Marriage and the Power of Divorce

This is not my story - but I found it relevant to this sub. (I re-edited for decent paragraphs)

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"My step-daughter wants her "Real Dad" to give her away"

My step-daughter will be getting married on August 3rd. The wedding planning has consumed most of her and her mother's life (I say her mother because we aren't married, though we've lived together for 10 years) for the past six months.

My step-daughter graduated last December from University. I paid for her to go to college, though it was a state school, it still ran $40K. She does not have a job and has been living with us for the duration of her college career and since her graduation. I also bought her a car to get back and forth from school when she finished high school.

From time to time her deadbeat father would pop into her life and she would fawn all over him. Although he has not contributed a cent to her education or paid any child support, though that is my girlfriend's fault as c.s. was not part of the settlement, she still loves him and wants him in her life. He stays long enough to break her heart by skipping town and breaking some promise that he made her.

The wedding venue holds 250 people max. I gave them a list of 20 people that I wanted invited, you know, since I was paying for everything. They told me that was no problem and they'd take care of it. So I let these people know they'd be getting an invite and they should save the date. Saturday, I saw one of my friends on this list at the golf course and asked if he was coming. He told me that he wasn't invited. He told me that he got an announcement, but not an invitation. He had it in his back seat (along with probably six months of mail) and showed it to me. Sure enough, it was just an announcement, and my name was nowhere on it. It had her dad's name and her mom's name and not mine.

This led to a pretty big fight with my GF, as I found out that NONE of my list of twenty "made the cut" for the final guest list because "250 people is very tight." I was pissed, but not a hell of a lot I could do because the important people in my life had already been offended. My GF said "if some people didn't rsvp yes, I might be able to get a couple people in." But that is an ultimate slap in the face in my opinion. So, I was boiling on Saturday.

Yesterday, we had a Sunday dinner with the future in-law's family and us and a surprise guest, the "Real Dad." At this little dinner my step-daughter announced that her "Real Dad" was going to be able to make it to her wedding and that now he'd be able to give her away. This was greeted with a chorus of "Oh how great" and "How wonderful"s.

I don't think I have ever felt so angry and so disrespected. I was shaking. I took a few seconds to gather my composure, because I honestly wasn't sure if I would cry or start throwing punches or both. Once I was sure I'd be able to speak I got up from my chair and said I'd like to make a toast. I can't remember exactly what I said but the gist of it was this:

"I'd like to make a toast." The sound of spoons against glasses ring in my years. "It has been my great pleasure to be a part of this family for the past ten years." Awe, how sweet. "At this point in my life I feel I owe a debt of gratitude to bride and groom, because they have opened my eyes to something very important." Confident smiles exchanged. "They have showed me that my position in this family is not what I once thought it was." And now a glimmer of confusion and shock begins to spread on the faces in the room. "Though I once thought of myself as the patriarch or godfather of the family, commanding great respect and sought out for help in times of need, it seems instead that I hold the position of an ATM, good for a stream of money, but not much else. As I have been replaced as host, both on the invitations and in the ceremony, I am resigning my financial duties as host to my successor, Real Dad. So cheers to the happy couple and the path they have chosen." I finished my drink. "You all can let yourselves out."

Is this selfish? I'm supposed to shell out 40 - 50 grand for a wedding that I can't invite anyone to? That I am not a part of? I'm so done with this crap. I'm done with my step-daughter, I'm done with my GF. I transferred the money out of our joint account last night. (she has not had a job since she moved in with me) This morning I called all the vendors I had written checks to for deposits to refund my money. At present it looks like I'll lose around 1500, for the venue, but the other vendors have been great about refunding.

TLDR: You want your "REAL DAD" to be on the invitation, to give you away and to sit at the head table, fine, your "REAL DAD" can pay for everything too.

EDIT: The immediate aftermath was tantrum and people sitting there mumbling while not actually saying anything to me, but to each other. After much yelling with the GF about me being selfish, I spent the night in my home office and no one knocked on my door, not once. Today's aftermath is kind of depressing for me. GF brought me Bride's wedding planner to show me how much work I was ruining. I thumbed through it, found a page in the music section for Father / Daughter dances. All of the songs were catered to Real Dad's taste. So I thought they were just being disrespectful, but now I'm feeling like they never really gave a crap at all, especially since the menu included two ingredients I'm allergic to, that actually made me laugh. Either way, I'm glad to be done, returned the planner and asked her when she and bride could move out. Also, I never promised to pay for the wedding. I offered them the use of my home when they were sure it was going to be small, but other than that, all I've heard is how it's the Bride's family that should pay, so, let it be the bride's family then, aka, not me.

EDIT: June 9th 1:15 am. Girlfriend and Bride are now moved out. They are moving in with the groom. It was very hard not to be petty with some of the "belongings" they took with them, but it's done and I switched out the locks and now it's time for a brew. I can't believe how popular this story got, but I feel good to be given support by so many. If I find out what happens with the wedding, I will let you know, but I can't guarantee that I will put in the effort to find out. From what I've heard they are trying to "scale things back" and get his parents to help out. GF burned bridges when I found out she tried to write herself a check on our joint account the day after the unpleasantness. By then I had already moved money, so I guess I'm a bigger ass than her, but I could feel it coming. That's all. Thanks.

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Himeo_sl said:

Some gold I found on /r/theredpill

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The Master_sl said:

People are so bad at open relationships, wow.

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DickTrickle_sl said:

I don't blame the guy in the open relationship post. If anything, I think having that kind of arrangement presented to me would push me to finding some fling, because it'd be hard to feel like the relationship was balanced if it wasn't something I had been wanting. Plus, as that post reflected, it might make the other person evaluate if they really want a two-way open relationship or if they just wanted something for themselves. I think it'd be hard to say no if I knew that was something she wanted (assuming I wanted to keep the relationship), because then I'd wonder if it'd just happen anyway (like her boyfriend felt). One could argue maybe the boyfriend was having too serious a fling, but that's the possibility when you start opening things up.

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NoodleAnus_sl said:

"I want to fuck random dudes, I'm giving you permission but since you're a basement-dwelling neckbeard I am assuming your loser ass will just stay in waiting around for me."

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Xequecal_sl said:

That wedding story is very old. I remember reading it over ten years ago.

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WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DROP A BUNCH OF WOMEN ON AN ISLAND TO FEND FOR THEMSELVES?

This is a great comment from an ROK article that proves that feminism is nothing but a collective shit test.

"Quite a few years ago, I had the pleasure of watching the Dutch version of Survivor with my feminist roommate. That particular series of Dutch Survivor would have two islands, one populated by men and one populated by women. The feminist roommate had been promoting that particular series to me and the other students in the house for weeks because it would show us, according to her, what a society run by women - free from the evils of Patriarchy - would be like.

And it did. Oh it did.

Here is what happened: Initially both groups were dropped on their respective islands, given some supplies to get started and left to fend for themselves. In both groups there was some initial squabbling as people tried to figure out a local hierarchy. The men pretty much did whatever they felt was necessary - there was no leader giving orders. Men who felt like hunting, foraging or fishing did so. Another guy decided he was fed up with sitting on sand and started making benches. Others built a hut that gradually grew and evolved. Another guy cooked every night. Within days a neat little civilization was thriving, each day being slightly more prosperous than the previous one.

The women settled into a routine as well. The hung up a clothesline to dry their towels, then proceeded to sunbathe and squabble. Because unlike men, women were unable to do anything without consensus of the whole group. And because it was a group of at least a dozen women, consensus was never reached. During the next few episodes, the women ate all their initial supplies, got drenched by tropical storms several times, were eaten alive by sand fleas and were generally miserable. The men on the other hand, were quite content. There were disagreements of course, but they were generally resolved.

Watching this with my feminist roommate was wonderful.Initially she tried to rationalize the differences, but her arguments became weaker and weaker. Eventually, the people running the program decided something had to change. In order to help the women out, three men would be selected to go to their island. In return, three women would take their place at the men's island. The look on my feminist roommates face during this episode was priceless.

Initially, the three men selected for the women's island were ecstatic, for obvious reason. But then they arrived at the island and were greeted by the women. 'Where is your hut?',they asked. 'We have no hut' 'Where are your supplies?' they asked, dismayed 'We ate all the rice'

And so on. The three men ended up working like dogs, using all the skills developed by trial and error in their first few weeks - building a hut, fish, trying to get the women to forage. The women continued to bitch and sunbathe.

The three women who were sent to the men's island were delighted - food, shelter and plenty of male attention was freely available.They too continued to sunbathe.

And that my friends, is what Patriarchy is. My former roommate is no longer a feminist."

You can see the actual comment here:

Why Patriarchy Is The Greatest Social System Ever Created

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Himeo_sl said:

Did a google search. No results prior to last year when it was posted to reddit. It may be based on a similar story or it could be real.

Either way, take these stories with a grain of salt. It's the internet after all.

Here's another:

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Scientifically, nice (heterosexual) guys might actually finish last. A study published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin recently found that while men were attracted to nice-seeming women upon meeting them, women did not feel the same way about men. Researchers from the University of Rochester, the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign and the Interdisciplinary Center (IDC) Herzliya in Israel investigated a possible mechanism explaining why women and men differ in their sexual reactions with receptive opposite-sex strangers.
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Again, the men in the study thought responsive and attentive women were more attractive as potential partners, while women found men with those same traits to be less desirable.
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So for now, the question "what do women want?" will remain unanswered.

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