you could tell the wheels were turning. Then out of nowhere she snapped back and went "NO WAY. I POOP OUT OF THERE" and that was it. If I asked if she'd put in a butt plug she probably would die from laughter.
I too will remain an anal virgin, at least on the giving side.
BTW, Vitality, the key to a good marriage probably starts with not cumming on their backs while they sleep.
iannis
Musty Nester
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Yeah, you can get a UTI from anal. In a perfect world an enema comes before anal. Pornstars do it, and they still have to edit out the dirtydick sometimes. There's actually a fair amount of prep-work that goes into stickin it in her pooper because you also need to stretch the sphincters. Porn stars also do that off-camera. It's hard to make it sexy-time, exactly, not the way that women usually envision sexy-time. It kinda lends itself to more of a "you're my fucktoy" vibe. Which I guess some women (bless them) can find sexy. And just to add, both men and women can orgasm from it. But don't let her stick her fingers up your butt. Gaaaaay!
"Just ram it up in there" is some painslut shit.
You want the spit.
"Just ram it up in there" is some painslut shit.
You want the spit.
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Be patient, it took years to make anal commonplace with my wife.
Another thing to try is to separate anal from fucking her in the ass. She might be uncomfortable with a dick going back and forth, but a butt plug or analingus she might like. I'll often give the latter two to my wife with no subsequent anal because I know she likes them but she doesn't feel like anal that day.