Marriage and the Power of Divorce
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Lejina
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Did he really just say biology doesn't support the desire to have sex on a daily basis over multiple weeks?
I mean, drinking the red pill coolaid is one thing but before lecturing married couples you'd think he would have at least some relationship experience of his own.
This is like watching a 16yo telling people how to achieve world peace.
I mean, drinking the red pill coolaid is one thing but before lecturing married couples you'd think he would have at least some relationship experience of his own.
This is like watching a 16yo telling people how to achieve world peace.
lindz
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Oh I know Kirun likes trolling me. He's the only one that actually gets a response from me because his level of delusion is just shocking to me. I fall for it far too often. Regardless though, everyone else here is super supportive no matter what stupid things all of us post. Sometimes it is the "you're being a fucking idiot" kind of supportive, but it is still lots of love. <3
Aaron
Goonsquad Officer
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@Lindz, has this happened with him before? I know for me my libido has it's ups and downs. Sometimes I need to blow a load a few times a day for weeks on end, other times I can go a week with only having the need 2-3 times. He could be in a low spot.
Also, what about him pleasuring you (without him getting off)? Have you talked about that?
Also, what about him pleasuring you (without him getting off)? Have you talked about that?
I may understand where he's coming from but without the obvious projecting and misogonistic angle to the situation. That is that Lindz seems to put a ton, probably way too much, emphasis on who she is by being a warm hole for her husband to plow. I don't know what her hobbies and interests are that do not include her husband (and my viewpoint may be slanted since we're in the marriage thread) but the only two things she ever posts about are: sex, doing what her husband wants to do. Half the time it almost sounds like her husband is just intentionally emotionally distant because he knows it brings forth a response.
However lets not pretend like all the males in this thread don't talk about sex all the time and the number of people who define the quality of their relationship by the quality (and generally also kinkiness) of the sex.
However lets not pretend like all the males in this thread don't talk about sex all the time and the number of people who define the quality of their relationship by the quality (and generally also kinkiness) of the sex.
lindz
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It happens from time to time, where one of us has a slump but never for this long a period of time. We talked about it though and things are doing better. It has a lot to do with what Swagdaddy mentioned, my nagging was causing a lot of extra stress so I'm keeping that in mind. No one likes constantly initiating and being denied, but on the other hand, no one really likes constantly saying no either. I think being firm with him about my needs and him getting out of his head and listening without taking offense was what needed to happen and so it's doing better.
And regarding insecurity. Honestly maybe there is some of that. I think anyone feels a bit insecure things are feeling rocky in their sex life. That's why I came here for some advice.
And regarding insecurity. Honestly maybe there is some of that. I think anyone feels a bit insecure things are feeling rocky in their sex life. That's why I came here for some advice.
lindz
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Would you like to know my hobbies? Not something we usually talk about in this thread but sure! I write - just finished the first draft of a YA mystery novel and have started editing. That takes up several hours a day. He writes too so it is something we share, but do seperately. I do dog training and am going to start showing my mini aussie next month. Do that one completely on my own because he has zero interest. MMOs, we play together sometimes though I often do that without him too because he is not super interested in modern ones. Many of you guys have played with me before and not with the husband. Oh and we watch LoL together too.
And really that, housework, kids and wife stuff takes up most of my times. I can come to you guys if I have questions about dog training if you'd like, to make me seem more balanced.
It is a legit complaint of my personality you mentioned Tenks. I am very very much a pleaser. It stresses me out to inconvenience other people and I like making things easier for others. I like making people happy and it makes me happy. This probably extends to sex too, but honestly it also has a lot to do with it just pleasing me.
Gravy
Bronze Squire
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Gavinmad
Mr. Poopybutthole
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What she is failing to mention is that her book will be featured in the Teen Paranormal Romance section at Barnes and Noble.
I'm not one to white knight but there are a lot of presumptions going on about lindz. Every post I've read from her seem to point to a happy life & marriage, with expected and normal small regrets, wantings, etc. If her every waking minute is directed at her husband (not saying it is) well, if that pleases her, is that somehow a fault? I don't see who is suffering.
Humans are pretty terrible at recognizing the sheer variety of people out there. When I got into psychology it was kind of a weird, uncomfortable process to accept that there are almost no universal truths when it comes to people. We're happy if we can correlate one phenomenon with another at something like r=.3, or in other words if one phenomenon can predict 9% of the change in another, we've found something good. There are just too many things that influence us, and too many individual differences. Universal truths about marriage? Well, don't do bad things to hurt your partner intentionally and...don't recriprocate when your partner does that to you. There are very few other universal truths. In some relationships the girl wears the pants, and it could never be other than that with that particular couples. Some relationships work by talking everything out; some don't. Every couple is different
When I first read pua stuff, I thought it was the answer to everything. But then I'd see relationships again and again that just didn't seem to fit. That's the fallacy of redpill, which is just an example of a broader human fallacy: "that example must be wrong, because it doesn't fit my notion of reality." Or "because I can't put it in a nice clean box for easy digestion." I used to think people who got married right out of high school and got jobs in their home town right out of college must be miserable because it would make me miserable. I'd see girls with kinda wimpy guys and think "that's a doomed relationship," only to still see them together and happy years later.
Redpill/pua are generally worse offenders, but everyone does it, including myself. The most annoying part about redpill though is they don't appreciate the sheer variety of effective evolutionary strategies. They think every female has the same one. I bet less than 10% know the concept of "life history strategy," yet it is foundational to all of evolutionary biology and psychology. Girls ride the dick train in their youth and settle for a beta provider when their looks fade? Or maybe some girls' early environment signaled instability and uncertainty, so they went for quick reproduction ("dick train") because they can't afford to build skills and resources if they might die before they can reap the rewards. Other girls grow up in a safe, predictable, supportive environment and adopt a slow life history strategy because environmental cues tell them they can safely take the time to develop skills and resources and seek out a male mate who has done the same ("beta provider"). If you have access to a university, search "biological sensivity to context" if you are interested in this stuff. 2005 article with 500-1000 citations already. That's unheard of. If you like that article, read the followup: "adaptive calibration model." This model alone injects infinite complexity into how we can interpret and understand human behavior, yet it is so simple and miniscule in the grand scheme of understanding human psychology it's almost laughable. Anyone who says they have the answer or understands human behavior, I just want to scream in their face "you have NO IDEA." You'll never meet a psychologist on the planet who thinks that.
Ok, I may have gone off the rails a bit there.
Tl;dr: to each his own and redpill is still dumb
Humans are pretty terrible at recognizing the sheer variety of people out there. When I got into psychology it was kind of a weird, uncomfortable process to accept that there are almost no universal truths when it comes to people. We're happy if we can correlate one phenomenon with another at something like r=.3, or in other words if one phenomenon can predict 9% of the change in another, we've found something good. There are just too many things that influence us, and too many individual differences. Universal truths about marriage? Well, don't do bad things to hurt your partner intentionally and...don't recriprocate when your partner does that to you. There are very few other universal truths. In some relationships the girl wears the pants, and it could never be other than that with that particular couples. Some relationships work by talking everything out; some don't. Every couple is different
When I first read pua stuff, I thought it was the answer to everything. But then I'd see relationships again and again that just didn't seem to fit. That's the fallacy of redpill, which is just an example of a broader human fallacy: "that example must be wrong, because it doesn't fit my notion of reality." Or "because I can't put it in a nice clean box for easy digestion." I used to think people who got married right out of high school and got jobs in their home town right out of college must be miserable because it would make me miserable. I'd see girls with kinda wimpy guys and think "that's a doomed relationship," only to still see them together and happy years later.
Redpill/pua are generally worse offenders, but everyone does it, including myself. The most annoying part about redpill though is they don't appreciate the sheer variety of effective evolutionary strategies. They think every female has the same one. I bet less than 10% know the concept of "life history strategy," yet it is foundational to all of evolutionary biology and psychology. Girls ride the dick train in their youth and settle for a beta provider when their looks fade? Or maybe some girls' early environment signaled instability and uncertainty, so they went for quick reproduction ("dick train") because they can't afford to build skills and resources if they might die before they can reap the rewards. Other girls grow up in a safe, predictable, supportive environment and adopt a slow life history strategy because environmental cues tell them they can safely take the time to develop skills and resources and seek out a male mate who has done the same ("beta provider"). If you have access to a university, search "biological sensivity to context" if you are interested in this stuff. 2005 article with 500-1000 citations already. That's unheard of. If you like that article, read the followup: "adaptive calibration model." This model alone injects infinite complexity into how we can interpret and understand human behavior, yet it is so simple and miniscule in the grand scheme of understanding human psychology it's almost laughable. Anyone who says they have the answer or understands human behavior, I just want to scream in their face "you have NO IDEA." You'll never meet a psychologist on the planet who thinks that.
Ok, I may have gone off the rails a bit there.
Tl;dr: to each his own and redpill is still dumb
lindz
#DDs
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It is not at all intended for an adult male audience, so please keep that in mind. Definitely intended for teenage girls. And being complete novel I've ever written, it is very very rough. But I may take you up on your offer Gravy once I get through the second draft to resolve plotting issues. So thank you!
Brief summary I did up this morning for querying. Tons of work needed because querying is really obnoxious, but I still have many months to work on it!
novel summary_sl said:
Gavinmad
Mr. Poopybutthole
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Honestly, if the ending doesn't turn out to be something in the vein of 'turns out Daisy really did kill herself, sorry you (almost?)ruined your life because you refused to accept a blatantly obvious truth due to deluding yourself with an idealistic version of your sister', I will have lost all respect for you as an author Lindz.
Let me know if you need a 13 year old girl, I have one. She just read a friend's book that self published a YA also.
lindz
#DDs
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Probably better for the older teenage girls basically because of this -
Daisy did some pretty inappropriate things to "make it" as an actress.