Marriage and the Power of Divorce

  • Guest, it's time once again for the massively important and exciting FoH Asshat Tournament!



    Go here and give us your nominations!
    Who's been the biggest Asshat in the last year? Give us your worst ones!
Khane

Khane

Got something right about marriage
20,342
14,006
a_skeleton_03_sl said:
Not at all, point out me saying that. The point is you don't know all about a relationship, just like those of us married do not. The weight of what we have to say 'might' matter more though about a marriage considering we are in one. Those of us with kids 'might' have better opinions on how he kids in this situation will be affected. You didn't read what I said in the thread before about open marriage. It isn't the absolute worst advice. It is an option. What is the key parts of a successful open marriage though? You always come back to your spouse, and it isn't a knee jerk reaction because of previous cheating but a decision made proactively because that is how you approach ONE aspect of marriage. You use it as the solution to all and can't wrap your head around the other issues in a marriage. Your entire relationship advice is wrapped up around sex and that's it.

Were you admonished as a terrible human being? No. Defensive much?

You were told that your advice has little merit in this situation because it isn't really about sex and to stop pretending to be an expert on relationships since you can't seem to be in one for long without sabotaging it.
Click to expand...
Alright it's clear this is just a circular argument at this point and is probably annoying the shit out of people who see new posts in this thread and want to read about some Onoes' hijinks.

I never gave anyone advice
I was never talking about cheating or relationships
I never claimed to be a relationship expert

I was merely pointing out that sexual desire isn't so drastically different for men and women. And it had nothing to do with Ameraves' situation or his wife and fuckface. I was responding to sweeping generalizations about the entire population of men and women. And I was responding in kind with regard to that general population.

I guess the logical conclusion to draw was that I was referring specifically to Ameraves' wife because it was in the same part of the thread. But that wasn't the case. I have no opinion on that other than "That's a tough one man"
 
A

a_skeleton_03

<Banned>
29,948
29,763
Khane_sl said:
I just don't get it, you're agreeing with my original point, that men are capable of emotional intimacy and that it can be a driving contributor to sexual desire for them. And yet also browbeating me as being a know-it-all?

And through none of this have I talked about successful relationships. Simply sexual desire which isn't as different between the sexes as most people typically believe.
Click to expand...
"Simple sexual desires" about somebody else resulting in Facebook and text messages is not simple.... You still don't get that this isn't about sex, like at all. Not in the slightest.
 
A

a_skeleton_03

<Banned>
29,948
29,763
Khane_sl said:
Alright it's clear this is just a circular argument at this point and is probably annoying the shit out of people who see new posts in this thread and want to read about some Onoes' hijinks.

I never gave anyone advice
I was never talking about cheating or relationships
I never claimed to be a relationship expert

I was merely pointing out that sexual desire isn't so drastically different for men and women.
Click to expand...
1.) you have, you will, you are
2.) see number 1
3.) see number 2 and 1

Khane_sl said:
I used to have very idealistic, strong views on relationships with sex and fidelity being the cornerstone of those relationships. Over time I've come to realize that I really don't think it's important to expect another human being to give up any portion of their autonomy just for your own sake because it faulters and wavers and is something that is too hard for many people to do.

I don't begrudge the idea of monogamy at all, I understand the comfort and security that comes with it. But I think if you really tried you might be want to consider what Hoss is suggesting. Because the two of you had a certain agreement her actions are a betrayal, but she probably struggled with it for a very long time and can't fight human nature anymore. So you can call it quits if that doesn't work for you and you can't get past it, or you can remain together and work on things in a way that may be difficult for you at first, but she's got her own difficulties in your relationship as well that she needs to deal with.
Click to expand...
Hoss said open marriage and you jumped right in there doling out advice. You then have proceeded to pick two fights, one was acceptance vs communication and then now this drivel about women and men are the exact same when it comes to sex because you say so despite a discussion spanning centuries debating it. Oh and your proof? Women have fucked you and left right after or something like that....
 
Blazin

Blazin

Creative Title
<Nazi Janitors>
6,952
36,149
Khane I wasn't meaning to be attacking you, and the discussion probably has run aground. But I would agree with a_skeleton_03 here that the issues he is having with his marriage probably are not related very strongly to his wife "wanting to bust a nut" Which I agree with you sometimes women can want to do just like men. There are clearly emotional needs his wife is looking to fill, and something is wrong. It may be fixable.
 
Kirun

Kirun

Buzzfeed Editor
19,237
15,629
Blazin_sl said:
He may not be an authority on all womanhood it's probably more accurate to say he has more experience than many in living with another person for a long period of time and sharing a life, which as this thread shows is not very easy to do. It's rather difficult, we are selfish by nature and successful monogamy is rather incongruent to many of our base desires and is probably not the right choice for everyone.

When reading threads like this one, whether you put more weight with a_skeleton_03 or Khane should be more about what your goals for relationships are. If I was single and looking to get laid I'd probably lean towards Khane, if I'm struggling with some of the challenges of long term monogamy a_skeleton_03 may be more helpful. Why does one have to be all right or wrong?
Click to expand...
The only thing it's fair to say is that he has experience living together with ONE woman over x years. I don't see how that makes him more knowledgeable about longterm cohabitation with women. I'd take the advice of a guy who had 2, 5-year relationships and 5, 2-year relationships over the dude with 1, 20-year relationship every single time.

Guys who married at 18-19 and have been with the same woman ever since, tend to be even more out of touch than a guy who casually dates.
 
Blazin

Blazin

Creative Title
<Nazi Janitors>
6,952
36,149
Kirun_sl said:
Guys who married at 18-19 and have been with the same woman ever since, tend to be even more out of touch than a guy who casually dates.
Click to expand...
I think that can be argued but I get what you are saying, the long term married guy probably has better conflict resolution skills than the other, but may know less about women in general, just knows "their" woman very well. But to the degree we aren't special snowflakes there is still value in that.
 
Alex

Alex

Still a Music Elitist
14,666
7,482
Khane wasn't even talking about Amereaves' situation. Not sure why you guys think the one sentence response he had to Hoss' dumbass comment should be extrapolated into what this has become.
 
Cad

Cad

scientia potentia est
<Bronze Donator>
25,426
49,042
You guys should focus on giving advice from a neutral point of view in this thread and this forum (grown up forum) rather than dick swinging and attacking each other.
 
iannis

iannis

Musty Nester
31,351
17,656
I think the only way we can be sure is if I fuck all of your wives. Then we can have an objective report.
 
Khane

Khane

Got something right about marriage
20,342
14,006
a_skeleton_03_sl said:
Hoss said open marriage and you jumped right in there doling out advice. You then have proceeded to pick two fights, one was acceptance vs communication and then now this drivel about women and men are the exact same when it comes to sex because you say so despite a discussion spanning centuries debating it. Oh and your proof? Women have fucked you and left right after or something like that....
Click to expand...
I see the problem. That quote was in an entirely different context and discussion. That wasn't what I've been arguing this whole time, and if that's what you have been arguing well... we're having a communication breakdown. Let's accept that (hah). And by the way I don't see the problem with that quote. Seems completely salient and reasonable to me.

By the way I admitted I was being a shit about the communication vs acceptance thing and even apologized.
 
A

a_skeleton_03

<Banned>
29,948
29,763
Khane_sl said:
I see the problem. That quote was in an entirely different context and discussion. That wasn't what I've been arguing this whole time, and if that's what you have been arguing well... we're having a communication breakdown. Let's accept that (hah). And by the way I don't see the problem with that quote. Seems completely salient and reasonable to me
Click to expand...
That's like your opinion man and you are entitled to it. Your opinion though comes from an aberrant view on sex. Your stance is that we can't control our sexual urges. This view is incorrect from a scientific and social construct viewpoint. Notice that aberrant is not a negative word and that your view might work in some relationships but you are failing to see is that it isn't a solution after the fact, it needs to be a choice before the betrayal.
 
T

Tenks

Bronze Knight of the Realm
14,163
607
Selix_sl said:
If I need to lose 30 lbs just to pull in women who weight less then me then I'm going to retire from the dating scene for a year. This shit is crazy.
Click to expand...
You can weigh how much you weigh and get women as long as you're confident and funny. But if you're insecure and awkward you're not even going to pull in the whales.
 
Khane

Khane

Got something right about marriage
20,342
14,006
a_skeleton_03_sl said:
That's like your opinion man and you are entitled to it. Your opinion though comes from an aberrant view on sex. Your stance is that we can't control our sexual urges. This view is incorrect from a scientific and social construct viewpoint. Notice that aberrant is not a negative word and that your view might work in some relationships but you are failing to see is that it isn't a solution after the fact, it needs to be a choice before the betrayal.
Click to expand...
That is not my stance at all.... I'm not sure why you are drawing that conclusion. And I completely agree that it should be done before the betrayal and that her actions were a betrayal.
 
Noodleface

Noodleface

A Mod Real Quick
38,275
15,106
I've been on a terrible dry spell. Wife always feels like shit or thinks she looks like shit and whenever she wants to go at it she's really dry so the mood is killed. We have lube because she's always been a bit more dry than others, but still.

At this point I'd fuck a mitten filled with mayo.
 
T

The Ancient_sl

shitlord
7,386
16
Blazin_sl said:
I would say the primary reason I have sex with my wife is because it gives me a stronger feeling of emotional intimacy. We have a stronger relationship from doing it and as long as that was the result I would do it even if there was no physical gratification from it.

I think it's good to have different opinions in the thread, and I'm obviously biased towards my own position, but people in multi decade marriages with stable and healthy homes are the go to people for relationship device. Anyone who accomplishes that has above average relationship communications skills. Now those same people, like myself are completely useless for advice on courting and dating. It does sometimes feel the daters and people with failed marriages believe they are experts in both spectrum when evidence points to the contrary.
Click to expand...
What if I need advice about funding drug habits for strange women on the internet?
 
Noodleface

Noodleface

A Mod Real Quick
38,275
15,106
Well it didn't happen yet, but I am getting drunk tonight while the wife is out. If anyone is on the RR mumble and you hear some sweet music giong on it's me..
 
Eidal

Eidal

Molten Core Raider
2,001
213
Selix_sl said:
So.. do women gain like crazy amounts of weight as they get older? I mean I'm 5'9 200lb and I need to lose 30-50lbs myself but I swear everywhere I look in the 30+ age range women are 250-300 plus lbs. Some are actually pretty cool people who I would like a LOT but I cannot find myself remotely attracted those rows upon rows of fat. Maybe that is just an online dating thing at 30+? Indianapolis isn't exactly the dating scene... Makes me insecure. How do I look that these cholesterol storage units think I want them?
Click to expand...
Lol @ obese man complaining about women being obese.

The problem fatties often have is that they don't want each other. They have an idealized version of where they rank on the 1-10 scale because they're thinking of how they'd look after they "lost 30-50lbs", not how they look now.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.