Marriage and the Power of Divorce

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wormie

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Gavinmad_sl said:
Not that a forever alone basement dweller is any more of an authority on the subject, but he's only right when he points out that you deliberately concealed your marriage. The rest of his post sounds like an escape of pent up bitterness from the way his own home life is circling the bowl. Married or not, you've been with your wife for 9 years, that's not something you lightly toss away because you're infatuated with a classmate.

I will say it's funny how you seem to have an epiphany about this every day though. Yesterday you were like you guys are right, I need to calm down and let this go, and tonight you're more like 'i think this chick is my soulmate'.
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Yeah I was referencing chaos' suggestion that I was concealing the fact that I am married. I didnt think it was necessary to ever bring it up since I was not planning on developing any sort emotional attachments. In hindsight, that was a stupid fucking thing to do and that is why I tried rectifying it yesterday. As for me flip flopping constantly, after I do my whole "woe is me!" shit here, I go and talk to her and everything flips upside down and I am back here again with the same cry baby shit.

And yes I know I should stop talking to her. But this girl scratches an itch that not a soul around me is even close to touching. Yesterday was a great example of this. There was no school yesterday so we just talked in text from 5 pm to 5 am, a few messages a minute, every minute. Not counting the brief digression into life stories, we started off talking about system theory and the connection to non reductionism, which flowed into a discussion on emergent properties and we ended up 12 hours later dissecting Tarkovsky's Solaris and the effects of conscious manipulations of association patterns in the brain on overall views of reality. Yeah it sounds like a lot of pointless mental masturbation but I could have gone on for another 12 hours talking about it. And she was the one driving most of the conversation and every time this happens I am left in awe and want more and more. There is no one in my life that comes close to such levels of intellectual stimulation and no one around me that challenges my brain in such a way. This is the "connection" I keep rambling on about.

chaos_sl said:
I'm just fucking around in my post.I was serious about the deliberate withholding though.

Dude this sounds like straight up infatuation. Tons of married guys deal with this. Bottom line is that it wears off. You really do have a good thing with your wife and it is 100% certain that you will not feel the same about study girl down the road. Like I said, could be good or bad, idk, I can barely run my own life.

Jerking off before talking to her actually isn't a bad idea. It might help clear your head.
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Its not like I have not been attracted to other women in the last 10 years. I have been and its never been an issue to just ignore it. If this was purely sexual, I would not be in this dilemma.

Famm_sl said:
Basically there's multiple ways to regret going through with this. Its going to be a lot easier to live with letting her get away than to live with losing everything else when she turns out to be a pain in the ass. Stop trying to convince yourself there's something "wrong" with your marriage because you want this girl, its nonsense. Don't feel guilty or tell your wife either. But if you put this all behind you maybe try to make some changes, in addition to the the less porn/more sex, to get your marriage back in a space where you share some better quality times again.
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It probably would be easier to let it go and forget about her. But I cant shake the feeling that maybe I deserve to try something that feels life altering. Even if it ends up really bad.

Anyway, I am going to dial back on posting on this topic. If I post nothing more then I distanced myself from the study buddy but if i get pics of a threesome or ruin my life, I will update you guys on it. Thank you everyone who offered their help.
 
Phazael

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I wish you could hear what you sound like from an impartial position, wormie. You don't realize it, but your dick is really rationalizing a lot of bad choices right now. Frankly, you sound like a woman rationalizing to herself about how she is in the right to trade up. At the end of the day, its your life and you gotta live with yourself, but in my view you are trashing your marriage simply to have a crack at some young strange. And frankly, you did it all to yourself. A 20 something college age hooch is going to get swept up by an older guy who seems to have his shit together and I can understand her trading up at this point in her life (even if I do not agree with the practice), but you frankly should know better. Plus how loyal do you expect granola girl to be if she is willing to ditch out on another relationship to be a home wrecker? Red Flags abound, but you refuse to heed them.

Stop talking to this woman and go do some real shit with your wife. Fuck her. Go hiking. Visit friends. ANYTHING. Marriage is fucking work and if you are bored its at least halfway your fault. Don't mistake that new pussy smell addling your brain for anything other than what it is.
 
Kirun

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wormie_sl said:
Yeah I was referencing chaos' suggestion that I was concealing the fact that I am married.I didnt think it was necessary to ever bring it upsince I was not planning on developing any sort emotional attachments.
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And yet...

wormie_sl said:
And to no ones surprise, I spent theentire nightbullshitting with her. Did I mention my wife is at her parents house for 2 days due to jew holidays?
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Entirenight "bullshitting" were her while your wife is out of town..

wormie_sl said:
We spend time together at school after classes and then spend evenings and nights talking over text or skype. I am absolutely infatuated with this woman. I cant get her out of my head, my every waking moment is spent longing for her attention. I cant concentrate when I have no access to her. I cant sleep, I cant eat, I feel fucking helpless. And we havent even had sex yet (I refuse to do that to my wife but I am certainly losing the will power the longer this goes on), its all been "accidental" hand touching and shit like that, as if I am in fucking junior high. Its driving me insane.
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You have every class together, spend time togetherafterclass, and you spend your nights texting andskypingthis chick? Yet, through all this time spent together, you being married hasn't come up once? Yeah, either you were making every possible effort you could to conceal it, or I'm calling bullshit. I'm leaning toward the latter, because even if your wife is working 10-12 hours most days like you claim, there's no fucking way you'd be spending this much time with this girl without your wife noticing something was up.

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Eomer

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Iannis_sl said:
They're Phillipino's though.
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heh, my brother's father in law brought a woman over from the Phillipines a few years ago. I don't remember all the details, but basically he was separated from his wife, but not legally divorced. I think they still officially aren't. But he had been living on his own for awhile, and he just showed up one day to a family gathering with this little flip woman who could barely speak english that no one knew a fucking thing about. She only stuck around for a couple of weeks before going home. My brother suspects that she left once she realized that the father in law is going senile (he's in his 60's) and doesn't have a pot to piss in. My bro's in laws are basically a sit com or movie script, it's fucking ridiculous. The only normal one is his wife, the rest are so fucked up it's mind boggling.
 
Phazael

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Kirun_sl said:
You have every class together, spend time togetherafterclass, and you spend your nights texting andskypingthis chick? Yet, through all this time spent together, you being married hasn't come up once? Yeah, either you were making every possible effort you could to conceal it, or I'm calling bullshit. I'm leaning toward the latter, because even if your wife is working 10-12 hours most days like you claim, there's no fucking way you'd be spending this much time with this girl without your wife noticing something was up.
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I had that thought as well, but my gut says he is being sincere. First off, a lot of guys are this stupid, especially ones who are complacent in their marriage with a lot of free time on their hands. I have seen many weak willed men (and women) nuke perfectly stable marriages in the name of dipping their wick in infatuation. Second, wormie's prior posting history leads me to believe that he is both weak willed and foolish enough to do this to himself. So, in short, the idea that a guy with a good marriage in a rut would create problems for himself with a younger girl he gets to spend lots of time with is hardly unbelievable. A lot of men less dense than him have done some incredibly stupid things to wreck their personal lives.
 
Famm

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Kirun, he said his wife works 10-12 hours and they only see each other an hour a day tops anyway. The time with this girl is text/skype I think, not in person.

There's plenty more that can be said to you wormie, but since you said you're going to stop posting about it until there's a real update I'm just going to stop too I guess.
 
Agraza

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I think we should withhold future advice until we get pics of the women in question. and by we I mean y'all.
 
Frenzied Wombat

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After two divorces my dad settled down with a Philipino chick, living with her for twenty years before keeling over from an aneurysm one morning while banging her at the age of 69. His first two wives (my mom included) were the typical entitled types that would nag him to death and constantly pressured him to work less but make more money. The Philipino chick coming from a childhood that involved taking care of six younger siblings and scrubbing clothes by hand in a Philipino fishing village obviously had lower expectations, and was just happy that he worked and brought home a steady pay check. She owned her stay at home position and never once whined about him helping to clean up after he got to work. One of my dad's final speeches to me was to never marry a Western woman.
 
opiate82

opiate82

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Before I start, just for the record, I love pronography. I would never watch anything but pornography if I could get away with it.

But seriously, this:
Famm_sl said:
Stop using porn and start banging your wife more often.
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Divy it up however you like, what you are feeling for this new chick is lust, not love. You'll be surprised at how quickly that spark for your wife comes back when you stop supplementing your sex life with porn.

Also, you said that if you were to cheat on your wife your marriage would be over whether she found out or not. Well the way you are talking I would say you are already emotionally cheating on your wife. You need to cut the communication with this chick way back... or try for the threesome.
 
TJT

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Ah yes, mail order brides. I've met like 8 in my life. Some in Alaska. Most all at the same place and all, at some point, married the same guy. Never at the same time though. There is a small resort up in the Hood River area I used to go with my parents every year, as they arranged SCUBA diving trips throughout the PNW.

I forget the name of this resort specifically, but we always took it as we were able to rent the entire place out to the people we were taking on the trip. Owner was a dude named Mike and his staff was entirely his wife and ex-wives. They were all bumpkin mail order bitches from Russia who weren't smart enough to abuse the American legal system. I kind of admire the ingenuity in this. The women were probably from rural areas and weren't strangers to actually working, and not educated enough to really learn English (especially not the older ones). Mike took the trouble to learn Russian though and I only ever heard him speaking to them in Russian. Front desk cute current wife spoke broken ass English though. This was like ten years ago or so, I'm sure he has a different one now.

Seems his entire ploy was to get one in her early 20's. Stay with her for 8-10 years before divorcing and getting another. How he convinced them to stay and work there I have absolutely no fucking clue.

A ton of my father's friends in Alaska had mail order broads too. He is a fisherman and spent a lot of time in Alaska throughout the 70's and 80's. Getting mail order Russians there is extremely common, as the fisherman have tons of cash to spend and live in areas that are in short supply of women. Ketchikan would have been a shitty place to be, no doubt.

Entire agencies cater to rich fisherman to go on "tours" to Moscow where you meet/greet/fuck whoever they're trying to broker you with. The one I knew best was a total lifelong bachelor type and went on at least ten of these trips and never married anyone. In classic fashion the guy does have like 4 kids with various women though. The fisherman seem to do well with these girls though. For reasons mentioned above.

I'm sure it CAN work. But you really need to get the dumber ones who are not educated, speak shit English and are barely literate. The smart ones will just fuck over if you're not an Alpha motherfucker who does whatever he wants. They expect this. But it creates a vicious cycle since mostly beta shitheads go for the service.
 
Deathwing

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opiate82_sl said:
You'll be surprised at how quickly that spark for your wife comes back when you stop supplementing your sex life with porn.
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But what will I think of when banging my wife?


I'm not saying you're wrong, but I wondering there is perhaps correlation vs causation going on here. One my favorite things is to just basically fart around on my computer. Which consists of looking at porn, listening to music, watching various movies/youtube videos, and playing video games. Often all at the same time, each one continually distracting from the others.

Is porn really not making you want to bang your wife? Or is just another time consuming thing like video games that falls into the "oh just another 5 minutes" category?
 
Khane

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Deathwing_sl said:
But what will I think of when banging my wife?


I'm not saying you're wrong, but I wondering there is perhaps correlation vs causation going on here. One my favorite things is to just basically fart around on my computer. Which consists of looking at porn, listening to music, watching various movies/youtube videos, and playing video games. Often all at the same time, each one continually distracting from the others.

Is porn really not making you want to bang your wife? Or is just another time consuming thing like video games that falls into the "oh just another 5 minutes" category?
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I don't know about you but for a good few hours after I rub one out, and sometimes for the rest of the day, I couldn't care less about sex.

There are many times where I've been on the edge of texting someone I don't really want to see just for a booty call and then I tug one out and lose any and all desire to contact them. Can't imagine it being much different with your wife (in regards to wanting to sex her up)
 
Deathwing

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Good point, something that completely slipped my mind. I'm probably the odd one out in that I'll look at porn without actually "finishing", with the assumption that the wife wants to do something later. Works out a little less than half the time.
 
Noodleface

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I typically only watch the ol' spank tubes if I'm not getting any, otherwise my dick and balls can wait. Am I alone?
 
Khane

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Deathwing_sl said:
I'm probably the odd one out in that I'll look at porn without actually "finishing", with the assumption that the wife wants to do something later
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I think that's the best way to approach it. Stimulate yourself into turbo horn dog mode and create anticipation, then when she comes home get after the wife with vigor and gusto.
 
Haast

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Deathwing_sl said:
Is porn really not making you want to bang your wife? Or is just another time consuming thing like video games that falls into the "oh just another 5 minutes" category?
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I agree with Famm's suggestion because Wormie said:
- He had as much sex as he wanted, which is less than his wife wants
- He avoids "going to the trouble" of sexing the wife by rubbing one out to porn

Porn is being used to avoid filling your partner's need. Bad practice. Porn has it's place, but that isn't it.

Though nothing will ever be as baller as the poster that was jacking off in his living room, wife walks in and asks WTF, and he tells her to fuck off so he can finish. LOL. Think it was Lendarios.

Also, I'll be that guy I guess: Wormie, if you are convinced your marriage is going nowhere and that trying for a relationship with class girl is definitely worth sinking your marriage no matter the outcome, go for it. The end result may be really shitty. Like, class girl doesn't work out in spectacular fashion, leaving you fucked both personally and academically, and you go through an ugly divorce. Or it could go awesome. Class girl really is the match you've been looking for and you find out your wife has been getting gang-banged at doctor orgies, so you get a fat settlement with a non-disclosure agreement. VICTORY!
 
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