Chris said:
Thanks for advice, keep it coming I"m really trying to act on what I"ve been reading here past few months.
She text me today asking how my job is going and what new job she got, I waited a few hours to text back then after that I got another with more details about what she is upto with work...
Normally I would text back "oh wow that"s great, let"s meet up soon?" but I"m guessing that"s bad. I really am clueless, where do I take it from here?
Be (or pretend to be) confident and keep her on her toes by disagreeing with her or not always responding. This is easiest via text. Respond quickly to things she says that are funny or interesting, wait a long time when she isn"t. It"ll make her try to be more interesting. In general wait longer to respond than she does, but don"t time it or always wait a long time. If you"re having a short convo you can fire back right away as long as she does. In some cases you can wait so long you feel like it"s rude. Like having a back-and-forth convo then suddenly not answering for 2 days. "Oh sorry I fell asleep / bumped into my friend / etc." I obviously can"t double-blind test this or something, but I do it naturally with girls who are more into me than I am into them, and mimicking how you are in those cases (because you kinda like them but actually don"t care much--the perfect mindset) is ideal.
And be unreactive. e.g. if you want to ask her out, do it on your terms, not after she suggests it (or if she suggests it, just wait a while then ask her). And flirt/tease them a lot. That"s most of not being friended I think.
Mostly just don"t act differently with her than other people you aren"t interested in but still like (i.e. guys or female friends). People go wrong when they like a person because anything the person says they try to respond to or build off even if it is stupid or uninteresting. Your friend says "I went to the store today." And you say "Cool." A girl you like says "I went to the store today" and you say "oh really? what did you get?" She says "I am a person" you say "That"s cool I was thinking the same thing. Hey I want to take you out." She says "I kill people" You say "Oh really? I"ve never tried that before what"s it like?"
For general process with a new girl you can fake until you actually become old and indifferent/jaded/give up hope:
1)Pretend she doesn"t exist
2)Show value by being social with other people around her but still ignoring her
3)"Happen upon" a case where you end up talking. Be friendly to her but generally uninterested. Wait till she says something actually interesting or funny and "discover" what"s interesting about her. "Haha you"re funny." You still don"t know anything about her that she hasn"t directly told you even if you know tons about her.
4)Progressively show more interest but don"t forget to lead the conversation and not just ask her a million questions. At this point you are semi interested but still don"t really care much about her.
5)Continue until she is touching her hair while talking to you, touching you while talking, compliments you, things like that.
6)Now this is a story all about--just kidding. Think of something cool to do and invite her to tag along.
The basic rule of all girls is never progress to the next step until she does. Don"t show interest in her until you see a sign of interest in you from her. Don"t ask her out until she has shown interest by asking you in a more than casual way about your plans, suggests it, or shows lots of smaller signs (arm touching, compliments, etc),
Better yet just read a Mystery Method book because this is what I do now by instinct, but I used to do it artificially. It was tailored toward working with someone. Obviously if you don"t have constant contact with someone, you gotta modify it. I do my best when I"m around someone a lot.
tl;dr I think teasing a girl & flirting is the main way of establishing a more-than-friends relationship.