Marriage and the Power of Divorce

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Khane

Khane

Got something right about marriage
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Big Phoenix_sl said:
Yeah theres a reason why open relationships and swinging isnt the norm.
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Yea, religion and power consolidation. Unless you want to argue marriage statistics and why that only has like a 50/50 shot of working out and maintaining fulfilling, happy relationships for a person's lifetime.
 
Onoes

Onoes

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Khane_sl said:
That's not true, sometimes people are happy with each other in every way except for physically. So you can part ways because that one aspect is no longer satisfying or you can fulfill it elsewhere while still being with someone you consider your companion.
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I sure thought this was my situation when I was married. Turns out, I don't really like my X wife all that much. Took a year of dealing with her after the divorce, and seeing how our friendship was nothing like my other actual friendships.
 
Noodleface

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Onoes_sl said:
I sure thought this was my situation when I was married. Turns out, I don't really like my X wife all that much. Took a year of dealing with her after the divorce, and seeing how our friendship was nothing like my other actual friendships.
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Sometimes it takes a second look from another perspective to truly see how a person is. It's tough to see that when you live with a person 24/7 and don't "know any better" for a lack of a better phrase.
 
Noodleface

Noodleface

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Soygen_sl said:
Or it takes a good long lookbeforeyou actually marry them.
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True, but it's been said multiple time that some people just change like a light-switch being turned on when they get married. Maybe signs are there for some, but I know a lot of people where the person just instantly changes.

My brother-in-law is going through this. They bought a house and she instantly turned into a psycho.
 
Kirun

Kirun

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Familiarity and comfort breeds contempt. As much as they'll preach otherwise, women need constant indignation.
 
Onoes

Onoes

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Soygen_sl said:
Or it takes a good long lookbeforeyou actually marry them.
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Right, because there is no chance that my ex changed fundamentally as a person from 18 to 30. If only I had watched her for 12 years before asking her to marry me, I would have known that I wouldn't like the person she would become. :p
 
Famm

Famm

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Onoes_sl said:
I sure thought this was my situation when I was married. Turns out, I don't really like my X wife all that much. Took a year of dealing with her after the divorce, and seeing how our friendship was nothing like my other actual friendships.
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Wait, what? I thought you guys were total buds and shit? Haven't you been talking about helping her move and getting along astoundingly well?
 
Soygen

Soygen

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Onoes_sl said:
Right, because there is no chance that my ex changed fundamentally as a person from 18 to 30. If only I had watched her for 12 years before asking her to marry me, I would have known that I wouldn't like the person she would become. :p
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Actually, yes. Waiting until your 30 to get married is probably one of the smartest things anyone can do, relationship-wise.
 
Khane

Khane

Got something right about marriage
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The fact of the matter is it doesn't matter how long you wait or how much you consider the weight of it, getting married requires a leap of faith. You never really know. So you can pretend "well that didn't work just because they shouldn't have gotten married" but there is no scientific basis in nature for why humans would ever choose to be monogamous. And there is no one person who can fulfill everything you want out of a partner forever. There is no 10/10. There is no perfect person out there for you. And there is no evolutionary benefit to sexual monogamy BrotherWu. It's entirely a social construct. Even the "happily" married men in this thread by and large say they would never get married again if this one doesn't work out.

I don't mean to say getting married or being monogamous is stupid or foolish. I don't think that. But you're fooling yourself if you think it's the defacto natural state of intimate human relationships.
 
Tarrant

Tarrant

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I think for many, (not all) 30 is the age that people finally figure out what they are doing and what direction they are going.
 
lurkingdirk

lurkingdirk

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While I don't disagree with the sentiment, and I certainly think it is entirely provable that most people feel that way now, it does make it harder. When in life are you going to be care free and surrounded by people of the opposite sex your same age? Many years ago, marrying right out of high school was common. More recently, marrying in/right out of college was common. Now, it's common to wait until you are independently established, and find people with common interests. But it is harder to work 9-5 and find those people. Bars are tricky, online dating is a minefield...You just don't have the same core group of eligible people that you did when you were in college.

I'm not saying that's a good reason to get married, but I think it has something to do both with why so many people do it, and why so many of those marriages end badly.
 
BrotherWu

BrotherWu

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It may be true that there is no evolutionary driver to behave monogamously (on the contrary, perhaps) but I think there is one to expect it out of your partner. I realize this isn't "fair" but it seems to me that the male would not want to be hunting for and providing shelter for some other male's offspring and the female would want all resources to be directed toward whatever offspring she has, not split among multiple females. Simplistic and maybe bordering on RP shit but it makes sense to me on the surface at least.
 
Khane

Khane

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BrotherWu_sl said:
It may be true that there is no evolutionary driver to behave monogamously (on the contrary, perhaps) but I think there is one to expect it out of your partner. I realize this isn't "fair" but it seems to me that the male would not want to be hunting for and providing shelter for some other male's offspring and the female would want all resources to be directed toward whatever offspring she has, not split among multiple females. Simplistic and maybe bordering on RP shit but it makes sense to me on the surface at least.
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The cultures of people that aren't monogamous (the few that exist) show that their existences are entirely communal. Every single person in that community contributes, they share everything. Food, shelter, partners, they all raise each other's kids, etc etc etc. And people who show selfish tendencies are generally admonished and looked down upon.

I'm not saying one way is right and one way is wrong, it's just that for us in our societies it's hard to wrap our heads around something that isn't monogamous because it's the only thing we ever see here from the time we are children. For the most part.

We tend to be far more selfish as a result of this.
 
iannis

iannis

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The AI that monitors rerolled seems to have decided that the humor was too dark, and cross posted an aburdity for me again!
 
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