Szlia
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***WARNING MOVIE NERD PUN AHEAD***
I see you like cake. Or that, at the very least, you don't like Pi.
Noah (2014)
- Thread starter Fedor
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Guest, it's time once again for the massively important and exciting FoH Asshat Tournament!
Go here and give us your nominations!Who's been the biggest Asshat in the last year? Give us your worst ones!
I see you like cake. Or that, at the very least, you don't like Pi.
iannis
Musty Nester
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Hey, the heart wants what the heart wants. And sometimes I just wanna yell at the TV.
TrollfaceDeux
Pronouns: zie/zhem/zer
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Drakurii
Golden Baron of the Realm
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You should be in church on Sunday, you're the reason another flood is coming HEATHEN...
Lithose
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Eomer
Trakanon Raider
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Yeah, I'd give it decent. Good cast, some scenes were breathtakingly beautiful, and it was a much more complex story than I anticipated. I walked out of the theatre reasonably satisfied.
This guy gets it.Sebudai_sl said:
Gask
Silver Baron of the Realm
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This was an enjoyable film and had it not had a guy named Noah or a large wooden ship it would have easily fit in as one of the better post apocalyptic / sci fi films of recent years. Ray Winstone made a good villain, Crowe was decent and the golem / angels were great additions and made fairly sympathetic characters. My only complaint was that Noah's second son Ham came off as a blank Hurr Durr, dropped on his head as a baby, sort of fellow; he never showed any real emotion despite the things that happened to him and which supposedly led him to make certain dramatic decisions later on.
ohkcrlho
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Void
BAU BAU
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I had to kill time while my car was being worked on, so sat through this movie. The golems were by far the worst part of the movie for me. Along with stuff like the obviously placed fantasy animals that no longer exist because one of them got killed before they could reproduce or the mystical God-ore that no longer exists, it all came off as someone feeling the need to put as many fantasy elements as they possibly could into a story, for no other reason than to do it. I felt they did nothing to further my enjoyment of the movie, and actually made me dislike it. I could care less about the "factual consistency" of a Bible story, so that isn't the source of my problem at all. But we all sort of know the story of Noah's Ark, just like we know the story of Achilles, for example. It would be like the movie Troy including space aliens as the reason Achilles was so special. Yeah, it technically fulfills the requirements of the story, but it isn't the story any of us have ever heard before, and it wasn't billed as a "fantasy interpretation" of the original so there was no reasonable expectation that it would be so far removed from the original.
If the previews had prepared me for a very loosely based fantasy version of the story, I might not have minded. But it didn't, so I wasn't expecting the golems, the smoke-belching all-encompassing industrial cities or the wastelands of blackened earth. Russell Crowe did a good job, like he usually does, of being a man beset with hard decisions, and the rest of the cast was fine, especially the Mickey Rourke lookalike.
Now, if it had been as you said and it wasn't a guy named Noah with a wooden ship, I might have enjoyed the movie just fine. But since it was, all those other elements really ruined the movie for me. I was disappointed.
Holy fuck. This movie was terrible! Not only will it alienate anyone who halfway cares about the bible it's bland as fuck. I couldn't care less about the characters. I wanted them all to die! Fuck the movie made me wish the theater would flood so I'd die and it would be over. Instead we opted to leave early.
Gask
Silver Baron of the Realm
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You sound like anyone else who goes into a film expecting a certain experience based upon what you have already been exposed to and thus have a preference for and leave disappointed, I've been there myself. I was bothered by the same things that you were at first but I was able to let that go and enjoy the experience for what it was which is a pretty hard thing for me to do generally but I'm glad I was able to. As far as the integrity of the original story goes... that's still there and in the same broad strokes, just with some artistic license added in minus the two crises at the end, but that said, those problems could have conceivably arisen given the circumstances.
As for the golems/angels there actually is some Biblical precedent for them though I can't quote it; something along the lines of a band of them taking pity on Adam and Eve and meddling in human affairs against the will of God thus suffering a curse and having their forms twisted and encrusted in the earth. Pretty cool stuff actually and why this would have been an excellent Sci Fi film minus the boat and Noah. When all is said and done though this was no masterpiece of any description and some of the acting and dialogue choices (from supporting cast mostly) were pretty underwhelming but it was enjoyable enough and fairly entertaining.
Dude.... for real???? I really do not give two fucks about staying true to the bible story in all honesty, but lets just be real here and say that outside of a few people with the correct first name and a wooden boat with animals on it there are no fucking similarities.
Tell me if I remake Ferris Bueller's Day Off and the only two parts I reuse are the Ferrari and a guy named Ferris who acts completely fucking different then Ferris in the original would you call that broad strokes lol?
khalid
Unelected Mod
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The story of Noah in the bible is a few fucking paragraphs. Having the correct name and a wooden boat with animals on it is pretty much exactly the same. Especially considering the entire Noah story was cribbed from other religions, complaining about a remake of it is silly as fuck.
Gask
Silver Baron of the Realm
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Saying integrity may have been an error as the details change the tone of the story but you are overreacting a wee bit. The story in broad terms is the same (Boat, Man, Good, Evil, God, Salvation, Beasts) just filled up with details (which the original lacked as it's very short) however invented they may be so that an action film could be created for better or for worse. I don't condemn or advocate anything they did as I was only rating it as a piece of frivolous entertainment and not as a serious theological interpretation of the original. As far as entertainment goes; yeah it was amusing, mission accomplished.
Cybsled
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Ya, the Noah story in the bible is pretty much one of those universal story themes. Virtually every culture/religion on the planet (past or present) had an epic flood story. It was like the ancient version of the network TV police procedural: Every channel has one and although they make minor changes and try to mix things up, at their core they are the same damned show.
Eomer
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Gask is correct, the story in Genesis about Noah is wicked short with zero detail:Genesis 7 KJV - And the LORD said unto Noah, Come thou - Bible Gateway
Noah must have been one hell of a hot carpenter, in the Bible he was only given 7 days to build the ark. In any case, the actual story in the Bible is barely a hundred words long, not counting all the repeating shit in the second half of that chapter. I don't see why anyone would give a shit about the moving taking artistic license with it, because if it didn't, the movie would be about 5 minutes long. If that.
Noah must have been one hell of a hot carpenter, in the Bible he was only given 7 days to build the ark. In any case, the actual story in the Bible is barely a hundred words long, not counting all the repeating shit in the second half of that chapter. I don't see why anyone would give a shit about the moving taking artistic license with it, because if it didn't, the movie would be about 5 minutes long. If that.
Sterling
El Presidente
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Well he was a superhuman and he had help from both angels and the lizards so there is that.
j00t
Silver Baronet of the Realm
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uh... no... God told noah that he had 7 days to LOAD the ark. it was already built at that point. the bible isn't specific, so there are varying theories but we're really talking like 60 years.
http://www.answersingenesis.org/arti...-build-the-ark
artistic license is fine. Prince of Egypt is a perfect example of good artistic license. it shouldn't take away from the point of the story. if you're artistic license starts taking away from the story then you are clearly trying to bend one story into another one. just do a new story!
the entire point of the story is about 2 minutes long. the bible doesn't make it long because that's not the point. the entire point was just that the people were all evil, and God wanted to start over. so he asked noah to trust him and noah did. resulting in man trusting God when it didn't make any sense to, and God promising man that he'd never wipe the slate clean again. there. that's the point. ta da! anything else is just filler. it's fine if you want to dramatize some filler because i'm sure there was plenty. who's the a-hole building the giant boat in the middle of a field? (remember, it hadn't rained yet. ever. no one knew what rain was) i'm sure noah and his family had a ton of drama wondering whether or not they were all crazy. but that's not REALLY the point of the story. I just don't get what the need for all the extra weird stuff was for...
http://www.answersingenesis.org/arti...-build-the-ark
exactly... which begs the question, why do a blockbuster summer movie on it, then? either you're going to add a whole bunch of "artistic license" and have it barely resemble the original story, or you're going to have a movie that is... well, very short. if you really want to do the story, fine. make it a short and release it at cannes or something.
artistic license is fine. Prince of Egypt is a perfect example of good artistic license. it shouldn't take away from the point of the story. if you're artistic license starts taking away from the story then you are clearly trying to bend one story into another one. just do a new story!
the entire point of the story is about 2 minutes long. the bible doesn't make it long because that's not the point. the entire point was just that the people were all evil, and God wanted to start over. so he asked noah to trust him and noah did. resulting in man trusting God when it didn't make any sense to, and God promising man that he'd never wipe the slate clean again. there. that's the point. ta da! anything else is just filler. it's fine if you want to dramatize some filler because i'm sure there was plenty. who's the a-hole building the giant boat in the middle of a field? (remember, it hadn't rained yet. ever. no one knew what rain was) i'm sure noah and his family had a ton of drama wondering whether or not they were all crazy. but that's not REALLY the point of the story. I just don't get what the need for all the extra weird stuff was for...