The Girls Who Broke Your Heart Thread

taebin · Aug 6, 2013

Eomer_sl said:
I'm debating whether or not to offer to loan her the cash (with a proper promissory note), if only to take some of the stress out of it for her.

Proceed with extreme caution. You know this, but your emotions are infringing upon your logical judgement. Shit like this can snowball. I would be extremely hesitant until you are living together, or at least exchanging I love you's. I wouldn't do it at all, but you know your situation better than anyone.

Lusiphur · Aug 6, 2013

Shit, its just a bigger kimono dude

But seriously, you already had that debate in this thread. That area is fraught with landmines. She could be relieved and grateful, she could be insulted you didn't think she could handle it on her own and she could have been playing the long game for the con (and probably a ton of other possibilities I haven't thought of).
Maybe a better way is for you to buy something outright she can use until she can buy her own and then you sell it? You won't take much of a hit and there is no debt issue hanging over the relationship. Just a thought.

Eomer · Aug 6, 2013

Well, my dad's selling my mom's 2007 or 08 A4 Wagon and it's only like 20k so.... haha yeah no that's worse! We'll have lots of time to talk on the West Coast Trail, so I'll raise it there. She's actually likely to refuse the help when I first raise the issue anyways, so maybe I just make the offer and accept her refusal.

As far as kimonos go, she literally already has one from my most recent Japan trip, so we're past that stage bro!

Lusiphur · Aug 6, 2013

Eomer_sl said:
Well, my dad's selling my mom's 2007 or 08 A4 Wagon and it's only like 20k so.... haha yeah no that's worse! We'll have lots of time to talk on the West Coast Trail, so I'll raise it there. She's actually likely to refuse the help when I first raise the issue anyways, so maybe I just make the offer and accept her refusal.

If your Dad is in no rush to sell then let her use that until she gets her own? Tell her she is paying the insurance tho

Eomer · Aug 6, 2013

Lusiphur_sl said:
If your Dad is in no rush to sell then let her use that until she gets her own? Tell her she is paying the insurance tho

haha nah, that's a bad idea. The car is in spotless condition. Chicks and spotless cars just don't mix. I've already seen my bro's wife manage to destroy pretty much every car my bro has given her. If we were a couple years in and headed to marriage then yeah I'd just buy it off my dad and be done with it, but we're a bit early for me to be dropping 5 figures on a car for her. Too bad because it actually would be a pretty good car for the two of us to get away for camping/hiking on the weekend. It's a pain when we go right now because she can't drive a manual, so I'm always stuck driving no matter what.

I spent 10 minutes in a parking lot with her trying to drive my car, but I could hear/feel parts of both it and me dying.

Kirun · Aug 6, 2013

Eomer_sl said:
Well, my dad's selling my mom's 2007 or 08 A4 Wagon and it's only like 20k so.... haha yeah no that's worse! We'll have lots of time to talk on the West Coast Trail, so I'll raise it there. She's actually likely to refuse the help when I first raise the issue anyways, so maybe I just make the offer and accept her refusal.

As far as kimonos go, she literally already has one from my most recent Japan trip, so we're past that stage bro!

Offer, accept her refusal. If she goes back on the refusal, you know that she's bullshitting, and you should bail.

Eomer · Aug 6, 2013

Kirun_sl said:
Offer, accept her refusal. If she goes back on the refusal, you know that she's bullshitting, and you should bail.

lol, jesus. Bail on what is an otherwise awesome relationship because she accepts my offer of generosity? That makes a lot of sense! She hasn't asked for help or even dropped any hints that she's looking for it. Hell, she got somewhat pissed when I booked a flight to some psychology geek-out on my Visa points and I then refused to take payment for it.

Gravy · Aug 6, 2013

Leadsalad_sl said:
Nope, I don't hate women at all.

I understand them now, that's the difference.

Sorry to interrupt, but this made me laugh. The first dude on earth to understand women.

McCheese · Aug 6, 2013

I hear the best way to get a cheap, used car is to do a Craigslist meet-up in a seedy parking lot. Tell her not to worry about bills of sale and whatnot, and tell her to bring the whole family.

Anyway,

Still no "L word" from either of us. Going out of town to a wedding this weekend with her, and I think I'll raise the subject one way or another. Seems like it's long past time at this point.

Why would you raise the subject? I thought it was pretty universally agreed that women should be the ones who bring that sort of stuff up.

Eomer · Aug 6, 2013

I dunno, I guess I'm just kind of sick of dancing around it to an extent. And she's very much a follower in this relationship, waiting for me to take the lead on most things. I'm not an outwardly affectionate kind of guy and she's told her friend (who is dating my friend) that she feels like I don't make her much of a priority time wise, so I think she might feel like that might scare me off or something. I dunno, overthinking things as usual, mostly.

TrollfaceDeux · Aug 6, 2013

is that a bad sign if she is telling her friend but not you? In relationships generally?

iannis · Aug 6, 2013

You need to drop the "L" bomb on her Eomer in a totally casual way. Man up and let her say it. She probably wants to, she just probably doesn't want to say it first.

The honeymoon infatuation period is over as you say. You gotta think about what that actually means, cause now it means something.

Do it while you're having sex. Like a canadian donkey punch. j/k, don't do that man. But don't fuck this one up!

Lusiphur · Aug 6, 2013

Eomer_sl said:
I dunno, I guess I'm just kind of sick of dancing around it to an extent. And she's very much a follower in this relationship, waiting for me to take the lead on most things. I'm not an outwardly affectionate kind of guy and she's told her friend (who is dating my friend) that she feels like I don't make her much of a priority time wise, so I think she might feel like that might scare me off or something. I dunno, overthinking things as usual, mostly.

Stop overthinking

If you are feeling it then, sure, go for the l bomb. If not then don't. However, it sounds like she is looking for a little positive reinforcement of some kind.
Maybe, instead of "dancing around it" say something like "I am not there yet but it looks like that's where we are going" if that is indeed where you are.

iannis · Aug 6, 2013

Trollface_sl said:
is that a bad sign if she is telling her friend but not you? In relationships generally?

Nah. Women will talk. Seriously. It's no more worrisome than talking sports. In fact it's a great thing if your girl has a girlfriend that she can do this with because it means you don't have to listen to that shit.

If she's telling her MALE friend then yeah -- that's kinda bad.

Eomer · Aug 6, 2013

Trollface_sl said:
is that a bad sign if she is telling her friend but not you? In relationships generally?

Maybe, I dunno. We've never really had any sort of "relationshippy" kind of talk. Like when we first started dating there was never any discussion of if/when we were going exclusive or anything like that. Never any talk of what either of us is after long term. So on and so forth. Even when I gave her a key to my place it was just like "here's a key!" without any further discussion about it.

Iannis_sl said:
If she's telling her MALE friend then yeah -- that's kinda bad.

Heh, no. I've been good friends with another dude for awhile. He's been dating his woman for almost two years. The two of them introduced me to her best friend after she got out of another relationship. So my woman tells his woman shit, who tells him, who tells me.

Lusiphur_sl said:
Maybe, instead of "dancing around it" say something like "I am not there yet but it looks like that's where we are going" if that is indeed where you are.

Yeah, that's basically the direction I was going with it.

iannis · Aug 6, 2013

Shit man. Key to your place, hiking trips?

She's not a pet, Eomer. She needs something from you. You gotta either give it to her or be kind enough to let her know she has to find it elsewhere because you don't have it to give.

opiate82 · Aug 6, 2013

Another way tosay-it-without-saying-itis going with the 'I think I am falling in love with you' line. Works really well after a passionate sex session, opens the dialog about where you both see the relationship going and doesn't leave you hanging if you don't get the return 'I love you too!'

Soygen · Aug 6, 2013

Walk in her taking a shit. Then with a completely deadpan face, say, "I love you, girl." Then immediately walk back out of the bathroom.

Famm · Aug 6, 2013

How long have you been seeing this one? Seems like while now. I feel like you've gone well past the "is it too soon to say I love you" part to full on awkward that it hasn't been said yet phase. I think you should stick with waiting for her to say it/bring it up, then if/when she does be cool about it while still letting her know you reciprocate.

Big Phoenix · Aug 6, 2013

ham_sl said:
I have, on several occasions, and this girl had a boyfriend when I met her. I didn't pursue this gf at all for the first 6 months I knew her because any of it, but the more distant her and her bf grew (he lived 3 hours away) and the more time I spent with her, the more I put myself and her in a position (her doing as well) to get to the point where we could be more than friends. I'm pretty sure I could've slept with her earlier than I did (especially now that I know what she's capable of), but I refused to pursue her physically until she was out of the relationship. Of course because of his distance she was basically casually dating me for a month before he even got dumped, and slept with me the day before she broke up with him. She stayed over a night, I wouldn't do anything, the next day she asked to stay over again and convinced me as soon as he was back in town (the next day) it was over. Maybe I should've waited, but I "plowed" her that night. Obviously this on top of her mom being remarried 6 times shows a super destructive pattern in regards to relationship, and I ended up 'getting mine' in the end as well. I bet the dude I 'took' her from is tap dancing his ass to work every morning.

The usual 'call for a good time' list has definitely been hit up in the last week, and the ones who are with people I am not pursuing for anything at all. Not that I ever wanted to make a girl on that list a girlfriend ever, but karma is starting to feel a little real lately.

wait wait wait wait hold up. You snake a girl from a guy then it happens to you? lol.

Shit man. Key to your place, hiking trips?

She's not a pet, Eomer. She needs something from you. You gotta either give it to her or be kind enough to let her know she has to find it elsewhere because you don't have it to give.

Nonsense. Being fuck buddies for years is what every girl wants.

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