Marriage and the Power of Divorce

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Grumpus

Molten Core Raider
1,927
223
Grumpus's situation sounds like a Disney scenario. Happily ever after.
Who said that? Its going to be really hard and we are going to deal with some shit. I know it and she knows it. More importantly I didn't have to explain it to her and she feels the same as I do. That's part of the reason why i'm going to marry her.

I have given her a bunch of chances to prove herself and every time without coercion no explaining she has made the right choices.
 

chaos

Buzzfeed Editor
17,324
4,839
Please, please, just wait a while. You've known her so long, why not wait?

If you're set, I wish you luck. For your sake though, I hope you just take it a bit more slowly.
 

TrollfaceDeux

Pronouns: zie/zhem/zer
<Bronze Donator>
19,577
3,743
Who said that? Its going to be really hard and we are going to deal with some shit. I know it and she knows it. More importantly I didn't have to explain it to her and she feels the same as I do. That's part of the reason why i'm going to marry her.

I have given her a bunch of chances to prove herself and every time without coercion no explaining she has made the right choices.
I meant that as a good way with zero cynicism. I hope you can pull it off, bro.
 

Noodleface

A Mod Real Quick
38,490
16,449
I didn't really get to know my wife until we had been living together for like 3 years already, and I've probably barely scratched the surface. I hope it works out for you, but after 6 months I didn't know shit about my girlfriend. Maybe you've known her for 19 years, but you didn't really know her and how insane she'll be when she realizes she has you in her grasp.
 

opiate82

Bronze Squire
3,078
5
Live together for at least 6 months before you even think about buying a ring.
The first 6 months I lived with my now wife was like a damn honeymoon the entire time.

I'd say at least a year, if not 2 and you need to have at least one major fight where there is nowhere to run.
 

Dandai

<WoW Guild Officer>
<Gold Donor>
5,918
4,504
As someone who [probably] wouldn't have gotten married had he lived with his current wife (of 5 years) for 6 months prior to getting married, I could not possibly endorse this suggestion more.

By no means am I the easiest person to live with, but I do have certain deal breakers that I look out for in a partner. Unfortunately, my mind was too pussy addled or I downplayed the things about her that I knew would clash with my desired lifestyle. I couldn't definitively say which, but I can say with 100% certainty that I was in no fit mind (nor did I have enough information to have an informed opinion) to make a lifelong decision when I made it.
 

Joeboo

Molten Core Raider
8,157
140
You may think that "spending all our time together" is basically the same as living together, but it is not. Not even close. If all else fails and you get into a disagreement, you can both retreat to your own homes, cool off, and then be fine. You don't have to deal with her fucking mess all over the bathroom, 10,000 hair products, makeup, long hairs all over the damn place, etc. she probably just has a cute overnight bag she brings over, and tidily packs it up and takes it home again when she leaves. She doesn't have to deal with your lazy ass leaving dirty dishes in the sink, or leaving your dirty underwear laying on the ground because you clean that shit up before she comes over. Once you are living together there's nowhere to run and hide, you have to learn how to deal with that shit, get over it, and move on. I lived with 2 women before my wife. One for 2 years, one for 3 years, and I never even bought a ring for either one of them. I dated my now wife for 1 year, we got engaged and lived together for another year, and now we've been married for a little over a year.

If you've been previously married, or been in several long term relationships where you lived with a woman, 6 months of living together may be all you need to make an educated decision on whether you want to spend the rest of your life with this woman or not. If you, or her, or god forbid both of you have never lived with someone you were in a relationship with, you need at least a year, preferably 2, to figure that shit out.

I don't care if it's not feasible because of her family, you're perfectly fine alienating them by eloping against their will, do the same damn thing and live together first. If you're going to piss them off when you get married, piss them off now and live together, what's the difference? The reason the divorce rate in this country is so high is because people are fucking dumb, and don't educate themselves with all the information available to themselves. Marrying a woman without living with her first is like buying a car without test driving it first. A lot of cars look great when you're staring at them in a controlled environment of a show room floor(dating, everyone is on their best behavior), but you really don't know anything until you take it for a test drive(live together).
 

Xequecal

Trump's Staff
11,559
-2,388
It's got nothing to do with alienating them. Cohabitation is a sin , eloping is not. The latter will just annoy them, the formerrequiresboth her parents, and his parents, and probably all their friends and whole community to shun them permanently. They may not want to, but it's irrelevant, it comes with that religion. There's more than one JW that has all their friends and family pretending they don't exist because they got a lifesaving blood transfusion.
 

Lanx

<Prior Amod>
67,518
154,879
I dated my wife for 4 years in college, slept over a bunch, WAY different when we moved in together after college, i'm surprised we got the security deposit back with all the holes in the walls! and broken doors (locked, fights blah blah), 15 years later i'm happily married to her, but the difference between "hanging out" and "living together" is like night and day. how can you tell you've had enough time? if she goes number2 with the door open and you can hear, she's let down her defenses.
 

OneofOne

Silver Baronet of the Realm
6,964
8,730
You may think that "spending all our time together" is basically the same as living together, but it is not. Not even close. If all else fails and you get into a disagreement, you can both retreat to your own homes, cool off, and then be fine. You don't have to deal with her fucking mess all over the bathroom, 10,000 hair products, makeup, long hairs all over the damn place, etc. she probably just has a cute overnight bag she brings over, and tidily packs it up and takes it home again when she leaves. She doesn't have to deal with your lazy ass leaving dirty dishes in the sink, or leaving your dirty underwear laying on the ground because you clean that shit up before she comes over. Once you are living together there's nowhere to run and hide, you have to learn how to deal with that shit, get over it, and move on. I lived with 2 women before my wife. One for 2 years, one for 3 years, and I never even bought a ring for either one of them. I dated my now wife for 1 year, we got engaged and lived together for another year, and now we've been married for a little over a year.

If you've been previously married, or been in several long term relationships where you lived with a woman, 6 months of living together may be all you need to make an educated decision on whether you want to spend the rest of your life with this woman or not. If you, or her, or god forbid both of you have never lived with someone you were in a relationship with, you need at least a year, preferably 2, to figure that shit out.

I don't care if it's not feasible because of her family, you're perfectly fine alienating them by eloping against their will, do the same damn thing and live together first. If you're going to piss them off when you get married, piss them off now and live together, what's the difference? The reason the divorce rate in this country is so high is because people are fucking dumb, and don't educate themselves with all the information available to themselves. Marrying a woman without living with her first is like buying a car without test driving it first. A lot of cars look great when you're staring at them in a controlled environment of a show room floor(dating, everyone is on their best behavior), but you really don't know anything until you take it for a test drive(live together).
I really can't agree more.
 

Cad

scientia potentia est
<Bronze Donator>
26,249
53,488
If you're going to attempt to hide assets you have to do it on the income side (off the books income) and not by transferring money/title to your business once divorce is imminent. The latter way just makes you look like a tool.

Also, get pre-nups.

Also, don't marry complete wrecks of women who need your help.

Also, don't marry women who enjoy the lifestyle you can provide. Marry women who nag when you spend money and live frugally themselves.

Also, don't buy an expensive ring
 

Joeboo

Molten Core Raider
8,157
140
One last piece of advice in support of living together. You really, REALLY need to find out if she is going to be the type of woman who expects the two of you to spend every second at home in each others presence. I had a buddy who moved in with a girl and basically if he wasn't in the same room as her, she'd get all bitchy and play the "you don't love me" card. He thought she was "the one" for a good 9 months or so while they dated, after they moved in they were broken up in 6 months.

A big part of a happy marriage is the ability for each of you to cohabitate without actually having to be interacting with each other 24/7. You each need your own leisure time away from each other(even if in the same home) to maintain your sanity. If she's not cool watching whatever crap reality TV show she inevitably will want to watch while you play your video game of choice in another room(or whatever your hobbies may be), you may have problem.

Only having to deal with a lease that you both signed after you figure out you both dont want to live together anymore is a heck of a lot easier than a divorce.
 

Noodleface

A Mod Real Quick
38,490
16,449
Maybe I am, but I think less so than Grumpus. At least I lived with crazy-head for 5 years before we got married.

On that topic, it is way more awesome now that the wedding is over. The wedding planning stress (did I mention it was DIY?) really did us in. Now we are slamming uglies every night, mostly happy. Plus I can actually relax at night now and watch tv, play some games, or whatever I want.
 

Xeldar

Silver Squire
1,546
133
With the implicit expectations of men are still the primary provider, alimony laws, a quarter century of anecdotal data indicating 0% of marriages are happy, rising health care, education and living costs, I'm glad I'm going to permanently live in my man cave (mom's basement). The marriage narrative all my buds from work, college and the gym have fallen into, just feels like one giant existential bear trap to me.
 

Draegan_sl

2 Minutes Hate
10,034
3
If you're going to attempt to hide assets you have to do it on the income side (off the books income) and not by transferring money/title to your business once divorce is imminent. The latter way just makes you look like a tool.

Also, get pre-nups.

Also, don't marry complete wrecks of women who need your help.

Also, don't marry women who enjoy the lifestyle you can provide. Marry women who nag when you spend money and live frugally themselves.

Also, don't buy an expensive ring
Just ask Tuco about rings.
 

Frenzied Wombat

Potato del Grande
14,730
31,804
One last piece of advice in support of living together. You really, REALLY need to find out if she is going to be the type of woman who expects the two of you to spend every second at home in each others presence. I had a buddy who moved in with a girl and basically if he wasn't in the same room as her, she'd get all bitchy and play the "you don't love me" card. He thought she was "the one" for a good 9 months or so while they dated, after they moved in they were broken up in 6 months.

A big part of a happy marriage is the ability for each of you to cohabitate without actually having to be interacting with each other 24/7. You each need your own leisure time away from each other(even if in the same home) to maintain your sanity. If she's not cool watching whatever crap reality TV show she inevitably will want to watch while you play your video game of choice in another room(or whatever your hobbies may be), you may have problem.

Only having to deal with a lease that you both signed after you figure out you both dont want to live together anymore is a heck of a lot easier than a divorce.
This. Bitches that need you to be by their side 24/7 when home will drive any man completely mad, and there are more of them out there than one thinks. These are the ones that scowl at you whenever you even *think* of playing video games in the other room, but somehow consider you sitting on the couch with a mummified stare being forced to watch Real Housewives is somehow considered quality bonding time..

I would never even dream of marrying a woman without first living with her. Everything form how she treats your shit, handles bills, tackles chores/responsibilities, and how she deals with boredom are all only revealed once you are forced to shack up with her.
 

Joeboo

Molten Core Raider
8,157
140
Separate TVs with separate DVRs are a must. My wife's is always 95% full with BS reality shows, and I don't mind because that's a WHOLE lot of time for me to play video games while she watches that drivel, or to watch football.
 

Grumpus

Molten Core Raider
1,927
223
It's got nothing to do with alienating them. Cohabitation is a sin , eloping is not. The latter will just annoy them, the formerrequiresboth her parents, and his parents, and probably all their friends and whole community to shun them permanently. They may not want to, but it's irrelevant, it comes with that religion. There's more than one JW that has all their friends and family pretending they don't exist because they got a lifesaving blood transfusion.
Yeah this. If she just moved in with me she would be disfellowshipped because she is baptized. Which means all her family and friends would completely disown her until she made the adjustments they told her to make. When we get married they will be angry for a little bit but there will be nothing they can do.

As far as the rest of the stuff you guys have been mentioning about living together. I have lived with a girl before. This girl doesn't wear or buy a ton of makeup. No hair products. She spends money on the same things I do and watches what I watch. She hates reality TV. She plays more video games then I do. Her Steam Library is like 5 times the size of mine even. The last things we watched together were a Firefly marathon, Sherlock marathon and the 90's X-Men and Spider Man cartoons.

Hell about a month ago me and some buddies bought a lot of 700+ Heroclix off Ebay. Its a miniatures game and we spent about 5 hours in a draft choosing which models each of us would get. She sat there the whole time right beside me helping identify and look them up online. My buddies kept apologizing to her about how long and boring it was. Their wives sat in the living room and chatted and drank wine or whatever.

That said she is going to live with her girlfriend for 6 months minimum before we start planning anything about marriage. I am however sure about this girl and want to start thinking about a ring.