Girls who broke your heart thread

I just recently turned 29 and for the past 6 months or so I"ve gone on a dating spree. I"ve dated around twenty to twentyfive women from ages 21 to 34. I"ve come to the conclusion that although age will give a higher probability of a woman knowing what she wants through experience, their age doesn"t make an ounce of difference whether that woman is compatible with you or not on a relationship level. Out of those 20-25, only 2 women had potential and were up to my standards as people. One was 24, the other was 32. Only reason I"m not with them right now is because I am not ready for another long relationship after just getting through one.

In my opinion, after initially dating a woman, the most important thing to consider is if the person you"re talking to shares the same outlook and goals in life as you do. That includes work, religion, life, everything together. You have to be on the same wavelength.

Just some thoughts to ponder.

I can agree to an extent but if you"re looking for "the one" or at least someone where you don"t have a real end in sight, most girls in their early 20"s will eventually flake out and want their party/single/fun period. My buddy who"s 25 (which is still relatively young) was dating a 10/10 21 year old who was completely obsessed with him for about 9 months. They"d spend 6/7 nights with each other. Then suddenly she broke it off, with no real warning.

A girl like her, when she goes out, must get an insane amount of attention, and I think she just needed that again. It"s fucked because I really felt she was awesome for him and she"s a pretty good kid.

I"ve seen similar scenarios as well, where the girl suddenly feels like she"s missing out and breaks it off. Ironically, I imagine the roles will be reversed later in our 30"s when they all decide they want to get married and guys don"t want to be tied down forever...

39 here, dating someone who is 52 this week. Have been for 2 years.

Dunno how that works on Etoille"s list

I would agree though (and have made this point to Eomer) that 25 > 20 for a bit of fun is ok but 25 or more to 20, 21 for a lasting relationship is bound to end in tears. It"s just people at different stages in their lives.

I think we have been telling Brad that he isnt a unique and beautiful snowflake since this thread started. If he hasn"t got it by now then he never will I am afraid.

Although the probability of a woman wanting to settle for marriage goes up with age there is little doubt that you can find a 19-21 year old who is perfectly capable of holding a life long marriage.

As an example is Brad"s ex-wife. Does anyone here actually think that she wouldn"t have been able to stay in the marriage for life? I"m leaning towards she would, and the reason they are divorced is mainly because of Brad. It"s pretty evident. That is Brad"s "the one" and she was 19 when they met. Another example would be myself. My ex-wife was 21 when I met her. I was 22. She was definitely "the one". Only reason we divorced was because of my own doings.

The two I refer to, out of the 20 - 25 or so women I"ve dated, were on that level of marriage material, capable of being "the ones". Age just ups probability of someone being ready to settling down for marriage, but age doesn"t automatically disqualify someone either.

There is no such thing as "the one" there are billions of people on the planet and humans are 99.9% genetically identical. If you think that you"re just lucky enough to stumble upon your god-given match in *gasp* the place you live (how lucky for both of you!) out of the billions of people in the world that is simply foolish. There are people who you can simply get along with and those you don"t.

Tenks said:

There is no such thing as "the one" there are billions of people on the planet and humans are 99.9% genetically identical. If you think that you"re just lucky enough to stumble upon your god-given match in *gasp* the place you live (how lucky for both of you!) out of the billions of people in the world that is simply foolish. There are people who you can simply get along with and those you don"t.

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I agree. I"ve met multiple women in my life that could be categorized as "the one" or marriage material. I will continue to meet multiple women who fit into that category. I don"t get why some people believe there is only one person out there for them.

Those of you all less than 25"ers who are dating younger - thats normal. Which is why I said hey up to 25 date whoever because YOURE too young to be looking for forever imho.

As someone said age isn"t the determinative factor (which is why I made a list) but typically speaking a girl that is in her early twenties isn"t going to actually have a lot of those traits.

I don"t think anyone should get married before late 20"s (yes there ARE exceptions) because I don"t think anyone knows who they really are until they have all/most of those factors I described themselves.

How can you offer yourself to someone else forever unless you know who you are?(conversely, how can someone else offer themselves to you when they don"t know who they are?)

Even then who you are at late 20"s wont be who you are late 30"s and so on. But you at least have a good head start on it. Its why if you"re in your 20"s now you look back at your high school relationships and go god I didn"t know shit back then. Its a curve. Slope is much higher from 15-25 than it is from 25-35 which is higher than 35-45. Its why as you get older age differentials don"t matter. 23 and 18 is a HUGE life gap compared to 28 and 33 which is bigger than say 45 and 50.

The reality is that relationships you have when you"re younger don"t work out as often. No one wants to hear it because you always think (like car crashes or getting cancer etc) - its something that happens to other people. My neighbors 15 year old is convinced 100% that she will marry her 16 year old boyfriend and thinks of nothing else. We all know that life just doesn"t work that way because people change. I"m not trying to shit on your relationships now at all but I think approaching them as Tenks (?) said as opportunities to learn and have fun is the right attitude.

Just because there is the age differential doesn"t mean a relationship is doomed or "good" if someone"s older - like I said - its more to do with the factors I described (which as summed up above is basically "does this person have a balanced outlook on life" which will allow YOU to get an idea of whether or not it matches yours). Its just that those factors are less likely to describe someone in their early 20"s (for men even into late 20"s).

The reason I provided that listis that those are things that are pretty readily apparent and will help you all narrow the field so to speak so that if you want to settle down you can identify attributes of people who will be worthy of the commitment. And by that I mean not only marriage but the time it takes to get to know someone to even find out if your outlook on life matches theirs because getting to know what the outlook is takes time. Its good to have a list of things to look for so that you know if the person has a decent shot of knowing themselves well enough to allow you to do your own evaluations before you invest too much time.

Do anomalies exist? Sure. But if we have 10 people here thinking that their 21 year old girls are exceptions to the norm I guarantee you someones either being lied to or not honest with themselves.***

(***As I said this shouldn"t be an issue if you"re less than late 20"s yourself because YOU probably don"t fully know who you are yet either and should be dating not looking to get married).

How old are some of you?

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I"m 28.

I mean I see a lot of "I"m into this 20-21 year old" which is cool if you all are just looking for a piece of ass by all means go for it. If you"re like up to 25 go for it.

But some of you all are late 20"s early 30"s and dating these really young chicks and are acting surprised when they"re immature or cheat on you or are big time partiers.

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I don"t think you"re directing this at me, but for the record Anne turned 25 a few weeks back, so there wasn"t a big age gap. But fully agreed, I think in all but a few cases, a guy in his late 20"s dating a girl in her early 20"s is kidding himself if he thinks the relationship will last or be overly meaningful. But as we"ve discussed in this thread before, the level of maturity of both people is more important than their actual age. Some girls in their early 20"s can really have their shit together (and unicorns are purty!), and some dudes in their late 20"s are barely out of their parent"s basement.

Right now I"m considering going after any of a number of waitresses at a bar my buddy manages, and they"re all pretty much 19-22. But I have zero intention of trying to make anything out of it other than some good fun to clear my mind up.

Famous last words, I know.

8. She is comfortable with herself and being herself is the most important thing to her. If she says shit you dont agree with ie if a movie sucked or a political opinion and you tell her she doesn"t back off. The last thing you need is someone without their own brain.

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So much agreed there, and unfortunately girls who have their own opinions and aren"t afraid to state them without checking first are hard to come by. However, it can be overdone. Xerxes crossed way over in to snooty bitch territory with her opinions.

Dabamf said:

24, current pursuit is 31. I WIN.

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Wait up. She asian? DNQ.

Maybe it"s just me, but I significantly lower my dating standards in order to have sex. If I had a steady booty call every 2-3 weeks, I"d never bother with 80% of the girls I talk to. That sounds shitty but it"s the truth and I"m curious if it applies to other guys as well.

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I"m kind of the opposite, which is why I go through such long dry spells even though I could probably quite easily get laid much more often. I"ve never been a "randoms" kind of guy, or had more than a couple one night stands. Even if a girl is blatantly all over me, unless she"s marriage potential (kidding!) I typically won"t dive in. Unless I"m pretty drunk. Then all bets are off.

Aztlan said:

I don"t get why some people believe there is only one person out there for them.

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Heh, no shit. What if "The One" missed the bus the day you were going to meet, right? I use that term from time to time, but just as a general label for a girl who"s perfectly (or nearly) suited for you. But I certainly don"t use it in a literal sense.

TheCutlery said:

Of course it does. It ends either when you start getting into your 30"s when your drive slows down, or when you"ve had a steady piece for many years.

I"ll be 30 next month, wife is a few months younger than me, we"ve been married for 10 years. I could go without sex for a few weeks no problem these days, and generally I"m not even thinking about it. Could be RL stress getting in the way, but as you age, not that big of a deal. Might be the age factor weighing in on things, might be the fact that I"ve had sex conservatively maybe 1000 times. could possibly be the kid I guess, but that part of the drive does slow down eventually. There will come a time when things are just more important than busting a nut, and if you"re lucky, you"ll realize how easy guys have it in that regard. If you really need it, you can make it happen pretty quickly.



I contend this has little to do with age. I"ve met people in their 40"s who have no clue what the fuck they"re doing with life. There is that whole time honored "Mental maturity" stuff that gets bandied about that fits more appropriately. What"s really more important is that you need to know how to deal with someone for 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, for an extended period of time. Yeah, life is fucking great when you can get up and go home when things get rough, but that option is out the window when you get married. Some people are incapable of losing an argument, or conducting themselves in a civil manner when emotions are involved, and THAT"s what leads to marriage breakup. People don"t talk to each other about their problems and their needs, then one of them starts fucking someone else, then they stop talking entirely, then one of them comes home to find new locks on the door and their shit in the driveway.

It has less to do with actual age than it has to do with the ability to get over petty bullshit like jealous, trust and control issues and whatnot. Yes, your spouse will have friends of the opposite sex. Time to get the fuck over it. If they can"t be trusted, they shouldn"t be your spouse. Yes, your spouse wants to go do things without you. They want to go to the movies or watch football or what the fuck ever. YOU NEED TO LET THEM. There are people who quite simply can"t handle that, and won"t ever be able to. Frequently those problems diminish with age, but just as frequently, those problems can increase with age. I know plenty of people who say their spouse was fun when they got married, and is a complete naggy bitch now.

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I think you missed my point. I didn"t say age was the reason, I said older people have a better chance of knowing who they are simply because of life experience.

Yes there are immature retards who are 50. There are mature 21 year olds. But if someone is looking to settle down its highly improbable that they"ll meet someone at 21 with all of their shit together that fits a lot of the criteria on that list.

Its highly improbable you"ll meet a "mature" 21 year old. Period. Is it probable you"ll meet an immature 30, 40, 50 year old? Sure. But again thats why I said the list is the guide, not the age. Young age just usually precludes having a lot of the factors I listed.

BTW - good place to meet girls

If you all are big into home improvement etc (please don"t be one of those tools that does something you"re not interested in just to meet chicks - its seriously no better than lying to someone about your age/weight/education etc over the internet).....

I have a girlfriend who is kind of an introvert who doesn"t want to do the online dating thing and I was rattling off ideas to her yesterday and she surprised the hell out of me on one of them


Classes at Lowes/Home Depot.


She said she went and it was ALL chicks. Tiling. Caulking. Painting. I dont know if the classes are free but if you want a chick who is interested in learning how to do shit on her own (assuming shes there for the right reasons as well) I think it would be a fantastic place to meet people.

Not to mention you have shit to talk about right away and if you hit it off you can invite her over to work on your project or vice versa.

TheCutlery said:

You can know who you are and still be completely worthless in a relationship. Relationships fail because of games, lack of communication, and control. If you"re a pair of level headed people, I guarantee you can find a way to work thru whatever problems arise. People who fall back on spite and jealousy when they"re hurt won"t, and they"ll take the easy way out and call it quits.

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*shrug* I think you"re making it out to be overly negative. If someone has their OWN job, their OWN friends, is self sufficient (those factors I listed were of someone who was BALANCED) theres a decent chance that they will be less fucked up than someone who doesn"t. I provided a list of things that would help someone be able to figure that out in terms of deciding whether or not dating a person is worth it. I didn"t say "find a person with all this shit and you will be fine" I said qualify the buyer using this criteria.

Everyone"s fucked in the head its just a question of degree.

TBH it sounds like you have had/are having issues due to trust, communication etc. Because you"re superimposing a whole lot of issues and shit on this topic in response to things I never said.

Etoille said:

BTW - good place to meet girls

Classes at Lowes/Home Depot.


She said she went and it was ALL chicks. Tiling. Caulking. Painting. I dont know if the classes are free but if you want a chick who is interested in learning how to do shit on her own (assuming shes there for the right reasons as well) I think it would be a fantastic place to meet people.

Not to mention you have shit to talk about right away and if you hit it off you can invite her over to work on your project or vice versa.

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I can testify to this, I work for The Home Depot and I teach the Paint clinics. They"re free, and easily 70-80% of the people who go to them are female. From what I"ve seen Tiling and toilet/faucet installs are not quite so lucky to have that ratio but those clinics get their fair share too.

And they aren"t particularly long classes either so you won"t be wasting too much time if you already know the topic at hand.

haha, I should so troll the local Home Depot plumbing classes.

"Wow, you"re good at this!"

"Yeah, been a journeyman for 6 years."

"Ummm, why are you here then?"

"What are you doing for dinner?"

Tarrant this is a perfect opportunity to send her the packageT

Tarrant220 said:

Sunday I hope I can deliver my package to her....lol, we"ll see, not gonna push it.

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She"s still in college? She live in apartment or dorm? Broke (I dont say that in a bad way) college student?

Do you have a costco membership?