Marriage and the Power of Divorce

Deathwing · Jul 22, 2014

JTheRuler: Those are fine suppositions to make. We could throw tons and tons of them at this story because it's extremely lacking in detail. I guess I'm just wary of combining any assumptions with any form of "men need sex more" because that's a dangerous and equally pointless avenue to pursue, that's all.

Cad: because some of your examples don't require your willingness like sex does. I understand sacrifice and compromise for your partner just fine, but I think sex is where those rules apply differently.

I think in this case, we have to stop at "why doesn't she want to have sex?" and go from there. You can't explain to your partner that you really want sex, so it'd just be nice if you would give it to me regardless once in a while. That's still dull, forced sex, even if she understands your motivations and desires better now.

There's nothing wrong with her making you happy. I mentioned this previously, this was the small minority of couples/incidents of sex where if both people understand the situation and are ok with it, there's nothing wrong with her initiating/having sex for you instead of both of you. Most people never reach this stage of communication and mutual understanding. It's a lot harder than it sounds to pull this off and make the sex convincing.

chaos · Jul 22, 2014

Deathwing_sl said:
Greater sex drive != need. Looks like guys want sex more, but that's a very different word.

I'll admit I probably took beagle too literally, I have that problem. But I'll still maintain my overall point. Regardless that meant need, want, important, whatever, it has no bearing on the discussion.

Of course it has bearing on the discussion. If sex wasn't important to the man, then there would be no discussion, no spreadsheet, no discontent in the relationship on this issue. It is literally the source of this entire discussion.

Cad · Jul 22, 2014

Deathwing_sl said:
There's nothing wrong with her making you happy. I mentioned this previously, this was the small minority of couples/incidents of sex where if both people understand the situation and are ok with it, there's nothing wrong with her initiating/having sex for you instead of both of you. Most people never reach this stage of communication and mutual understanding. It's a lot harder than it sounds to pull this off and make the sex convincing.

I dunno. I could gripe and bitch and complain when we get pulled into a shoe store that we will undoubtedly spend the next hour at. Or, I could talk to her about shoes, look at some shoes of my own, try to get her to buy ridiculous shoes that look stupid, and generally have fun with it. When she asks me to fix a doorknob or take out the recycle or manage a contractor that is coming to the house, I could be a petulant fucking brat about it or I could suck it up, go, I want her to be happy, and do it.

See where I'm going with this? I don't think its that hard. Just requires people not being fucking bitches 24/7.

Deathwing · Jul 22, 2014

chaos_sl said:
Of course it has bearing on the discussion. If sex wasn't important to the man, then there would be no discussion, no spreadsheet, no discontent in the relationship on this issue. It is literally the source of this entire discussion.

I might have been taking "man" and generalizing it to "men", I've done it before and I'm sure Cad is rolling his eyes reading this. This specific guy wanting sex more is the source, yes, that's obvious. But I don't feel it bears importance to the discussion of how to solve that.

Frenzied Wombat · Jul 22, 2014

Well, all I can say is just be happy that typically it's the guy that wants sex with the girl holding out, and not vice-versa. I've developed a pretty low sex drive (or I just easily get bored, I'm not sure) in recent years, and fucking trust me when I say that when you turn your girlfriend down when she wants sex, holy fuck you better hide because they go full blown insecure crazy. Ensuring the GF gets semi-regular dick and keeping her away from the sauce has ushered in a new era of peace for me.

Deathwing · Jul 22, 2014

Cad_sl said:
I dunno. I could gripe and bitch and complain when we get pulled into a shoe store that we will undoubtedly spend the next hour at. Or, I could talk to her about shoes, look at some shoes of my own, try to get her to buy ridiculous shoes that look stupid, and generally have fun with it. When she asks me to fix a doorknob or take out the recycle or manage a contractor that is coming to the house, I could be a petulant fucking brat about it or I could suck it up, go, I want her to be happy, and do it.

See where I'm going with this? I don't think its that hard. Just requires people not being fucking bitches 24/7.

I'll admit, I'm not following you. Your examples are things that would get done regardless of your enjoyment level. She'd still get her shoes, but it would cause some friction between you if you did it the petulant way.

Have you tried faking sex? I can't do it. Props to you if you have that skill, you should be a porn star. There's a huge difference between saying someone should just do it to make the other person happy(which I agree with on principle) and actually doing it. For me, and I imagine most people, the latter is quite hard for sex.

Mures · Jul 22, 2014

We have a problem guys, I'm not sure to post it here or the rustled jimmies thread. But the biggest problem in my relationship with my wife at the moment is on any of those resealable packs, you know the kind where you rip the top part off and you have the ziploc part underneath, every time my wife opens one of those packs she just leaves the top part attached, dangling at the end. It then gets in my way the next several times I try to open/close it until I realize why the fuck haven't I just ripped the top part off days ago. I've brought this up many times with her and I feel like she is being insensitive in her blatant disregard of the matter.

chaos · Jul 22, 2014

Deathwing_sl said:
I'll admit, I'm not following you. Your examples are things that would get done regardless of your enjoyment level. She'd still get her shoes, but it would cause some friction between you if you did it the petulant way.

Have you tried faking sex? I can't do it. Props to you if you have that skill, you should be a porn star. There's a huge difference between saying someone should just do it to make the other person happy(which I agree with on principle) and actually doing it. For me, and I imagine most people, the latter is quite hard for sex.

I've had sex before when I wasn't particularly in the mood. At some point blood and hormones take over. You're acting like the dude wants to rape his wife while she lays there like a cold fish, single tear rolling down her cheek as she turns to the camera unable to face her abuser. His point was that as a man he participates in shit he doesn't really want to, but makes the best of it and generally has a good time. The same thing can apply to sex.

Dumar_sl · Jul 22, 2014

Noodleface_sl said:
[...] Instead of communicating [...]

Soygen_sl said:
couples who don't speak to each other

Deathwing_sl said:
[...] Occam's razor: miscommunication and laziness [...]

Tenks_sl said:
[...] the dude never brought up his issues [...]

Tuco_sl said:
[...] both a man and a woman are responsible for educating and communicating with each other [...]

Andthisis why red pill is needed. Completely, totally wrong.

The husband communicating that his sexual needs are not getting met is the fastest way for her attraction to him to dry up even more than the vast, sandy desert that it is now.Desire cannot be negotiated.It cannot be reasoned with. It cannot be compromised with. She has to carnally want him, carnally desire to sexually please her husband for there to be an authentic sexual relationship rekindled. The only way for this to happen is tonotcommunicate his need and change his attitude and behavior - andthatis where red pill comes in.

Cad · Jul 22, 2014

Deathwing_sl said:
I'll admit, I'm not following you. Your examples are things that would get done regardless of your enjoyment level. She'd still get her shoes, but it would cause some friction between you if you did it the petulant way.

How do you figure? I could refuse to do any of these things, just like the wives apparently refuse sex.

Deathwing_sl said:
Have you tried faking sex? I can't do it. Props to you if you have that skill, you should be a porn star. There's a huge difference between saying someone should just do it to make the other person happy(which I agree with on principle) and actually doing it. For me, and I imagine most people, the latter is quite hard for sex.

I don't know what your wife looks like, but I don't have to fake my desire to have sex. Sorry bro. That issue has honestly never come up.

Lenas · Jul 22, 2014

mures_sl said:
We have a problem guys, I'm not sure to post it here or the rustled jimmies thread. But the biggest problem in my relationship with my wife at the moment is on any of those resealable packs, you know the kind where you rip the top part off and you have the ziploc part underneath, every time my wife opens one of those packs she just leaves the top part attached, dangling at the end. It then gets in my way the next several times I try to open/close it until I realize why the fuck haven't I just ripped the top part off days ago. I've brought this up many times with her and I feel like she is being insensitive in her blatant disregard of the matter.

My wife does the same thing, drives me nuts. She also leaves the inner foil seal on things like cream cheese, even though they have a fucking lid.

The true power of divorce is finally being able to walk into a home where the bathroom is tidy, the cabinets are fucking closed and all of your packages are opened correctly the first time.

chaos · Jul 22, 2014

My wife will flip out if one of the cabinets are left open. Doesn't matter if there are plates on the table, food on the floor, dishes piled in the sink, full trash can, whatever. FUCKING CABINET DOORS YO. Shit like that drives me fucking crazy. Who gives a flying fuck if the cabinet door is closed when you have other shit that should be way up the priority list?

Lenas · Jul 22, 2014

My wife works earlier than I do so every time I walk into our bathroom in the morning the medicine cabinet is open and at least two drawers are pulled out fully so I can't even open the door completely. Then I walk out to the kitchen and I'm guaranteed at least 1 cabinet open plus our lazy susan open and rotated half way. She's like a child in a toy store and I'm an employee coming along behind her fixing all the shit she knocked off the shelves.

Haast · Jul 22, 2014

Deathwing_sl said:
Have you tried faking sex? I can't do it. Props to you if you have that skill, you should be a porn star. There's a huge difference between saying someone should just do it to make the other person happy(which I agree with on principle) and actually doing it. For me, and I imagine most people, the latter is quite hard for sex.

This is confusing. If I brush off sex, it is probably because she pissed me off, I don't feel well, etc. My attraction to her doesn't change on a minute-to-minute basis. Not in the mood can turn into the mood, it's just a bigger hurdle to jump the get started if I'm unhappy with her.

Are you suggesting your attraction to your wife is in constant flux? I feel like you are just arguing for fun this point.

Tuco · Jul 22, 2014

Dumar_sl said:
Andthisis why red pill is needed. Completely, totally wrong.

The husband communicating that his sexual needs are not getting met is the fastest way for her attraction to him to dry up even more than the vast, sandy desert that it is now.Desire cannot be negotiated.It cannot be reasoned with. It cannot be compromised with. She has to carnally want him, carnally desire to sexually please her husband for there to be an authentic sexual relationship rekindled. The only way for this to happen is tonotcommunicate his need and change his attitude and behavior - andthatis where red pill comes in.

I agree with the thrust of what you're saying. A man who is not attractive to his wife can't make her want him by telling her how much he needs sex from her. It's kind of like what Deathwing was saying where if the woman is only having sex because she feels obligated it's garbage sex anyway.

However, open communication is still important regarding and not regarding sex. If the relationship sucks because the husband is annoyed by her yammering on about dumb shit the sex will suffer. If the relationship is hosed from how the man doesn't do shit around the house the sex will suffer. If the woman doesn't properly guide the man on how to pleasure her the sex will suffer.

Gravy · Jul 22, 2014

Dumar_sl said:
Andthisis why red pill is needed. Completely, totally wrong.

The husband communicating that his sexual needs are not getting met is the fastest way for her attraction to him to dry up even more than the vast, sandy desert that it is now.Desire cannot be negotiated.It cannot be reasoned with. It cannot be compromised with. She has to carnally want him, carnally desire to sexually please her husband for there to be an authentic sexual relationship rekindled. The only way for this to happen is tonotcommunicate his need and change his attitude and behavior - andthatis where red pill comes in.

Are you married, Dumar?

Khane · Jul 22, 2014

And if she squirts the fucking Nile all over the room every time she orgasms the sex will suffer. The girl I'm seeing right now... the one who "pees" on me, had a lot of frustration in her past relationship. I felt compassionate when she told me the stories and thought "how could that happen".

She was with her now ex for almost 4 years, the last year and a half she claims were completely void of sexual activity. She told me that every time she tried to engage he shunned her, for a year and a half. Not even once did they have sex. They even went to couples therapy. They weren't even engaged and she was trying so hard to save whatever it was they had that she talked him into going to goddamn therapy even though they were just dating. Very recently she sent me a text message asking me if I watch porn. I told her of course I watch porn, I'm a goddamn red blooded American male. She said that was a red flag and proceeded to tell me that porn had a very negative effect on her last two relationships. So the relationship previous to her past one had problems in the bedroom too. We had a discussion about it and she came around, realizing that different people react differently to certain stimulus. Some people can't control themselves around food, some can't be around alcohol, and some cannot disconnect themselves from what they see in porn. You can get addicted to anything but I am assuredly not addicted to porn. I told her that when I was with her there was nobody else in that room or on my mind but her. Everything about her turns me on, her skin, her touch, the way she smells, the way she moves her body and the sounds she makes. That settled the argument.

However, I am starting to realize why her last two serious relationships devolved sexually. It wasn't because of porn, it wasn't because of emotional issues, it was because of how she reacts during sex and more importantly how much fucking liquid comes out of her body when she climaxes. The second problem I feel bad for her about because I don't think there's much she can do about it. However, the other issue is a problem and I find it ironic or rather that she is flat out lying to me about it. She claims porn doesn't do anything for her. She never watches it and she has a negative opinion because of past experiences. Yet she ONLY wants to fuck like a pornstar. When i try to slow things down and be a little more sensual she pushes my hips out and then grabs me to pull me back in because I'm not long stroking her like Peter North. When she's on top she doesn't work into it she just straddles me, gets onto her feet and bounces as hard as she can like she's Madison Ivy. She has no slow switch and she doesn't know how to just let it be slow and sweet for a change every once in a while. She physically tries to force me to do what she wants.

I can only assume her last two boyfriends were too pussy to talk to her about this and that is why the sex stopped. Moreso the squirting issue though. It's gotten to the point about a month in that I almost don't want to have sex with her because it's so messy, and I don't invite her to my place because I don't want to have to deal with it. We've talked about the squirting and she says there's really nothing that she can do. I asked her how she deals with cleanup at her place and she just said "I do the sheets a lot". I asked her why she doesn't have a plastic bed covering and she said "What for?". I am now disgusted by the thought of what kind of shape her mattress is in. The other problem is a harder topic to broach because she just got out of that sexless relationship and we talked very early on about how this was just casual, but I really enjoy her company and it's a little early to just come out and say "We have a problem" because sometimes that freaky, vigorous sex is just what the doctor ordered and I love it and don't want her to get frazzled and have this fizzle out. Feels bad bros.

Khane · Jul 22, 2014

Holy shit that was way more than I thought I typed...

Gravy · Jul 22, 2014

I feel for you, Khane, but I've got zero advice on how to deal with a pisser. Good luck, buddy.

Cad · Jul 22, 2014

Khane_sl said:
And if she squirts the fucking Nile all over the room every time she orgasms the sex will suffer. The girl I'm seeing right now... the one who "pees" on me, had a lot of frustration in her past relationship. I felt compassionate when she told me the stories and thought "how could that happen".

She was with her now ex for almost 4 years, the last year and a half she claims were completely void of sexual activity. She told me that every time she tried to engage he shunned her, for a year and a half. Not even once did they have sex. They even went to couples therapy. They weren't even engaged and she was trying so hard to save whatever it was they had that she talked him into going to goddamn therapy even though they were just dating. Very recently she sent me a text message asking me if I watch porn. I told her of course I watch porn, I'm a goddamn red blooded American male. She said that was a red flag and proceeded to tell me that porn had a very negative effect on her last two relationships. So the relationship previous to her past one had problems in the bedroom too. We had a discussion about it and she came around, realizing that different people react differently to certain stimulus. Some people can't control themselves around food, some can't be around alcohol, and some cannot disconnect themselves from what they see in porn. You can get addicted to anything but I am assuredly not addicted to porn. I told her that when I was with her there was nobody else in that room or on my mind but her. Everything about her turns me on, her skin, her touch, the way she smells, the way she moves her body and the sounds she makes. That settled the argument.

However, I am starting to realize why her last two serious relationships devolved sexually. It wasn't because of porn, it wasn't because of emotional issues, it was because of how she reacts during sex and more importantly how much fucking liquid comes out of her body when she climaxes. The second problem I feel bad for her about because I don't think there's much she can do about it. However, the other issue is a problem and I find it ironic or rather that she is flat out lying to me about it. She claims porn doesn't do anything for her. She never watches it and she has a negative opinion because of past experiences. Yet she ONLY wants to fuck like a pornstar. When i try to slow things down and be a little more sensual she pushes my hips out and then grabs me to pull me back in because I'm not long stroking her like Peter North. When she's on top she doesn't work into it she just straddles me, gets onto her feet and bounces as hard as she can like she's Madison Ivy. She has no slow switch and she doesn't know how to just let it be slow and sweet for a change every once in a while. She physically tries to force me to do what she wants.

I can only assume her last two boyfriends were too pussy to talk to her about this and that is why the sex stopped. Moreso the squirting issue though. It's gotten to the point about a month in that I almost don't want to have sex with her because it's so messy, and I don't invite her to my place because I don't want to have to deal with it. We've talked about the squirting and she says there's really nothing that she can do. I asked her how she deals with cleanup at her place and she just said "I do the sheets a lot". I asked her why she doesn't have a plastic bed covering and she said "What for?". I am now disgusted by the thought of what kind of shape her mattress is in. The other problem is a harder topic to broach because she just got out of that sexless relationship and we talked very early on about how this was just casual, but I really enjoy her company and it's a little early to just come out and say "We have a problem" because sometimes that freaky, vigorous sex is just what the doctor ordered and I love it and don't want her to get frazzled and have this fizzle out. Feels bad bros.

If you want to fuck her, just buy a paint drop and put it in a spare room, go to the mattress store and get a spare queen mattress, put a plastic mattress protector on it, get some decent sheets, and fuck her in there. Say, I love fucking you, and now we can do it without worrying. Squirt all you like baby.

Why not?

Search

Marriage and the Power of Divorce

Deathwing

chaos

Buzzfeed Editor

Cad

scientia potentia est

Deathwing

Frenzied Wombat

Potato del Grande

Deathwing

Mures

Blackwing Lair Raider

chaos

Buzzfeed Editor

Dumar_sl

shitlord

Cad

scientia potentia est

Lenas

Trump's Staff

chaos

Buzzfeed Editor

Lenas

Trump's Staff

Haast

Lord Nagafen Raider

Tuco

I got Tuco'd!

Gravy

Bronze Squire

Khane

Got something right about marriage

Khane

Got something right about marriage

Gravy

Bronze Squire

Cad

scientia potentia est