Marriage and the Power of Divorce

  • Guest, it's time once again for the massively important and exciting FoH Asshat Tournament!



    Go here and give us your nominations!
    Who's been the biggest Asshat in the last year? Give us your worst ones!
Joeboo

Joeboo

Molten Core Raider
8,157
140
Yep, my wife answered the door a couple months ago while I was watching TV. Next thing I know this guy is walking into our house with a huge suitcase/briefcase full of samples of the windows he sells, and he proceeds to wander around our house giving us a quote for new windows. Takes him about 90 minutes to figure it all up(taking measurements, writing down notes, busting out the calculator, etc), then hands me a sheet of paper with a quote of $17,900, for about 15 windows in our modest 1400 sq ft house. I inform him that I'm not spending over 10% of the value of my entire home on windows, and that we are done here.

WTF, waste of almost 2 hours of my life. And our windows are all only 5 years old to begin with.
 
Noodleface

Noodleface

A Mod Real Quick
38,274
15,098
mures_sl said:
Wut? In one sentence it sounds like you're still using the same energy company just changing from "pay as you use" to fixed rates over the year so your summer bill isn't 3x higher than your winter bill or vice versa depending on where you live; and then the next sentence you say their rates are much higher, as if it is a different company.
Click to expand...
A company (Rep-Energy) sold my wife on paying a fixed-rate energy cost. It's still through National Grid (our provider), but instead of paying a variable-rate to National Grid we are paying a fixed-rate to Rep-Energy.
 
chaos

chaos

Buzzfeed Editor
17,324
4,839
BrotherWu_sl said:
My wife one time agreed to a meeting request for both of us to attend a demonstration of some super duper water softener in our house at fucking 8pm. I go into this thinking WTF but, okay, 30 minutes tops. At just past the two hour mark, I kicked this half-toothed hillbilly sheister out as he started going through a photo album of all of the happy families he had installed water softeners for. You should have seen the rejection in his dim-witted eyes.

Could have choked her out right there on the kitchen table.
Click to expand...
My wife did the same thing with those Kirby vacuum people. I came home from work just as the gopher she had agreed to meet with was running down the street to get the real salesman. Fucking 5 grand for a vacuum, that shit was crazy. After 15 minutes I told him look, we're not buying this, so just stop. Dude got pissed off, as if it was a reflection on him personally if I didn't go all in for his vacuum.
 
Joeboo

Joeboo

Molten Core Raider
8,157
140
Noodleface_sl said:
A company (Rep-Energy) sold my wife on paying a fixed-rate energy cost. It's still through National Grid (our provider), but instead of paying a variable-rate to National Grid we are paying a fixed-rate to Rep-Energy.
Click to expand...
Take the deal. Set up a bitcoin farm in your basement. After you wrack up about a $1000 electrical bill in the first month, they'll be begging to get out of that contract.
 
opiate82

opiate82

Bronze Squire
3,078
5
I don't know about all you guys, but in my area if you put a "No Soliciting" sign on your door it is illegal for them to even knock on your door.

Might miss out on some girlscout cookies, but worth it to save your woman from herself.
 
Noodleface

Noodleface

A Mod Real Quick
38,274
15,098
joeboo_sl said:
Take the deal. Set up a bitcoin farm in your basement. After you wrack up about a $1000 electrical bill in the first month, they'll be begging to get out of that contract.
Click to expand...
That would be so hilarious, I'm betting they have some clause in their legal department against that.

I might say that when I call to cancel.
 
Noodleface

Noodleface

A Mod Real Quick
38,274
15,098
opiate82_sl said:
I don't know about all you guys, but in my area if you put a "No Soliciting" sign on your door it is illegal for them to even knock on your door.

Might miss out on some girlscout cookies, but worth it to save your woman from herself.
Click to expand...
Good idea, the best part is it seems like everyone's wives have done something retarded like this.

They must specifically target households during the day.
 
Joeboo

Joeboo

Molten Core Raider
8,157
140
opiate82_sl said:
I don't know about all you guys, but in my area if you put a "No Soliciting" sign on your door it is illegal for them to even knock on your door.

Might miss out on some girlscout cookies, but worth it to save your woman from herself.
Click to expand...
We have one on our office door, and people still wander in all the time trying to sell us crap. Everyone from the steak salesmen that happens to have an extra couple coolers full of steaks leftover from a recent delivery that he has to sell before he takes his truck back, to the goddamned coupon book people for local restaurants. Once a week someone stumbles in trying to shill their shit
 
opiate82

opiate82

Bronze Squire
3,078
5
Yeah, I've had a couple of door-to-door salesmen ignore my sign and knock anyways figuring "what are they going to do, call the cops?" They've regretted it each time as before they can get a word in edgewise I've laid into them hard about how my wife works nights and that is why the sign is there (which is true). But for the most part it keeps them all away.
 
Hekotat

Hekotat

FoH nuclear response team
12,244
11,893
I'm not so much hurt as just confused by the hot cold aspect of the night. I'm already lining them up on Tinder so I'm not worried about it just figured I'd share and try to get some insight.
 
Frenzied Wombat

Frenzied Wombat

Potato del Grande
14,730
31,803
If you let a woman sleep over in your bed after she's garnered the full attention of your dick, and she doesn't even give you a handy, then you seriously deserve a miserable blue-ball fate. I just went through 20 minutes of foreplay, my dick is about to explode, and you want to just roll over and go to sleep because you suddenly decided you want to play hard to get? If this really happens to you, my suggestion is to ask her to leave because you need to watch porn and jerk off so you don't get blue balls. 90% of the time she'll blow you, either because she now feels bad, or has some jealousy issues about you watching porn instead of being interested in her. Cock-teasing in the literal sense is cruel.

As for door to door salesman, I guess that's one positive about living in a new house situated within a gentrifying hood. Even the Mormons don't come around. All I get are vagrants pretending that their car just broke down a few blocks away and that they need "$20 for gas".
 
Kirun

Kirun

Buzzfeed Editor
19,236
15,625
Hekotat_sl said:
I'm not so much hurt as just confused by the hot cold aspect of the night. I'm already lining them up on Tinder so I'm not worried about it just figured I'd share and try to get some insight.
Click to expand...
Any woman who makes you wait for sex, or by her actionsimpliesshe is making you wait for sex; the sex is NEVER worth the wait.

When a woman makes you wait for sex you are not her highest priority. Sexuality is a spontaneous, chemical reaction between two parties, not a process of negotiation. It?s sex first, then relationship, not the other way around. A woman who wants to fuck you, will find a way to fuck you. She will fly across the country, crawl under barbwire, climb in through your second story bedroom window, fuck the shit out of you, and wait patiently inside your closet if your wife comes home early from work ? women who want to fuck, will find a way to fuck. The girl who tells you she needs to be comfortable and wants a relationship first, or to "take things slow", is the same girl who fucked the hot guy in the foam cannon party in Cancun, on spring break, just half an hour after meeting him.

She wasn't really that into you, that's all that you really need to know.
 
Haast

Haast

Lord Nagafen Raider
3,281
1,636
Frenzied Wombat_sl said:
If this really happens to you, my suggestion is to ask her to leave because you need to watch porn and jerk off so you don't get blue balls. 90% of the time she'll blow you, either because she now feels bad, or has some jealousy issues about you watching porn instead of being interested in her.
Click to expand...
More solid advice from the wombat. Nice.
 
Tuco

Tuco

I got Tuco'd!
<Gold Donor>
47,388
80,843
Kirun_sl said:
Sexuality is a spontaneous, chemical reaction between two parties, not a process of negotiation. It's sex first, then relationship, not the other way around. A woman who wants to fuck you, will find a way to fuck you.
Click to expand...
lol, you really love your absolutes in complex and often unique situations. Sex was the first thing ever negotiated in the oldest profession.
 
Khane

Khane

Got something right about marriage
20,338
14,002
Tuco_sl said:
lol, you really love your absolutes in complex and often unique situations. Sex was the first thing ever negotiated in the oldest profession.
Click to expand...
He's got a good point this time Tucbro. And your argument sucks. Comparing consensual sex between two people looking for a relationship with each other to prostitution.
 
Khane

Khane

Got something right about marriage
20,338
14,002
In the process of having "the porn talk" with the woman who pees on me.
 
iannis

iannis

Musty Nester
31,351
17,656
Eh, it's an oversimplification that borders on absurd. Base desires can be cultivated. Otherwise no one would eat broccoli. No one would pee on another person for pleasure.

To recognize that initial chemical spark, and the importance of it, is one thing. It is an important thing. To predicate an entire model of complex behavior on one term among many... a model which only accounts for a portion of observed behaviors is not much of a model.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.