Marriage and the Power of Divorce

Wife of almost 10 years informed me last week that she isn't sure she can stay with me any longer. My disability has apparently been taking its toll on her, and she's not sure she can continue

Feels bad man...

I'm paralyzed from the chest down. I was in a motorcycle accident while we were engaged. She stood strong for all these years, and it has apparently been slowly been tearing her down.

There is no lack of love between us, and unfortunately we have 3 kids together as well (4 year old and twins that will be 3 in December) but she is just really struggling not having a "normal" life.

There is quite a bit more to it but I don't know how much I feel like typing out

As soon as she said something to me about how she was feeling, I insisted we go to a counselor. The counselor basically sat there and quickly realized there wasn't much she could do. She essentially said that my wife either needed to find a way to deal with my limitations, and therefore her not being able to enjoy some things normal couples can do, or we would have to split up. There is literally nothing that I can change that will fix the way my wife feels. She wants some basic things like being able to go for a hike together, take a walk and hold hands, and have a normal sex life. The counselor did encourage my wife to go get some individual counseling though, which I have encouraged her to do for a long time. She is terrible with speaking about her emotions and just holds everything in. So I am trying to get her to do that as well, but I don't want to be too pushy.

Now, to further complicate things. My wife is currently 6 months pregnant...with another couples child. Yes, my wife who is a stay at home mother to our 3 little ones is also being a surrogate for some very good friends of ours. She agreed to do it for a few reasons. First and most importantly is because of how much she loves our kids, and the thought of being able to help another couple have that same experience was something she couldn't say no to. Second was because her two pregnancies were so easy she didn't think too much about it. Of course this pregnancy has been very difficult for her so far, so it is adding more strain.

Obviously my wife is a very caring and loving person. She could have left me anytime after my accident, and she said it never even occurred to her. She loved me and my paralysis didn't change that. Now she is carrying another couples child simply out of the kindness of her heart. They aren't paying us anything, they are just covering any and all medical expenses. But how much can one person give before it becomes too much? I suppose that is the question that we are facing now.

So all of these things put together and clearly it is having a strain on her. For some reason she doesn't believe the pregnancy, and all the hormones that go along with it, are effecting her thought process in this. Both the counselor and I disagree about that, and we have agreed to not make any decisions until a few months after the baby is born and her body is back to a more normal state.

There it is. I am still hopeful, since like I said it doesn't have anything to do with not loving each other. I am sure I am leaving stuff out but just can't think of it all right now. Feel free to ask questions, and I will do my best to update as things move along.