Kirun said:
I find this hard to believe for a few reasons..
First of all, she dumped him.
Bro, I"d like to introduce you to emotions. Emotions, this is Kirun. Kirun, this is Emotions.
Also, women.
Kirun said:
Second, she texted me about 10 minutes after it happened saying that she had broken up with him. It was something she had been struggling with for a while and she was updating me with EVERY detail.
I know I"m going out on a limb here, but maybe that was because she considered you a friend? And I"m not saying this to be a dick, but from going through this kind of shitty situation myself many times - there"s a strong possibility that she wasn"t trying to give you hints that she wanted you.
Kirun said:
It seemed obvious to me that she WANTED me to know she was about to break up with him. But...he gave her some guilt trip about her being his first love,he"d change, how would anybody ever love him again, blah, blah, blah. She ate it up and came running back, so that"s when I initiated "operation ignore." I told her how I felt both when I asked her out and then again when she said she was getting back with him.
Dude, I feel for you, but this is pretty fucking common.
TONSof women can sit there and tell you about their asshole BF and bitch and moan about wanting to breakup, but you know what? They waste years and years with some sack of shit, thinking that they can "change" them. And they do love them, but they can"t get over being hopeful, or thinking that they can work things out. She was probably sitting there both hating him, and hot for him. You were probably never going to get any, she was probably never interested in you one bit, at least, as anything OTHER than a friend.
Kirun said:
About 30 mins ago she sends me this...
"It doesn"t have to be all weird. When you"re ready i"ll be your friend. I"m not mad or anything"
I love it. I love when girls try to twist it around like it"s your fault and then try to act like they are doing YOU a favor.
How is she twisting?
- She views you as a friend, nothing more, and needs a shoulder to cry on
- She goes to you for comfort (why I don"t know)
- She talks to you like she would any woman for the most part, gossip + detailed breakup story
- You asked her out, she prob freaked out internally (omg, what?) and turns you down
- She goes back to ex.
You were IN THE FRIEND ZONE man, she was not thinking about you as an alternative to her Mr. Wonderful. Asking her out though, kudos, that takes guts. But honestly, you had to know that there was a good chance that things would go this way, so outright ignoring her is a bit malicious imo. At worst, she was probably being inconsiderate of your feelings, but how much so is hard to tell, and would depend wholly on how she viewed your friendship. If she really viewed you as a nice guy, gay-friend, super friendly guy she"d never consider for fucking, then honestly even expecting her to regard your feelings (for her) might be asking a bit much, because if she isn"t into you, that would just take things into a really creepy spot to be in. Put yourself in her shoes, or imagine being "just friends" with some chick you aren"t attracted to, but who would be willing to take things to the next level.
You don"t need to be a dick and ignore her altogether, there isn"t any point in making her an enemy. Just be honest. Tell her you don"t think you can make yourself emotionally available, as a friend, when she"s with a guy that she"s been unhappy with. Tell her that while you like her, that you don"t want to be the "gay friend" that she runs to whenever she needs a good cry, because it"s uncomfortable for you, because that"s not fair to you. And it isn"t, but women love fucking doing this anyways. A lot of women like to have all these "guy friends" that they keep around for attention and hugs, but make no mistake, it isn"t anything beyond that. AFAIK, she didn"t lead you on (unless you were reading into things too much), she was just looking to you as a friend. I have a few female friends like this, and I know in my heart that we"ll never get together even though I wouldn"t mind. But once you"re at that point, hang it up. Either simply be happy and really, honestly treat her like any other friend, or if that isn"t going to work out given your feelings, just tell her. Either way though, you aren"t going to get any, unless you are honest with her and leave her feeling like she endangered your friendship, AND she isn"t one of these women that will keep going back for black eye after black eye with the guy.
And also, you work with this chick? There"s a rule about that you know. I wouldn"t ignore her altogether, especially if you are going to see her at work all the time. I"d just tell her how it is, and lay it out for her. I don"t even think it"s something to be mad about, disappointed, yes. Leave her the next move, but I don"t think you"re going to be able to either pursue a relationship with her, or be back in a happy friend zone either.
Also, beer.
