Marriage and the Power of Divorce

BrutulTM_sl said:

Do you always move that fast in relationships? I can't imagine doing that shit with someone I just met.

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I don't "move" in relationships. If I feel a strong connection I let myself go, if I don't I move on. Over the past 3 years since my last relationship I've gone out with... probably between 60 and 80 women. I've slept with about 35 of them. I felt no connection to any of them outside of about 3-4. Those 3-4 were like 2-3 month relationships which ended because they did something batshit crazy or were manipulative. One of them was a psychiatric APRN who tried to emasculate me as a way of asserting dominance. When I took her home that night instead of taking her back to my place she went through the 5 stages of grief and refused to get out of my car for almost 2 hours. Another was a seemingly sweet, beautiful girl who lived about 50 minutes away from me in the direction towards NYC. On Thanksgiving weekend after about a month and half of dating she called me in a panic because there was a dead mouse in her apartment. She demanded I come take care of it for her because it was a "legitimate, crippling fear and I should be understanding and compassionate and come to her aid". I told her to grow up and never spoke to her again. Etc, etc, etc.

Phazael_sl said:

How old are both of you? If your both in the 30s range, I would say ride it out for a while. The fact that she recognizes some of her own baggage as well as actively and consciously addressing it is a really big plus, actually. If you two are still willing to travel to meet up after a half year or so, then its obviously not just high speed infatuation. It sounds like you are interested in more than a hookup here, so I would let things play out for a while and see if any red flags pop up.

Also, yeah quit smoking.

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I'm 31, turn 32 next month. She's 30, turns 31 this weekend.

Khane_sl said:

Since that breakup almost all of my encounters with women have been fleeting week or maybe a month long flings that were purely physically driven. I haven't met anyone I felt any real emotional connection to... until now... with a woman who lives 2 hours away from me and has obvious hangups from a previous relationship which was fairly recent. The distance actually makes this easier, for now, because we literally can't take things too fast because we are too far apart. However, she has admitted feeling attachment to me (which always unsettles her) and I know I am getting attached to her. The problem is her being unsure of herself and her unsettled feelings makes me pause. Most of me wants to say "Fuck it, just go for it and let the chips fall where they may" but I really don't feel like getting involved with someone that is such a perceived risk. Don't know what to do bros.

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Keep rolling with it, but try to slow the roll a bit. Or a lot, actually.

Agraza_sl said:

I'm curious if she is actually into the hike/wing/music thing or is she just into what you're into? That's often my hangup. I meet plenty of girls who fake interest in my interests and they can't maintain it. And I don't even really get why they do it in the first place. I'm not looking for a female clone of myself.

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Yeah, I don't get that either. That kind of thing resulted in one of my worst first dates ever: met a chick at a mellow concert, had an extra ticket to Deftones the next week, asked her if she liked them, she said yeah of course, and then reacted in absolute horror when they started playing. She also fainted when we went outside with some friends for a smoke/j. What a disaster that was. "HOLY SHIT DUDE, WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS CHICK? IS SHE DIABETIC OR SOMETHING?" "I don't fucking know! Throw your beer on her!"

80 in 3 years? I think even Seinfeld and Costanza would have an easier time finding a connection

Eomer_sl said:

Keep rolling with it, but try to slow the roll a bit. Or a lot, actually.

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Well it feels like we can't take it too fast even if we tried since we love so far away from each other. So we can be honest and open without having to worry about that whole "too much of each other too soon" dynamic. We can't see each other this weekend so it will be two weeks until we meet up again.

Khane_sl said:

Well it feels like we can't take it too fast even if we triedsince we love so far away from each other. So we can be honest and open without having to worry about that whole "too much of each other too soon" dynamic. We can't see each other this weekend so it will be two weeks until we meet up again.

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That's so sweet, Nicholas Sparks.

Eomer_sl said:

then reacted in absolute horror when they started playing.

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So she had good taste in music then.

Daelos_sl said:

That's so sweet, Nicholas Sparks.

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Haha shit... Freudian slip? Don't care won't edit.

Gavinrad_sl said:

So she had good taste in music then.

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Pretty much! I doubt I'd see them again in concert. I like their recorded music, but it does not translate well live. Although that venue sucks ass acoustically, that certainly played a part.

NoodleAnus_sl said:

80 in 3 years? I think even Seinfeld and Costanza would have an easier time finding a connection

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To be fair that number was very front-loaded during the first year after my breakup. Was just trying to dull the pain by having as much random, casual sex as I could.

BrotherWu_sl said:

Stop over-analyzing it like a woman. Let it ride.

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This is what I would say, except I'd leave the 'like a woman' part off. Heh.

I live in Morris County Khane, I don't know about this. Having to drive over the GWBridge and/or Tapanzee might be a deal breaker for me. The only thing that would over come that would be how good the sex is.

In all honesty though, 2 hours is nothing. I commute 1hr each way to work every day. Go for it man. You can easily do weekends together and that's more than most relationships.

Sounds too good to be true. I give it two months before she totally falls for you, goes crazy, and applies to nursing school.

Khane, being that you're in NYC a lot, you HAVE to visit "The Counter" in Times Square. It's one of those build it yourself burger joints. I went there about a month ago and had the BEST hamburger I've ever tasted. Holy shit... I want to go back into the city again just for that burger, but I need a better excuse. It's way too much to go just for a burger.

Draegan_sl said:

I live in Morris County Khane, I don't know about this. Having to drive over the GWBridge and/or Tapanzee might be a deal breaker for me. The only thing that would over come that would be how good the sex is.

In all honesty though, 2 hours is nothing. I commute 1hr each way to work every day. Go for it man. You can easily do weekends together and that's more than most relationships.

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I won't be driving. I'll take the train into Grand Central, we'll meet there and hang out. Then we can hop in her car or take the PATH back and hop in a cab. Unless I leave at off times (like 4 AM on a Saturday morning).

And the sex is phenomenal. And not in a "holy shit she's a pornstar" crazy kind of way. In a very connected, intimate, carnal, "Khane stop being such a fag" kind of way.

Wombat, she's already starting to fall for me. And that's mutual. She just bought tickets for us to go to a beer fest on Halloween and included me on the email chain where all of her friends are discussing costume ideas. She got carried away while she was a little tired after our hike and we were talking about how we both have friends in Portland OR and both want to go visit them. She asked if I wanted to make plans to go together. Then she turned bright red and said "I can't believe I just said that out loud... fuck". None of that bothers me because that's the kind of connection I want. Otherwise what's the fucking point? If it wasn't meant to be it wasn't meant to be, but at least if you just go for it early it falls apart before you've invested a ton of time and/or money into it.

Anyway, I never really doubted myself, and already knew what I was going to do before I posted my story. I wasn't actually looking for advice, just wanted to spark debate so I pretended I was unsure. I just like the discussions we have here and all the perspectives the people who frequent this thread bring to those discussions.

Xarpolis_sl said:

Khane, being that you're in NYC a lot, you HAVE to visit "The Counter" in Times Square. It's one of those build it yourself burger joints. I went there about a month ago and had the BEST hamburger I've ever tasted. Holy shit... I want to go back into the city again just for that burger, but I need a better excuse. It's way too much to go just for a burger.

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The Counter is a chain. They had one in West Hartford which went out of business because it wasn't very good. We have a place in CT (and now they are in MA too) called Plan B which is way better than The Counter. But maybe the one in NYC is better.

Khane_sl said:

Wombat, she's already starting to fall for me. And that's mutual. She just bought tickets for us to go to a beer fest on Halloween and included me on the email chain where all of her friends are discussing costume ideas. She got carried away while she was a little tired after our hike and we were talking about how we both have friends in Portland OR and both want to go visit them. She asked if I wanted to make plans to go together. Then she turned bright red and said "I can't believe I just said that out loud... fuck". None of that bothers me because that's the kind of connection I want. Otherwise what's the fucking point? If it wasn't meant to be it wasn't meant to be, but at least if you just go for it early it falls apart before you've invested a ton of time and/or money into it.

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Yeah man, no worries, I get it, we've all been there before.. I just think of all the times I thought "she was the one" only to get burnt a few months later and I can't help but be cynical.. I sincerely hope Romantic Khane is still going strong in this thread a few months from now, though admittedly it won't be nearly as entertaining as hearing how she went batshit crazy over some ex posting something innocuous on your FB page and how she tried to boil your cat.

I'd imagine any place in Times Square is overpriced simply because it has to be to afford the rent