Marriage and the Power of Divorce

Noodlemod_sl said:

I started working on the office myself today. She was getting all upset because I was moving stuff but I just said fuck it. You can actually walk in there now so there's that.

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You still haven't provided pics of the mess. Not your office please.

It shouldn't be hard to just snap a picture of the state of your house unless you are trying to make sure to capture something particular to prove your point.

It does kinda sound like she's splits, Eomer-bro. And it sounds like just the fact that you HAVE money combined with the fact that she doesn't know how she's going to MAKE money is a knot that she's not been able to figure out how to untwist.

I would imagine that she doesn't want to feel dependent on you and she realizes that if you two get married then she's dependent on you. And so brass tacks, that's the choice. What kind of mother does she want to be? The very first answer to that question is, "What type of father am I picking for my child?"

Or else she's just been really coddled her entire life... and expects you to coddle her out of this. Which, you ain't her daddy. You ain't gonna do that. And you shouldn't. And now she's accepting that you're not gonna be doing that.

She doesn't wanna feel like a junior partner, and no matter how much you tell her that she isn't a junior partner she still feels like one. That's on her, that's completely on her. The absolute best thing that you did is to remind her, without any sort of fight or disagreement, that itison her. If you fixed that problem for her then she would be a junior partner.

Isn't she supposed to be some sort of Masters in Psych student? How does she not "get" that?

She doesn't wanna stereotypically marry up.

Silly damn girl. The first rich doctor that proposes to me...

will probably spend the rest of their lives regretting that hasty action. Free shit. Free shit everywhere.

The Ancient_sl said:

You still haven't provided pics of the mess. Not your office please.

It shouldn't be hard to just snap a picture of the state of your house unless you are trying to make sure to capture something particular to prove your point.

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Im typically not around too often on the weekends man. I know you're sitting there frothing at the mouth thinking I'm autistic

That spectrum shit is a joke, I'm curious how bad the mess is. You could be whining about a tiny mess and still not be autistic or you might post something that looks like it was from hoarders and really reinforce your criticism of your wife.

It's either the mess or her boobs. We are not tyrants.

Eomer_sl said:

I asked her what exactly she was getting at in contrasting our families then, and she said she wasn't sure what she meant.

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LOL
Now you know how she's talking about you to anyone who asks. She must have realized that other people would laugh in her face if she complained that you were too nice. So now you and your family are villains that she had to escape from.

Yeah. She's making a mistake of pride. She'll regret it and you'll forget it.

Don't take her back, Eomer-bro.

I mean unless you really love her and want to put up with this shit for the rest of your life. Or at least the next few years. A baby might distract her for a while, but once that thing's grown she'll come back to this. And you'll be 60 listening to a wife that resents you for being too good to her.

I'm not running her down. It is a much more difficult thing to graciously receive a gift than it is to graciously give one. You know what i'm talking about if you think about it, it is truly humbling. She feels that the balance is off, and it probably is. But there ain't jack shit that you can do about that. That's just a thing that is. She either has to compensate, accept, or leave. Those are the choices.

Go full blown single and measure response, E. 28 is late for a woman to decide to end it after 3 years. You being rich is a prob a disadvantage in this regard because they'll hang on longer trying to make it work for that reason.

The Ancient_sl said:

That spectrum shit is a joke, I'm curious how bad the mess is. You could be whining about a tiny mess and still not be autistic or you might post something that looks like it was from hoarders and really reinforce your criticism of your wife.

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I usually don't like to post my dirty laundry, but here is literally my dirty laundry. I noticed my clothes were not turning up in my rack, so I snapped a pic of our laundry situation. Now bros, laundry is fairly easy. I mean you put it in the machine and then you take it out. It takes like 5 minutes to fold it. So yesterday I did all the laundry. How far on the spectrum am I?

Eomer_sl said:

So, I dunno, probably not worth droning on too long about. It's going to be an adjustment for sure, after spending all of my 20's and early 30's single and without a roommate, we'd settled in to a nice routine after 3 years together and 2 years living together. A big part of me is actually looking forward to being single again and not having to answer to anyone, eating what I want when I want, getting as drunk or stoned as I want, and so on. But the other part wonders if I'm just fooling myself with that, and what exactly I'm going to do with myself. The good news is I've got a nice, busy winter booked up with ski trips already and I've got lots of friends who are single, or if not single, don't have kids, so I shouldn't have a hard time keeping myself busy and not just sitting around moping.

The feels bros. The feels.

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Yeah, it is done. If you have been dating for 3 years and decide that the holidays are a good time to be apart, it's done. I think you've already tumbled to that.

Getting out of a relationship that slowly turned miserable is very freeing once the initial system shock wears off. There may be some bad, it will turn good soon enough.

DickTrickle_sl said:

I'm guessing a lot of people saying it's so easy probably haven't done full time, invested, stay at home parenting themselves. There's a lot of variables at play but I hardly think it's a vacation for most who do it. Not to mention the potential isolation or weird power differential issues that can develop (but those aren't really time related).

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I don't see people saying it is easy or a vacation. It is a job that requires effort and like a normal job, you need to do all parts well including the ones you don't like. So an occasionally messy house is understandable, but a constant train wreck is not.

Noodlemod_sl said:

I usually don't like to post my dirty laundry, but here is literally my dirty laundry. I noticed my clothes were not turning up in my rack, so I snapped a pic of our laundry situation. Now bros, laundry is fairly easy. I mean you put it in the machine and then you take it out. It takes like 5 minutes to fold it. So yesterday I did all the laundry. How far on the spectrum am I?

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To be fair, I never doubted you. But it seems your wife has punched her early retirement ticket on you. Gotta get it resolved somehow before it becomes an even bigger problem. If talks break down or don't work, consider counseling. She needs to understand this is serious for you and you aren't going to work a job AND take care of everything in the house just because she finds it inconvenient. And if you let it slide early, it will be harder to resolve in the future.

Yeah I explained it a bit more to her last night. She kept going "I know I know" and "I'm sorry" and "I'm a shitty wife". We'll see if things change and then go from there. I can't take pics of the rest of the house yet because a lot of the areas have photos up or piles of mail lying around. It's like she has some mail hoarding disease (her mother does).

That actually looks worse than my clothes-pile.

I'm a bachelor and 100% do not give a shit about anything except my work clothes. Those I hang and iron.

Don't let her get away with, "I'm a shitty wife". Nah, you're not a shitty wife... this place is just turning into a sty.

She's kind of a shitty wife. What's her access to money?

Picasso_sl said:

She's kind of a shitty wife. What's her access to money?

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Full access. I trust my wife with money (she's actually more budget conscious than me)

That's fine but if she can lay on her ass all day and order whatever she wants off Amazon that's not. She has the kid caged, you're working 12 hours a day and can't even get clean clothes and dinner? That's bullshit.

Edit - just wanted to disclaim my perspective applies to good looking people, depending on how ugly you are you may have to make some concessions.