So, I'm dying...

LachiusTZ · Nov 17, 2015

I typed out a long post, with some of my personal history, then deleted it. Then typed another one, deleted it. Decided who the fuck am I to tell you anything at this point.

But, the point of it all was, be aware what your family can handle, as well as what you are prepared for.

Wish I had something great to say.

The Stanhope bit is good. Been a fan of his for a long time.

Namon · Nov 17, 2015

Gravy, you are one of my favorite posters on here, and you have brightened my day more than once. So sorry for the pain you are going through, and you will be in my thoughts.

Cud · Nov 17, 2015

Gravy_sl said:
I can't begin to respond to all these comments. Let's just say I'm pretty choked up and emotional from the support here. Some homo.

Trying to compose myself.

Ok, this moral question just got more difficult for me, but here goes:

I don't know how long I've got. The only thing I know for sure is that it's less than 6 months, or they wouldn't have me contacting hospice. I was supposed to do that today, but just couldn't. And by the way 'Bisi, no blinds for me, I'm staying home and hospice is coming here.

I'm considering checking out early, and I have been considering this since about June 2013 when things really got bad. My wife knows I'm considering it, and she's pretty torn. I've been through SO much, and the pain and anguish are things, up until now, only her and I knew about. Not even our families know how bad it's been, as we've played it pretty close to the chest.

Do I pull the plug early, and on my own terms, or let my heart dictate the day? I have the ways and means, I just don't want to lose out on some potentially emotional and intellectual growth (for all the good it will do me, right?) if I pull the plug too early. Maybe I've answered my own question. Fuck this sucks.

I am sorry to hear this. I always looked for your posts. I may not post much, and some people have me confused with Cad.

The only moral issue I see with checking out early is how it impacts the ones you leave behind financially and emotionally. Might be the only thing that keeps me around right now.

We love you Gravy.

-random internet fuckhead

Gravy · Nov 18, 2015

Xarpolis_sl said:
Gravy,

Is your family only your wife, or do you also have children? And no, I'm not counting your parents, but you could if you wanted.
The reason I ask is because you can absolutely dictate the terms you want to exit on, if that's what you absolutely decide to do. I know that the comedian, Doug Stanhope, did this for his mother when she was dying.

They all got together and had a party, where people were able to celebrate your life together, while you're still alive. Then after all is said and done, you unplug the machine or take the pills. It's a difficult thing to do, but they have very fond memories of the experience, instead of the fateful call one day that so and so passed away after potentially being a burden on the family for however long.

I remember them talking about it on one of his Podcasts a while ago, but I don't remember the exact one. I'll think about it and post it here in case you wanted to listen to it.

EDIT: Ok, here you go. He actually did a bit about it on an album, and it's up on youtube.

Actually someone at the hospital brought up the party thing before I go, too.

I'm not having a funeral service or much of a gravesite ceremony, so I was wanting my wife to throw a big "FUN"eral after I'd gone. One last big bash, kegs, BBQ, pizza, all the unhealthy shit she could think of.

This makes me think a party before I go might be a good damn idea. I really wouldn't be able to 'party' with them, but I couldn't if I were dead either. Hrm.

iannis · Nov 18, 2015

A wake for the living is a little bit odd. But hey, it's not a terrible idea.

Neki · Nov 18, 2015

Gravy_sl said:
Actually someone at the hospital brought up the party thing before I go, too.

I'm not having a funeral service or much of a gravesite ceremony, so I was wanting my wife to throw a big "FUN"eral after I'd gone. One last big bash, kegs, BBQ, pizza, all the unhealthy shit she could think of.

This makes me think a party before I go might be a good damn idea. I really wouldn't be able to 'party' with them, but I couldn't if I were dead either. Hrm.

You just being at the party will be enough for all of the people present, Gravy. Yeah, it's not going to be one of those were you get shitfaced hammered but one where they can enjoy your company and talk about old times. Seems like a good idea to me. Maybe one of our forum bros that lives close to you can get himself to your party and immortalise you by writing RR on your tits and get a photo taken! (new banner idea!)

Any updates on your condition?

Hoss · Nov 18, 2015

Gravy, are you reading the comments subforum? People want to do something to honor/memorialize you. Do you have any ideas for what you'd like to see? Cuz, right now you could probably make any crazy request and have a good chance of it being granted. Even if it means work for amod.

Kovaks · Nov 18, 2015

Gravy, I was thinking about your dilemma and if it does get to the point where you decide when you go, you may want to try and get through the holdays. I'm sure your loved ones want those memories and even if they seem ok with that decision if it turns out they are not it could affect their holdays ever after.

TJT · Nov 18, 2015

Godspeed Gravy.

Regime · Nov 18, 2015

godspeed

Denamian · Nov 18, 2015

Dammit, you're one of the good posters on this board.

In my job I end up dealing with hospice frequently. Mostly nurses, but I also end up briefly talking to family members and patients as well. While it is generally 6 months or less, being on hospice isn't a guarantee of death. It's not frequent, but I do speak to former patients from time to time.

However you choose to handle this, I wish you and your family the best.

Hekotat · Nov 18, 2015

Fury · Nov 18, 2015

Gravy_sl said:
Actually someone at the hospital brought up the party thing before I go, too.

I'm not having a funeral service or much of a gravesite ceremony, so I was wanting my wife to throw a big "FUN"eral after I'd gone. One last big bash, kegs, BBQ, pizza, all the unhealthy shit she could think of.

This makes me think a party before I go might be a good damn idea. I really wouldn't be able to 'party' with them, but I couldn't if I were dead either. Hrm.

Sounds like you've found something to look forward to and enjoy. Not to mention those at the party will have a great memory.

I really don't have the words. This just sucks.

Falstaff · Nov 18, 2015

Gravy_sl said:
Actually someone at the hospital brought up the party thing before I go, too.

I'm not having a funeral service or much of a gravesite ceremony, so I was wanting my wife to throw a big "FUN"eral after I'd gone. One last big bash, kegs, BBQ, pizza, all the unhealthy shit she could think of.

This makes me think a party before I go might be a good damn idea. I really wouldn't be able to 'party' with them, but I couldn't if I were dead either. Hrm.

My mother in law keeps telling us she wants this... every time someone she knows passes she says, forget the funeral just use that money and have a huge party.

Julian The Apostate · Nov 19, 2015

Fuck man. We never had much interaction but you always handed out solid advice when a RR bro was in need and seem like a hell of a good guy. Im sure you've helped and impacted more people positively then you could possibly imagine. Hope you enjoy the rest of your days as much as possible my friend.

Pemulis · Nov 19, 2015

sorry to hear, but please don't give up. I'm sure we all have stories of incredible things that have happened to someone we know, almost miracles. never surrender!

BrotherWu · Nov 19, 2015

Gravy, my advice is to go out fucking, if you can. Love you bro.

Rod-138 · Nov 19, 2015

Hey man, I'm sorry to hear about the news. We'll all be joining you in not so long, so don't sweat it. We might all wake up as lvl 1 noobs in Norrath, hopefully not iksars.

Gravy · Nov 19, 2015

Hah, to be honest, I'd love to be a lvl 1 newb in Norrath again. Man, that would be a blast, especially if I could tune out all the public channels. Back in the day I had to listen to all you punkass teenagers.

So, I'm officially on hospice now. Fucking surreal for real. I'm on and off oxygen as needed, but I've been doing pretty well when I haven't been on it.

Friends and family are coming over every day. It's been a blessing and a pain in the ass, but mostly a blessing. I've had friends coming in from Kansas City even. And more on the way. I must be one loveable sumbitch. <.<

Gravy · Nov 19, 2015

Hekotat_sl said:

This cracked me the fuck up.

So, I'm dying...

Rogue Deathwalker Box

Blackwing Lair Raider

Lord Nagafen Raider

Bronze Squire

Musty Nester

Molten Core Raider

Make America's Team Great Again

Mr. Poopybutthole

Mr. Poopybutthole

LOADING, PLEASE WAIT...

Night Janitor

FoH nuclear response team

Silver Knight of the Realm

Ahn'Qiraj Raider

Vyemm Raider

Not Woke

MAGA

Trakanon Raider

Bronze Squire

Bronze Squire