Marriage and the Power of Divorce
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Tarrant
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Well you say you go out to drink after working all week and she doesn't work. Maybe she just wants to spend time with you?
My wife gets pissed when I go out to play D&D with my friends a few times a month. I'm usually gone from 2pm till 9:30pm. We used to go round and round about it...she's not a social person really, pretty introverted and even though we may not be doing something actively together while home, she just likes the thought of my being around. I get that, whatever. I used to play every Saturday and now I play twice a month and that's made things better. She'll still flip out occasionally about it but at that point I tell her that her not wanting a social life doesn't mean I don't want one. If she wants to lay in the room and watch 8 hours of Netflix on certain weekends that's fine but don't expect me to sit around all day because that's what she wants to do.
I'll usually bring her home dinner and then she's fine. You just gotta figure out a compromise.
Telling you're wife "fuck it, I'm going to drink every weekend no matter if you like it or not" isn't very adult or husbandly. Work out a compromise and that doesn't mean having a couple drinks instead of getting hammered, it means laying off on that weekend and spending time doing whatever else you do or that she would like to do together.
On a related note, I can't imagine going out to the bar every weekend while my wife was home pregnant, that whole thought process seems sorta messed up to me.
My wife gets pissed when I go out to play D&D with my friends a few times a month. I'm usually gone from 2pm till 9:30pm. We used to go round and round about it...she's not a social person really, pretty introverted and even though we may not be doing something actively together while home, she just likes the thought of my being around. I get that, whatever. I used to play every Saturday and now I play twice a month and that's made things better. She'll still flip out occasionally about it but at that point I tell her that her not wanting a social life doesn't mean I don't want one. If she wants to lay in the room and watch 8 hours of Netflix on certain weekends that's fine but don't expect me to sit around all day because that's what she wants to do.
I'll usually bring her home dinner and then she's fine. You just gotta figure out a compromise.
Telling you're wife "fuck it, I'm going to drink every weekend no matter if you like it or not" isn't very adult or husbandly. Work out a compromise and that doesn't mean having a couple drinks instead of getting hammered, it means laying off on that weekend and spending time doing whatever else you do or that she would like to do together.
On a related note, I can't imagine going out to the bar every weekend while my wife was home pregnant, that whole thought process seems sorta messed up to me.
Selix
Lord Nagafen Raider
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If he isn't lying then it leads me to believe one of the problems with online dating and women is that they tend to gravitate towards a small subset of the male population (like high school was with athletes) and then when women complain online dating doesn't work (possible due to lack of response from these men or being cheated on by men who get so much attention they want to sample everything and commit to nothing) it's because they have yet to realize that they are still going for looks first.
I have found that as women and men get older that it seems women tend to be wiling to settle for less in proportion to their age and men tend to demand more. This is just my own opinion though.
Sutekh
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It's not just women, guys are the same way. Basic bitches go for Basic dudes and the cycle repeats itself.
calhoonjugganaut
Trakanon Raider
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I definitely see the perspectives that have been posted. I don't get hammered every weekend and I can just work with a 6 pack when we do things that she wants to do. We seperate each weekend to do what I want to do and what she wants to do. I enjoy going to a pizza place and drinking on my weekends and she enjoys going to places to paint pottery or take pictures at new places and what not on her weekends. I'm in the Army and I'm literally gone for 14 hours a day unless it's a Friday because I live 30 mins from post. I think my frustration with the way that she acts is justified and maybe I just came to the wrong place for that peice of mind. One guy labeled me as a drunk and maybe to him I am because 2 out of 7 days a week I've had more alcohol than he's had in the past 3 months. All I want is a relationship with my wife that doesn't end up being an argument every weekend like it is now. My friends were over at the my house the other night and even told me I wasn't being off the wall or anything and she was the one that provoked the latest argument by pushing me. I feel like all she does is stay at home and watch reality TV...it's fucking Real House Wives of Atlanta, Vanderpump Rules, Catfish, and the list goes on. I've seen the same episode of Real House Wives of Atlanta 3 times because she keeps the TV on that channel in our bedroom. 3 god damned times! But I guess it's just me.
Sutekh
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Haha, come ask people what they think and when you get rational responses you think you came to the wrong place. If you were just looking to have your opinion reaffirmed then maybe you did come to the wrong place. Not that I agree with the guy that said it, but basically what you're describing is part of the definition of alcoholism. If you've got a problem with her staying at home all day why not challenge her to get out of the house and do something with her time? Maybe get a part-time job at a nursery (plant) or something that involves her hobbies. But lets be honest here, the original problem was she doesn't like that you drink every weekend, if your idea of "fun" on the weekend is grabbing a six pack and doing nothing then I'd say the problem rests more with you than it does her.
Oh your friends told you how psycho your wife is and how normal you are? I'm sure this will all end well. At least no children are invol... oh wait.
Oh your friends told you how psycho your wife is and how normal you are? I'm sure this will all end well. At least no children are invol... oh wait.
calhoonjugganaut
Trakanon Raider
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You put words together quite well and I won't be able to defend myself in such a way as to be on your level. I have challenged my wife to get out and get a job for the past 8 months but when I'm gone for the amount of time that I'm gone for every day I can't really check up on that. In fact, at this point if I ask her if she applied anywhere today I just get guff. I can't ask her the same shit every single day and not get some kind of rise out of her. We both have college degrees and I understand how hard it is to find a job that has any kind of longevity to it. That is one of the main reasons I'm in the military because there simply wasn't anything out there for me before I joined. You are right in saying I came to the wrong place for rational responses. It's kind of difficult to be 100% transparent in so many words without dropping a novel of the ins and outs of any marriage. As for getting my opinoin reaffirmed, I know I'm wrong a lot of the time. I'm not searching for someone in the exact same boat as me, I'm just trying to find something relatable that someone might have experienced that has worked for them.
Big Phoenix
Pronouns: zie/zhem/zer
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And this is why you dont get married on your first enlistment, or really at all in the military. Fact is she will never have a career because you will be moving every 3-4 years like clockwork.
Though to be truthful, if youre about to be a father imo the last thing you should be worried about is going out and "getting your drink on" every weekand.
Gavinmad
Mr. Poopybutthole
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Sutekh
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You don't need to defend yourself from me man. I'm not trying to attack you. What I'm trying to say is that from the limited information given I understand where your wife is coming from with her complaints. I can't say what your OTHER hobbies are instead of drinking, or what she's suggested you do in-place of drinking. But the idea of just getting a 6 pack and chilling doesn't really appeal to anyone, especially the vast majority of women I've known. In-fact it's funny, because a friend of mine had this same exact complaint about her boyfriend who was in the Navy, he'd come home and just go get drunk instead of doing things together.
This isn't exactly a new problem that people are having in relationships, this shit stems back to prohibition.
Obviously the smart thing to do, if you want "(All I want is) a relationship with my wife that doesn't end up being an argument every weekend like it is now." Is just simply talk to her like a reasonable adult and say if you don't like my drinking maybe we can do X instead. X being something else that you enjoy and can share with her.
Sutekh
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Tarrant
<Prior Amod>
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No one is saying "lol alcoholic" if you can't contribute to this conversation in a better way then see yourself out of it.
Nothing wrong with enjoying a beer or two but all he is describing as an activity to do is drinking. His first compromise to going out to get drunk was straying home to drink instead. That's not a good direction to go. I enjoy beer a great deal. I craft a lot...hell I got about 6 different batches going right now, though one if my spiced honey mead I give during the holidays and isn't for me.
Anyways...
There's nothing wrong with having a drink, but he's literally describing it as the only activity he wants to do. He's given us no other information and when he tried, it was also drinking. His wife (by his own words) gets drunk off a single drink so it's no wonder it's not an activity he's fond of participating in all the time...never mind the fact that shes pregnant and yet all he can do is get mad he can't get drunk.
Maybe worry about some relationship building activities or find a mutual hobby you guys can enjoy together and don't worry about how you can sneak a 6 pack into it along the way. I bet if you choose to drink every other weekend instead of worrying about when the next time you and your buddies could get tanked, things may be better. She's carrying your baby for Gods sake man, sack up and spend some sober time with her and make the time about her once in awhile.
Tarrant
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Considering he refers to it as "getting my drink on" sounds like his only objective is to get hammered and/or he is extremely, extremely immature. Seriously who has ever used that phrase outside of college when the lone objective was to pass out in Onoes bushes and shit in them?
Onoes lives in az, he has no bushes.
On the drinking topic. We don't know you so really we have no clue if you are an lush or not. But if the main or only point of contention for you guys is the volume and timing of your drinking then you need to be more accommodating. This is your wife. No hobby or pass time should come between you guys like that. Make an effort to compromise with her. Most people would be okay if you scaled the intake back and made an effort to be involved with them. If she wants you to go full non drinking then you can step back and let her know that isn't reasonable.
On the drinking topic. We don't know you so really we have no clue if you are an lush or not. But if the main or only point of contention for you guys is the volume and timing of your drinking then you need to be more accommodating. This is your wife. No hobby or pass time should come between you guys like that. Make an effort to compromise with her. Most people would be okay if you scaled the intake back and made an effort to be involved with them. If she wants you to go full non drinking then you can step back and let her know that isn't reasonable.
stupidmonkey
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I live in AZ and have bushes. They have not been shit in yet though.
To the point this sounds like an issue with the drinking. It's one thing to have a beer or two and it's another to have to go out seeking it because of a shitty situation or issue. I've dealt with addicts in multiple facets and they will come up with any excuse to justify their fix.