Marriage and the Power of Divorce

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Haast

Haast

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Frenzied Wombat_sl said:
Yes, very true. Dumped her a few times during these arguments (which makes her rage X10) only to back down in the morning when all the crying and apologies start flowing.
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This strikes a personal cord with me. My ex-wife was guilty of the exact scenario you laid out at least once a month by the end, except without alcohol involved. Though if she was drinking, it escalated faster. And speaking from experience, you will be much better off parting ways. I had written up longer descriptions of the crazy, but I can't get myself to post them.

There were a couple of times she went so far following me around and getting in my face screaming after I told her to leave me alone (in no uncertain terms) that she was tip-toeing on my breaking point and wasn't the least bit afraid to keep going. That scared the living shit out of me.

Looking back on it, it seems crazy I didn't end it because of this. Some of it had to do with the same trap you talked about (massive remorse afterwards from her), among other factors. It started out less bad and got worse over time, and I had never dealt with someone like that prior so it caught me off guard.

Given the experience, refusal to respect disengagement from an argument will be a quick deal breaker in the future.
 
lindz

lindz

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Iannis_sl said:
I have always found, and I'm not kidding, that when a woman gets like that the best thing you can do is just bearhug her until she calms the fuck down.

It will piss her off unbelievably at first. And you'll take a knee to the balls the first time you let her go. But you do it two or three times and she'll throw shoes at you instead of trying to slap you. When she gets violent, she won't get close.
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Honestly this is true, at least for me. When I'm super emotional the physical contact triggers that switch in my brain that brings me back to reality. My husband was very skeptical about it, but it does help.
 
khalid

khalid

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Isn't grabbing someone in a bear hug assault? I mean, not sure if you are joking, but that advice seems like a good way to get yourself in jail. If all someone is doing is yelling at you, pretty sure any sort of physical response is a no-go as far as the law is concerned.

Just leave the room/house and dump her.
 
T

Tenks

Bronze Knight of the Realm
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I think they're saying just hug around her with her arms also trapped in the hug. Not like squeezing her to pass her out or anything just to make her calm down. But yeah if the chick is that emotionally fucked up that she can't even control herself I'd GTFO as well.
 
Kirun

Kirun

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Frenzied Wombat_sl said:
Well, the issue is that she has an alcohol problem. Not in the sense that she's a regular drinker, or carries a flask in her purse, but that on the rare occasion that she drinks she goes absolutely nuts. Two glasses of wine is all that it takes to turn her into a screaming foul-mouthed loon that six hours later doesn't even remember what she said. Once it was established that she can't drink if the relationship was to continue, she cut out alcohol, but inevitably she slips up at some point while out somewhere, and every three months or so on average a screaming banshee busts through my door and lays into me until the sauce wears off. I've already broken up with her twice during these rants, then capitulated in the morning to give it another shot when she's in crying/apologetic mode. I don't know what it is, but crying fucking melts me.

You're spot on about the marriage thing, that's for sure. I've already told her that I can't marry someone that has a Mr. Hyde just waiting to jump out of the closet at any moment.
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Dude, why are you putting up with this? You make solid money and there's plenty of pussy out there. Grow some balls.
 
iannis

iannis

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Reverse cowgirl piledriver.

Noobs.

huehuehuehuehuehuehue

No, I'm serious. I'm not joking. Of course it's assault. The situation in which you're forced to use this extremity... that consideration pales in contrast to the immediate need to not get your shit smashed by a girl you aren't allowed to beat on. It works better than leaving your own damn house or giving her a black eye. Most women will respond to this simple, non violent, physical dominance. It'll take the worst of the edge off. But you're still gonna get kneed in the balls. It's just a way to take it down a notch. You're not gonna "win" the fight. When she's beating on you, you've already lost. That's just a shit sammich you've got to choke down. Either she's insane, and you deserve it, or you dun fucked up good, and deserve it.

We're just hairless fuckin' apes, man.
 
Himeo

Himeo

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Frenzied Wombat_sl said:
Yes, very true. Dumped her a few times during these arguments (which makes her rage X10) only to back down in the morning when all the crying and apologies start flowing.
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Next the ho. She's bullying you and you're too much of a pussy to stick up for yourself.

You are her bitch.
 
BrotherWu

BrotherWu

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I did the bear hug thing the other day with my wife when she had been ranting but I knew she wasn't really that mad, but just cranky from living around a houseful of males who don't always clean up their messes. She quickly started laughing about it and it lightened everything up.

However, if you're dealing with an escalating crazy, her next bet might be "all in" with who knows what- a bite, a spit, a head butt? Then you have to decide whether you're going to call (or you might just do it instinctively) which means either a lot of guilt or a trip to the pokey. Best course of action when you're dealing with that kind of poison is kick the bitch out, move along, and don't look back.
 
lindz

lindz

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Yeah I'm talking about BrotherWu's wife's level of crazy. Not full blown knife you in your sleep crazy. I probably wouldn't try physical contact with that.
 
Frenzied Wombat

Frenzied Wombat

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Kirun_sl said:
Dude, why are you putting up with this? You make solid money and there's plenty of pussy out there. Grow some balls.
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You of course are right, as you all are. There's no excuse for putting up with a screaming banshee. I guess the main reason why I've held on is that with the exception of these "hulk rage" sessions when she drinks, she's otherwise normal. I convinced myself if I could get the occasional drinking issue under control, things would be ok, but the reality is that she still slips every few months, and simply the "looming specter" of having to deal with this craziness has made marriage an impossibility in my eyes. She's basically an 8 that lets me play video games, smoke weed to deal with my insomnia, is as much of a homebody as I am, isn't religious, isn't looking to take early retirement at my expense, and doesn't drag me to every work/social event she's involved in. And yes, I realize these are not necessarily "good" reasons to keep a relationship together lol, but finding women that are "cool" in this way (especially in Dallas) is pretty tough.
 
iannis

iannis

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I'm on your side, wombat.

What is love without passion? Sometimes passion curls your toes... sometimes it threatens you wildly with a hot curling iron. Just gotta live life, man.
 
Ignatius

Ignatius

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The women in Dallas do kinda sick but anytime you are having to tell yourself you can change someone it's a sign the relationship may not end well. Best of luck with that :/
 
Kirun

Kirun

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Frenzied Wombat_sl said:
You of course are right, as you all are. There's no excuse for putting up with a screaming banshee. I guess the main reason why I've held on is that with the exception of these "hulk rage" sessions when she drinks, she's otherwise normal. I convinced myself if I could get the occasional drinking issue under control, things would be ok, but the reality is that she still slips every few months, and simply the "looming specter" of having to deal with this craziness has made marriage an impossibility in my eyes. She's basically an 8 thatlets me play video games, smoke weed to deal with my insomnia, is as much of a homebody as I am, isn't religious, isn't looking to take early retirement at my expense, and doesn't drag me to every work/social event she's involved in. And yes, I realize these are not necessarily "good" reasons to keep a relationship together lol, but finding women that are "cool" in this way (especially in Dallas) is pretty tough.
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"Lets" you play video games? Oh, man...

Look, the reason she's "slipping" every few months is because every time she does, you put up with it and come back for more. I realize that it isn'teasyto find a woman who meets your criteria, but at this point, you've become completely complacent in your relationship, simply because searching for a chick who isn't batshit would be difficult. Have some self respect, man.
 
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