Marriage and the Power of Divorce

TrollfaceDeux · Sep 17, 2013

oh boy...

Famm · Sep 17, 2013

Grumpus, where do you live? How old are you? What do you do? What are your goals/plans for your life?

Grumpus · Sep 17, 2013

I'm 28, work at my sisters chain of stores. I do that so I can do what I really love to do which is teach Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. I plan on teaching for a long time and making it full time when its viable.

I work 9-5 then teach from 6-9ish 6 nights a week. She's fine with the time apart fyi.

Noodleface · Sep 17, 2013

Let's make this perfectly clear man, I really need to clear up a point you brought up that is bothering me.

The BJ in the car thing stops when they get their hooks in. Trust me. It's one of their tricks. I used to love the ol "let's go for a ride so you can give me a BJ" thing - and then one day it was "weird, gross, someone might see us". Can you live without this?

Also the DVR shit is so true. I have like 2 shows I watch.. and they're only on for one season per year so it's really not much. Meanwhile she has 7000 reality shows, weird shows about cats, series I don't give a single fuck about, and the most random array of shitty movies she's already watched. DVR hovers at 85-95% on average - and all her shows are in SD!!! So that means it's even more. I record mine in HD because if I'm watching 2 shows then I want to really watch that shit.

Julian The Apostate · Sep 17, 2013

joeboo_sl said:
One last piece of advice in support of living together. You really, REALLY need to find out if she is going to be the type of woman who expects the two of you to spend every second at home in each others presence. I had a buddy who moved in with a girl and basically if he wasn't in the same room as her, she'd get all bitchy and play the "you don't love me" card. He thought she was "the one" for a good 9 months or so while they dated, after they moved in they were broken up in 6 months.

A big part of a happy marriage is the ability for each of you to cohabitate without actually having to be interacting with each other 24/7. You each need your own leisure time away from each other(even if in the same home) to maintain your sanity. If she's not cool watching whatever crap reality TV show she inevitably will want to watch while you play your video game of choice in another room(or whatever your hobbies may be), you may have problem.

Only having to deal with a lease that you both signed after you figure out you both dont want to live together anymore is a heck of a lot easier than a divorce.

Quoted for truth. This is my marriage in a nutshell.

Dabamf_sl · Sep 17, 2013

Grumpus_sl said:
You would just have to know her to get it. Nothing I can type here will convince people. If I was on the other end I would be saying EXACTLY what you are.

...said every person who ever got married ever.

"Its right, she's the one, this time its different" - everyone who ever got divorced, when they were getting married

You're rationalizing your emotions. They feel so good. I know. But don't delude yourself that it's rational to get married so quick. It is wholly irrational. Defend it if you want, but don't misrepresent emotions by calling is reason.

Dabamf_sl · Sep 17, 2013

BTW how old is this chick?

Grumpus · Sep 18, 2013

Shes 19....

The difference between my sisters shit and mine is that at least 1 person in the relationship has life experience.

And i'm past the point of emotional stuff in relationships. I've done this stuff before.

Xequecal · Sep 18, 2013

Dabamf_sl said:
...said every person who ever got married ever.

"Its right, she's the one, this time its different" - everyone who ever got divorced, when they were getting married

You're rationalizing your emotions. They feel so good. I know. But don't delude yourself that it's rational to get married so quick. It is wholly irrational. Defend it if you want, but don't misrepresent emotions by calling is reason.

You guys are providing totally irrelevant advice. This is not the typical marriage situation where the man risks a lot and the woman risks little. There's much more at stake for her. JWs do not recognize divorce, once she's married, she can't get out without his cooperation as her filing for divorce would be a major sin. Even if he cooperates and files himself, she is not allowed to ever remarry or even have sex.

I mean, how much independence do you think she has? I can guarantee she has no college degree, and if she has a job I can also guarantee her family maintains significant or total control over her finances. Asking her to live with him and give up literally everything, and then be on the street with nothing as all her friends and family have disowned her if the marriage falls through is not fair to her. If he wants to marry her this is the only way, he's absolutely right.

Grumpus · Sep 18, 2013

Xequecal_sl said:
You guys are providing totally irrelevant advice. This is not the typical marriage situation where the man risks a lot and the woman risks little. There's much more at stake for her. JWs do not recognize divorce, once she's married, she can't get out without his cooperation as her filing for divorce would be a major sin. Even if he cooperates and files himself, she is not allowed to ever remarry or even have sex.

I mean, how much independence do you think she has? I can guarantee she has no college degree, and if she has a job I can also guarantee her family maintains significant or total control over her finances. Asking her to live with him and give up literally everything, and then be on the street with nothing as all her friends and family have disowned her if the marriage falls through is not fair to her. If he wants to marry her this is the only way, he's absolutely right.

This guy gets it. Its really really hard to explain everything that's at work here.

Jilariz_sl · Sep 18, 2013

Women should not choose a man over their family. If they do then they have pretty serious issues. Good luck with that.

khalid · Sep 18, 2013

Jilariz_sl said:
Women should not choose a man over their family.

WTF is that supposed to mean? Can men choose a woman over family or is it only women that aren't allowed to break free?

Also, in case you missed it, she isn't choosing him over her family. She is choosing to have both.

Grumpus · Sep 18, 2013

Jilariz_sl said:
Women should not choose a man over their family. If they do then they have pretty serious issues. Good luck with that.

Shes not, shes living her life and her family would choose to abandon her if she didn't follow the rules. She doesn't want to lose anyone. We are doing what we have to do to make it work. If she had her way they would be part of it. They would choose not to given the choice. So we aren't going to give them that chance.

Famm · Sep 18, 2013

Grumpus_sl said:
Shes 19....

The difference between my sisters shit and mine is that at least 1 person in the relationship has life experience.

And i'm past the point of emotional stuff in relationships. I've done this stuff before.

ROFL! You're precious.

iannis · Sep 18, 2013

Ouch. She's a 19 year old Jehovas Witness that you've been dating for 6 months? This girl is going to rebel, and you're setting yourself up to be the one she rebels against. Either that or she's gonna have 2 kids by 23 and wait for the empty nest to leave you.

I'm not saying you're doomed. But if you're not looking to be a father by next year at the latest, you're doomed.

Edit: The easiest way for the daughter of a witness to leave her mothers house is to marry a man. It sounds like you're somewhat significantly older. If you're a day past 26, that's significantly older. You're setting yourself up to be her new daddy. I mean that's fine if you realize it. That's very much not fine if you don't though and something you should consider.

It's absolutely nothing against her. For all we know she reallyisa really great girl who you want to marry early.

dangler_sl · Sep 18, 2013

Grumpus, is this the girl that you've known for 19 years? Or have I gotten thing mixed up?

Noodleface · Sep 18, 2013

Hmm.. 19 years old. Hmm.

I got nothing man, go for it!

Deathwing · Sep 18, 2013

dangler_sl said:
Grumpus, is this the girl that you've known for 19 years? Or have I gotten thing mixed up?

Grumpus is dating his left hand.

Think of it. 19 years old, known her for 19 years. Gave him a BJ on the way home.

Dabamf_sl · Sep 18, 2013

Lol. You are 50% older than her.

And it's got nothing to do with her "taking everything". It now has everything to do with the fact that marrying a 19 year old at 28 is beyond dumb because she's a child.

You're marrying a child

Falstaff · Sep 18, 2013

Xequecal_sl said:
You guys are providing totally irrelevant advice. This is not the typical marriage situation where the man risks a lot and the woman risks little. There's much more at stake for her. JWs do not recognize divorce, once she's married, she can't get out without his cooperation as her filing for divorce would be a major sin. Even if he cooperates and files himself, she is not allowed to ever remarry or even have sex.

I mean, how much independence do you think she has? I can guarantee she has no college degree, and if she has a job I can also guarantee her family maintains significant or total control over her finances. Asking her to live with him and give up literally everything, and then be on the street with nothing as all her friends and family have disowned her if the marriage falls through is not fair to her. If he wants to marry her this is the only way, he's absolutely right.

this sounds like an absolutely terrible life. good luck

Marriage and the Power of Divorce

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