Marriage and the Power of Divorce
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Tarrant
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In Minnesota? Rarely does anyone get sole custody and honestly I wouldn't do that to her. I'm okay with her having physical rights to him, I just don't want him living with her the majority of the time....and that, in this state, while has got better is still a very tough up hill battle.
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Considering this outcome, isn't she the real winner here?
Rough situation, sir. In all of this, please spend a lot of time talking to your son. I can't remember how old he is. But you are right about him possibly becoming a target, and that sort of thing could really help in your desire for custody. I do admire you for not wanting to just keep him away from his mother. That takes strength of character, so good for you. You obviously still care about her.
Tarrant
<Prior Amod>
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He's 4 1/2 and has no idea about anything and I'm not going to bring anything up until I have a solid exit strategy which will still take a bit to do.
And I do still love her, i care about what happens to her a great deal. But it got to the point where...the only way I can explain it is if you've seen a dog that gets beat a lot, and you raise your hand to pet it and it's first reaction is to flinch....that's how I feel my every day is and has been for the last year or two.
I'll always care for her, and she truly does love our son....but I can't live like that anymore.
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I apologise if anything I wrote seemed preachy or judgemental. That certainly wasn't my intent. It's good that you care for her. It's good that your son doesn't know anything. My advice is that when you have an exit strategy, make sure to construct a narrative that your 4 1/2 year old can understand - not details, or rational reasoning. Just a reason that you and mom will be living in different places, and he will be able to see both of you, and blah blah blah you get the idea. Constructing and implementing that narrative before you disappear is, I think, important. Perhaps you have the exit strategy in place, and let your wife in on it, and stay over a weekend before leaving to set this up with your kid. Do it together, if possible.
And people who have depression suffer, but so do their families, there is no question of that. If your wife has lost the will to push herself and try, that's no way for you to live.
Tarrant
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Tarrant
<Prior Amod>
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Oh, no your post was fine. Sorry if I made it seem like it wasn't. I need to move stuff out that I don't want her to destroy as well, everything will have to happen fast. get
Why is it that you have to leave? Couldn't she go live with her family or if they exist, friends?
stupidmonkey
Not Smrt
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Get her a pedicure and spa day. Have your friends swarm the place. Done before she's home.
Eomer
Trakanon Raider
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Sorry to hear things are going to shit. I don't recall the background to your marrying this chick in the first place specifically, but I do seem to recall you posted a fair amount on the FOH boards about your previous marriage. Didn't a lot of people warn you that you were jumping in to the next marriage way the fuck too quick?Tarrant_sl said:
I dunno, in reading that, I cam away feeling like Khane totally blew that shit out of all proportion. But maybe there's more background that I missed or something. I just don't see why canceling a single date is such a big deal.
Cad
scientia potentia est
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I thought Khane had decided she wasn't that into him or was branch-swinging (#redpill) and no matter what she said, he was going to dump her. I mean you know her better than we do and it's only a 6 week relationship so whatever, but if she was trying to give you space, and you intentionally didn't text or call when apart because redpill, then what did you think was going to happen? She even said she was trying not to be naggy and tell you to call/text more. That seems pretty reasonable to me. Women like attention and if you intentionally withhold that because reasons then you know whats going to happen.
Koushirou
Log Wizard
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It's one thing to call her out on giving a vague, bullshit reason for canceling a date, which she did, but jumping from her needing to think about your relationship when there's needs not being met on her end to accusing her of already riding a new dick is a bit unreasonable.
Gavinmad
Mr. Poopybutthole
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You're still a terrible mod, but you seemed like an ok guy the few times you were in IRC, so I'm sorry this shit is happening to you. Don't click the spoiler.
I MEAN A REALLY FUCKING TERRIBLE MOD
Really sucks though. Friend of mine went through a profoundly awkward divorce followed by a fairly awkward split with her rebound, but she's happily remarried now. I hope things work out for you though. Sucks about your son, I don't know how I'd deal with my parents divorcing and I'm 33. Can't even imagine what it's like for a five year old.