Kirun
Buzzfeed Editor
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- 15,625
Monica.
I further agree with Tuco about not making it your life goal to always ensure that your wife is happy. The biggest key to marriage for guys, in my opinion, is the power of no and setting boundaries early/often.
A lot of men who find themselves in relationships where they feel unappreciated by their partner, are often there because they simply lacked the balls to make their primacy real for her in the beginning. As the majority of men are optionless Betas, it comes as no surprise that most will readily sell themselves out in the beginning to keep the peace and keep the pussy open. Only later do they discover that their early supplications are precisely the reason she lacks respect and loses the lust for you. Men think, "she'll love me more because I'll do anything for her" while women think, "he's spineless and weak because he'll do anything for me."
In the grand scheme of things, women can never appreciate the sacrifices men make in order to satisfy women's socio-sexual imperatives. However, Men do possess the capacity to impress upon women the importance of their purpose or passions. In fact, when done appropriately, impressing this upon women can be a fantastic tool to stimulate genuine interest as well as "turning her on". Competition anxiety is a powerful force in the sexual marketplace for women, but within the confines of a LTR, this stress tends to subside into a relaxed comfort and familiarity, which is the antithesis of the lust-fueled sexual urgency prompted by the imaginings of losing a high value man to another competitor. To counteract this future situation, what needs to be established early in an LTR is a man's genuine passion for something other than her.
Forget all those romantic cliches of the leading man proclaiming his undying love for the woman who completes him. Despite whatever they say to the contrary, women do not want to be "The One" or the center of a man's existence. They in fact want to subordinate themselves to a worthy man's life purpose, to help him achieve that purpose with their feminine support, and to follow the path he lays out. You must respect a woman's integrity and not lie to her that she is "your everything". She is not your everything, and if she is, she will soon not be anymore.
Since women fundamentally lack an appreciation for a Man's experience, convincing a woman of your purpose or passion requires breaking a few eggs. You cannot be afraid to let things get messy. Demonstrating this purpose to her, early in the relationship, and particularly at the risk of destroying the relationship, is the lynchpin to authoritatively defining the future frame of any relationship. This applies equally to both LTRs and nonexclusive relationships.
When she enters your world, she has to experience it first hand for it to have any legitimacy for her. This requires that you demonstrate what it means to live, or be in love, with a Man who's purpose is NOT dependent upon her. You cannot explain to a woman what things are like to be with you - it only resounds with a puffed up rationalism that she cannot relate to, and thus has NO legitimacy for her. You have to make it real for her; your passion, your purpose, your direction and vitality must become the "other woman" in the relationship. If that amount to something as simple as putting her off to watch an NFL Playoff game, so be it. If it requires you to be on an extended deployment in the middle east, or if you can think of nothing else but climbing Everest, so be it.
Once a woman understands the gravity and legitimacy of your purpose/passion, only then can she come to appreciate the significance of you foregoing or postponing the dictates of that purpose for her. She will never feel more important to you than when you (occasionally) lift her above that legitimate, verified purpose.
Women will never appreciate a relationship that is a Man's greatest ambition.
