Girls who broke your heart thread

Dabamf_sl

shitlord
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Chris said:
Thanks for advice, keep it coming I"m really trying to act on what I"ve been reading here past few months.

She text me today asking how my job is going and what new job she got, I waited a few hours to text back then after that I got another with more details about what she is upto with work...

Normally I would text back "oh wow that"s great, let"s meet up soon?" but I"m guessing that"s bad. I really am clueless, where do I take it from here?
Be (or pretend to be) confident and keep her on her toes by disagreeing with her or not always responding. This is easiest via text. Respond quickly to things she says that are funny or interesting, wait a long time when she isn"t. It"ll make her try to be more interesting. In general wait longer to respond than she does, but don"t time it or always wait a long time. If you"re having a short convo you can fire back right away as long as she does. In some cases you can wait so long you feel like it"s rude. Like having a back-and-forth convo then suddenly not answering for 2 days. "Oh sorry I fell asleep / bumped into my friend / etc." I obviously can"t double-blind test this or something, but I do it naturally with girls who are more into me than I am into them, and mimicking how you are in those cases (because you kinda like them but actually don"t care much--the perfect mindset) is ideal.

And be unreactive. e.g. if you want to ask her out, do it on your terms, not after she suggests it (or if she suggests it, just wait a while then ask her). And flirt/tease them a lot. That"s most of not being friended I think.

Mostly just don"t act differently with her than other people you aren"t interested in but still like (i.e. guys or female friends). People go wrong when they like a person because anything the person says they try to respond to or build off even if it is stupid or uninteresting. Your friend says "I went to the store today." And you say "Cool." A girl you like says "I went to the store today" and you say "oh really? what did you get?" She says "I am a person" you say "That"s cool I was thinking the same thing. Hey I want to take you out." She says "I kill people" You say "Oh really? I"ve never tried that before what"s it like?"

For general process with a new girl you can fake until you actually become old and indifferent/jaded/give up hope:
1)Pretend she doesn"t exist
2)Show value by being social with other people around her but still ignoring her
3)"Happen upon" a case where you end up talking. Be friendly to her but generally uninterested. Wait till she says something actually interesting or funny and "discover" what"s interesting about her. "Haha you"re funny." You still don"t know anything about her that she hasn"t directly told you even if you know tons about her.
4)Progressively show more interest but don"t forget to lead the conversation and not just ask her a million questions. At this point you are semi interested but still don"t really care much about her.
5)Continue until she is touching her hair while talking to you, touching you while talking, compliments you, things like that.
6)Now this is a story all about--just kidding. Think of something cool to do and invite her to tag along.

The basic rule of all girls is never progress to the next step until she does. Don"t show interest in her until you see a sign of interest in you from her. Don"t ask her out until she has shown interest by asking you in a more than casual way about your plans, suggests it, or shows lots of smaller signs (arm touching, compliments, etc),

Better yet just read a Mystery Method book because this is what I do now by instinct, but I used to do it artificially. It was tailored toward working with someone. Obviously if you don"t have constant contact with someone, you gotta modify it. I do my best when I"m around someone a lot.

tl;dr I think teasing a girl & flirting is the main way of establishing a more-than-friends relationship.
 

Tenks

Bronze Knight of the Realm
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Mainly because Eomer is the only one with stories. No one wants to hear about my boring relationship.
 

Eomer

Trakanon Raider
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It has long since turned in to a general dating advice thread. Other"s pop in from time to time, but my incompetence at dating is unparalleled. Although really, I"ve only posted a couple stories here the past 6-12 months if memory serves, been fairly quiet on my end. There"s been some pretty good stuff in here, whether Antarius fisting some chick in a Walmart parking lot, or various dudes finding out their woman was fucking someone else on the side or whatever else.
 

brekk

Dancing Dino Superstar
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Or Antarius banging a dude. Can"t forget that one.

Believe me I tried.
 

joeintokyo_foh

shitlord
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Eomer said:
It has long since turned in to various dudes finding out their woman was fucking someone else on the side or whatever else.

I am always wondering about this one. Being a manager in Japan I get to hear all kinds of stories from guys working for me. Seems that women cheat a lot more than men do in my experience anyway. This goes especially for the guys that got married overseas and came back to Japan...this group has a near 100% cheat rate on the wife side.

Kind of goes against what I expected in life but there you are.
 

Eomer

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I don"t know if I agree with that. I think if/when dudes cheat, it"s generally just for sexual gratification and only for a short period, they may not even want out of their existing relationship, and cover their tracks reasonably well. Whereas it seems like with women they cheat for emotional reasons, and often do it as some sort passive-aggressive way of getting out of their current relationship, and either don"t bother to hide the tracks or are incapable of it.
 

Antarius

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Dabamf said:
Sad thing is Antarius probably brought more entertainment in like 5 posts than the rest of us combined.
The people I work with were just today lamenting the fact that I"ve been dating only 1 girl for a while and not meeting up and dating random girls from craigslist. 90% of my coworkers are married with kids (literally 36 out of 40), so I guess they were living vicariously through me, or something. It makes for much less interesting stories to tell. But I"m actually really happy with where I am right now in my life. This girl and me don"t agree on everything, we"ve had lots of disagreements, but we haven"t ever actually fought over anything.
 

Dabamf_sl

shitlord
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joeintokyo said:
I am always wondering about this one. Being a manager in Japan I get to hear all kinds of stories from guys working for me. Seems that women cheat a lot more than men do in my experience anyway. This goes especially for the guys that got married overseas and came back to Japan...this group has a near 100% cheat rate on the wife side.

Kind of goes against what I expected in life but there you are.
Be careful about making generalizations based on being in a fairly unique position. More guys in Japan are going to have been cheated on because divorce/heartbreak is a big reason guys move overseas. The happily married ones stayed in the US.
The Ancient said:
Don"t sell yourself short sleeps-with-bedshitter.
Thanks

BTW Antarius I forgot to comment. I wish you luck, but moving in together so early is a terrible, terrible decision. There are many possible scenarios in which, had you waited and eased into it, it could work out, but jumping in so quick could amplify the difficulty of the adjustment and lead to a breakup. It"s really one of those cases that itfeelsgood to just jump in, but if you really cared about the longevity of the relationship and thought rationally about it, waiting is the clear best answer.

There is no scenario in which moving in now leads to a long and healthy relationship and waiting would not. In every case where the former is true, the latter is true. In contrast, there are plenty of cases in which the inverse is true. We are diagram shy lately so I made one. Pink is for vagina
 

Jx3

Riddle me this...
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So anywho, awhile back I was living with this chick. She hit me up with the "I don"t feel the same about you anymore" bullshit so I packed my shit and went and got my own apartment.

Now I have my own apartment and she lives with me, (I know I"m stupid). I currently work at Wal-mart while I"m in school. Was going over my schedule for next semester and decided on 22 credit hours. She has flipped the fuck out, she was already mad that I have to work all this week due to being off school plus wally world being what it is no one escapes during thanksgiving week.

I already told her I would have to work, it"s not like this was a secret. She already knew I was taking a heavier than normal schedule for school, in hopes of graduating faster yet she accuses me of being distant and uncaring. I don"t understand, when I have no school to do or work I always make sure to carve some time out for her yet somehow I"m the bad guy.
I"m half tempted to fling her shit out the door and just say fuck it.
 

Antarius

Lord Nagafen Raider
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Your mistake was letting her move in with you (you were nice to her) AFTER she treated you like shit. You rewarded terrible behavior, she knows she can continue treating you bad and you won"t do jack shit about it.
 

Kirun

Buzzfeed Editor
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Antarius said:
Your mistake was letting her move in with you (you were nice to her) AFTER she treated you like shit. You rewarded terrible behavior, she knows she can continue treating you bad and you won"t do jack shit about it.
Bingo, bango, bongo. Women are masters at "give an inch, take a mile", as long as they know they can get away with it.